' 'fear'
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"I know you're afraid"
what an understatement
you tell me to be brave
but I'm not sure I can
do you really thing you're helping me?
making me 'face my fears'
can't you see
oh can't you see
tock continues to tick and takes this train
hostage; loops, speeds, nearly tips
the conductor hangs with one hand
Gripping the footplate for dear life,
For years we have faced pain, suffering, torment, and death
We have had to fight through the worst of conditions
We have had to fight through bullying from all ends because we are darker than most
I saw him,
but then I remembered he is no more
¶¶¶¶¶
It's funny right? How you were here once,
but now you aren't.
The shaking from head to toes,
the drug demeaning, the depth of the hollow bones.
It keeps you staring into oblivion,
Crying, kicking, screaming
Tired of the yelling
In the car and to the office
Face to face; eyes burning
It will be ok
At least that's what I said
I don't want to do it
I'll never be better
My tears spill over
Forever leaking, gushing, flowing tears
The embodiment of fear and disappointment
Am I not enough?
Not worthy of love
Worthless
Today I faced a problem,
a growing,
moving,
suffocating realization,
that stopped me in my tracks.
I have no idea what I am going to do with myself.
My bones, leaves on the trees of a windy autumn morning
My stomach, fluttering, ready to fly away, leaving me behind
My heart, a train pounding down the tracks
Spiralling Spiralling Spiralling
A one way trip but she's blocked
Left, right, up
Too much for goddess of madness to concoct
It won't go through
She can't get in
Had to bid adieu
To left, right, up
Orpheus & Eurydice
The two are tangled in the web
The web that we call love
The two walk by the riverbed
The bed that lies above
We were different;
We were different before paying bills
We were different before heartbreak
We were different before going out into the world.
The world;
A matrix of experiences,
Red and blue, red and blue, red and blue
the deadline for our life was due
the sirens’ song was drowned out
by my screaming thoughts
“It’s over! It’s all gone!”
You see, When I take a moment and look back. Back at all the moments in my past, I see all the dreams I've left behind. All the scenes I left unseen and I think, I think "where did the time go?" When I close my eyes and listen, Just listen to you
Bipolar is:extreme changes in mood, from mania to depression. Between these mood episodes, a person with bipolar disorder may experience normal moods.
My idea of bipolar:
Endless ocean of stolen tears
Only the waves know your fears
Crashes and ashes and waterfall gears
Irrelevance fades as you soak up the beer
Birthday,
Big Day,
I'm no longer a girl Day.
Women's Day,
But in the middle of July.
Two days later, she's dead
I'm here.
Waiting for my turn, wondering
I am nine years old, and I fear the monsters.
They hide in my closet, under my bed, behind my curtains.
Their shadowy forms leer at me, laugh at me.
I flick on the lights, run to my parents' bedroom.
I'm sorry
it's the simple curse of existence
"It's not polite for little girls to sit like that,
you're a respectable lady now aren't you?
It's a woman's job, you'll have to get used to it."
Coincidence is not fate
Says reality formed, looping like
Crochet work unfinished by some
Bored Deity
Coincidence is not fate
clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop
Running towards the first money barrel
The sound of the horse’s hooves don’t stop
Turn the barrel, hit the gravel
Reminiscing the first time I ever rode a horse
Am I wrong for this
This is how I came into this world
And this is how I will leave
Naked and unafraid
"what your biggest fear?"reads the paper above. you remember the ache in your chest, not a few months backwhen you had spiraled down and slipped through the cracksyou remember the down you had hit years agothe doctor said it would come againit tur
Judgment, judgment
Other’s eyes and thoughts
look at me, stare at me
mock me, laugh at me
Shhhh----
Did you hear anything?
I’m on a boat.
I’m 7.
I remember boats can capsize.
I begin to doubt the integrity of this boat.
I panic.
I’m in a car.
Age 2: Loud noises
Age 4: Monsters and ghosts
Age 8: My math teacher
Age 10:The tallest roller coaster
Age 12: Public Speaking
Why do I fear you?
You are irrelevant in the grand scheme
Of things
Because I know you are not an ally.
You who tells me
Insanity creeps in,
the walls have been broken,
the lonliness seeps in,
but nobody has spoken.
The fear starts to sink in,
I think I am sinking.
Don’t let me fall down ,
The hole without reason
Frayed are the edges of my mind.
Regardless of however much I try,
they never lose their grip;
they never die.
Knuckles now are turned to white;
the fears inundate my eyes.
You have always rejected yourself
When looking in the mirror
You couldn’t help the feeling of shame
For how long you have been feeling like that, who knows
Fear is near, fear is here.
What do I do? Never go back there?
No, wait! I fell from the horse, I cannot loss, I will be the boss!
Straight back on the horse. Determination and stready coarse.
Most people are afraid of spiders or public speaking,
Or maybe dark rooms and floor boards creaking,
And while these may perhaps be on my list
Fear of Losing Myself
The mirror is fogged.
I can’t see the startled face reflected,
caught mid-scream.
Where am I?
I pound the glass only for it to break.
Flimsy.
fuck.
a.
thot.
she comes into my life again.
who are you.
you wet sock.
we are done.
you broke up with me
"i love you"
When I was younger I imagined you would never meet your grandchildren
Forgive my honesty, I just didn't think you had it in you
Growing up hearing, "I never wanted kids" sets up quite a disappointing example
Cover my eyes so I may see no Evil,Cover my eyes so I may not see you.But your Love keeps me tied to you like some unwanted tether,A Golden Lasso of something I no longer wish to have.
Your words dropped to the floor like the weapons that they were,For you cared not for what you meant to me,For you cared not that your words stung like a slap to the face,
They decided on white water rafting through rushing
tides. I was stuck, gripping paddles and the edges
In his eyes
Forests of green,
Fires of gold,
Rivers of dean.
Away from a world
I thought I once knew-
Oceans of crystal,
Violets of view,
Escape the river
Escape the new.
I've always been a friend of fear,
it's followed me everywhere i go.
But fear became my best friend
when pain became my world.
My life took turns I didn't expect
my body used
my mind abused
My thoughts race of you like the speed of light, to uncover what is true, your height? enough so that I'm able to look up to you.
My thoughts race of you like the speed of light, to uncover what is true, your height? enough so that I'm able to look up to you.
I'm afraid when I fall asleepWill I forget everything about today?All the laughs and smiles.All the anger and frustration.All the pain and tears.Things I did and the reasonings for them.
Quiet and unsure,
Shaking and scared
With a stutter so obscure
The words wouldn't come out
They asked again,
Remember that monster under my bed,
Claws like a lion and six eyes on its head.
That old monster creeping beneath me
Always making me shout for my dad to go see.
That monster who never did one bad thing to me,
I once was struck by a powerful wave
So now I fear the sea
And waters that seem to behave,
Still drown me in reluctancy.
Perhaps I fear for when I swim,
The water that appeared so still,
It is apart of me
It crawls underneath my skin
my lips slam close to stop the attempted escape
my stomach fight with clenched invisible fists
Days are cold
Nights are long
Not as bold
As the morning gong
Through the path
Lost in the mess
Of the crazy psychopath
You stand over me and promise to never leave me, but that’s what I hate about you most. The dark purple, almost black ember that surrounds you makes you only that much more haunting.
I want to believe I deserve him,
I want to be able to look at him without thinking,
He could have more, do more, have better,
He is a diamond, and I, but a simple love letter.
The eyes grew larger at the sightThat could, a grown man, fill with fright.The eyes nearly bulged out their headWhile spying upon the walking dead.
Ms. Play it safe, Mrs. take it slow.
Doesn’t know what to do or where to go
Mrs. Overly protective. Mrs. Overcautious.
Worried about the consequences of every little thing.
I want to live each day, unafraid.
Of what to say or to do or to wear or to think.
Unafraid of where to go, what people will say.
Just one day, in the moment.
Unafraid of what the future will bring.
Dear Fear,
I apologize for the suddenness
In which I write this note to you,
But as I look back over our time together
My thoughts are overdue.
You’ve done much to protect me,
To: me
Before,
you did the same.
glances and touches added fuel
to a fire that wasn’t yours to
stoke.
To: them
Now,
she stokes his fire
Dear World,
I am the same yet different
I am strong although weak
I am whitty and humorless
I am lighthearted and at the same time serious
I am scared and yet courageous
I am bold while being timid
