self reflection
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the swipe of the yellow card blurs
the transition between the outside to the underneath
yellow lines separate commuters
from the slick metal torpedoes they await
Who AM I??
I am to help you
wIth the neglect
abandonment
all the tears wept
I came to you
as they went
I remember you
when you fIrst began
alone
you crIed starved
I felt your judgment as you stared at me
Blatant disgust at my wisps of colored hair
And with those lipstick caked lips, you declared your decree
I felt your judgment as you stared at me
Blatant disgust at my wisps of colored hair
And with those lipstick caked lips, you declared your decree
I lay in silenceBreath heldstaring at a night skyTrying to grasp the depthOf what I’m looking atThe path before meClearly lit by the light from the moon...
My demons like to come out and play
Don't worry they won't bother you they are only after me
In fact let them braid your hair, they are great at that
Do you need your make up done, they have that down pact
You were so quiet before.
A meek, fragile sort.
Your art was never seen by other eyes
You thought they’d think you were telling lies.
Fear is a tool unlike any other,
Dangerous and lively like fire,
A double-edged sword, a friend and a foe;
Mysterious and fearsome to think about, to feel,
The thoughts entrancing the mind, able to eradicate
What do you see when you look into the mirror?
Do you see a face of grace or the belief of grief?
Do you see a bless of sucsess or a complete defeat?
When a girl looks into the mirror,
She sees fat,
What did poetry teach me?
In all honesty it has taught me how to love myself.
Poetry has taught me to honor the people that have forgotten me and to move on from a boy who will never love me.
When do you feel the most free?
“When I am alone”
What do you do when you are alone
“Ya know, the usual… I read, maybe dance, I writ...:”
I learn who people are by how they read my poetry,
The people who reach into emotionless words and drag the sounds out into a tragic tale
Remember that monster under my bed,
Claws like a lion and six eyes on its head.
That old monster creeping beneath me
Always making me shout for my dad to go see.
That monster who never did one bad thing to me,
I live in a constant paradox,
where in my happiest times, I am the saddest
and in my saddest times, I am the happiest.
The constant contradiction that I live in
constricts me in a wide open cell.
Subtract from these 20 years,Those that I swallowed without tasting-Anesthetize the clocks,Sprinkle Father Time with amnesia,Whisper the year 2011,I am 13 again-
Dear Happiness,
Please don't ever leave me.
I wish to be hand-in-hand with you until the end.
Continue to spread your wings and soar to unreachable heights.
Dear Anxiety,
My legs crossed themselves together as the sharp pieces of grass scratched against my limbs.
The cooling air passing against me sent a deep chill throughout my relaxed presence.
Dear empty bottle of Elmer’s Glue,
You are finally empty.
I have had one bottle of Elmer’s Glue since I first purchased a bottle for kindergarten,
Dear Girl in the Mirror,
You look back at me with cold dead eyes.
You reflect everything that I don’t want to see,
You watch at I fuss with my hair,
Apply layer after layer of makeup,
I am meA human being, he made me beIn this world I play the game of lifeNot as easy as the board game, but that's alright
My nose becomes a leaky faucet
whenever I eat soup. The bed must
be remade each day because I sleep
so wildly. My breasts are a treasure trove
“My, has your beauty disintegrated!
Where is your heart? Is it broken?
Did the devil’s words abduct your love?
Questionative, you may ask, not at all
I smile at myself in the mirror
and it all seems a little bit clearer
My reflection has grown
to an uncharted zone
and it all seems a little bit queerer
But queer is the funniest word
January.
“New year, new me.” I said.
Week one,
“Please get better.”
Week two,
“Don’t talk to me anymore.”
Week three,
I started the year with a happy and full heart.
I fell in love with a boy who was there from the start.
We were inseparable and over the moon.
I knew what love meant and wished it wouldn’t end soon.
I tell the jokes that no one wants to hear,
I’m the loner in a crowd.
My mind is sharp but my words are dull
For you can never hear a sound.
I feel stuck, sometimes
Bewteen the screen and the road
and my spiraling thoughts.
And weak, sometimes,
When I let them drink me in and drown my
chest in pain, riddled with bullets
I've never felt.
Look upThe sky is EndlessYou are the sky Look downThe earth is StrongYou are the earth Look forwardThe future is BrightYou are the future Now look backThe past is DarkBut you are not the past You are EndlessYou are StrongYou are Bright You are Eve
Grass is greenier with bumble bees
Depression goes away with some Hennessey
Bonnie and Clyde were together to the very end
You don't even want to be my friend
The alcohol and drugs don't mean a thing
When I write, I see me
The true me, the real me
I don't see a writer with a pen and paper
I see Van Gogh with painting a self portrait
Or a young girl with no makeup looking in the mirror
If it were offered,
A real second chance,
Would you sign on,
For a backward glance?
To correct your errors,
Clean up the mistakes,
To avoid the costly pitfalls,
Every one of us makes?
I stand upon a Cliffside,
Watching the hard white waves stride.
When I hear someone call me from my side;
I turn and meet a glare with their sunset eyes.
They cast my gaze to a valley side,
It was so fast
passed me so fast
I didn't realize what I had till it just washed all away
it was so fast
just so very fast
life experiences intangibly slipping away
but that is okay
at the bottom of the whole mind,
I walk there sometimes,
with a sense of at ease
instilled in my spirit.
With old brown boots
and a ragged plaid shirt,
I am here uncovered and old.
Life is an enigma,
That can’t be understood,
Too many pieces lost in time,
Like puzzle pieces scattered in the air,
Emotions running high,
The tears begin to fall,
Here, nature grasped me in her arms and straddled my front.
Here, she immersed me in her smells and her soft, lingering caresses,
Here, she dominated with gentle, sudden, adamant will power.
I am the daughter of Celine and Jeffrey
I am the sister of Kenneth
I am the best friend of Jeslyn
I am a resident of Orange County
I am a student of Northwood High School
I am a victim of self harm
The girl looks at her own reflection
Wondering if she's going in the right direction
Life seems so confusing and often bittersweet
She wonders what she can say when it's all complete
there's a girl who's always been inside of me.
I sometimes glimpse her in the mirror,
in puddles and compacts and display windows.
She’s the kind of girl who writes secrets in the night sky,
Torn as I live here, from day to day.
I look back on, the life I once lived today.
Only to realize, how far I’d fallen astray.
Reality is, to me a constant enemy.
Despite my attempt, to break free from these chains.
You'll never fit in;
You'll never be one of us.
Put your hand down,
You're not that smart.
You confuse the senses --
Your exterior hard; your skin soft.
Your face harsh; your voice smooth.
