Self-Image
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Confidence has never been a feeling explored by me.
Employed by me to heal from the hurt in me, by others, and by me.
Feels good to know that my reflection is a friend to me, no longer my enemy.
I wandered alone
Clinging to things not my own
Placing my worth in them
Painting my future with brushes of past
Thinking that love would never last
Jumping from sin to sin
He sits so close,
but the silence turns the inches into miles and
every slight noise causes an avalanche in my chest
as I wait for him to say something.
Anxious Reticence.
I have changed so much.
To climb the eternal staircase Means that "enough is not enough".
To look into the sun. To reach the top is bound
She didn’t notice, at first
That anything was wrong
She always felt whole
But They told her she couldn’t be
She was not Right
Not the right size
the Corners of my life were my home.
pushed into the spaces in between—unseen,
side by side, shoulder to shoulder
beside other shadows of Perfection.
Misunderstood, growing up without a care in the world. Making friends in play pens, climbing walls committing small sins like stealing a cookie from the cookie jar oh but let it be known that my parents made sure that never happened again.
A regular day filled with talking and laughing, joking and gossiping
Always done with a fake grin plastered on
Teens argue, insult, bully, tease, and intimidate
But if anyone asks, life is great
Why am I like this?
Why do you act like you care?
Why do you look and stare?
Why don't you help me?
Awkward man, awkward manners.
Awkward man gets on the Internet.
Awkward man conversates with fans of a show.
Awkward man is a fan of a show,
A show involving animated and colorful ponies.
to the one whom gravity holds tightest to,
you're an aging collection of
thin skin and heavy bones
known by a name
passed through the lips of few
with ribs housing
Where am I going?
Where have I been?
Where am I headed?
Where have I stayed?
Where have I grown?
Where have I diminished?
Created for relationship - that's what they say.
Severely precious.
Always enough.
Captivating.
Longed for.
Loved.
Fought for.
Full of potential.
Bought at the highest price.
Yellow light banishes
The shadows on my wall.
Beckoning me to rise
From the depths of sleep.
To greet the morning
And my fears.
It’s tiring to wear a mask
Make sure it doesn’t crack
Make sure it doesn’t reveal the truth
Constant checking
Constant fear
I've found a way to look through my mirror
For the first time in my life
Past the assymetrical traits
God drew crudely while I was
In the womb
Past the nose I loathed
At the start,
She was kind, beautiful, free.
She was individual, unique
Better than she’d ever been.
Then, near the middle,
And more towards the end
Her self image began to bend
And bend
I never liked science.
I was terrible.
I never understood the four layers of the earth which was really five.
It's difficult to walk away from sunflowers,With their adoration and life spreadSo neatly across their features.But you do. Because, that adoration isn't for you.
An open letter to the first boy I thought I couldn't live without,
I.
When she was ten
The first zits
Appeared on her face
While her friends continued to bask
In their childhood glow.
Small and pink,
Barely noticeable,
Who am I?
Am I another cover of a magazine?
Am I an enlarged and edited pristine figurine
Waiting to be picked up off a shelf?
Will I reduce myself to being fueled by the greedy views of bigtime CEOs
When I was in the eighth grade this boy liked me
I didn't like him
I liked the attention
Nothing is perfect, I know that too well, but I cut it close
Life sucks, the future is scary, the past seems like it’s leaving you fast, but not fast enough
All you can do is be
Awesome
And I am
Valencia, slumber, and inkwell
Shades and tainted images hide well
The blemishes and marks that always dwell
Lest depicting realness, an uncensored weakness
Strange thing, authenticity.
It sort of squirms, morphs, blacks out
When you stare,
But sure enough when you forget it
It's there.
Ah, I'm a warrior-princess!
(I hope.)
Your hair may look a little dumb,
When did you last pick up a comb?
However, if that's just your style,
It's no reason for exile.
When will you stop all that fear,
GoPro cameras and Selfie Sticks, our ancestors would be horrified.
But it doesn’t matter because fabricated images, and fraudulent stories are glorified.
What’s wrong with putting your best self out there?
My body is considered a masterpiece,
built by the wonderful almighty,
with wonderful curves that shape my atmosphere,
and the way I think about myself,
I am what Im not,
you are what you eat.
It simple really,
thigs aren't what they seem.
Boys and girls,
black and white,
Im neither you see,
a genuine work of art.
Oh, binary,
I was born just like this,
For others' feelings I'm considerate,
My heart is always growing,
Pressure is applied to a mental wound,Bleeding out imagination, determination,The memories are painting the floors in blood-Discrepancy of a tortured soul; spilled ink, spilled thoughts,
Ignore the girl hiding behind the maskshe whispers to me at night"what have you done?""you're so stupid""why would anyone want to care about you?"her whispers raise in volume and venom
She's so beautiful with her bright blonde hair. Her blue eyes shimmering. And her thin body that allows her to wear whatever she wants without a worry. Her confidence stands with her she's not afraid of her self. I want to be that girl.
Momma, do you love me
I mean, really, really love me
I ask you that question
well at least I did in my head
I was always too fearful to hear you say no
Momma, I lost love when I couldn't find it in you
"Hey." "Hi." "I like those earrings." "Thank you, and I like your hair. Who did your hair?" "My mom." "Ah. She did great with your long and thick natural hair." "Thank you." "You are so welcome."
It had only been two weeks since school started and already she felt his eyes drilling a hole at the back of her neck. Immediately her heart flipped for she knew who it was without having to check.
Hello darling
Its been so long
Since you were gone
Just thought
You ought to know
I am fine
Even better than before
Learned a lesson without you
As I stand on the path in the forest called oppurtunity,
My life awaits a carriage of success that will whisk it away.
Will I actually become the individual I want to be?
The obstacles are rows of tormentations,
If my love for you could be written into words or defined by actions
Then the moon will fall and the sun will turn cold as that has more of a chance of happening than I do with you.
A Queen
Birth from Sin
Placed in a world ran by men.
She can made up of various colors.
A women
Is a mans strength, his rock, his joy.
A beautiful flower that has its own structure and design.
what if there were no mirrors
and she didn't turn on the television
mesmerized by fluttering fake eyelashes
and airbrushed cheekbones on cloud nine
she wouldn't touch her reflection
I developed a smoker’s cough in the last month or so
I try to make it cute by smiling a little apologetically
My mask is tight.
I cannot breathe it is so tightly constricting.
It itches,more than the sand that wedges itself between a person’s cheeks at the beach.
Inspire me to be more than what society sees.
A simple dimple or the twinkle of an eye can surely decieve.
Teach me to be more than just a fun time, or a fast path to cash.
I wanna be loved, give me something that will last.
you like girls withlong, flowing hairhair that twists and turns and flows as the breezeflicks it and it danceshair that shines and sparkles and
Mirrors, ©2013
sometimes
I get a glimpse in a shard of glass
a corner of sight as I walk past
hello, girl, I can see
how someone might be attracted to you.
sometimes
Red
faithless
faceless
lifeless
stiff
limp
feeling like a blimp filled with no air
nothing left, nothing here, empty
you stole the only thing that kept me whole
When you see meYou see a loner-Unafraid and uncaring.The shadows aren't showing. When you look in my eyesYou find only blankness.Yet you can tell it is only a coverSo others won't see.
Pretenses are a poisonSociety refuses to forsakeThey are walls built with bricks of little liesExpose just one and the wall will break And yet, they seem so vitalWhen trying to hide your faults and fears
Miss & mR. ROR
He screams her name.
Shuddering, she reluctantly obeys.
He pretends to whisper
Fantasies of fame-
One brief moment, a single thread of intimacy
Impermanence but even so,
I saw some semblance of you...the real you
The innermost core as you break your own rule
Never to reveal
LIFE is a canvas
your CHOICES are your paintbrushes
your EXPERIENCES are your brushstrokes
your parents and mentors give you tools
and society pencils in guidelines
There is no cure, no acceptance, no understanding, and no answer. Textbooks can only tell you so much, and unless you have lived it, it is near impossible to judge from the outside.
She is pretty
One eye is
Just a bit greener
And she has
A beauty mark
Next to her lips
That’s hidden
In the crease of
Her smile
Because she’s almost always
Smiling.
You'll find many books on a bookshelf,
they differ alot it's true.
But what really matters is which represents you!
There are books on Drama, books on Mystery,
books on Romance, books on History.
They say,
"The image is perpetual,
undistorted, unlike your mind
What you see is what is there--
what more do you hope to find?"
But, who you are is made of greater things,
We all strive to be such a thing,Beautiful.
But we look in the mirror, We study our image,It becomes more flawed, We are eaten alive by our desire, beauty.
I'm small.
And I've got kinks,
in my hair,
in my spirit.
I'm small and I'm odd.
My mind developed a bit differently;
it was both constrained and released,
Your eyes are small and round
They thin when you smile
See—liquid brown is their color, hated by most loved by me.
•
Loving you is-
Life is but a dream
The clouds evaporate in moments
The sun fades with no lasting beam
Death takes those you love
How do you know if it ever was?
Is it a dream?
What actually leaves applause?
Deception starts with us
It paints a picture of inadequacy
We are convinced of what we are not
Pertaining to excellence, intelligence, or beauty
The worthlessness we feel
We can’t bear to let others see
Elation and delight fill the body
Confidence like a pungent fragrance
Alerting all those around
Suddenly,
The spider carrying doubt and fear arrives
Biting that same body
Spreading its toxic venom of lies
It doesn’t take much to say that you are ugly,
That you are flawed,
A monster that no one can love.
It takes a little more to agree with people who disagree,
To just nod and follow,
To resist an opportunity in the midst of our days
by the sunlight catching the inner core, it holds
weakens the penetration of the mind,
the many splitting of the selves,
the gold no one can take
All skin, bone, and flesh,
protect my fragile innermost.
But that is deception at its norm.
What color does the truth hold?
Black
on the whitest of white
Words
are the frame and flesh I bear and
