'glow-up grow up'
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As a little girl, I always had trouble forming close friendships.
Maybe it was due to my inherent shyness,
but two or three buddies were the cut-off for the fellowships,
because of a strange shortage of kindness.
once upon a time
i showed my age by holding up this many
i wanted to be an astronaut or a doctor
i was afraid of everything
but had an unwavering curiosity.
I hated eating right and working out
Just the thought would make me pout.
Eventually my body could not take it,
At the age of 19 I felt it breaking.
Shining new souls, delicate and bright,
Disfigured and mangled over time.
A mother, dependent, oozes her insidious defects unto them,
awakes the next day, oblivious and ignorant.
A father,
Little Miss Perfect curls into herself
She smashes her sandcastle to rubble once more
Again, again, again she’ll try.
The doors closed and hidden
Seeing only through the slats
Peering through the discrimination
The doors closed and hidden
Yearning to fling open
Fearing opinions, judgement
My breath caught in my lungs
I furrowed my brow
I bit my tongue
And I thought, "How?"
I was scheduled to work
Almost 40 hours
Wanna stab my eyes with a fork
My mouth tasted sour
Rainbows butterfly’s and bows
migrains markers and pillows
laughing crying moving
raising living and proving
growing up is full of new
so you must be smart and you must be you
You don't miss something until its gone,
You don't love something until you set it free -
The same could be said about my childhood,
It was gone in a second, long and drawn out, yet still a mere instant.
Clarity
There’s a moment when you rememberThe feeling you had when you were self-sufficient for the first timeLooking backThe moment is clear
When the girls can no longer wear shorts
Or bras with too much supports
Because the men will try their luck
And yell rude words from their trucks
One day past sixteen,
walking through a clean and emotionless hall,
to be handed a tiny card,
that put a large weight on my shoulders.
No more free hand outs.
No more excuses.
How can I hate those who raised me, When I am their baby? And I know that they hurt me, But I have been learning, That they are people too, There's a bunch of fucking shit that they went through.
I lay as a baby, I barely can walk
I demand "up, up" and my mom picks me up.
I stand as a small girl, balloons in my hand.
"Do not let go" I've been told,
but I let go to see them go up.
Realization
Strolling down the unfamiliar
Streets of Beverly
My family on our way
To the car
I am not to leave in
Getting To Know Me
For those of you who don't know me, hi I'm Erika Jackson.
And just so we're clear, no I'm not related to Michael Jackson.
There once was a boy who cared what people thought.
He thought about other people’s thoughts quite a lot.
What he really wanted, the boy struggled to know,
Belief,
In everything from magic to the people on the TV,
Waiting for beloved book characters,
To join in our daily adventures,
Think,
That boys are gross and mean,
Here's to the birds too scared to fly
and the kids to short to be seen
Here's to the singers with stage fright
and the color-blind artist.
May we never stop dreaming.
faces
the ones we show the world
and the ones we don't
a reflection of what is inside
imperfection
will you face it
We all were one of them
We all wanted to grow up
but not me
Grow up more like Shut up
We grow up and keep secrets
are friends
are family
are self
The mirror doesn’t change but the reflection does
It took me a while to realize I’m the one
The one who’s got it
I’ve had it all along
We’ve been through a lot,
Haven’t we?
It’s been pretty hard,
Don’t you agree?
One friend for many years,
Belitting, Dismissive,
A switch didn’t flip,
the impact wasn’t sudden.
Yet the change felt
just as jarring.
One day, responsible free,
the next, my brown head of hair
When I was little,I went out to play as if nothing mattered.When I was volunteering,I went out to do my job as if every step mattered.When I was little,
a girl does
what her mother tells her
...and of course her father
'cause the discrimination
is never done
a lady does
what society tells her
i did them
i was a sweet girl
We learn the most from choices made in fire
The Bible Belt taught me my choice was made
To love a girl and settle down, required
Who’d choose to unravel that hand, already played.
My years as a child were short. Im
not sure why I outgrew my childhood when I was still a
child. At the age of twelve life made me a woman.
Life helped me grow phenomenally
even though it wasn’t all that phenomenal.
To grow-up, glow-up,
Is to learn to be yourself,
Not an easy feat.
I used to be scared
To show what’s inside of me,
The world in your hands
Everything was given
You learned abundance and beauty
And that all would be forgiven
Just because He can't spell does not mean hes stupid
Just because she can't read does not mean shes unsuited
Just because They can't walk does not make them wounded
Simple things are not always simple for all
A child looks in a mirror observing a young man straightening his tie for work.
.erutuf sih fo suoivilbo dlihc a gnivresbo rorrim a ni skool nam gnuoy A
The child spoke about how easy and fun his life must be.
The bright pink walls were painted over with gray,
Animals, dollls, all thrown away.
I lock myself up in my one room castle,
Avoiding my family, my chores, my hassels.
I hear my mom say "we never see you anymore!",
...what?
I blink at the Instagram post.
I tell my thumb to coast
over that post.
Caption: "I didn't need to see this."
Who knew what we would become
When we were children so small and young
That as we lived on
Further being drawn
Who Knew that in just a few more days you were off to middle school
Playing, running, jumping
my little sister plays at the park
Cloudy, dark, cold
It's three hours after school has ended
I need to bring my sister back home
Crying, screaming, shouting
I can’t put my hair up, they’ll notice something different
I can’t hang out with her, she and my friends are different
Keep that dress away from me! My normal clothes are different.
As a child you always assume everything is perfect.
Perfect family where its you,
your mom and dad, your first pets, your first real friends,
and your perfect family members who have been there and have cared for you.
I spoke, notoriously
A vision no more, action, split second
Though I only saw me and the physical
Inside I denied the emotion and spiritual
Feeling as though I was missing something
To all the mermaids
at the ocean floor
in corral cities
still living with their parents, haunted
