ana
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I am trapped
inside my body
the shell of a girl who cries at the thought
of breakfast, lunch and dinner
or the days when I say "fuck it"
and eat how I should
just to be punished by someone screaming
choosing clothes
looking in the mirror
starring into a stranger.
we know tonight we'll skip dinner
to wake up a little bit thinner.
walking with your dog will never be the same
Dear eyes,
This is a callout letter
A "stop lying" letter
A "don't tell me what to do" letter
A "this is God's body" letter
Stop lying, eyes.
When you’re a child you long for secrets
Memories from long ago, hope for the future
Small collections of thoughts passed from person to person
“don’t tell anyone, please.”
You whisper between yourselves
You're taking all these health and science classes:Nutrition, Wellness, and Anatomy. You know how risky losing weight this fast is.If you know better, then why can't you eat?
I am a host for a parasite,
A parasite whose disease has sucked on my mind,
Leaching my hope,
Leaching my sanity,
Raping me of all personality.
It’s not an addiction,
Really it’s not,
But that mirror,
It’s a source of affliction.
Not long ago,
I could look in that mirror,
I look in the mirror
I don't see me
I just see her
The demon that haunts my every thought and dream
Some call her Ana
I usually just say
Ana Please
Ana,
Mia whispers that I could be better.
Ana shouts at me to pull it together.
Mia says she wants what is best.
Ask the girl in the glass how she survives on just air.
Ask her, how does she last when she devours nothing but despair?
And remorse coats her every attempt to ignore what she sees,
Recently I met a friend
Ana was her name
She introduced me to another, mia,
The two, almost the same.
They told me of the perfect girl
Put pictures in my head
Walls, built sturdy and tall.Doors, built to let people in.These walls make a tower, I threw away the key.All in an effort, to keep you from me.
I hear voices
Go see the school psychologist
I am not eating anything
Go see the nurse
I am cutting myself
Go see a guidance counselor
I am pregnant
Go see Planned Parenthood
The Monster
was
ruthless
lied
didnt care
or did it?
it said it did
said it was my friend
my only friend
said my family hated me
I am living in a mirror,
I can never measure up.
I am stuck inside this world of reflection,
I can only see myself.
The outside world is very dim, just only a faded picture.
I'm hungry.
But who really cares, because
these leggings don't fit.
My head hurts.
And you can't take pills
on an empty stomach.
The world feels fuzzy.
I wish I had the power
No one knows I haven’t eaten in weeks; I try my best to act normal; Within this sickness, I have reached my peak; Just waiting for my turn to fall; Sometimes its not so easy to hide; And some begin to get suspicious; But I will continue to push al
Ana and Mia
Sitting in a tree
And what do you know
Along comes Me
They trick my mind
So I see them as beautiful
And who would’ve thought
I began to fall in love
I fall fast
Little girls are barbie's,
little girls are sweet,
little girls are perfect,and taught to be neat.
Taught to be skinny, and pretty, and fair.
Taught to have beautiful, long locks of hair.
Today, I ate a half an apple.
Today, I stared at myself in the mirror, saw the jutting of my hips, the mountains of my shoulder blades, and the hills and valleys my ribs made.
I saw
With my own eyes
My body
Mirror, Mirror, on the wall.
Make me pretty, thin, and tall.
Who is fairest of us all?
When will Beauty finally fall?
Paint my face and Dye my hair,
Then will someone truly care?
Mirror, mirror, on the wall
Who's the fairest of them all?
She who's tall and she who's thin,
She who gets a workout in
She whose thighs are far apart,
She who has an ice cold heart.
Ana
Anorexia
Anorexia nervosa
Ana
My friend
My best, closest friend
You're there for me
When I need you
You whip me into shape
You love me
I can tell you do
