obsessive compulsive disorder

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it started when i was little.   no one believes me, but   i remember.   i remember  the first moment i wasn't able to breathe, the first time i thought about death, 
It begins as a thought. Small yet calling for attention.  I ignore it.   Then an idea. Ignorant yet from experience. I ignore it.   Then an emotion. Whimsical yet possible.
Wallet. Keys. Food for work. Check. Anxiety rises with every minute that gets closer to my shift. Leaving my house is hard because I'm afraid I'll lose something and be stuck out there. Wallet. Keys. Still there.
You don’t have OCD Do you have to do things in certain numbers? Knock three times on a door? Turn the knob three times to open it?  
Dear Obsess Obsess Obsess Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Are you really sure we need to keep Checking and washing And checking
Why won’t you just leave me alone? I don’t want you around - I never have. But apparently, I can’t get a restraining order against my own mind.  
Dear Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, You, the bane of my existence, the pain that has persistence, no matter how I try there's no way I can outdistance you.
Dear Catdog in my brain,   You have cause me a lot of pain You are obsessive-compulsive disorder But in order to cope I gave you a nickname   Catdog, you compress my lungs
I was diagnosed and my brain proposed maybe death would make this all go away. You see my brain ticks to a different beat as the rest. like showing up slightly late to the lesson.
The hair of my arms turned, I know this collision of arms is inevitable, Yet my mind spins like a ferris wheel gone rogue, A correction must be made to my limbs, Wrong, this is wrong; tears pry their way out
Pastel pieces of paper littering the floor Notes, lists, worries, and more It’s called OCD and I couldn’t find rest In therapy, workshops, books, or meds Poetry provided the outlet I need
Peace I find in thee. Your constant is my rock, Your selfless thoughts: I stand in awe. Within you I am free. Not confined in prison block; But rather safe within your law.  
1. I am haunted by It.
Whiskey-colored rays of light coming from the window dragged me out of bed.
It won’t kill you. No, what you’re afraid of won’t hurt. But you can. The fear can drive you.  Drive you off course. Drive you into a rail.
Mom, you do not have OCD because you like clean sideboard.You are neat and I congratulate youbut you do not have OCD until your head is filled with a montage of shattering plates,bursting lightbulbs,smashing vases,
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