Alone
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There's this weird internal conflict and it won't let me sleep. This stupid fucking battle pecking in my brain and it's exhausting. It'd be much easier to turn to you, whispering the secrets that plague me.
Yet I don't. And I can't.
Understand the reasons this feeling is to remain
Negativity runs rapid, skin flushed with blame
Hopes, dreams, and nightmares, are all the same
Agonizing within all of the outside of my pain
Clouds roll in
As darkness falls
electricity dances over my skin
And the voice in the void calls
I scream out to reach you
Seasons change,But all to quickly.Right when skin starts to boil,The ice pierces ever so strictly.
Some folks see her in the window,
just a shadow standing there.
Some folks hear her in the morning
when she sings her daily prayer,
but they’ve never really met her
and she likes it just that way.
The water makes a noise of static as the waves move along the shoreline
Shining a light blue, with its darks and nudes
It's a sight for sore eyes
As the waves wash up your legs
Feeling engulfed in the waves
As hard as it would be to hear it, sometimes I wish you would just have the guts to say how you feel,
Because you and I both know that it is what is real.
I know you want to tell me to leave you alone,
Only the privileged are free
I had no immunity
There is a duty that I should’ve done
But the voices in the quorum were blaming me of misdemeanor
The danger was imminent, I’d never avoid it
We fell in love in late spring
As cool wind nipped at our cheeks
we found warmth in each others bodies
Our love blossomed into the summer
Hot, sunny days
Walking trails hand in hand
I think I lost myself, again Because here I am, fondling the sheets at 3am, looking for you in the darkness I only feel comfortable, if you are around And I can't eat, unless I feed you first
She woke up at peace soon frantic to find something to occupy herself with.
The peace was too still and the noise was too quiet.
No matter how many times I tell myself not to, I can't stop myself from watching it,
And everytime I do, I am always left feeling like my heart took a hit.
I spent last night googling birds that sing in the morning,
to give myself something to wake up for.
Tricking myself into believing I’d even be awake by then.
Because the truth is I am not ok
IS IT ASKING TOO MUCH
By Debi Lyn 09/27/22 8 am
Estoy tan triste porque estoy sola…
y no quiero serlo.
Silence is deafening
The sound of empty souls
The quiet darkness cutting undesirable thoughts
The sound of a lullaby full of fraught
Silence in the darkness
The sound of empty words
It took 10 years to teach myself how to breathe again
How to live without pretending that’s what I was doing
To stop allowing myself to die quietly
As to not inconvenience the neighbors
The best way that I can explain life is that it is like a thread,
And the length of your string all depends on what you went through and the words that were said.
I have my own little corner of the house
It isn’t much
It isn’t big
But it is mine
It is warm and cozy and comfortable
It helps me breathe.
There was nothing mathematical about the way that I loved you
There was nothing logical, or choreographed, or otherwise organized.
My love for you is chaos
Was chaos
Chaos with a vengeance
I was there when you built your garden
I helped you pick what plants to grow
I held your hand when you spoke of the harvest and all the meals we would share.
How do you win the same battle when you don't think that you have anymore fight?
And when it seems like you have to give up because it seems like you can't do anything right?
I never been this confused,
what if my life will just turn to blue?
How will I survive,
if I don't know what to do.
Touch me
Touch me
Let flesh meet flesh
Warmth meet warmth
Let your skin know that mine is near
That I am here
That we are not alone
Not now at least
Hold me
In the dark
You know,
You never really learned to accept a gift
Whether it was a compliment
Or wine
Or tear drops on your couch
And especially my heart
You never could fathom my love
It’s depth or viscosity
I am lost
Out in the unknown
Poeople all around me
Yet inside I feel alone
Thoughts and emotions
Too hard to express
They threaten to engulf me
Why does loving you feel so different
Feel so natural?
So unnatural?
So…. Conflicting?
Why does loving you feel like bees in my stomach
Like fireflies in my heart
Like ants under my skin?
I spent so long worried about what I could give
Whether I was giving enough
How many people I was giving to
Pieces of myself
Breaking apart
Little by little
Piece by piece
Last weekend I lost myself again.
I turned into the person I regretfully forgot to remember.
The person who I'm afraid of, the horrible drunk.
Emotions,
too hard to hide
feeling,
sensitive to the touch
feeling these emotions that I have for you
makes me vulnerable
for I feel too deeply
i feel,
For the first time in a long time I am writing about being alone, but not in my usual way,
Usually when I talk about being alone, it is in a negative way, and it leaves me with only sad things to say.
I have come to realize that at the end of the day, nothing is going to change.
I don't know why it took me so long to realize that the way everyone was acting was strange.
I’ve come to notice
On the days we scream the loudest
Our pleas have no ear to fall on
Yet a whisper of success can be heard for miles
I’ve come to notice that there is no such thing as wasted tears
I ain’t your April fool
Not your plaything anymore
Wrapped my heart with steel and wool
Sent you stomping out my door
Cause I ain’t your April fool
I’ve got thunder in my soul
Am I alone? The only wanderer.
Drift wood in a sea of rain drops
Flowing with the breeze
Against the waves as they flow
Is this it? Watching the sun set
A mosaic on the horizon
I don't even wanna live anymore
Please God
Make somebody blast my fuckin brains out
I wanna jump
Jump and fly down 40 feet
And splat right down on the concrete
I'm a fuckin failure
you hurt me
you were supposed to protect me
you broke me
you were supposed to hold me
you terrifeid me
you wee supposed to make me brave
you left
Nights are where my mind uses my saved stress to play out a story of rumination.
It does this for me when I find the peace that can’t obtain the goods that I assumed were lies.
It's so insane to think that we can hear one word and allow it to change our whole mood,
And in many cases when you start to finally take care of yourself, people decide to tell you that you are being rude.
I'm just clay
I mold myself depending on who's with me
Change into what they want me to be
Then I sit there as they react to me
As if I'm a film and they're the movie critic
Alone is false
Do not use it
Not here
Not ever
I am Alone
By subtracting my friends
By subtracting my family
His smile makes my stomach turn.
His laugh makes my whole heart soar.
His whole self makes me feel alive and okay.
I love him.
And not the one day, hard crush kind of love, but the all consuming, forever love.
One little girl staring out the window
She is alone but not lonely
She has a dove
Sometimes she shares her secrets
Sometimes she just stays silent
Days pass by
Then months
and then Years
Is my soul so lonely that one conversation manifests into an entire fantasy?
It hurts to know my mind will be preoccupied for ages, but I've probably already been forgotten.
I wanna scream
Even though no one will hear me
Out flows a river stream
I just wanna be free
But I'm trapped
Stranded at sea
I won't last
But my soul will for eternity
Elderly man asleep in the hospital bed
Moving so slightly
His respirations become
the only sign
He is not dead
I move his feet back in the bed
as they slide out every now and then
Today she became a widow
at the hospital arriving to collect his belongings
the virus took his life earlier that day
alone she was as his life slipped away
His health in shambles
Aphrodite’s bliss-
Never came close, to this.
To be Gibralatar
Barred against the briny black rock.
There is freedom-
You can’t have in marble arms.
I was alone in the silence,
As planets spun around me.
I'm alseep.
I was alone in the violence,
As bullets fly around me.
I'm asleep.
I was alone in the quiet.
Thoughts feel heavy.
My heart speaks a language
no one understands.
It's dying to speak.
But it's already dead.
When I was a child, I made a wish.
It was a stupid wish.
I didn't wish to have powers or be a hero.
or even to be liked.
Though i didn't have any of those things either.
I had wished to be remembered.
i walk outside, my four walls behind me, a subtle breeze sweeps across my cheek i stand frozen as my eyes take in whats around me, i feel the earth’s beating heart, the air deep in its lungs; it pulses, it breathes in it continues, but i am not
Heartbreak.
They say it causes both emotional and physical exhaustion and pain...
That was enough to scare me away from it for so long-
Love I mean-
I never let myself fall hard enough to get hurt.
This screen is a window to a world
of friends getting together,
of people finding love,
of people achieving success,
with little to no effort.
I look at all the people presented to me
Numb to my own existence
I am the one nobody comes for
No one’s friend
Here In this school yard
I walk apart
Walking home was briefly peaceful
I'm reminiscing being back in Mexico sitting on a beach, I was Alone.
The most at peace I have ever been, Alone.
Coolin’, Not stressing myself over troubles that been handed to me or those self-inflicted, Alone.
Just us walking beneath the moonlit night,walking along the beach,as the waves splashthrough my toes,a little crab runs over my toesand disappears into the sea.Walking and talkingwaiting for a reply,shadows castupon the silver sandsI halt,look aro
Will I
Remember at the end?
Crying eyes
Yet I like to pretend
Questions not asked
That how I want it to be
Die young and live fast
I'm hurting, can't you see?
I wear a big ol smile
My houseThe residence of echoing solitudeThe birthplace of lonelinessHaunted by the ghosts of my imaginationThe tinkling of children's toys or the boisterous laughter of a fun-loving father
My houseThe residence of echoing solitudeThe birthplace of lonelinessHaunted by the ghosts of my imaginationThe tinkling of children's toys or the boisterous laughter of a fun-loving father
I was always a wolf.
Before you loved me,
And after you left.
Just because i was tame,
doesn't mean i forgot my fangs.
I wonder,
sometimes,
if all my friends are forgetting me.
If someday
I will stop seeing them,
stop hearing their voices,
if one day
they will simply
disappear
from my life.
yell, scream, shout
silence is scarce.
with every word spoken, a new argument begins.
each room of the house is a minefield.
i tread lightly, but somehow always become collateral.
The lights in her heart getting darker, you know?
An embodiment of grief from head to toe
The sparkles in eyes vanished & heart sank
The colourful soul is turning to be blank
The needles on the wall clock with the ticking sound
Pulverizing my soul, making my heart pound
Every audible gasp ensuing the other one
A blink of eye that snatched my reason
Sometimes it is hard to wake up and realize that there is no one there and you are all alone,
You're surrounded by family, but they make you feel unloved, so that is nowhere near being called a home.
The first funeral i attended
There wasn’t too much i understood about death
Relationships that were broken
Now mended
With shared sadness
I unlock and open my front door,
Throw my shirt and bra on the floor,
Replace my pants with pajama shorts,
Slip into one of my oversized t-shirts,
Cuddle up under my covers and sheets,
TRIGGER WARNING :: mentions of suicide ::
I think to myself ‘This feels like drowning,’
As my tears fill my bathtub.
This feels like dying,
as my tears tie themselves around my neck.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m real
If I really exist or if I’m just told that I do
I can not prove to you that I exist
Nor can you prove to me that you do.
Is reality a conscious effort
Or perhaps it simply is?
Sometimes I just need to stop everything. I need lay down. I look up and can see the blue, or the grey, or the pinks and yellows of the sunset. I can feel myself melting into its bliss. Like I'm there but not really.
I need a reason to fall in love again.
To let gravity take me without catching myself.
To believe that I deserve more than I let myself take.
After all, how can a heart be broken if there is nothing left to break?
“Taylor my sweet it’s been so long,
since we last spoke.
I remember every word we said,
including every little joke.”
“We all have really missed you,
Im sitting in my house and weighing the options.
If I go out, I may get sick, but I have a death wish anyway so bring it on.
If I stay in this house any longer I am going to turn into Jack Nicholson.
I want to see my boy,
Everyday, every minute, every second
I feel like I am worthless
Whatever I do is never good
I feel like I am alone
With no friends
she was a light
he trapped her in a box
she was laughter
he stole her joy
she was a graceful dance
he stole her footing
she was a leap of faith
he let her fall
she was truly alive
when you saw me
and whispered hello
did it cross your mind
that you'd break my heart?
Everyone's in motion What's the commotion I shop to avoid my emotions I could use a companion Friendship, what an interesting notion It's like they all say Feelings get in the way
How much longer will I be alone
With only my old friends back home
To tie me to life with love
With lines strong and true
But so few, so few.
How much longer will I walk this path
Alone in the darkness
The nightmare that haunts me
Whether it’s morning or night
Isn’t just a nightmare.
It’s a reminder of my life.
Telling me I can never escape.
You’ve broken a million times over
And you keep breaking
Again and again
You’ll just keep breaking
Until you’ve fallen apart
I want to die.
It's been a while since I said that out loud
The screaming voices of the world have sworn me to secrecy
But it’s true.
I’m not afraid to say it
Not afraid to accept the inevitable
Depression isn’t gentle
She doesn’t knock when she enters the room
Or text you before she comes over
Instead she kicks down the door and takes what is hers
She does not need your opinion
Depression grips my wrist like a child in a storm
Holding me a hostage, in my head and in my dorm
Filling me with sadness that cannot be explained
Like my head is full of cannon balls and my ankles all but chained.
Speak to me
Emerson & Thoreau
Speak to me
Let me be alone with the stars
I am me, no imitation
Obeying my inner voice,
I was told to tie my laces,
And keep my glasses on.
That I needed to stay their paces,
Or end up mowing lawns.
"Be the best now so you'll be the best then!"
Always seemed to be my anthem.
Hey Mama, I’m Sorry, I've left home.
I'm just striving for some distance.
I need to figure this out on my own.
While dad still thinks to just hit us.
A lullaby drifts on a distant breeze
Sapphire’s twinkle in the light of his eyes
Dust settles down like the my tears when they cry
While a sweet silent shiver drips down from the skies
When your world freezes over like the tears from your eyes
Like a call from the doctor or when your mother cries
To feel your heart sink like a stone thrown in anger
To the depths of dark seas, as if tied to an anchor
The familiar scratching at the inner linings of your throat like a cat scratching at the walls, screaming to be let out. The sensation of your airways closing like that time when a man you did not know choked you for reasons you did not know.
warmth.
embrace, it's something i lack.
i'll be without, you won't come back.
hate.
love, it's all an illusion.
at this point it's all confusion.
fate.
Before we get started, just a quick note. This is about the American Revolution, told in poem form by a insane Loyalist woman in England.
Freedome,
They’re right,
I’m not ready for you.
I need the constant
Of a mother’s coo.
The unusual choice
I am old and worn blue plastic, with rusty metal chainsI sit and wait in the soothing sounds of nature.Here, you come to find solace in me.I swing you up high in the sky, ignoring the ache in my joints,
It's nice to think that someone is out there
Who will listen and love me
Despite everything I am and everything I have been
Who will listen and love me
Despite my expiration date that is always changing
Some days are nothing but black
Fighting a battle in endless fog
Seeing nothing, hearing only pitiful static
Some days are nothing but black
Nights bring emptiness, fading wordlessly to fog
MY JANUARY RESPONSE
Thu, 01/02/20 - 4:23 PM
by Debi Lyn
It feels like forever; I sure hope things are better.
I'm tired of thinking,
In test dates,
And terms papers.
When all I really want,
Is to use my imagination.
The stars call my name,
But I'm busy getting A's
Cold have been my dreams of late,
Petty reflection upon my cruel fate,
Sleepless, brutal, unyielding rest it became,
Wicked Sand Man, my dreams he cannot tame,
Reality hits,
Sadness bites
and it really hurts
then it dies
No one can rely
and just can't play
It can all be a reply
then somebody must repay
how can it be that there are so many people
on this earth, and yet i feel like i am alone?
how can it be that i see you everyday
yet i can't make my love for you known?
is being alone normal to be?
around i see couples of two, but not me.
how come i never get this chance?
maybe i'll go to paris, france.
but no matter how hard he tries
he will never be able to change
he overthinks and doubt will arise
he locks his feelings in a cage
the beautiful light in your dull brown eyes
exposes the relentless pain you give,
i say i will find courage but it is all lies,
these past years i wish i could relive,
Got these wounds of mine,
Turn to centipede Scars.
Like my pesky mistakes
with a mind thats too dark.
Where others see angels wings,
that dance cross the sky,
I see the dark wolves
Hello there, little warrior boy
Are you getting lonely?
Cheer for the saints,
It's the demons who own thee.
Fall up and bare arms,
Against king's of decree.
Learn how to let go,
No one asked me what I wanted
No one cares when you’re not wanted
I am not the man I wanted
But no one asked
No one asked me who I loved
No one cared I wasn’t loved
Dreaming under the rainbow
Crash from the high
There’s a tear upon your face
But do you remember why you cried?
Dreaming under the rainbow
Where are you?
You promised that you’d stay with me,
You act as if I haven’t been living from one fix to another the past three years of my life.
You act as if I don’t know just how cold life is,
Sitting at low tide amongst the creatures of the world underneath my lungs
Staring into the unbreaking blackness of the air hung in smoke
My eyes a lighthouse that gaze into the unknown reality
An anchor tied,
around my head
push me off.
I'll sink to bed.
Sleep among,
the reef and fen,
And hope I never wake again.
Who am I?
But a demon in the deep.
I might not be like you,
But I still need air to breathe.
Is it you who will drown me?
You who force me down?
I fight, not for a victory,
Walking up a concrete hill on the way home from school.
The sun beams against my back.
Creating a shadow darker than my caramel skin.
There's barbed wire wrapped,
Around my soul.
Like puppet strings,
That others pull.
I march to the beat,
Of my family's drum.
And fear for my sanity,
Which I know is gone.
Snow lightly coats the top of the river,
Sides of houses covered in icicles,
Christmas lights shine so bright
Headlights look too similar.
I danced in the riverbanks and couldn't help
Darkness is to me,
Like demons are to Hell.
My cold and lonely residence
Kept hidden in this shell.
"I'll teach you how to smile", they say
"I'll teach you how to shine.
I'll teach you how to love,
My closest acquaintance is the rain
as I listen to the soft trickles of barness
Coldness of the lungs but my breathless air is still warm
Clouding the unfocused skies
Far away in mind but close in heart
The time well spent is more than I could need
Yet I’m still feeling the tears I left on your shirt
Do You Ever Feel ...
Like You're ... ALONE ...
To Think The Things ...
You Do At Home ... ???
Cos' When Your Mind ...
Begins To ... ROAM .......................
What if i told you i'm not okay?
That i'm depressed.
How would you react?
If I told you I almost killed myself today.
As my head lays motionless on top of a soaked pillow
While my empty music fills the void of the room at midnight
Blank eyes illumanted by wrung out lyrics
I know you'll never be there
right in my hour of need
Listen up,
I don't care.
What anyone says.
Got a hole in my heart
And a hole in my head.
You can't convince me,
That you meant what you said.
When you spoke so softly,
By my hospital bed.
With each word you speak,
I bend away.
Away from the contact.
away from the pain.
I've bent so much.
I might just break.
I might just snap.
Pray for my sake.
With each word you speak,
There's a bullet hole
Here in this brain
Don't look too close
You'll scream in pain.
I live through this,
Everyday
But no one sees,
So I don't say a thing.
There's metal beams.
I’m in pain,
all the time.
Everyday is agony,
im tired of this fight.
let me show you what I mean.
So, I’ll make my cake
out of shotgun shells.
Light it up
like a candle.
Warm water rushed up the bubblegum walls of a room I called home to the age of 14Ethereal creatures, niveous nothingsColubrine eyes staring soullessly forward Waiting, wading into water
barely a woman at all, at 14
i began a search for love. to prove to myself that
i could be loved.
i began a search for a feeling. to feel anything.
You sit in the class and find out
You are the only one looking around
That you are the only one all alone
People talk, no one asks about you
In the silent wilderness, wasn’t so silent
My thoughts racing threw my mind, they all seemed so blind.
As I claimed to be fine, my limits have now ultimately crossed the line.
I tried to be hopeful
I looked to the bright side but what do you do when the light looks right back at you with disgust?
I have to keep going I shouldn't give up but wait---
Where did everybody go?
I don’t need youI don’tIt took me 8 long monthsBut it’s trueI don’t need your smile or your laughI don’t need your hand tangled in mine
We are still the children painting pictures to hang on the fridge,
but now it's too late to start over.
Too late to pick a different color.
Every stroke is a different future and every drop a different reality.
Why is the world so judgmental?
Like people,
Hungry animals choose their prey
By looking for the weak or wounded
They pursue them—
This Sunday I cried. I cried over little things -
The outfit that wasn’t perfect.
Tripping on the sidewalk.
Being late to Church…again.
Every day I force myself to think the same thoughts
To feel the same feelings
that I am worthless
that I am ugly
That I am fat
If it only takes two to tango, then why do you need another dance partner? Are my steps not on time? Are we not following the same rhythm? Do I not move when you move? Or perhaps it’s you who can’t keep up with the beat.
By: Kiersten Warner
I once walked along the sand,
A beach that stretched through a magic land.
A land enchanted for the lonely heart, my heart whose love was world’s apart.
On the sand there swelled a tide,
i'll admit it
i am not much of a poet
i do not know much about rhyming
i just know about the individual
and how it is hard to be original
how we sit here and talk about nothing
What if I could live in a world in which I never fell for you? What if I never fell for you? What if I never fall again? Never feel the scrape of my knees hitting earth again.
Do you remember the days, the nights, the adventures we always used to share? Flying away on wings of laughter that were built on mutual care. Five good friends and lots of fun was all I used to need.
I don’t know why I sit and wait for your attention or why my heart is so pure that I can’t actually admit how upset I get when I don’t talk to you. it sucks.
It's difficult when you're surrounded by people who love you, but who know you so well they are no longer interested.
It's difficult when you're in your prime, but it doesn't really matter because you don't do anything that requires it.
I think I realized I was grown when I no longer had a friend circle after spending years helping the people around me.
I was raised in darkness and deceit.
For the first 6 years not a speck of love was around me.
It wasn't until I was older, that's when they found me.
Kindness, peace, love, gentleness, and patience.
she kept walking away
from all the noise
trying,
for just one second
to give her head a
moment of silence.
but the problem arose
time and time again,
I look in the mirror
Reflecting back
I don't like what I see
Group of girls besides me
Looking pretty
Why can't that be me?
They try to reassure me
I see the lies through their teeth
Not forced
Victory does not care
Your past struggles mean nothing
5 a.m sessions for the perfect application yet you may still fail
i think that if i take it into too much consideration,
the momental magic seems to be shaved away.
there were twice as many stars as usual-
Maybe tomorrow, they will finally see meBut it’s just like yesterday, another day. Crossing the days until I reach May,I fall into endless sleep and unreal dreams.Stray today, stay away, to myself I say. I wake up to the sky with clouds of greyAnd
hey
howve you been?
it feels as if we havent talked in a while
what are you doing?
you seem busy
Some days are just different than others,
Some are bright and clear
But sometimes you release the pain,
And shed a tear
Lately, I've been talking to God more often,
Asking him how I fit into all this,
no you can’t see my shackles,
no ball, no chain.
that doesn’t mean I am free,
for you I’m a slave.
addicted to your touch,
you light up my nights.
give me company when im alone,
You beat me,
You yelled in my face,
You slammed my head into the walls.
You broke my soul,
it came crumbling down
today.
I always said that I'd forgive you,
but I haven't,
Growing up
Sounds fun right?
No rules or regulations
Just being able to do what comes in sight
Little did I know, it's not all fun and games
I'm not longer a child
I'm getting older now
Inside
My tears fall swift and silent.
It is too quiet…
Deafening silence fills the air,
lays on my bed,
and covers the floor.
One Hundred and Sixteen
These quiet halls are bleak with emptiness.
My footsteps, slow and loud, alert no one.
The door to my room grows taller,
A Cat and a Change
Constant scrutiny and miscommunication.
The silent critic made life unbearable.
Home was ripped away again,
Home
My mother is yelling
about how she hates her life.
I can practically see her exasperated expression
as she slams pots and pans.
I am the bolt of lightning,
Shocking, fast, and gone in an instant.
I create a smoking crater,
But of who left it I leave no hint.
I am the stormy ocean,
There’s a billion stars in the sky
And only one moon.
It’s a gift to be alone,
But a price for solitude.
Feeling blue is an emotion I'm too familiar with.
When I feel a wave of melancholy coming on,
I like to dance.
My preference is slow dancing,
With the one I love by my side.
One day you're home,
and then another you are left all alone.
Abandoned, gone, and lost.
Looking around like theres been a holocaust.
People say life is black and white-
There came a point last year when I realized I've grown;
I wasn't the same person that walked through the front doors freshman year;
It was as if the narative of my life had taken a different tone;
i look into his eyes
as he stands there
watching my tears fall,
knowing that he will
never see me the way
i see him.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dear Diary,
I am a ghost. I don't know how long I've been this way, but It's my reality.
A Year Alone
I chose to go,
to somewhere that was quite unknown.
A Year Alone;
A long plane flight.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
A Year Alone,
Strange Family.
Company is nice
Likeminded people make for good friends,
or one would think.
Common interests go out the window when you can't count on them.
Well, who needs them anyway?
I thought I did, honestly.
When did my feelings become second to yours? Why are my opinions wrong and absurd? When did my silence become your turn to speak? Why, to you, am I small and weak? Why am I bad even if I’ve done nothing to you? Why, when I give the world, do you a
You asked me to write for you,
So I wrote of a boy with stars in his eyes,
A bright soul, and his heart on his sleeve.
I wrote about how he died and how the light left his eyes
You think you are out there all alone, you are not meant to be alone.
Your heart is not made of stone, but your will is that of stone.
The voices inside on and on they drone, but you are alive and not a drone.
heavy hope can be hard to carry,
and an obscure future, dark and scary.
here without you,
why'd you go?
didn't tie the knot, nor tie the bow.
before you left,
you kissed my nose
It's hard to feel alone in the world
A piece of you missing
but no one knows
No one sees inside you to that terrible hole
The hole in a space by your heart
The one that screams out for a hand
I am a fallen angel,
Darkness is my garment,
And fury is my weapon.
I was once wreathed in light,
And I did the bidding of my master.
It happened twice.
I let myself believe.
I thought that I might matter.
But what I didn’t see.
I loved and lost,
And was broken eternally.
Dangers looming near
While I accept them with open arms
Cold is all I know
So, I accept it with open arms
Being alone doesn't make me lonely
Only when happiness is shared
I watched as my entire soul crossed a threshold.
Time slowed and I saw his face.
It was him.
They said I’d never see him again,
They asked me what are some different types of drugs
For me a drug isn't cocaine or pills it's a person
He is my drug
He is what I got addicted to
He is what makes me feel like i'm floating
The rain is my peace.
My eyes were the ocean.
My heart in ruins.
I shook violently as the droplets struck me.
.
The rain is my peace.,
For she cannot see my tears.
You watched me from my window and took out your anger on my body with your eyes.
~awatr
He shook me furiously and the thunder shook the house surrounding my fragile skeleton.
~awatr
I see you in every angry fight,
every bruise,
and in every goodbye that is never said.
~awatr
Her eyes reminded me of the old embers in the fireplace,
unkempt by my absent father.
~awatr
I spent every waking minute thinking of you.
And when I shut my eyes at 3am?
There you were again.
~awatr
I told you that you took my breath away;
Little did I know that you were suffocating me.
~awatr
The party rages and the drinks flow, the room smoke filled,
Everyone laughs and smiles, stories are shared and cups spilled,
Challenges made in jest and tale weavers are grilled,
I stole a friend, I took them hostage, I held them here to listen.
You didn't know me when I pulled my gun, you didn't know what I wanted.
You begged for your life, I begged for you to listen.
It had dark blue eyes like the night sky
Who would of thought it would cry
It wonder down the street as it beg for help
Darkness followed it through the air
One day hoping it sees the light
Depression is deep
Quite like the black hole of sleep
It takes you away
Never to see the light of day
No matter my plight
It still puts up a fight
Little WordsCreate the birdWho flew so highHe touched the sky.And when he tumbledTo the sandNo one heardDespite the birdWho got back upAnd tried again.
All smiles
All happiness
But I don’t know why
Are they making me happy?
I tell myself yes
I think I’m trying to reassure myself
Her face is broken with tears,
Her heart is shattered with grief.
Holding no sympathy, his face was blank.
His heart is cold and dark.
Love destroyed them,
ME:
I'm alone and I feel like I should feel worse but no matter how hard I cry
I don't feel pain
I'm alone but I feel more alive
I can sit and I can breathe and I can watch
Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to not constantly Worry about what people think of me, to not wonder if that woman on the other side of the room - that hasn’t even looked in my direction - is laughing at me or laughing at the completely rand
go through the motions
with no empathy
I lack all emotions
I live like a tree.
rooted in one place,
while others move on.
I don't understand.
or know how to love.
I give it my hardest
never look down
just close your eyes
you know nothing matters.
through the mask of your lies.
are you a robot?
a corpse,
or a shell?
then how do you know?
how to act alive so well?
cutter, killer
what have you done?
did you learn to make tights knots?
or play with a gun?
Silent, Loner.
it this any fun?
you sink deeper and deeper.
the demons have won.
Empty, hollow.
I’d laugh
Care
Understand
Feel empathetic
Love
But all of this and more I’d still have if you hadn’t ripped my heart out and kept it for yourself
“Almost”
An adjective meaning very near or not quite.
What a terrible word that holds a painful truth.
I dread these six letters, as anyone would.
Her lips were red like she had been drinking all the poisonousness of this world or the blood of dead roses.
Her eyes had a color of regret maybe because she had been thinking and wondering the deepest rooms of her soul,
I loved her, she said I convinced
Her otherwise
That broke my heart
Was she my sweetheart?
I’m not sure..
Do I still love her now?
Of course I do, but I was a fool
some days i just feel like cryingno particular reasonjust, i have to do it or elsei feel like i haven’t said helloto myself quite yet
its the witching Hour
my body is aching
im twisting and turning ...
all the pain a fEeL came through the mourning
the Passing of myself into another form
led my soul to conjure the eMotional storm
Picture It
If a picture is worth more than a thousand words,
What is the worth of a single word alone?
shivers down my spine
at the thought of you leavin' me behind
after all that we have been through
you made me think it was always gonna be me and you
now, as you head for the door
You were there when I needed you the most…
When I was breaking under pressure,
Like a sapling overburdened with snow.
I always thought of myself as a mighty oak,
The hardest
Realization I came to
Was that
People leave
Anytime
No one ever stays
And I had to
Come to the
Realization that
I had to be enough
Because in the end
I’m sorry I ruined it all,
I'm sorry that I wasn’t strong enough
And now I just seem to stumble and fall,
Over these emotions ruining my brain,
To hurt, to love, to live.
It’s all part of life right?
But what is this so called thing “life”?
we all compare things and say “that’s life”
what is life? Is it the fact that we breath. Is it that we hurt?
I'm introvert, I'm reserved and maybe shy
The same society that thinks a happy, playful child will turn wayward Interprets too quiet as dumb, so I'm dumb!
But I have the most amazing things to say,
what is the meaning of lifeif my heart wants the knife
What is the point of loveif theres nothing to dream of
I’m jealous of the clouds,
that are full of rain,
how they must feel when they pour down,
everyone knows that they are sullen,
my empytyness is hidden by a smile.
No one wants to be friends with the depressed kid
Or the one with crippling anxiety
That poor child who was traumatized, but
Everyone steps away when she needs help
When the evil
Dark
There's a boy I know
That mostly sticks to his own,
He doesnt speak much
But hald assed insults,
He closes his eyes
More often than all of the time,
Shy boy
Quiet boy
Tired boy.
What do you do when you want to die but can’t kill yourself? Yeah you’re happy sometimes but usually you’re dead inside. You can’t hurt yourself but if an accident happened you’d be just fine.
I captured his embrace but not the thoughts of the Lotus flower I became to him.
Saturated with stardust
the time passed all around us
Heart pounding too fast,can't breathe,soul locked in the dizzy cageas I spin to the frequency of the world too fast, too loud.It's all crashing down now.I am TNT lit at both ends,
I can see the hate in your eyes
It doesn’t matter to me.
All I asked for was to be left alone,
But you didn’t listen to me.
It just keeps going on,
And I’m tired of you
I can’t get any peace
What I’m Not
September 13, 2018 ~ Thursday
There’s music in the hills
Sounds of song on their backs, fronts, and sides
That which I’ve never heard
The water runs clear,
and once it reaches
bottom, it blooms into a
pink flower.
The slight sting of the
water it welcomed, any
pain is welcomed.
The scars run deep
through this tattooed
There are days when I wonder why I try at all
Most things will end up fruitless
all that hard work gone to waste
Dreams don’t often come true for those who work hard
Life becomes pointless at one point in time
You told me, "It's over..." again. I know that, Jorge... It's been over.
You know that and I know that.. And of course...
You KNOW I know that.. So who was the validation for?
We've been down this road before.
Each time it hurts a little more.
I really don't know WHAT you want from me.
When we are doing good, WHY won't you let it be?
I KNOW that you love me, don't say that you don't...
There's nothing more I'd like to do,
then snuggle in close and fall asleep with you..
I really want to call you...
& tell you I still care...
But I know you won't say it back....
& I don't think it's fair..
There's a place for everything and everything in its place..
Well, where do I put the memories of the past I can't erase?
If I could build the truth for you, I'd make it out of titanium steel...
I'd weld it together with all of the reasons -WHY- I STILL feel the way that I feel...
FOR: My Ex Now, but My Love ONE 4ever.. J.G. (*BTW, MOST of poems are about him....)
I'm glad you took everything that would remind me of you..
Cause I don't want to remember anything we went through.
I look up to see nothing
but a blue canvas, dangling,
threatening to collapse over me.
Existence stalks me
as a gust of nothingness
reminds me of my
O Sis, could I love thee like no other.
For before my young eyes only squinted,
A face inoffensive to our mother.
I was, but a statue: black and minted.
Did not my ears think or care to listen
took a journey starting yesterday
It started on the phone
A car
A hospital
A bed
And ended with “goodbye”
The salty liquid rolls down like a water fall,
staining rosy cheeks before falling upon the black sheets.
A fragile silence unbroken remains
as no sound is permitted to escape
the locked up lips which hide away
with time comes responsibilty.
only those who can partake in such things such as a job are said to live happy
but does money makes us "human"
does being wealthy make us proud and lovable?
Whatever it may be
The person who misses it is not me,
But the one who gave it away.
-G
It’s gone now, isn’t it?
What they said would last forever?
All our friendship, all our ‘family’,
i'm running out,
of things to say.
there's nothing left,
but empty space.
got ink for blood,
and wire veins,
and one more bullet
for my brain.
I heard something today...
I heard that a dead flower is not dead until it's pedals are nothing but ash.
Do I know what this means? Maybe.
worried sick
it’s 3 a.m. and you can’t sleep
it feels like you’ve tried it all
from reading books to counting sheep
your mind races
your head aches
overthinking
it leaves no space
i cut a line in my skin
for each grave that i'd caused
line after line,
my mind went for a walk
i saw a grave in my head.
and i counted them off.
two by two, the lines grew
i imagine myself at the edge of a cliff
i have the entire world at the bottom of my feet
i found how to control the chaos
under the infinite sky
under the shining moon
i have found peace
But,
I see her
The drunk girl
Happily stumbling into each friend
Smile wide
Eyes just a bit too glossy
She’s happy.
As a tribute to my dad now one year clean.
To the bottom I go
When I’ll be back, I don’t know
I get lost on the way
To a place I’ll stay
If a picture is worth a thousand words
A poem is worth a thousand pictures
A thousand realities lie in carefully crafted lines
To some, the word alone brings feelings of peace
A walk through the woods
On a cold Winter's Night,
Brought up such terrors
And gave quite a fright.
I stepped through a clearing
Bathed in Moonlight.
A large lump Beyond
Didn't look quite right.
Wear my heart on my sleeves
I tend to get my arms cut off.
Take my kindness for weakness
They see me as soft.
I'm drowning in a world
Where you are the air.
I'm starving in a land
Where you are the sustenance.
I'm dying of thirst
Where you are an oasis.
I'm left behind
From where you had to go.
I should have known the minute they started treating me different
Well, now I'm all grown and I'm getting thrown out of my ass
Forced to be all on my own, stuck with nowhere to call home
Nothing new seems to pass by me.
Only few occurrences surround me.
Nothing to make me feel desperate,
Nothing to make me feel longing.
I close my eyes to feel alive,
no i don't do much damage.
no, it doesn't hurt;
line after line,
and a grave in the dirt.
no i don't hate my life,
well maybe sometimes.
depression's a curse.
no that's not a lie.
The lily's have wilted.
the daffodils died.
i never wanted;
or asked for this life.
the leaves have all fallen.
and winter has come.
i hope you won't miss me;
because what's done is done.
My soul's in a coma;
and no body knows.
i act like i'm fine.
but i'm broke to the bone.
this meat sac is hollow.
can you see past my eyes?
my body'll follow.
from this life, i resign.
men cry of victory;
though comrades have died.
Heaven watches in horror;
while children die by the knife.
thousands are dying;
and husband kills wife.
i fell to my knees;
Quiet and unsure,
Shaking and scared
With a stutter so obscure
The words wouldn't come out
They asked again,
Oh my,
This hurting in my sternum
Is very concerning
I turned to smoking and drinking
and pill popping as solutions.
But broken hearts feel
What normal hearts wish they could,
Hello my demons
will you let me sleep?
i'm covered in daggers
don't know how to breathe.
i'm weary i'm tired.
and too dead to bleed.
so lonely, so broken.
and i'm ready to leave.
it never stops
the noise within
no breaks
no holidays
no timeouts
Consistency
Intensity
waves of volume weigh me down
particular voices come to mind
always pessimestic
In every night, there is a morning.
In every morning, there is a night.
But in the darkness of every night, there will never be a light.
“I’m alone and I don’t even care anymore.”
Is what I have convinced myself.
When can I stop pretending?
“They lied to me!”
She screams to herself.
They promised!
That they would be there for her.
You left me so quickly.
Am I useless? Do you not need me?
The hole in my heart is growing,
I'm turning hollow.
Come back! I need you!
Please!
A mask is what we wear.
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes.
On the mask is a smile.
Forced. Real. Unsure. Scared. Alone. Broken.
Why am I chained down by my suffering and misery?
Please, can someone set me free?
Can you send me to my eternal resting place?
To be free from my suffering.
"Please stay with me, daddy!"
"Please don’t leave me!"
You were walking so fast.
Too fast for my little feet to keep up.
I wanted him to stay.
But Time would not allow it
For he does not trust me. Not anymore.
As I am a creature of hell.
I know no death nor life. Only pain.
Death has come home;
to sleep in my soul.
she whispers, she calls.
why shouldn't i go?
Death has come home,
to see me again.
she knocks on the front door.
and i let her in.
I'm always smiling.
I am beautiful.
My heart is not broken.
I'm fine.
These are not tears.
I do not miss you,
nor do I need you.
I am lifeless.
A heart without a beat.
A body without a soul.
A face without a smile.
Ripped of my innocence and left with the empty shell of who I used to be.
“It’s okay.”
I can still feel it.
The way your lips touched mine.
Without meaning.
Without feelings.
I missed them.
so here begs the question. can one
really become ontent in loneliness?
we are social creatures after all. but
yet we find ourselves alone in the
crowded coffee houses that we
It's scary what hides amongst color.
what colors tend to hide.
a smile hides a falter,
a wristband over red stripes.
it's scary what hides amongst color.
what emotions hide in your eyes.
i thought i had a heart
and i thought you had one too.
i thought i had a future
like all the others do.
i thought i had a friendship
a listener when i fell.
but when i stumbled and slipped.
My life. My life?
I sit in class staring at the wall.
The teacher spewing "knowledge"
I am lost. Lost in my thoughts until I realize I have not been thinking.
Now i'm laying in a casket
well, do you want to know why?
these stripes across my forearm
i swear they were a cry
i really wanted to tell you
i really wasn't "fine"
but well, you believed me
Every day people pass me by
Like I'm not even there
I want to be noticed
I want to be seen
I want to go about my routine
Without having to worry about everyone else
Or being anxious
Don't wake me
I still want to be with my shady tree
I still want to drown in my fantasy
Feeling weightless, feeling free
It's a place I could be me
Don't wake me
We just out here
Trying our hardest to stick out
By wearing weird clothes
All we Do is clown around and Love
We dont really stick out
Used up Vans and roughed up shirts
Wind, to me sing
Your lullaby,
Your comforting tone of peace.
I am not,
Could not be, alone
Amongst the presence of the breeze.
Tell me secrets,
Fear not, song,
I died nine times to spare the others, I could spare nine lives to save my own. Perspective is a selfish heathen, human decency can't stand alone. We do not care about another. We only care about ourselves. We do good deeds to make us happy.
counting knots in the wood slats-
the ones i can feel my nonexistent breath bounce off against
the ones holding up the musty mattress that does not get granted a body for most of the year
silent cabin
I am standing alone in a crowded room
No one here to listen to my cries
The cries of people that have come before me
A man walks across the room
Hands. Toutching my arms, gripping the skin so rough that my fingers tingle.
Chest. On top of mine, crushing what I had of "boobs'
Eyes. Dark and full of evil, they store deeply into mine warning me of what they was capable of.
who am I?
nothing feels right.
I cannot see with sight
or, at least not quite,
my skin feels too tight
around this soul.
around this hole;
that's consuming me,
their presuming me;
I am a deviant, an enemy of normality
An ally of abnormality
At war, everyday fighting against social norms
My ernest desire is to be on the other side
Fighting for normality but I have never qualified
I miss him
His warmth against my cheak
I miss his laugh
The way it used to be
I wish that I could turn back time
And stop myself
From doubting us
From stopping him
From ruining us
I'm mourning you,
except you're not dead
I am
I must be
How else would I have lost a family?
Whole families don't die together,
and yet, I lost you and yours
So, I must be dead.
I am a boat
Guided by the great light
My beloved captain I tote
Sailing into stormy night
My sails fill with wind
My hull lurches fowards
I felt the bend
Before the break in my boards
Why is love so cold?
We sit back and wait til we grow old.
In search to find the person of our dreams,
We are left to be the one in need.
Crying all night with no one to talk to,
Why can't you just be happy?
My brain is hardwired for sadness
You look tired. Are you sleeping?
Sometimes. It's hard to fall asleep
Why is it so hard to fall asleep?
I wish they knew how it feels to be me.
I wish I could cry for help, fall to the ground and…
I wish they knew that award ceremonies are lose-lose situations
Dear Anonymous,
Is your mind an escape route?
Or the devil's labyrinth?
There could be a wide open field stretching for miles,
Or an enclosed room with no way out - shrinking every second.
My soul holds words my mouth will never speak.
My mouth shares words my mind doesn't think.
My mind contains thoughts my heart will never seek.
My heart overflows with love that I am afraid to leak.
Dear Kids With Problems,
I Awake
Soaked in Morning Dew,
Welcomed Only By the Dirt I Return Home from My Pants.
My Nose Bleeds in Class.
I Know I Smell Bad.
Dear "Lover,"
late nights, crying fits.
you should know why i'm like this.
i suppose i'm better off on my own.
i'm used to being alone.
Dear Antagonist,
In a regular story, the villain
is plainly,
obviously,
evil.
There was no doubt.
However, while reading my own story, you had me for a fool.
Why even bother,
why even try
to think about someone
who only lies.
Their arms are not
worthy
but I push it
aside
because I don't
know what I will do
You said " everything isnt meant for you to understand"
But I understand that you will never be MY man
I dont think you know what you did to me
You made me believe that i was going to be your everything
Shaky breathing,
heartbeat pounding,
tears forming.
Speeches are the contests for which they demonstrate their strengths,
heard ‘round the world.
Dear mother,
You wait for me in the places I can't see.
There, you patiently scowl from the actions I do.
They insult the meaning of you in my life,
I can’t eat dinner alone.
What I mean by alone is simply that I cannot eat dinner idly
If I eat dinner by itself and without anything for my hands to touch, hold, see or do, I sort of lose myself.
I am naught but a windblown thought
And nobody can see the wind
Only the mark it leaves on the world
What do you see yourself in five years?
That’s the question I fear,
I begin to think and think
About so many things
About college, about life
Dear Mother,
Why do you allow yourself such dolor?
Say its for our sake but there must be more,
Since every day I see your face drain in color.
The day I left was the hardest day of my life
Looking into your eyes killed me
Blank, expressionless, emotionless
It was your decision to play the wife.
I've been so angry at you for what you did
Who? Am? I? . . . :’(
(written by an ENFP)
Who am I? I say fuzzily . . .
A tear drips out of my eye, a single droplet.
I am the world’s savior I say . . .
On top of a mountain surrounded by snow.Eyes looking everywhere where did you go?My fingers slipped right from your graspedand led me to my life's last. Where did you go?
what's left to say in those whispering tones?
got gasoline in my brain
and ink on my bones.
what's left to recall me; but the walls of my cell?
they say it will heal.
but i think that was hell.
to the girl i pushed away,
you and i could’ve been cosmic sky beams
we could’ve been one another’s worlds and more
Dear Sandy,
I come from a remote island
standed in the sea
nonsensically
wanting to tell this to thee,
tell you that:
Words
Oh, how it’s been too long
since I last heard your cherry blossom’s song.
I miss the way you look,
snow here, sun there, and my heart you took.
Oh, how it’s been too long
since I last heard your cherry blossom’s song.
I miss the way you look,
snow here, sun there, and my heart you took.
Little girl, now don't be sad, I understand your pain,How you feel there's no way out,That you have gone insane. That you're a recluse through and through, No friends here you call home, The conflicting anguish inside you,To fight it all alone. T
I need comfort, not by finding the right people But feel the comfort when I was alone with time and space. I mean it. But I can't just say I need help from people because it feels stupid and unnecessary thing. I take this time alone.
Alone
climbing alone
sweating on hands
and burning in heart
under those morning gray skies
whose presence softly but rightly underscored
the rhythm and poetry filling my ears
Dear Stranger,
When did you pick up this letter?
Are my transcribed words faded from sea winds or even the sticky sands that acts like glitter?
Your ray of sunshine hath died. <br>Perhaps the things I thought true Were nothing but deafening lies, A façade. You were like a sister to me Always a shoulder to cry on. The room no longer glows a golden hue as you enter a room, But a mee
Kicked in the stomach
But standing straight
Smile on
But inside tears escape
Bruno mars and backseat singing
windows rolled down
highway swerving
I never knew what it was like to feel so broken
you couldnt get out of bed because you didnt want to face the world
But after years
Of having the weight of the world on my soul
Leaves crumple under my feet as my eyes are fogged by my layered tears.
I’m walking under the brightest street lights, but still feeling completely in the
You are not alone
I am not alone
In the end, what we all want
is to look across that vast ocean and see a mind that is like our own
to know that there's a reason to keep swimming
I can feel their love, feel
how much they care. Yet,
is it enough to keep me from the thoughts
that lurk in the back of my mind, swiming in the
pool of insecurites, splashing its poisonous water
Dear Rye,
There are a lot of things swirling inside you
Emotions and memories and darkness that
You don’t know quite how to process
It feels good to be sad
I snap when I'm awaken
There's a beauty in being alone
That in groups is overtaken
My words become their words
I get nervous and don't think
I wish ,
I could be ,
With no one but me,
Enjoying my company,
Besides the rough sea.
I rest by the shore,
Below the palm shade,
Mesmerized by the blue marvel,
A beauty that ever would fade.
Everyone wants love
Till they feel the pain
Then when without
They crave it all the same
Nothing can hold back
The feeling of shame
On this night I'm in fright,
Yet the darkness is at bay,
For the shadows are lifted by moonlight.
Normally hidden by the day,
But now on the move,
I shall follow,
Why can't I just be a bird,
that reaches up to the sky looking down at all the views and always free to fly?
Why can't I just be the sun,
my thoughts float around me in clouds of periwinkle and gold.
ribboned stardust,
mesmerizing me
amidst the inky darkness of navy blue
that blankets my mind
i often gaze up at them
You cannot cry for them,
They don’t care.
They don’t,
And it’s that simple.
She excludes you on purpose,
Pushes you away.
You thought she was your friend,
But I guess you thought wrong.
Do you belive in love?
I believe my moods shift too much.
Darling, do you believe in dreams?
I believe that I talk too much.
Do you believe in love?
I don’t want to trust it anymore.
I am the invisible woman.
My name is ‘I Don’t Know’.
I am nothing and nobody
from nowhere
going no place in particular.
My body is made from mediocrity and wasted potential.
Its frustrates me.
It pisses me off.
The way she can say
She wants boyfriend
When I was a great one
But no she dumped me
Cuz she was gonna cheat on me.
Like what the fuck
Dear bully Is there something wrong with me?I beg you please stop bullying me Telling me that i am fat Does it make you non-fat?
The soul that sees beautyMay sometimes walk aloneLoneliness adds felling of unwanted And expresses the pain of being alone
No One
Knows Me
What I
Go Through
What I Deal
With
How I Deal
With Things
Who Deals With
Me
What I Hate
Is That No One Cares
Enough
To Find
To whom it may concern,
Actually, you’re the one that should be concerned.
I would say your name but even when I call on your name
You still don’t listen.
In the wind of despair,
my soul flies free.
Forever lost in the pit,
a maze becomes my heart.
I feel alone in this loud room
chaos is all around me
and it will drag me to my doom
I just want to be free
they are so so happy, smiling
while I lay there dying
I've given up on it all
What is your fear?
We all have fears.
Some of us many,
Some of us few.
I'll tell you mine.
You don't have to tell me yours.
I'll just let loose my heart,
And pray you won't crush it
see that look in her eye
torn up broken wings
how can she even fly
the hate her life brings
as days and days go by
Fight the urge.
Stop the urge.
Let pleasure fade,
as regret is made.
Don't let them in,
don't let them know.
This is something you cannot show.
Your fingers ache,
I wear a mask. It’s my smile in the hallway. because while you think I’m flying high, really I'm fading away.
You think you know what lies behind,
The the walls I’ve built up in my mind.
There’s a deep darkness inside,
It's a great night for homecoming
The weather's just right for pretty dresses
A crescent moon hangs in the scene
And some stars twinkle in the heavens
my day-dream dresses like you.
i just thought you ought to know;
nothing i am is true.
this stupid mask is all for show;
sometimes i can barely see through.
right now i can't even make the words flow,
Everyone has the feeling of loneliness, at least once in their life,
Which isn't a bad thing, because in life if you're caught up with all,
Can you find yourself?
The forsaken path to sunlight,
I’m so confused
I don’t know which path is right.
Should I stay mad or feel glad
I don’t understand my emotions.
There scrambled, and broken.
I don’t want to be here1, 2, 3...No, this is not a note of thoughts on ending the life of mine14, 15, 16...No, this is not a cry for help.26, 27, 28...This is simply what it says, I don’t want to be here...This room is full of ambitious students.
I fight a mental battle each and every day.
No, it's not what you think. It is more imposterous as such.
I believe I am the weakest link in the knight's chain mail armor.
I want to walk upon the waters, but it seems so inviting.
I may just tumble down to the depths and feel my last breath.
I want to lay on the ocean floor.
I want to watch as my last breath rises to the surface without me.
I was wandering alone
Weak, wobbly, withering
I was surrounded by blankness
Bleak, black barren
-
You found me
Fateful, faithful
You pulled me up
Peaceful, patient
-
I could be just like you
Never happy
Burying myself in the color blue
Everywhere I look it's blue
Except the sky
Which is filled with a thick gray
Or I could be me
Nothing is free In the grand scheme of things.
But I want your lies tonight.
Broken men have broken courage it's broken
and miss construed.
And I myself am broken.
So let me have your lies
like glue
Isn’t it Ironic?
It’s sometimes overwhelming having so much to say,
Thoughts filling your head all moments of the day,
I dont wanna cry.
I dont wanna lie about what happened in my past anymore.
I dont wanna wake up in the morning and see the same
face that hurts me everyday.
I dont wanna see the sun anymore.
No one, just no oneNot he, not sheNot them, just no oneListen to youOr they justDon't want to
So stop screamingOh! You don'tJust don'tThat won'tWill help you
Passionate lot
Gut twisting days
The frustration that rises
When you have nothing to say
Let it out or hold it in
Never say a word,
Either way... nobody wins
Amorous, no, i might say not
I'm always alone no matter what I do
All my friends that I have
Will eventually leave me soon
All the promises we made, you broke them
All the things we said we were going to do
We didn't
Broken shards of hearts
are dregs at the bottom of the teacup that is life.
But I suppose you always made it ok.
When I was a kid you would sleep in my room,
To keep the monsters away.
Those days were perfect.
Dad, can you help me fix this shit?
I keep trying to build mountains out of nothing,
And you always could fix anything.
I know, you'd pick a shovel up, and help me
Dig my own grave, if only I'd ask.
I feel the wind blowing
Against my fare skin
The cold giving me
Chills up my spine
As I walk the single brick pavement
Gravel grinding against my aching feet
Up before dawn racing the sun to hope.
Off the guiding path, where the shepherd will approach.
Down in the dirt but no time for pain. Reach for desire or struggle
On the lonesome journey, all are made humble;
Sleepless for the reason of no more dreams.
For the reason of not having anything to think about.
For the reason of only having nightmares and why things won't happen anymore.
Happiness is sold to the past.
After I tasted you for the first time
everything tasted
The way the first bird of spring sounds
SCREAMING
demanding to be heard
I suppose the only truth i have found,
Is that nobody is in control of anything.
But a lot of people are good at pretending.
We choke the life out of our children.
We say things like, "you need an education"
Does anyone listen
To the bird perched upon the tree.
The one who tries to listen
The one who always sees.
Does anyone listen
I woke up this morning
with the sound of rain
hitting on my window
and I thought...
I recognize that sound
thump thump thump thump
Getting faster and faster
as I get near you
I wonder how The fates decide About who lives And about who dies I question the brick I’m walking on Should it be dirt? Or should it be stone? I look at the world With unkindly eyes
Inconsequantial misdoings-
Unless you know the story.
Understanding doesn't bring clarity--
It brings pain.
A kiss snuck in the dark,
Innocent as anything,
Until the heartbreak sets in;
I cupped you in my hands and i said you couldn't leave.
How silly of me.
You burrowed your way through my ring finger
and fought your way free.
I saw a picture of me and you today.
I pitched a tent at Kayoke
Among desert sands around
Grown tired of reg’lar folk
To wilderness I am bound
I sang a song so merry
I stock shelves at a grocery market for money.
It's what I do.
Not who I am.
But I saw some flowers sketched onto a can.
It was a vine of flowers.
Coiled around the "S" on the words "Green beans"
Sniffing, snorting, sneezing,
Sick people wheezing,
The children whisper,
They don’t know the rules,
Don’t listen,
Blurt out answers,
We were supposed to bike through Central Park and ride through the trees.We were supposed to take a trip to the shore and sleep on the beach.We were supposed to plant your garden and protect it from the bees.We were supposed to cuddle all night in
Their voices are shrieking in my ears.
Do they know how bad they are at conversation?
Its like talking to seals
All barking about this or that, suffering my condemnation.
All people suck. they force me to be human.
part of a new town
moving place to place
nowhere that i call home
not a single familar face
many people say " i'm home grown"
" haven't moved around at all"
well i've lived in every city
I wanted your help but you turned away
made it seem like attention's what I really craved
I wanted to smile, to laugh, and to play
but all you really added was a little more pain.
The Moon came out to playWithout the sight of dayHer skin as white as snowHer sadness will only grow
A tick tock noise from the clock in my room
Knocks my head on and on
Till it wakes me up in the middle of the night,
So I found myself looking right at the ceiling
My body starts sweating
Behind the dark sky of clouds
A sun rests, with all its' stars
And as I walk, forever proud
Of my many universes that are
Behind the clouds, behind the sun
Behind anything that has not yet begun
04/11/2017
Empty ---
A long road ahead of me,
And thousands’ of miles behind me.
I continue my way,
Until I can see.
My vision is troubled,
My legs are tired,
Mistakes should have been my middle name.
Yet Lord, You loved me just the same.
Nothing I did deserved Your grace,
But still my sin Lord, You erased.
My nightmare's now once upon a dream,
nothing can bring me peace
here in the dark
I am dying
but the light lives
that much is evident
seen through shuttered windows
The things we realize we won’t ever obtainOh, it kind of hurts at timesSo far away from each other and I have much to sayyour voice is like flowers and it makes
it's 11:58 and i can't sleep, glitter is coming out of my eyes and it's cutting them open
my ears are dripping beeswax in some dumb attempt to block it out
im alone, so alone
The pain of the cuts in the bleed and the bleeding in my cuts, the sorrow's rush. Explain to what is happening, this unknown feeling of the pulse of a dying heart. Because I gave you my all. What makes it worse is that you left me to fall.
There's something so poetic about watching everything crumble around you
How can destruction be so artistic, so beautiful?
Seeing everything you attempted to build just fall
It's gone in the matter of minutes
It is knowing you did everything
with what you had while still questioning
what more you could've done,
why you didn't try more,
how you could've done better,
when exactly you said or did the wrong thing.
I am alone in the dark
Thinking of you my love
I don’t know why we are like this
Or it is me that is a mistake.
I have been thinking our relationship
I am even looking for the future
Crispy weather awakens a slumber within my veins.
The woods dread of the painted ink draped across their shoulders.
My air is stolen from the seeds in the ground so they can grow higher than before.
How he longs to be alone and content
A cool breeze, a warm sun, and a sketchbook.
He craves the water’s salty, calming scent.
“Please carry me off in your winding brook.
Moirai spun me, with you,
Sewn ourselves together to fate,
We lusted for our destiny.
Melted hours
folded together with ceaseless love.
I was alone
Not physically, I had friends
I was mentally isolated
No one understood my strife.
I finally had the courage to talk
To write my emotions through a character
Alone
My journey to Middletown
Although I never thought that’s where I’d go
We may be alone
But that doesn’t mean we’re not connected
I am going to be swallowed whole,
And there is no fixing it, I know,
I am going to be chewed, eaten alive,
And the scariest part, is that I will survive,
Cherry blossoms come to lifeAnd people, hundreds of them sit togetherTalkingLaughingEnjoying themselves
I cannot leave.
There are chains,
I think.
My hands are bound behind my back.
Realization flips on completely,
But it does nothing to hinder the chains.
Resolve flickers off.
All alone with my sorrowful thoughts
Constantly running through my head
Making each moment unbearable
The silence only makes them worse
Trying to think of other thoughts
But they are no match for the sorrow
you reap what you sow
and i've sowed my sins
so i plow
through the ground
that happens to be skin
red furrows ready for planting
all neat and lined up straight
Pathetic
never mind
wish i kept it
all inside
i don't matter
you'll soon find
the world got blacker
here, have a blacklight
but i can't see: how that will help
Cast away the fire
throw away the flame
are you growing tired?
feel nothing but the pain
place it on the pyre
your demons are to blame
mirrors are reminders
of the beast you cannot tame
I wish things were differently
I wish I can hit your line
I wish time was right
But time isnt mine
I wonder every night
I wonder what might you think
I wonder about life
No one gets you.
No one wants to.
Why bother fighting,
When no one else is trying?
Everyone doubts you.
No one believes.
No one has faith,
That someday you'll succeed.
Slow and steady
Constantly worried
Asking what am I going to do?
You're gone for a whole another year
How can I move forward without you?
Stuck in a standstill
Not sure where to go
Or even what to do
A year in the life of Sarah Smith
Sometimes I felt like a myth
Had a rough time starting out
Hitting the floor and blacking out
Living in a room of isolation
Contemplating my creation
We shared moments of happiness together
We planned our future
We thought that we would be forever
We loved like each day was our last on this earth
We thought nothing would ever get in our way
What does tomorrow hold?This is the question often asked, but still yet has not been answered. What does tomorrow hold? Let's stop and take a gander. What does tomorrow hold but broken dreams and forgotten promises. What does tomorrow hold? … I'll
I am smart
but my brain is not my own
I am so alone
I am just a clone
playing follow the corrupt leader
I am smart
They say I am all bone
I tell them my guts length in meters
The girl who had no feelings shed a tear
Her head still high
Her pride so empowering
Everyone knew it was no good for her
But it saved her alas
Her fists clenched to mask the pain she experienced internally
I reached out to the sun, but he burned me
No matter how I approached, I was scorched.
The sun seemed to burn brighter each day for months
I wanted to be close, to feel the warmth
Showering in my own tears.
Thinking about all my fears.
My eyes, will they clear?
I can't control them
They keep coming out.
Alone but surrounded.
My pain going down the drain.
I signed my soul away with a 21st century John Hancock,
To get rid of stubborn, ages old writer’s block.
And now these trembling hands they do mock,
At my crooked fingers and smudged fingerprints they gawk.
Who am I?
No one sees me
They glance shallowly, right through my existence.
Who am I? Who am I?
I exist utterly in solitude
My own mind a mystery; I can't comprehend
Unseen
Unheard
I’m constantly holding back tears, I hate the lump in my throat,
I wake up, do my makeup, fix my hair, and throw on my coat,
I walk out the door and into the world,
Here I am everyone, just a lost, vulnerable girl,
People will always be people. no matter how many layers of rose glass we put
between us and them, they will always be people.
i just wanted to be good enough
enough to be liked by the crowd
the whole world doesnt care
whatever i always dare
but ive always known
that hes very different
always here by my side
It happens a lot, this feeling that always seems as if to oscillate around my discernment:
Of darkness, and gorging pits of doom,
I've tried and tried to escape it vicariously through you,
Would it be selfish to say I just want to get away?
To sail far from those that I love the most because they cause the most pain?
Or will I bare remorse once the harbor-side becomes far from sight?
Going through the motions of endless time
There was nothing else to do but cry
She had left so suddenly
8 years of cancer eating away at her bones
She left one springy May day
I started it again yesterday,
slicing open my skin with a broken razor blade.
I hid the broken peice of sharpened metal in my makeup compact,
and I cried all day.
For once, I have never felt so desperate
judging myself for what I am destined to be.
Most don't find themselves until
it is no longer expected from them.
I am afraid to wait too long.
Angels sweet melodies
Soothing the sensation.
The times go by through and through
Strengthening my disguise.
Lost and alone drifting through life
Nowhere truly found.
What do you do when you have so much to say,
But you can't talk?
When you see someone and you know you can change their life,
But you can't jump over the wall you built?
Damn I don't wanna be alone forever.
So close yet so far, to freedom and death.
Freedom from hurt, pain, abuse, chains, bruises, tears, fights, cuts, offensive words, breakdowns, loneliness and depression.
Expression: showing emotions through colour --
Music -- words -- creation.
You give other people insight
Into your feelings, because
Humans Are Social Creatures.
When you're healthy and young,
People say they'll be there for you.
But when I cry all night,
What can you really do?
People say they won't leave.
But with what I know,
How can I believe?
Did i suceed?
or did i go blind?
because of the greed
i got tears in my eyes
but no longer I see
and tears eventually dry
so suck it up you fiend
its not as if you died
blades blunt
and people break
men will hunt
we make mistakes
preyed on runts
its them we forsake
we're just the grunts
and we work for snakes
who we should confront
Who knows me better than the Earth?
The rain pours down to where I perch
This feeling, being all alone
Think to myself, "What am I worth?"
I get in bed, not wanting to go to sleep.
I wake up, not wanting to be alive.
When will my pain disappear?
Outside, the flowers are blooming.
Inside, the spirits are dying.
Pressure gets at everyone
So much to get going
Wheels turn fast in the mind
More and more getting crammed in
Spinning faster and faster
Until you break
And you fall
Speaking out is scary
I’ve always feared being alone
Not the loneliness
Of being left home overnight
With the dog curled in your lap
Jumping at every small creak
Have you ever been so lonelyLost in the woodsBut terrified to turn backBecause you know where you came fromThe darkness is unbearableYet you hold yourself to the floorSayingDon’t give up…
The reflection
wants me to die.
The reflection
wants me to starve.
The Reflection
wants to be loved.
The Reflection
wants to change.
The reflection
wants to be changed.
HAPPY PLACE
When I couldn’t find it in the bluerubber swings that had hung themselveswith a rusted noose from decade-old woodat the city park, I drove on.
You left me In the snowThat I can't feel the warmth of your hug
You left me Under the rain That I can't feel my tears even it's already flowing down my cheeks
The monsters of our mind Chasing usNever letting go
The demons of our soulCapturing usTaking us hostage
The ghosts of our heartAre just bits that remainAnd shadows of what was
This is goodbye.
Goodbye to the changing trees,
Who always have an opinion on life.
Goodbye to the pack of wolves,
Who always try to rip me apart.
Strange days Its a new morning, Yet another strange dayThe estranged woman in me struggles to find lips in the morning A strange morning.A lost feeling as I try to push away the thoughts of you.You shouldn't be my first thought when the lights fin
There they go making plansTo meet up and celebrate as friends.They talk to one another like I'm not there.I'm just an invisible nothing with no one who cares.
The air around was abundant
but i still felt as if i was suffocating,
streets flooded with nothing but it
i screamed "someone save me."
Like when you are parched for water
I give my mom a hug and feel nothing. No happiness, no love, no comfort. I want to repel away. She looks at my face with worry as she sees the absence of care on my face. She sees my dark eyes and straight smile.
Let me tell you where I'm at
Here at night supposedly alone,
Listening to songs that make me feel whole.
However there is Disappointment,
Self hate and his sister Anxiety,
All of them sleeping over.
I should be sleeping
But I miss my bed
And someone holding my hand
Wiping away the tears as I try to fall asleep
But instead I'm alone
Lying awake in a home that's not mine
I am not alone,
I can feel their hands clutching at my heart,
Listening to it like the ticking of a time bomb,
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ,
"I am here for you. All you have to do is call me." Words from a frivolous liar. I called, but you've never picked up. I text, but you've never shown interest in my struggles. So, why did you say that? People can't be counted on. Unpredictable.
Have you ever wondered
If anybody's heart would tear
Draw your last breath but would they even care
Or would they shed a few tears for show
Not a word they saidUnspoken words hung aboutPain inside but smiling withoutShe said goodnightAnd away she wentHe asked her to stayTo explain why she leftBut inside she was simply falling apartFeeling nothing is not what they sayNothing is so much
I've been left wordless,
As my mind is tangled witth the problem.
The letters float around,
But no words come out.
So my ipod I plug in,
And my heart will live on,
When I walk, I see my friends
When I stop, I see nothing
Feeling alone as I lay
Feeling only sadness for those I've lost
As I think, I think of a song I've always loved
When I look at my friends,
Do you know what I see?
People that have meant the world to me.
That was what I thought,
And even still slightly feel,
But how much of it is real?
What am I doing wrong, where does it end?
You say you love me, yet you refuse to be my friend
Why does it always feel that I have to make amends
Apologizing for things I never said or did.
I remember last winter,
You said it'd be alright.
I looked in your eyes for warmer weather,
But then the fire turned to ice.
What we once had, it was burning,
But now, the flame has gone away.
Though the summer heat is at its peak
I am still alone
And the trees sway to the wind so weak,
But I am still alone.
The birds are ready for a cold air rush
I am still alone
You don't know how much it hurt
When you came home collapsing.
Words slurred together into a sentence,
At least that's what I think it was.
You stumbled like a baby taking its first steps,
The gusts of wind through the trees sound like laughs and gasps of ecstasy
the sharp grasss grabs at my back
to keep me grounded next to roots of trees
Then I hear the bugs buzz behind my ears
Ever since i was young
i grew up all alone
i carried a hammer
to try and repair my home
but nothing seemed to work
until i was relieved and shown
the power of poetry
on a bet tv show
I'm sitting here.
Again I'm alone.
I'm trying to escape
Escape from the hurtful words and the voices in my head.
My headphones are on and my music is up.
Here I sit.
I'm by myself.
I’m having a panic attack, help.
My chest heaves, and I can’t quite breathe.
Help, please, I plead.
Silently I wait for my negative thoughts to disappear.
I don't know what to do anymore
I don't know who to talk to anymore
I don't know how to love anymore
I don't know how to live anymore....because you're gone.
I'm not antisocial,
Nor do I hate people when I go away.
I actually thrive around them,
But there is a limit for me everyday.
I don't like large groups,
Unless it's a festival or concert.
He held me close into his warm body and let out a soft warm breath into my ear as he expressed how much he needed me and missed me.
His dark arms hugged my back tight as he picked me up and set me down softly on the old tile.
Oh, Sweetheart.
Oh, love.
My poor, poor boy.
You're the first person that has fit with me and made me feel part of something.
Made me burn and love the destruction.
I'm there green air as i twirl my curly hair
one speaks to me i want to flee
to the warmth of my home i want to retreat
Hello
words used in ordinary conversations
lip biting, awkards movements
Can anyone love me?
Would anybody be willing to withstand
My horrible insecurity,
The side of me I hide?
Would you be willing to tell me
It will be alright,
When you know I don't believe you?
Please go away
You've had your chance
I don't want you to stay
I'm in a hazy trance
I know how I am
To be honest
I can be kind
I can be sweet
I can be the greatest friend
It's painful
That helps
Not really
To describe it
Seems a little
Silly
For me
Pain is
Your heart
I want
To throw it
Away sometimes
Because too often
I don't think anyone understands how lonely and depressed I am.
I don't try to hurt myself in any way.
But I'm just so unhappy with life.
And it hurts to get up every day, acting like everything is ok.
The structure is creaking from the wind drifting by
No one is home
No one’s alive
An overgrown garden entangled with vines
Reaching for something it will never find
Still feeling alone.Everyday. Every night.I got myself, but I'm wanting more.Wanting something different.Another person in my life.
I got tired after a while
I got tired of tapping people on the shoulder
and they cover up their ears
I got tired of letting their
thoughts
It didn't take too much
To bring me down to my knees.
To leave me laying on the floor
Covered in bruises and blood.
To leave me laying alone in the dark.
So here I stay on the floor,
I used to think it was normal
To cry for three hours about nothing.
That it was normal
To think about dying at least once a day.
A little girl
She wanders in the night
Searching for home
Five years old with no place to go
She doesn't understand why
No one can see her
No one can hear her
No one hears her cries for help
Darkness envelopes within the soul.
Consuming first from the edges like a t-shirt stained with blood
We look into ourselves for hope
Oh, the lovely corner,
a home and friend of mine.
Oh, the lovely corner,
your comfort is divine.
Oh, the lovely corner,
Every time I look to my watch, on my wrist,
I see the scars that remind me of my past,
The cuts that haunt my dreams,
The memories that will forever be there,
Reminding me that all I was in life is an failure,
Here I am again
With no friends to gain
With no one by my side
It feels so cold inside
Alone, that's all I feel
Can somebody please fill
This emptiness 'til
Loneliness is no more what I feel?
Fear, something everything is born with
It can’t be washed away or forgotten
Whether it be a child’s fear of monsters in the dark
Ever felt left out all your life?
Unwanted? Unheard...Unseen...Out of sight?
No matter how many times you reach out, you're still left out?
Do you let everyone just walk away?
Deep down inside you want them to stay?
i guess this is what happens
when people get too close
they see i am too much
i am nothing but suffering
i consume
the love i try to give gets engulfed back into me
with the brutal force of rejection
I've shed so many tears,
I have no more,
And all that is left is a shell.
A shell of a girl that I used to know,
The girl that I still show.
But no one knows what happens,
I remember you well;Your hazel eyes and all.They burned with a rich fire,I'm dying to recall.
You used to hold me tight,In your arms safe and sure.You'd caress my wild hair,Then a kiss would occur.
The Mean Streets of Oz
When the world is spinning out of control like a Kansas tornado,
You cannot simply go back to bed and pull the covers
over your head.
I am cold, stubborn, and reckless.
I am sad, skinny, and wild.
I am timid, honest, and loud.
I am forgetful, ignorant, and tired.
I have failed at being a daughter.
the monster in my dreams
who is it who tortures me?
with no answer to my plea
a silent scream I will release
because of what I see,
in these grusome scenes
I am wishing they would cease
After having my heart completely cut in half
My life was woe
I didn't know
What my purpose in life
Was anymore
I couldn't see what there
Was to look forward to
I was a robot just walking
How do I fill this void
I have tried distractions and diversions
But I am still a very sad person.
I try not to lose my writing passion
Is it petty of me to not immediately name my family?
Am I a bad person for not pointing out a friend?
Is it a sign of not being humble enough that I do not whisper the name of God?
Maybe I'm hateful? Maybe I'm frightful?
If an island ever daredTo be stranded with meI'd take my laptopAnd a coffee shopWith the wi-fi free
To be honest, everyone loves me
Just no one seems to say thanks!
At all.
I find it odd that my similar
Counterpart, the bed
Gets the entire households praise
For I do what he does and more!
To be honest, everyone loves me
Just no one seems to say thanks!
At all.
I find it odd that my similar
Counterpart, the bed
Gets the entire households praise
For I do what he does and more!
If there's one thing I need, it'll be my inner creativity.
No deserted island can beat what's within me.
I have the ability to turn the sound of waves to rhythmic beats,
All I need is my dad
I would be so glad to have my dad
He'd always know what to do when ime mad
He could protect me like my shoulder pads
On The island all i need is my dad
All I need is my dad
I would be so glad to have my dad
He'd always know what to do when ime mad
He could protect me like my shoulder pads
On The island all i need is my dad
My eyes open,
If I was truly alone,
All I would need is God.
If I must walk by myself,
Up and down the paths of forever,
I stand out in the cornfield, alone among strangers
Useless to the farmer who waters and feeds me
The plot of land I sit in, is shaded by the accomplishments of those around me
Proud is the farmer
Today…
I'm Smiling.
I am happy because I'm surrounded by people who love me.
Today…
I'm strong.
I feel like I can actually make a difference in this world.
Today…
I feel accepted.
Different scenarios are creativity of the mind
Wanting a different thought, face, a different time
But to trapped in one dreamed of but never really wanting it is big
What do I need?
What do I want?
What is a need?
Something important?
Something vital?
Something?
I need food
I need shelter
I need...
Friends?
What do I need?
What do I want?
What is a need?
Something important?
Something vital?
Something?
I need food
I need shelter
I need...
Friends?
I stand along this solitary sand
The sun rising at it's peak
Salty waves creeping upon the shoreline
Ninety-five days is the streak
Whimsic waters slither under my toes
The light shines upon my tan
The Waves broke
The winds croak
The sky scary blue
The sand so new
The plane crashed
Im the only one left
No life in sight
Not ready to fight
Blood dripping from my head
sometimes it's not about the tears shed
even though they are
it's not about how deep your wounds lead
even if they lead to your heart
it's not about the words left unsaid
or what you did in the dark
I am not afraid of dying,
but instead of living without love.
I am not afraid of falling,
but instead of watching from above.
I am not afraid of crying,
but instead of laughing on my own.
I could never live without compassion
I want to feel like I am loved
I need to feel your touch
I need to share a summer night with those of whom I love
People always seem to see
When they are all alone
Look around
Left
Right
What happened to my sunlight?
The rays of growth
I feel alone
Cuz in this world people don't exist, right?
I loved the way my lover touched me
My Right Hand Man
Always by my side
Sometimes I think I can’t do something but then remind myself that I can
She clutched the broken objects,
Held them to her chest.
They constantly mocked her life,
Called it a mess.
But they couldn’t see the tears,
Everyday is Hell.
Everyday I go through the motions
I engage in the small talk
I try my best to socialize
Everyday my head is filled with fog
It's okay because I've realized that no one really cares.
That no one can really hear me when I scream and claw,
Trying to climb out of this hole.
Surrounded by painful noises,
I don't want to say you're all I need.That I can't live without you.
That when we fall asleepI match my inhale to yours.
I want to say that I exist on my own.That I can standwithout your arms around me.
the day everyone leaves my side is the day I die inside
with no one left could I survive on my own?
With two fingers down my throat I taste only shame as I imagine myself with a negative 2 inch waist and a gap between my legs that could've gone on for a mile and I envision the boned creature that dances in the darkest corners of my mind parading
Don't romanticize this and say some boy or girl will pick you up off the floor and hold you in his arms and wipe your tears away and kissing you anyways. This is the gruesome reality of always smelling like puke. It never goes away.
They say you're not alone,
But is that really true?
When you think about it,
Nobody will believe in you,
Unless you believe in yourself.
People will let you down,
People are not to be trusted.
shake off this feeling
it's just a phase
but my heart takes a beating
when I catch your gaze
the time that he's stealing
my sould it does raze
but since I know your feelings
poison tears
Rain, rain, go away,Because of you the pain will stay.Slit my throat, cut out my heart,Leave me here, tear it apart.
I knew I had it bad,
when they asked what I would need
if I was stranded on a island,
and the first thing I thought of,
was your blue eyes instead of water.
Isn't that sad?
At night I feel you hold me,Whispering all the things you never told me.When I wake up you'll be goneBut for now, I dream on.
oh hi
how's it going
i'm fine
nevermind
i'm dieing inside
i'm not strong enough
Just too weak
but i'm supposed to be strong
Without him,
I wouldn't be here
Or anywhere.
I'd be nowhere;
I wouldn't exist.
Without him,
I wouldn't know family
Or love.
I'd be lost;
I'd be alone.
Lonely Love There is a burning Deep in my soul My heart is yearning Like a bells toll Far across the ocean waters Underneath the skies grasp Hidden behind hurricane shutters Through a shattered heart I rasp Tell me you want me For I cannot be wit
On an Island? All alone? One thing?
One thing I can Bring?
I bringing a Person. A very special person. A person I love.
My other half. A male the oppostie sex.
Have i met them yet? No
I can see myself now
Stranded on a deserted island
Away from you
Alone.
I grumble at the sun
Hot sand stings my toes
The roar of the ocean hurts my ears.
You are my fix, my remedy
Your scent fills my lungs and makes my heart beat faster with excitement
The thrill of feeling your texture between my fingertips, sometimes rough,
sometimes smooth
My mind is such a mess.
I wish I could explain.
Am I happy or am I upset?
It's hard to tell with such pain.
Should I even care?
Because at times things aren't fair.
I could feel the change.
I closed my eyes and I saw you lying next to me
You were so close that I could reach my hand over and caress your sleeping face
The soft breathing held a steady pace as you dreamed
Red they say stands for love or admiration
Oh darling, my heart must have been bright red the day I saw you
Yellow they say stands for optimism and cheer
It takes time to understand what's important The needs are from what takes us apart. A thought not provoked alone but together A collective of sorts.
In this world of grief and strife,
I carry with me, my one true companion.
This companion is indifference.
I walk through with him,
Never unhappy
Never unsure
In this world of grief and strife,
I carry with me, my one true companion.
This companion is indifference.
I walk through with him,
Never unhappy
Never unsure
Me
me myself
me myself and...
me myself and {i}
I am me
only me
alone
You ask what I would need
if I were hypothetically alone,
I can only take one thing
Out of sight,
Out of mind,
Never to be seen.
A broken memory,
A broken dream.
Left behind,
Left to fight all alone at last,
Nobody to save me from myself,
Nobody to help.
I don't belong in heaven,
I'm not accepted in hell,
I'm neither angel, nor demon,
I don't belongin the human realm.
I have some power, and nothing to give.
I have a life, whith nothing for which to live.
There are times
Times of happiness and times of joy. Moments that I feel like the sun.
But you can't look at the sun.
The sun
It shines so endlessly, affecting everyone it touches
You are within me
And though you're gone you linger
Through the empty spaces
Caress the tips of my fingers
With a ghostlike motion
So I know here it is
Though I couldn't be sure
Tap, tap, tap
Or rather, thud, thud, thud
Lub-dub, lub-dub
The throbbing beat in my chest
Uncontrollably echoing the chime of the unknown
Reminding me of what I have to lose
"The dreams of a girl
Not her own thoughts
Deeper i fell
I was taught,
How to kill.
Only in dreams
Would i see Such a thing
The horror seeped through
No longer i trust
I slip, the ghost of the unheard girl no one knows
I climb the stairs, ascending my personal heaven
I sit, reclining against my personal deity’s throne
Here there lies
An empty head
Where hopes and dreams
Once were instead.
The blankest stare
From vacant eyes
Should by this point
Be no surprise.
The screams and prayers
Do not cry, for to cry is weak,
And I’ll not ever be weak, not around you.
And hold your tongue, for words do rip,
And I’ll not ever rip at you, not you.
How strange it is to see you here, even after all these years?
Come, have you, to see me now, to see me lying in my cask?
Have you come to mourn me now, or have you to degrade me once more?
Salt fills the air, sand covers the ground
The crashing waves are the only sound
I am alone, but I have no fear
It’s the present moment I shall hold dear
All pain and joy from the past years
Sand surrounding me
Upon waves that seem so calm
With a sky so blue as clouds ride the wind
“Ah, is this paradise, or is this reality?”
A pinch in the arm, a confirmer, I can continue life
Please help me
And make these shadows leave
Save me from the darkest street
Turn the lights back on
And I'm crying
Then I'm broken
Shattered on the floor
The mirror hides unseen faces
Tears that awakened him at night already evaporated.
Filled with words that aggressively stroked his nerves.
We cant forgive how lonely he gets.
We cant forgive his thoughts of destruction he starts to mimic.
She disappeared into the abyss of self dout and self ridicule
knowing she can't f**k up anymore cuz they won't be there
and the nerves were eating out her insides
She hated knowing that it was the end of it all.
She is a girl.Living off the sustenance of guys' attentions.She is hurling aroundat a million miles an hour.Out of control.But she needs it,you see.If she slows or stops,she might remember
"The girl that on one sees
A season she can't control
Pent up emotion she cannot free
This time it's taking it's toll
Down on bended knee
Not freely these tears roll
The breaking burning plea
"A deadly weapon in disguise
But i keep my head down
Horror fills their eyes
I search for patterns on the ground
Bright lights fills night skies
But I still feel bound
I look up wishing I could fly
"Dancing shadows
Deep and dark
Flying arrows
Met their mark
Weary gallows
Done their part
No more follow
Lost their heart
Inside is hollow
They lost their spark
" We cannot escape
They are coming
With poisoned words
And glinting swords
We cannot escape
They are marching
Towards us and towards the war
We cannot escape
"Try, just try
They shout across the void
But false hope,like a lie
It's my mind with which they toyed
But real are the tears in which i cried
Am I more than a mindless droid?
Not to them
"Yes your majesty
You claim
But it turned to trajedy
Not fame
The core left me
Am i to blame?
what's it bring me?
Nothing but shame
But when i called out
Nobody came
"Just know,
It wasn't your fault you left
The promises you never kept
The clogged up feeling deep in my chest
Like my concious refuses to rest
Knowing I must complete the quest
"Footsteps through the fire
But I don't feel a thing
Burning even brighter
I sour on angel wings
Down in a ditch
I can see the light
If I could only reach
I try with all my might
Awake...Another dream to bring me back to this cold, lonely existence
Alone...Left to suffer in silence as no one will hear my cries
Awake on such a night as this to ponder why...
The waves role by, one by one
the sun kisses my skin with it’s warm beams,
I am stuck, not just on this refuge
but stuck with nothing but my thoughts in a whim
I have no distraction, what more could I want?
As I stand in front
of you almost 18.
I wonder what
my life would be like.
Maybe you would've
been their for every
daddy- daughter dance
that I had to
miss because
Laughter fills the room
but a place empty
No flowers were to bloom
Just a late night memory
They come and they go
A hundred years alone
By myself
Stuck in my own head
No one to turn to
Animals begin to speaking,
Walls and furniture do too
All these things my mind makes up,
My old friend... a trinket to my soul that contributes to making my life more whole....
You are a gift to me.... one I cherish very deeply. The sun is starting to rise, take my hand, together we can avoid our demise....
Self esteem fizzles,
Popping bubbles like tiny glass,
Shattering myself worth,
The clock on the wall strikes one,
Darkness makes the room gloomy
everything turns grey,
As I close my eyes stars,
Ghosts fade, yet memories remain
laced within the final song.
Voices moan as the ballad grows
although, they're all long gone.
Feet in time, I dance the line
wanting to forget them all.
Consider the possibility that
Mother Nature could verbally convey what needs be.
Instructing us to split far from society
Furthermore, to take our own way
Directing us at all times
Without you days drag on without any meaning
without you the bleak existence that I once used to cherish is now waisted wondering why
why me
why was I not good enough
and why did it all have to end
Your words fell like grace and warmth
They rolled down my shoulders like the water in the shower
I could breathe when they consumed me
I was safe as they drowned me
I wanted to live inside them
She tugs at her sleeves
hiding her cold, white hands.
With trembling lips,
she breathes.
Her soul compresses,
lungs collapse,
heart implodes.
Beautiful boys,
ugly scars,
I stare into her eyes and they tell me all I need to know
but I ask anyways
Why do you push me away?
Why do I feel the way I do when I hold you?
Don't you hate those desperate timesWhen the rain won't quit and the sun won't shineThe hard work you do, it's always criticizedNot much like the impoverished war crime And the road alone, it sure looks tempting
The dreary darkness driftsacross the vast blue sky wispy clouds travel aroundgradually attracting another addition
All but ONEa lonesome cloudstruggling silentlynobody sees a thing
When it seems I'm alone,
I'm not,
I have my mind,
And my soul,
My morals,
My life,
To look back on,
To hold tight,
To introspect with,
To think of solutions,
I'm not alone.
I...
developed into a wolf
of smart solitude
I...
lurked in the background
not seen nor heard
I...
and I walked outside and nearly broke my neck
trying to watch the stars because
that’s where I came from they tell me
but if the galaxies are in my bones
E! was I Green
Someone painted me in Red
I lost my naturalness
Giving rise to artifice
I was posted
On a manmade web
Alterations had I gone threw
I just turned 18
And you don't seem to want me around
So I went and bought a pack of ciggs downtown
But all I can think is how ashamed you'd be right now
A stiff draw
The air nibbles my ears
One day I saw a person on the ground and no one stopped to help
They walked around and over and past them,
Down the street and around the corner until they were gone
And this person just sat there crying and bleeding,
Melancholia
The girl with the sad eyes likes drinking wine with the moonlight.
The girl with the sad eyes likes to write poems when the stars shine.
Words of fire,
my safe haven has always been the library,
nestled among shelves upon shelves of beautiful, beautiful books
old with new and new with old
a mixture of the best and the worst of society,
It is so easy for someone to play with my heart
I try to protect it and keep it away from hurt
But whenever it starts to peek out, for there is a ray of hope,
A piece that cannot be returned is ripped away
Chatter.
Surrounded by people,
yet I sit alone.
Afraid to come undone
Nobody will know how hurt I am
If I don’t talk to them.
To put on a mask
I mustn’t let them know:
Who am I?
I am the new definition of loneliness if it ever needed one
I am unseen
I am alone
I am unwanted
Trapped in this place I can't call home,
in a city so dead
This is who I am
She tried to kill herself tonight.
I know why she did that.
She's depressed and was drinking and everything just built up and then. . .
Boom.
On the way to the hospital
She said she wanted to sleep forever.
I remember facing your house, and thinking ¨Should I visit her?¨
Like the fool I was, I thought, ¨I'll see her again.¨
And so without a second thought, I got in the car and drove off.
If only I had known...
Don't know where I'm at
Can't see where I'm going
Nothing seems clear anymore and
I'm losing my faith
Hope is gone
Defeat staring in my face
I'm scared
I pray
I thought you´d always be there
I thought you´d never leave
Now you’ve left me standing
With my heart left on my sleeve
You swore we were forever
And never will we part
These voices are hurting me
I don't know what to do
Momma can't you see
I'm slowly dying next to you
These voices are killing me
Why won't they go away
I can't live my life
Everytime I get my hopes up
It all crashes to the ground.
Everytime I let someone in
My heart becomes more cold.
Everytime I am left behind
Only then do i truly know
Trapped in the darkness with nowhere to go.
Searching for anwers you don't already know.
Gasping for air as your mind wonders free.
Fear seeps in clouding your thoughts vigorously.
I began on a rainy, cold fall night.
I was an ‘accident.’
The shaking hands and rage encompassed shock of my mother.
The free money and sedentary existence of my father.
I'm not a mastermind of a poet,
and no one needs to tell me this
because I know it.
I write whats on my mind,
with the intention of clearing my own sky,
because I need it.
You can't take the good without the badYou can't be happy without experiencing sadConstantly fighting a battle with good and evilAlways running back and forth, two sides never equal
Crush.
Break, crumble to pieces
My heart ache with pain.
Though true amor, i trust it.
It has not arises to the occasion.
Which leads me in utter annoyance.
Such beauty and hope feeling not appreciate.
Listen to the beat, the harmony of your soul
Where you eat and be in deep slumber
It is telling you something
So tap into your voice
Let me hear that sweet synod
I am falling off the deep end,
Soundlessly but quick.
I am tumbling to my death,
In a stream of unwritten words.
I am stumbling through the night,
Lonely and terrified.
Setting in the dark head full of thoughts the voices are screaming and screaming who are you?
Do you even recognize this horrible being you call yourself?
So long I have lived in pain
Yet he just now can see
All the pain and grief
That consumes all of me
How can I be happy
When I’ve only ever been hurt
Instead of vowing to heal my scars
hands out
with your palms up
burned and bruised
as you're reaching for love
that isn't even there
arms aching
outstretched for so long
years and years
I wear a mask on the hottest day,
in the middle of winter.
Everyday.
I cannot go without my smiling mask.
I bring it with me where ever I go.
"Why?", some will ask.
To hide a secret within.
There are two pieces of me,One of which you'll never see.It's shattered and broken-And shall remain unspoken.
I used to believe in a close happy family
But now I've been awakened and feel so alone
I always dreamt of staying together
But I never dreamt of departing our ways
Take the hurt and leave the heal...
Give me something I can feel..
Leave the sorrow, leave the pain,
bring me something I can gain.
Take my life dont leave me here,
and if you wont then take the fear
betrayal
and aching in your lungs
the last half-sip of wine
no u-turns
one
missing
stitch
bleeding ink on left hands
whys and what-ifs
alone at a table
Eyes made of ice,
And a heart made of stone.
Everybody hates her,
She knows she's alone.
All she wishes for,
Is a single friend who cares.
One who comforts her,
I am not my disorder,
I am not alone in my fight,
I am a force to be reckonned with,
I am one that stands tall in the light,
I am not a kicked puppy,
I am not a shattered looking glass,
They say a pictures worth a thousand words
But the pictures got ripped and burned
Flood up and torn
Natural disasters
And man made lures
Hands of the evil
Minds of the fools
Forgotten
The soft ring of a baby's laughter,
a smile the lips were always after.
A miracle one heart beats,
I spend yet another night, jonsing for a kiss only you can give me, longing to be held only in your arms, wanting to cling onto you and lay down in our blissful silence, saying so much but at the same time, not much at all.
Where do you go when you want to be alone?
There are a thousand places in the world i call home.
Some I have only been to in my mind.
Others are high rocks reached after a climb.
I sit here alone.Sadder than my mind allows.Alone... With someone who hates me.That I can never seem to get rid of.Abused... By my own thoughts.That fold me into olbivion.
Fallen, have you?
Thats alright.
You'll still live
To see the light.
Lost your place?
Turn around.
I'll be there,
Then you're found.
Blurry vision?
Take a breath.
The townsfolk think I'm crazy.
The townsfolk think me mad.
Just because I spend some time talking to these lads.
They really are good company,
I like them quite a lot.
You’re so alone.
It doesn’t matter that you are surrounded by people.
That many care about you.
i can be alone;
i have been alone
for quite some time;
it’s fine, i will be
alone, but
don’t worry.
Oh pale little lark,
Where is your heart?
Has it been washed away,
On the ship of today?
Tiny, sweet mother
Growing sick of her brother.
Tears run down the face,
I am no stranger to solitude.
Him and I, we are old friends,
reacquainted as the day draws to an end
once more.
He doesn't take kindly to other people,
so he only makes his appearance when I am
alone.
A fatherless showdown.
He is around but he’s not.
His ghost still creeps in his body,
Abandoned
Deserted
Isolated
Solitary
Solo
On your own
By yourself
You are your own company
Everyone’s felt this before
You know it’s true
It's 2 a.m., on a cloudy night
as the man trudges down the street.
He looks at the ground, then over his shoulder
as he stumbles over his feet.
In his hand, an almost-empty bottle of Jack
Do we ever feel alone?
yes.
Do we ever feel forgotten?
yes.
Have we ever gotten help?
no.
Have your friends ever offered help?
yes, but I think I don't need it.
Colours we strive to leave behind, Hope of a future beyond our lives.
A legacy at the mercy of future generations, It's the only variation.
In the darkness you can see not a soul
see not a soul but your own
so there you are alone with familiar stranger
feeling like you're in danger
surrounded by who knows what
the mystery weighs way too much
The cold and the confusion.
The overlooked and the overdoses.
The solemn and the silence.
The fatigued and the forgotten.
This is the only world I know.
I've kept quiet for months thinking I got better, thinking "this is fine now, I'm fine now, life is decent now." Oh a fool with eyes shut and ears covered knows just as well as I do this is long term.
Alone
You think you are
But you're not.
While you're in that dark corner
Holding your legs that are folded to your chest
Staring into the darkness
Straining to see where your fear lies
Perhaps it is human nature to seek out hidden things?
Or is it just to reach for things unseen?
The mysteries of the mind are unsolved, and will remain as such.
In a land of misfit toys
I stand alone
but at first you would not think, for i am surrounded
You say
I'm not alone but
My tears pool
And drop to the floor
None next to me to hear
My sobs
None next to me to soothe
My pain racked body
The blood drips
To splat on the ground
Bless her little heart
She gets scared at night
Black ghost, black souls, black places she doesn't even know
Bless her little heart, she's all on her own
She feels it's hands creeping around her ankles
My heart is a dull thud in my chest. Drained from all life, it struggles to beat once, twice,
No one listen,
No one hear,
No one look ,in case you disappear.
No one pray for,
No one to cry,
No one to wait for with hopes kept high.
No one to miss,
No one to kiss,
Here's to the empty human bodies who are numb to the feeling of their soul To the empty-headed, who I
Now it's been weeks since I have shed a tear for "you,"
But tonight I saw a distant memory that carried me away,
Into a deep blue sky of long-past, whimsical dreams
I once shared with a girl I once knew.
Kyle was love.When my heart was shattered into a million pieces,Kyle mended each broken fragment.When my mind grew incapable of functioning,Kyle thought for me.When my feet grew weary,Kyle walked for me.
A faint mysterious cloud rolls overhead.
Darkness comes along leaving room for regret.
Memories engulfed with tiny drops of rain,
Slowly warning this is no ordinary day.
the broken glass from the picture frame
you see the family photo did not describe me
the broken glass did each broken piece is I
i touch i bleed you talk i listen
the sent of burning things the blood that kills me
I looked into her eyes and she said the words that I knew were coming
they were the dreaded words that no person in love should have to endure but every man must
"I think we need to take a break"
We’re all on that rocking boat,
Rockin’ restlessly through high tides,
a conveyor belt that empties the
dreadful soul with no other way.
I can’t see farther ‘cause my vision’s too blurry.
I’m mental.
I’m losing what’s left of my rapidly
deteriorating mind.
Its hard to understand a basket
case.
No one really does.
Unfortunate.
She drowns in the depths of depression.
Necessity.
She needs to get away.
Escape.
She vies for freedom.
Personality.
What's that?
I've been searching for hours,
to find a reason why.
It's 2 A.M.
and I'm running circles in my mind.
I whisper prayers
that go unheard.
I wonder when
my thoughts will turn.
To happy days
Don't fight me cause I'm noone.I'm the face u see when u look n the mirror.I'm the light that shines to the darkness but yet im noone.I'm something to someone but noone to myself.I'm
Flowers have been planted in my heart
Roots intertwineing with my veins pulling them apart
Seeds burrowed deep inside my chambers
The planters thinking they are doing me a favor
Some stay and help them grow
Here I sit all alone
No one to talk to
No one to relate to
Wishing that one day I won't have to feel sad
One day, maybe I'll find someone to love me
Or just maybe be alone forever.
Mama once told me
“You’ll never find love
If you can’t love yourself.”
Maybe try to look like you care.”
She left me in the bathroom
Crying while I brushed my hair out.
Mama said to me,
I think I started my new life
As an anorexic angel.
I woke up to my chapped pink lips
Breathing snow that looked like ash
Who am I behind the camera lens?
I constantly take pictures with my friends.
Everyone that looks at my Instagram
thinks I'm going ham.
Behind every filter which drapes imperfections,
Lies you.
Behind every word or argument you feel,
Lies you.
Behid every tear or aching,
Lies you.
But who are you?
Who am I?
A stab in the heart from the blade you called love
You said sweet things to my face then turn around and switched up
Whats real & whats fake? In this time I couldn't tell
I ask you to listen to me
You hear my words but you only hear, not listen
You have not done what I've asked
I ask you to care for me
You care about me but only to an extent
You have not done what I've asked
I can't cry.
I sit amongst pillars of stone
My mind is empty
The pillars whisper things unknown
I'm left in my thoughts
They scare me
Because they're empty
Got on a plane and of course my first thought was you
Memories of how you said you'd never leave
I told you not to make promises you couldn't keep
But you did it anyway
It's a big world for sure.
There's no doubt about that
And honestly, that's ok.
Except for my loneliness.
What with the world being so big.
Hey again.
It's just me.
I got nothing to say
No games to play
No place to lay
It's only me.
Im here by myself.
Yeah I know.
This is supposed to be hard.
This ridiculousness
Has to get me
Thinking I really miss this
thing I felt. She
Ain't gonna be my missis
I smile in hope they will stop staring.
I smile in hope that they will see the beauty I see when I look in the mirror.
I smile in hope to make someone's day.
I feel the warmth of strangers voices but I know I am alone.
In a semi coma a darkness pulls me under, to a sea of thought.
I wonder why can't I fell each snow flake land on my skin.
Aggregation. No, irritation. No, Completly annoyed. NO! none of this even comes close to describing how i feel, because being invisible isn't something that words can describe. Someone already claimed you as their own, but i wanted you.
The sickness in my stomach
Matches the sickness in my head
And the aching in my head
Matches the sching in my body
And the hurting in my body
Matches the hurting in my heart
I don't want to doit. I woudn't.I won't,that's the easyway out.But sometimes whenthe pain is too muchI don't think I'd mindif you did it to meinstead.
One stepand I felldown,down,into the dark.You promisd youwould save me,keep me afloat.But I remember thoselies well,as the tears floodeverything I know.
How much canI take? The drinksdon't drown me likeI hope they would.You killed me whenyou killed us. Youbroke me downwhen you dropped me fordiamonds.I don't shine or sparkle
Sick
of this era’s categorization,
overanalyzation,
and hasty labeling of human beings.
They label us all
smoothing stickers over our names,
I thought i could Trust you,
To help take away the pain,
But as the nights grow colder,
And the days grow shorter,
Your starting to fade away,
Like an old Memory!
If I saw a person and it was me I wouldn't feel nothing because I don't regret what I see in front of my eyes.
Cold plastic is what I see
It’s all you will ever be
Whispers and actions
Divides our “family” into factions
Rumors and back-stabbing
Anger from her blabbing
“Second family” yeah right
Throughout history, there have been observers.
There have been overseers.
There have been sideliners.
I am.
The world moves on with constant motion.
Oppression running wild without submission.
Writer's Note: I wrote this when I was young and realized even when your a grown adult you still dont undestand true family value.
F is friends who dont talk to you.
U is for ur alone.
N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.
to speak but cannot form the words that would fulfill my thoughts desire.
to gain freedom but scared to face the breakout of war against another.
yes, yes this is how you and i must feel, this is how you and i try to explain,
The world was spinning, or maybe it wasn't, maybe it was all just in the young woman's imagination
3 a.m. knocks and awakes my fear.
soft plush droplets
sparkle the stars,
gliding down
a glass cold water.
Quite stale from a few hours
sitting on the bedside.
I thought of you today
in the midst of fog and haze
and though I try to forget your name,
I thought of you today.
It's like this every year
and a change is not so near
The tumor is here
The tumor is there
There will be pain
Coursing threw your vain
Don’t give in
Because there are two ends
At one point in time we believe we are the center
Whether it was while we were younger and ignorant
Or hundreds of years ago when man was just learning
Tears don't mean sad or pain,
Isn't even flow from wounded heart...
Tears are way to express joy and sad...
Emotion charged when fervently warmed...
In Very sad or Ecstatic joy,
No more
it's all just a droneful abandoned plea
of me
to me
for me
by me
to not be alone
anymore.
To have
one
but
none
I suppose?
Or does it trace
Symbols never die...
Their meaning never fades,
Meanings though, change
But they still stay
Everything stands for something,
Yet I don't know what I truly stand for
Bravery, Courage, Truth
How can I face the world
When monsters roam 'round?
This world is so blurry,
And I'm making no sound.
These monsters are huge
Much greater than I
But as I stand scared
I DO THINGS FOR OTHER PEOPLE
JUST TO MAKE THEM SMILE
OR LAUGH
BUT DEEP INSIDE I KNOW IM NOT HAPPY
I PUT UP A FAKE SMILE ALMOST EVERYDAY
MY FAKE SMILE MAKES ME FEEL WEAK AND WEAKER
Monday through Friday I race the sun awake. Shower, makeup, give my hair a shake. I dress for an interview, yet it’s my every day apparel.
I am alone in a school full of kids
I am aone in a house filled with my family
I m alone while hanging out with friend
The pounding in my head won’t go away
The rush, the high, flying
None of it will go away
The rush, the rush, it’s supposed to end
The night over, the day breaking
--but fuck that why end it early?
I wait, stagnant like the water beside a dam,
wanting to move forward, but I can't.
Not yet.
I am stuck.
Restricted.
Where did my voice go?
It used to verberate so loudly through the mountain tops,
I fight my way through your
Loquacious verbiage
And open facade
Of a closed door,
Searching for entry
To your ego
I give respect for your walls
And take care
To walk around,
Neglect–ed
Ringed out with blood and stretch marks.
Wrinkles written in between the crevices of my eyes.
They sting and burn. Fighting, fighting, and falling.
I kept falling. I failed.
This thin comforter doesn’t hold me right
It could never come close to comparing to your arms
But given the circumstances
I guess it will have to do
Silverstein wrote a poem
I like to think just for me,
Redheaded girl, who sits and waits,
For the days of cold to be over.
Whispers of other student's rates,
On the always unnoticeable cover.
The pain she feels is always real,
Me.
Who am I underneath this costume?
They want to define me.
I let them.
Family is the world.
Suffocated by loving arms.
I'm cute. I'm smart.
I'm gentle, docile,
I'm always thinking and I'm dreaming
I'm always creating and my eyes are gleaming
With the thoughts of what can be and what will
My optimism is why I cannot keep still
and some people wonder where it comes from
On the outside, i am sweet
And on the inside i am obscene
Yet in my heart, I am confused
Because i doubt i am truly either
Either way i am lost
But my Shepard in the dark guides me
She was beautiful
She was wrapped in a blanket of beauty with a dazzle of sparkle
The sparkle you could see in her eyes when her crush walked by
Outside is an illusion,
While inside shows reality.
Outside is accepted and liked,
While inside is hidden and safe.
Inside is tainted with past mistakes,
Embarrassed of weak moments.
Imagine this You're in a room with no doors, windows, or anyway of escape. The room is filling with smoke and its becoming harder and harder to see and breathe.
No one is listening
No one really cares
No one can see me
No one is there
No one makes me laugh
No one sings me songs
No one likes my jokes
No one plays along
You're dropping "I'm sorry" like I'm still around.I don't care how you feel. I don't care about your excuses.You took for granted all the times I never let you down.
The guard is up
No one can get in
No one can see what I feel
I don't want to see your face with pity clear upon it.
I built this guard many years ago
When you shattered my heart
Why do I feel so alone
yet I steadily push people away
I say what I feel at the moment
yet don't mean what I say
in my heart
But my world is ripping apart
from everywhere and everything
No one is looking for me.
I haven't disappeared, but why can't they see me?
That's alright, I'm not hoping to be found,
I already found myself
it sucks to be so alone,
I remember when i was young it was just me and my brother leo,
hardly any parents and its harsh to be on your own when you fall into that chicago snow,
nobody wants to lend you a hand,
A lovely day,
Dull yet gay,
For a peace
Prevailed.
But all was gone
In the blink of an eye.
her life isnt as perfect as it seems
its filled with false hopes
and fucked up dreams
and when she searched the world
she failed to find her
one
and only
piece of mind
Just eighteen, oh so young, but all bulged up.
Her mom will slap her, her dad will kill her.
Her boyfriend will not even see her.
She looks at the pile of books and articles on her desk,
so messed up like her life.
I'm so lost.
I'm so weak.
Everything I thought I once knew is now gone, its all down the drain.
I feel so alone.
I feel forgotten.
No one care for the way they make me feel anymore.
The cello sat in the corner
Dim charcoal cords run down its spine
Still untouched and without pure rhyme
Like a sparrow, whose lost their voice
They are all starting to evolve
to become happy and involved
i have been left before
but never have i thought by them
they don't even know
but this distance is beginning to grow
whats this?
its only just a claim
whats that?
its only just a shame
whos this?
oh shes just a ghost
a conversation with a ghost?
yes only because a ghost listens the most?
hows that ?
whats this?
its only just a claim
whats that?
its only just a shame
whos this?
oh shes just a ghost
a conversation with a ghost?
yes only because a ghost listens the most?
hows that ?
Behind the iron curtain
Silence extends untamed
And occasionally I mingle but
It matters not who knows my name.
Darkness decends
As the blocks of color shift
Displaying my change of emotion
It fills the air around,
Though it is empty.
Doesn't make a sound,
Engraved in the memory.
It is constantly wanted,
And by some, not.
The sun that rises every morning day,
The light illuminates my precious way,
The tennis court becomes my second home,
Whether outside or in an indoor dome.
I play for joy, for love, for sport, for peace,
There's regret and remorse then trying to forget and move foward, but all of this time I'm thinking...
World i cant count you, but you got this tendency of wanting me to be down for you, maybe im just lazy, Whitney get your shit together, you and these bitches you counting On, yall aint gone be shit together, sorry for the cursing but I'm telling
When the ocean is far awayand the wind is full of sand instead of salt,I dive back into the green pools offorgotten peace in your eyes.I swim through lakes of cheap vodkaand expensive memories.
I believe that I am a damaged girl. A girl who wanted others to be happy but herself.
I am like a hidden book. I was ready to be read, but dusted on the shelf.
I am the rusted pennies who wanted to be held and known as wealth,
Eventually it gets old
You get tired of arguing just to have a conversation
Your throat is still sore from yelling at the top of your lungs just to make sure your voice is heard
Always
Longing for
One touch
Never within reach and
Everyday the process begins again
Somedays I walk alone
Not like I plan to or anything
Just, I want to be alone
Different minds, don't think a like
Same minds, think alike
I won't do drugs or drink
Plus, if I smoke or even get near it
First impression
Seems to be the best
But why do I find it
So hard to rest
Late night thoughts
On my mind
Its those same thoughts
That take all the time
Is time running out
Leaving others to take your place
Oh how it feels to walk around bearing your face
So these letters come, but what does it equal?
Because I remember when I needed my father but you needed a needle
I am scared and alone
I wonder what death feels like
I hear snickers and whispering at all times
I see hatrd in the mirror
I want to be numb
I am scared and alone
I pretend that I am happy
Tears begin in her dead green eyes
which fall and shatter like glass.
Her heart had frozen long ago.
On her face,
She wears a mask.
To them She smiles; I see Her frown.
I see you.
I hear your words.
I feel your tears as they fall,
forbidden from your eyes.
Oh how your sadness consumes you.
Outside
lies the false imagery of peace.
That's a start - in the room of my heart.
My thoughts do not contain certitude,
For there stands before me a physical facsimile
Of you.
Except lacking your attitude.
Your timorous tone,
You threw,
In a sea of people,
In a crowd of friends,
Too busy to notice
Where am I?
I am alone.
Alone,
In a sea of people,
In a crowd of friends.
1
Roses are red
Violets are blue
your curtins are opend
and im watching you
2
Twinkle Twinkle little star
i want to hit you with my car
Alone.
Surrounded by many
But yet so alone
Confused.
Scared.
Tired.
Done.
That word
It’s scary
So many meanings
That one simple word can hold
Living in a room where
nobody knows who you are
And what you are thinking about
Feeling depressed, having anxiousties
about what will happen
if I wasnt living on this earth
Oh! Bringer of water, thou hast lost me!
Why must I cry for help that fades
Into a deeper abyss I flee
Hold it.
Girl, hold the smile.
Hold the pain for a little while.
A while longer,
and they'll see...
But then fear gets the best of me.
Hold it.
Must hold them up.
Do you ever feel alone?
Like the world is on your back,
but you have no one to bear it with you.
And you struggle and struggle,
but you can't fight it on your own.
Then someone comes
I guess I didn't know how to love
myself.
The things you said you saw...
I always did think you were delusional.
For I am not beautiful,
I am not worthy of
Want.
Sometimes we find that our lungs collapse,
our minds wrap around the idea of relapse.
We fall to the ground and gasp for air,
why, oh God, is this life not fair?
With hands on our hearts and a knot in our chest,
Fair-weather sweetheart
Hide behind your porcelain makeup
Cozy and cuddling in an oversized sweater
Fearing the touch of skin when she wakes up
Expecting more I love you buts and you deserve betters
Loneliness is illness
A silent danger
If left untreated,
May prove to be fatal
Symptoms include
Wishful thinking, an ache
Somewhere in the thoracic cavity
pink
Pink is happy,
pink is love,
pink makes me feel up and above,
pink is innocent ,
pink is the butterflies you get in your stomach when something great occurs,
We fought I left you didn't run after me.
I ran to fast, finding a path for me.
I threw the bottle and watched it shater.
I saw that one piece that shined and went after.
They don't know how I stay sane.
I am only a girl,a girl with a heartand a soul made of glass.
A girl who walks alone,keeping to herself.I am just a mysteryto the world passing by.
Do you really love her?
Do you really care?
I could love her better.
Why are you even there?
I care about her as a person,
I don't just love her booty!
Shes beautiful and strong . She gave us life and is wise when to take it. She loves you even if you attack her. She gives to us, even when we steal from her. She tries to warn us but we won't listen.
I'm not okay
But would you ever know?
I paint on a face
And walk around
An empty shell
Of what was one
Shaky smiles
Confused for laughter
Red eyes
For sleepless nights
One
No one can feel the dark rivers of hatred flooding my soul
Two
No one knows about the bloody tears shed late at night
Three
No one cares about my consideration of my own destruction
Four
I'm that weird girl that sits in the back
The quieter you are the less attention you attract
Though I'm not the only one who would rather it dark
At times I find those with that same unique heart
For what is a heart
if it is not brave?
What is it for
if not for feeling
the courage
to invite
every stranger
into Its home
To
If my body could talk
Laughter would erupt from within and flood the air
"Why do such random and strange thoughts race through your mind?"
"Thanks for all the terribly fatty food that tastes amazing."
You think I am scared of you
but I am just too tired for it
You think you have power over me
But I have the power to walk away
You have many friends
But i always walk alone
I cry when no one's watching.
So they never hear my tears.
I wait 'til they have gone,
'til it's silent.
'til the silence screams
at me.
I yell back.
And cry.
With every word they say
Her heart breaks a little more
She only wants to break away
A way to stop feeling sore
Shes sitting in her room now
Her eyes are empty, hollowed out
She can't take it
From start to finish, I wonder why
The cuts look good in this messed up lie
The blood that trickles down my arm
People all stare at the girl who self harms
¨The freak¨ they call me
I turn to my name
Another cut, to distract the pain,
Another pill, just to keep sain
Alive, but dead in a tormenting
Hell
Kowing, you'll never fully get well
Scaring away the few that stood by
An isolated graveyard
only death to keep his guard
willow trees rustle and moan
grieving for decaying bone
spirits hiding in the mist
just the souls of the pain-kissed
hiding behind name-carved stone
What do I leave for myself when the world has rung me dry.
What have you left me with when you've picked me clean.
Call me a broken down shelf, a tired little thing.
This earth is being attacked by what we produce
And we live as if there is nothing wrong
Came in a text message I couldn't do nothing but stay still in silence thinking it's a joke
I felt used where the values of my heart didn't have no artificial price tag
The candle flame burns too hot. The flickering of its wic dances in the over heated breeze. This breeze offers no respite from the smoldering need.
When you read my words
maybe you’ll feel my happiness
and you’ll remember the night
when we talked for hours
with no curfew to stop us.
It was lovely,
but you weren’t really there.
-
My mind kills me
When I'm sitting all alone
My stomach aches
My skin tears
But it's my thoughts
That cut down to the bone
Nobody can see
How much I cry at night
There's a home in my head
Less of a house, more of a shack
It has me pounding on the walls
Knuckles and plaster start to crack
And as I'm bleeding from my hands
At the hand of your words
I could say,
"Mama, Mama, Mama, come help me"
but you are so busy living out a Colorado fantasy
Straight up walking with that Filipino-rooted feet
My mind wanders off in a whirlwind
But this ain’t really about my origins right now
But it’s about me currently
Blind.
Blinded by the sound of nothing.
Silence.
Breath.
Slam.
Bang.
Click.
The intesity builds.
Lights come into focus.
Shadows.
Anxious feet.
Steady.
The cold pillow is engulfed around your face, full of tears, full of dreams and memories shattered.
You stand in front of the mirror, wondering where everything went wrong.
You used to be so put together, so strong, so outgoing.
Now, you're just a shell of that person.
Each moment completely whole
Each breath cherished
Each touch filled with joy
Each kiss remembered
Each smile because you're here
there's something obscure about closure and asking for help
ten years ago I would have shied away
ten years today I'm still ashamed though, and when I write
or take pictures, or try to play the guitar
Who can you tell
Who can you trust
In a world full of emptiness and lust
Will they ever love you
Will they ever understand
Coming from a world with no helping hand
How can they see
Introducing: the storm that brews in her mind...
It's force and undying winds become too much to bear
Left her drained, dry, just an empty shell
A foggy reflection, an expressionless stare
My friends don’t know it,
And I can never say.
Because when their world come tumbling down,
I’m there.
And if not me then someone.
Always.
I’m grown up and strong,
Lying awake while nosie in the background fills the space in my mind, putting off the feelings I've felt on the surface to bring the dark ones to light I'm scaring myself tonight
When I am able,
I speak my mind.
But mostly,
I am silent.
Their Judgment will be final
so I stay away.
Only to find thier eyes
back on me.
I try to be noticed
in positive ways,
I pushed to hard
I've gone too far
There's no turning back
and redemption to be had
It's not fair
I've come too far to have it end in dispair
Blood, sweat, and tears
my worst fear
Lone Wolf
Wandering among a forest of pines
And through the chilling snow
Trying to find a place of warmth
Long before I had begun to know
i had a fear of growing old
i counted the days that have come to pass
Here all alone
In the Back
Trapped inside my head
Desperately trying to escape
I stand on the cliffs rough edge,
A pack of wolves gathering behind me,
And so I have a choice,
Just one simple choice:
Stay or jump,
Jump or stay?
If I stay, I'm eaten alive
Lonely is not a word that I like to hear,
it echos in the vast silences that are filled by lies,
Lonely is a storm shadow cast over an empty jungle gym,
All you see is the exterior form
Instantly you judge me by my face, clothes and background
Yeah I'm different, isn't everyone?
Flawed human beings we are
Hiding behind, creating an illusion
It was a joke
Such a cruel, sick joke
The type of joke that your best friend pulls on you
When you are sleeping
Don't think you can ignore me
Walk out of the door and out of my life
I looked up to you and thought of you twice
To me you were everything, the reason I lived and breathed
You are the sunshine
i am the rain
i just wanted You to be mine
but You were avoiding pain
The visible me is protection.
But not my protection.
Yours.
It is better to see me as I am;
good student,
good grades,
good manners,
good.
The visible me is protection.
I never thought I'd see the day;
Where I'd struggle to find the words to say;
But you leave me pondering, yet breathless;
I can't hold it back, I must confess this;
Your eyes read a book, yet you remain a mystery;
4:30a.m.
GET UP!
Shower,dry,makeup,put on a sweater and jeans and boots
You're beauti....
6:50 a.m.
Wipe tears
7:20 a.m.
Go to school
Eyes..whispers..
My little sister hides from me
But she can not hide her pain
Always followingAlways shadowing
A puppeteer strings an open mouth,
She is me, and I am her.
Tells me what to say−
Obedient, teeth clacking.
Indecent
Left with a broken smile,
A twisted girls mind
Can take you a mile
Through the decisions she's made
She's haunted by pain
Brought to light to see
The only good decision she ever made
They say that the pen is mightier than the sword;
But the only blood that can be spilled is from the writer herself,
The battles waged are those within,
And the King served is one unknown.
Shrouded and covered.
This is one who creates, who tries to thrive, especially because she was dropped into the fierce tidewaves and learned to dive.
I'm hurting I'm crawling
I can't find my heart
I know you have it but it's falling apart
you don't see but I'm crying and dying inside
When did I get so low?
When did I give you so much control?
The most difficult year in ones high school years
Scholarships, exams, and tuiton
Things that get us down, make us stressed
Difficult but worth it
Why the fuck do we need money to help people with injuries or illnesses?
Why can't all of the countries around the world make an agrrement to make health care free?
We sit face to face,but there is something in the way.
An object that gives you satisfaction,
its in my face and your eyes are lost and I wonder
is this gonna work.
I feel entirely empty, so lost & distant;
You leave me nothing, but a reminiscent;
I hear your name and my heart skips beats;
I try to cope, but always experience defeat;
Risk this is more than a word
this is the sweat that trickles down your skin and play with your nerves
this word leave people speechless
scared to move on a foot on the week and
One day we'll live together, he promised.
One day we'll see each other every day, he promised.
One day we'll kiss each other every night, he promised.
Until that one day never came.
It was the boys in my eighth grade class
The boys in my eighth class
I couldn't seem to get past the way they laughed at me.
The way they laughed you knew that they were laughing at you
Some times I feel
useless
unimportant
ugly
depressed
and
alone
no one loves me
every time something happens
I am the blame
they judge me
for who I am
I am afraid.
I am afraid of everything.
I'm not afraid of spiders, snakes, or tigers.
Controlled, calm a very steady mind.
Fooled under pressure hidden over time.
Hunted by shadows, a very cunning kind.
Am I greater or am I leaser, these thoughts drown my soul.
Sometimes you meet a girl
And you try to imagine what she's truly like.
You don't know.
I think that it's harder to meet the real,
"Someone" because people are so guarded today.
She was a sad girl
Although, no tears fell from her eyes.
Her sadness was hidden
Her smile full of lies.
She had so many dreams
Held back by our own limitations,so we start on our medications.Arguments fought through litigations,never considering the implications.
One. Today my boyfriend wanted to have sex.
As we sat in his truck he tried explaining to me why this is a good idea.
Two. “Come on baby,”
He tried guilting me into it.
Three. “We’ve been dating for 3 months,”
You feel it,
like sweet kisses upon your skin.
Kisses you yourself have never known,
but still imagine.
Crying in my room.
I just want to be accepted.
Just want to be loved.
I don't know why it has to be like this.
With so many people that already can't stand me.
How could I ever show them the real me?
I feel alone, in the most populated places in the world
I feel sad that im misunderstood
I didnt know how bad it was to be livin in the hood.
School motivates me to succeed
Why don't you come on down to my place?/Just take a seat in the chair by my suitcase/Find that space next to the wall/Though I've been here before, I haven't seen it all/Like the wind, I move from place to place/The only constant is my suitcase/T
If you can't read the photo it goes-
Here I sit in this rut once more,
waiting, longing.
I wish I could stop but it only goes just,
beat, beat, beat.
And the raging thump continues just
He struggles to find his place in this world
But for putting up walls, he should get an award
Because the only person he shares his feelings with
Would never even be able to understand it
The fires burn in the distance nowyet he feels better, some howGasoline and matches, his keys to freedom
Why did you leave me behind?
Was is becase of your pain?
Or was it because of mine?
I wish you could of talked to me,
before you left me behind.
I miss you daily,
Everyone leaves.
No one dwells past what they have to.
They run never thinking of you.
Leaving you with no one left to turn to.
If a color was you, then you would be blue.
I am alone
A single soul
Who's heart is cold
Bound by the thought of everyday madness
Kept awake by the sobs of every night sadness
The tears feel like fire upon my eyes
The days end in long sighs
As the years go by
She grows with the changes of life
Her simple worries and fears
Turning into grave strife
No longer a little girl
Believing in fairytales they would tell
Stuck in her mind
The tiny tears slide down her face
Alone and hopelessly
Searching for a single trace
Of whom she used to be
Carefree, innocent girl
Untouched by the evil unseen
Now corrupted by the world
It really doesn’t hurt,
But yes, I know my weight.
I see the way I look,
And I see you looking too.
It really doesn’t hurt,
Besides, even I make jokes,
My odd shape is comedy gold,
For all the love I have to give
No one can learn to live with it
I'm restless, weary and fading
Straining to remain the same
Another date, another day
No love shines in this shade
Sitting in a dusky room all by herself
The words repeatedly playing in her head “it will be as if I never existed”
She curls up in a ball trying to pull herself together
Childhood last for so many years, but not very long
The mind of a child lives on for so long,
Until the age that you spawn as you no longer are considered a child by law
I feel. Unspoken words
I feel a wrath beyond my state
Whether to a walk with or without
I can't let go. I can't do so
The dark throughout the void
What have I done? The person I loved…cold, limp, and lifeless…is before me. The person I loved is calling out for help… no one can hear… I took no action. I watched the person I loved… die before my eyes. I look at my arms… splattered with bl
Blind Ambition
Keeps me wishin'
I had someone like You
Orange burst
of passion
Purple mist
Hello, hello, is there anyone here.
Please hear my cries if there’s anyone there.
Oh dear God, what have I done?
I advised myself to write the things I couldn't say, or wouldn't say out loud on this paper.
Masters of Darkness.
Assassination specialists.
Asia's most feared Assassins.
Hiding their faces from society.
no no no !
it cant be happening again PLEASE NO !
leave me alone, get your hands off me, please leave me alone !
deep breaths, sweating, the hands reaching out of the walls
no no no !
it cant be happening again PLEASE NO !
leave me alone, get your hands off me, please leave me alone !
deep breaths, sweating, the hands reaching out of the walls
I cannot let me feel
To feel is to hurt
Hope turns black with each shedding tears
What once felt excitement is only filled with dread
I cannot escape this prison
I made for myself
Imagine,
during the first few months of when you first understood what words, languange, and feelings were
you were called ugly.
Imagine how for the next years of your life you were reminded of how ugly you were.
Alone.
Alone is how I feel when there's no one near, alone is how I hate to be.
And when there's tears coming down and my smile is upside down, I hate that it's just me.
Why can't things be.
What they used to be.
When I felt special.
Around you.
Guess things got too serious.
Thought we could both bring the best out.
In both of us.
But I feel so alone.
Can you hear me?
The one who is supposed to care for me though all that I do.
Can you hear me?
It's been another long night
With another hard fight
That I endure alone
Because so few know
And nobody cares
That my skin tears
When I'm left to myself
Because there is nobody else
It's like a parasite
Feeding on all my energy.
I'm consumed, engulfed by your love
While you are merely floating in it.
Why is it that we dont share the same fate?
Leave me,
I'm hurt can't you see?
From the harsh words you've said to me,
I'm fed up with the tears,
Alone. Alone. Alone.
He walks away slowly, lost but not gone. My face burns with acid; my fists are solid stone.
Alone. Alone. Alone.
Is it not enough for you that you've ripped my heart out already.
You fucking broke it and now you have to step on every single one of the pieces too?
Was it never enough for you to just know that I loved you?
We're all fucking alone and
I hate being reminded of it.
Leave me
And then come back
showing me pictures and
videos of you without me.
Leave me
And then never reply to my
people tend prey on the weak ones
as much as they hate to confess.
Forget Me Not
*controversial*
Morning sickness brings the blues,
Monthly cycle is overdue.
She was drunk that night,
Flinging morals in the wind,
Small Doll chips away,
Small Doll likes the fray,
Small Doll knows nothing,
But the sad decay,
There is a river inside of me,
It always flows, impossibly deep
As it holds all I can be
My dreams, my passions, memories
The water is cold;
It chills my bones
No one knows where it flows,
I'll explain, and I'll try not to weep as I speak.
But please listen, and don't ridicule me.
Things occur for a reason just like the transitions in every season.
The love I have for Him has sprouted up, and will not wilt.
Goodnight, Moon Eyes, I guess our stars are gone
And although I'm just a black hole, I know you could be my sun
You can find me
where the
dust sparkles
in the window
from the sun's rays
You can find me-
there
I'll be hiding
beside the curtain
blending into the wall
In the greatest strings of logic, and the most concise and thought out stretches of time, where do I stand?
Continuity,
Four, five, six, three,
When I die, are bones all that are left of me?
Immortal,
Black is the secret kept inside me
Cold and lifeless where none can see
Gray is the line upon which I tread
To lie or to tell? A choice I dread
White is my soul which none have touched
I can see you
feverishly stabbing away at your keyboard
the glare of the computer screen illuminating your countenance
Why am I nor happy?
I have such a big porch for me alone.
I have the life that no one else owns.
I have gold that no other holds.
Why am I not happy?
I have all I want,
But something stands.
I have memories of past lives sewn inside my brain
They come rushing at me in the night like an oncoming train.
In between sleep and awake is where I most feel at home
I drown in my thoughts--
Sleepless night and a flickering light
the shadow glares, from above it snares
slow tunes fill this space with nostalgia
My friends don't want me
Life is getting hard
I'm feeling so lost
And it's tearing me apart
There is no one to turn to
Nobody cares
It's making me retreat
panic arches in my gut,
deep and visceral pain
and i can't breathe,
can't see,
can't hear
anything
but the relentless beat of a butterfly's wing
against my rib cage
You might want to get out a pen and paper and take some notes
Listen up, no texting please, awkward eyes contact is necessary
We’ll start with some basic rules, you'll want to write them down
Alone on a couple’s bench I sit
Won’t you come to hear the stories I tell?
For when I disappear, that may be it.
All my life, I stood the misfit,
And to this day I still repel
Sometimes I mess up, I know I'm not perfect.
Does that still mean I'm not your baby girl?
What have I done to make you almost disappear from my life?
Did I say or do something wrong?
If so, can you please tell me?
I wish I could hug you, look you in the eyes, tell you that everything will be okay; that I will take care of everything when you're gone. But I can't.
I trace the wind
It’s path, it takes me
Past the part
Of happy endings
Now I swim
I swim so swiftly
I cry, I try
To hear myself
Can I reclaim my innocence
Too young to make life decisions. Too old to depend on mom. Wandering on the uncertained journey of life independently.
Different.
That's what they say it will be.
Different is like how doctors say you will feel a little pressure,
when really it's pain.
Counselor: How bout we start by you telling be about yourself
ME: *sigh*
So where do it start?
I came to my father and said, "Father, I have straight A's."
Ignoring me as he turned to my brother.
"Son, don't ditch school or get F's. You're the one that carries the family's name."
As the tears rolled down her face, she thought she was all alone;
No one to hug her, no one to tell her that she is loved.
Her thoughts began to strengthen.
One mistake,
will you ever let me forget it...
Understood what was done was wrong
Understood this was a disappointment to you.
But hey let’s think of it this way,
What else is new?
So hard to please,
You said you would always be there.
You said you would never hurt me.
You said you would always protect me.
You said you would always be in my life,
No matter what.
You said you cared about me.
Dear Love:
How have you been?
I remember when,
We first talked;
It’s been a while since then.
And I hope we’re still friends,
We got some issues, but let’s mend the fences.
The day is towards its end
Your hands are wrapped around your head
Why won't the pain just end?
Blame yourself for all that's wrong
The days feel way too long
The nights are far from calm
I wish that I could sleep, I wish I couldn’t see,
All the things that we could be.
I wish that I could breathe, I wish that it was we,
But it’s you plus her, not me.
I look around but see no one,At least no one that I have knownFor here in this forgotten world
Who's right? Who's wrong?
We'll see in time the lyrical meaning of this song.
Pissed off, confound.
I'll show you who's getting hurt this time around.
I am living but I'm not alive
Everynight I let myslef cry
I go to sleep hoping to never wake up
I am living but I'm not alive
I've gone through things and I wish I died
I wake up but I'm still dead
Abandoned.
Left alone to face the rest of the world,
It’s okay I guess, I’m used to it by now.
They found me years ago.
Screaming from inside an abandoned apartment,
Starving,
The demon of loneliness sits on my chest as I lay down in bed, thinking of a life where I'd be able to say I'm happy and mean it. The demon of loneliness fills my head with strong, convincing words of pain. "You have no one." It says.
Because it is vulnerable, an option, you might see.
Wide out in the open, entire visibility.
Kindness, is it only but a word?
A person who hears people's needs.
But oddly, sadly, is never ever heard.
You try your best to see the light.
In a blinding sheet of darkness.
You ignore and try to forget.
Poetry
The tall, dark and handsome man I long for
His broad shoulders are the frames to the most
beautiful painting
His eyes illuminate in the sky like the stars
Almost as if you could touch him,
I wanted lavender walls to enlighten the pain while walking through the door
Stained glass windows to add color to dull days
Tan carpet that felt soft on all the rough skin it touched
A love is something that should cause no tears
I had my share of hopeless sighs and yet
I'm free of care without a cause to fear
To be heard is a marvelous thing
To really see what isn't seen
And feel what is really spoken
Humans were made for this sort of connection
You see to be truly human is to be truly known
I feel like I'm falling, into an inevitable destiny of disapointment.
Full of empty black space. No one in sight, nothing but space.
Chances are, I'll face the world alone.
A potent mix of emotions and shattered dreams quench the thirst of a lost soul.
He wanders aimlessly seeking that in which he will never find, but still searches nonetheless.
"Why must love feel like a heart attack"?Some may sayCausing our hearts to sputter one final beatThump, thump, shhDifferent types of love lause different types
All I've ever wanted is love and respect, nothing else amused me except...
the times I've worked for hours trying to refuse, the feelings I feel when out of school,
What I Hate
Do you know what I absolutely hate?
What makes me so sick to my stomach?
And my skin crawl with repulsion?
I’ll tell you what I hate:
The battle's raging,
A war in my head.
Shot's have been fired,
My feelings all dead.
I sound the alarm
and call for retreat.
But its too late for that,
As I've already been beat.
I am holding a bladeUp to my wrist In the knife all I see is lies upon liesBut then I see youAnd your little blue eyesYou say put the kinfe down AuntieOr I will crySo I put down the kinfe
Abandoned once again
Find strength, confidence, when?
Smile when you're sad
Cry when you're happy
Nothing makes sense thoughts overlapping
Long gone from this world
Heart broken, lost, hurt once more
Gone gone gone away
ran ran ran away from here
away from here
darling i know you are afraid
but please please try to stay
stay here
your Childs right here and she says she said she loves you
I down another bottle
To wash the pain away.
For a brief moment,
I feel a bit okay.
I don't have the words anymore.
They escape my mind as freely
As they once rolled off my tongue.
I don't know what happened
But somewhere between then and now
You took my whole world and flipped it
My life is unusual I hate myself completely, if my life were a story I would just delete me
I'm dramatic nd mad Im never fully happy, my only emotion being anger, nd attitude nothing less than crappy
I feel like I’m drowning
In a sea of people,
Whose thoughts and ideas
Overpower mine.
I’m just one person
With thoughts and ideas that seem far too alien, too simplistic.
Can you even hear him?
Or do you block him out?
Afraid of what he could say
That would make you feel so proud...
Do you even try now?
To let him in your 'house'?
i have no energy to stay awake
but no strength to drift to sleep
im just kindof sitting here
not living
but just existing
functioning as only a living human body
while my soul shrivles and turns
Down, from my sleep to the floor,
I came tumbling down.
The wind and waves caught the ship
And whipped her stern around.
room spinning
eyes watering
cheeks flushing
lips quivering
heart burning
lungs ghasping
just an average night
alone in the dark
Daddy why did you leave me
Aren't you supposed to
Hold me
Love me
Comfort me
Daddy why did you hit her
Aren't you suppose
to protect her
Love her
Respect her
I am not who you think.
I am more than this.
I have to be.
I will not end.
Some part of me remains.
When i was born My mom wanted to name me Roxann,
MY dad would not allow her to due to the once popular song by the police
A walk along the beach..A whisper in the wind..Without these things, I could no longer pretend.A hike among the trees..A nap in a meadow..I'm never followedby your ominous shadow.
Has a person ever seen such darkness?
What makes this real?
Tender kisses and blind movements,
All just to feel.
The pieces never fit to begin with.
Given fragments of things that don't match;
they weren't even close...
Wanting rain for every moment,
lost in a place with no way out,
Red-headed beauty
with the brightest green eyes...
I watched as she threw herself away.
The heart's wounds more hidden
than the scars on her arm,
she wanted nothing more
Abandoned, incomplete works of emotion
litter these several spiral-bound books.
Unfinished letters to people
I hate and love with all my heart.
The words lie on the paper,
Night after night,
into the miserable hours
of another weary morning,
I waste my time
lying restlessly
in a bed too familiar.
Tiny branches of red
Don't think I'm crazy, but I feel so Damn lonely. The nights when I just wanna cry and have someone there to hold me. When you try to make friends just to escape pain, and emotional suffering. That's when you figure no one's there..
We not together but I love what we got but I can tell the vibe is gone when the text messages start getting short and the phone calls stop being long
Don't judge those people,
They all have their own stories.
Why can't you hear them?
Look at their faces,
Are they sad beneath their smiles?
Listen to their thoughts.
It is dark
Like a crow’s wing
Thick
Like despair
There is no one
Like the world died
Empty
Like a pot
Pain is stretched
Like a rubber band
Resonating
suddenly i am julted awake by that feeling. it strikes through me like lightning and thunders in my head and leaves a pouring storm of rain falling continuously from my storm cloud eyes.
I walked a weary path,
Downtrodden and alone;
No friend by my side,
And nothing to call my own.
This morning
I saw you
I saw you talking
And laughing
And smiling
With all your friends around you
And I started to cry
Tears dripping down my throat
And into my heart
Thoughts are
Drowning me
In my head
A pool
Of lies
And conspiracies
Not stopping
Until I have sunk
But I know how to swim
Memories are
Burning me
I'm so confused
The hurt inside me is so surreal
I can't escape it
It just follows me constantly
Growing, growing
I feel myself suffocating
I just want to be good enough
Sitting in a corner I hug my knees rocking back and forth as the walls close in on me.
Four corners, four walls, they have been my home for an eternity.
Every day I wait and hope for the day when the doors fly wide open.
Incompetent minds
with unyielding thoughts
she keeps to herself
and guards her soul
they dont understand
they only observe
she stays in pain
but keeps her control
I place the key in the ignition,I put the car in driveand press the gas pedalbut I go no where. I open my mouth,and move my lips,I push air out
There is something stirring
It threatens fear
It threatens death
My only escape is to drown
Drown it out
Push it down
Do not breath
Do not think
Do not cry
This war I was ‘fighting’
Has left me with broken bones,
Tattered clothes
Nothing left in my soul
I’ll run
And I’ll run
Until I find you,
I’m running
Life of a bully oh how it must be
to have people cower all over your feet
Storming and raging, even the skies are afraid
of who ever would come across you and your rage
If I was not alone, how joyous I would be,
The smiles upon their faces no longer a mystery.
I surrounds myself with hundreds, even thousands of my
Friends.
The time has come to fade away.
We had the world but now it's gone,
your beauty took on many forms.
Now you're gone and my heart is torn.
Ever since you left, I started to rethink my life.
However lonely
Only is non-existent
You are not yet an island
You are not yet in silence
Nor will you become a blank moon
Keep your eyes hoisted above the frames
Do wander tonight without a name
I have a guard
Obedient and spry.
Whether I want him or not,
Is stuck at my side.
Alert and on point,
Eyes peeled to the brow.
The wind is against me,
And he defends anyhow.
As I stare upon these walls they speak of nothing to me.
As I stare upon these walls they hope of setting me free.
As I stare uon these walls it cast a shadow over my longing heart,
Tap Tap wait Tap
Looking for connection
Looking for something that can't be found
Hoping this time it will be there
But it's not
Hold Tap
Tap Tap Wait Tap
Am I going insane?
feels like i'm in another dimension.
Stop, get out of your head,
you have to pay attention.
Surrounded by your classmates,
but feel alone all day.
Dismissal bell means nothing,
This girl, she lives a normal life everyday, she wakes up, gets ready and goes to school. She is physically there but not mentally or emotionally.
I'm back, but I'm falling apart
I'm back, but I'm lacking the heart,
That I need to keep movingAnd what do I think I'm proving? Starving for attentionReceiving it in the form of tension,
Is it the crickets' chirp
after the whole world has quieted
That fills my heart with emptiness?
Or is it the nights spent alone
Under these cold covers?
Perhaps its the memories of once
Belonging
you say you love me
you say you care about me
but how am i supposed to belive
when you never show me
Simmer in the sun,
Dive in the lake.
Roll in the fescue,
Feel the wind break.
Frolic in the flowers,
Dance in the rain.
Twirl under trees,
By: Anyssa Q. E.
A bouquet of senses,
Of course will be sensed,
as a bouqet of roses enjoyed,
But a bouqet of symbols,
With scents so intense,
may sometimes go along ignored.
At the end of the day, when the flashback startsThe brilliant rays of the sun isall I’ll remember
If you have no intention of loving me
Then let me be.
For I am tired and sad and broken
And need no contributions.
Shaky as a fawn,
I am learning to stand
But empty promises and tender words
i am an introvert
a social retard
unable to act human
around even the closest to me.
what comes with these handycaps
these countless curses
sorrowfull setbacks
is my words
Ran Through the White Fog
Selected
Lined with a decorated past
Finding new sights with old eyes
Your courage is tested
so fucking alone
lying in my bed
exhausted
as im trying to pick up my phone
but no one is home
so i sit here alone
on this pollow of foam
pillows scatter my bed
A Shadow among the Darkness
Lingering among wood, hear his footsteps move the earth
Tranquil in sound, with transitioning beauty within the nothing
Black light swirls over the endless night
Hollow Ghost of Red Heart
Ominous with frantic rage
Yet vindictive under the Vail
Luminous as starlight nights
Breathing Just Fine
Held under water
Gazing upon him
We fight for a way out
The sea blue runs black
Feelings?
What's that?
Well I'm too dumb for that.
Happy?
What's that?
Well I'm too numb for that.
Nice And proper ?
Whats that
I looked up and saw that dark shadow,
My keys fell to the ground, and I knew I wasn't allowed to make a sound.
The next few seconds went in a blur,
Until you bashed my head against the window my words began to slur.
Gripping the razor
She admires its silver tone
Exposing her wrist
She examines her canvas
She glides the razor
Ever so gently
Feeling the painful hole in her chest go away
She always looked for a silver lining
But never thought it would be a silver razor
One side dull
The other thin, sharp
Admiring it reflecting the single light in her room
Gripping it in one hand
Stranger in a crowded room
Fate continues to weave at the loom
Your entire life mapped in one tapestry
And you stand alone, helplessly
You begin to wonder,
body of a goddess , roses melt at her feet . Her body says it all so she doesn't needa speak . she's intelligent not a soul will ever know , her name doesn't even matter cause she's known as a hoe .
waiting in the sideines
for someone to come along
doesnt have to be anyone
just dont let me be alone
cant wait any longer
for something thats not meant to be
please come for me
somebody
You say you wish to know me, but how could you?I do not even know myself.This must be your test of Love; the test of my truth against the lies.
Days,
Weeks,
Months,
They pass.
And I wait.
I wait on you.
I wait on a FaceTime,
A call,
Some word.
But you don't call.
You don't FaceTime,
You send no word.
Homeless individuals sleep with dreams of what they used to be
Now they have moved on leaving the new generation drowning sea to sea
No education, no temptation, to get a dream fulfilled
I tread a lonely passage,
With cliffs at my side.
It stretches onward and curves some,
What treachery does it hide?
It's been a year since you disappeared,
and the times have gotten worse.
I'm okay even though my world is falling down,
Even if I've grown up in some forgotten town.
I'm okay even though my skin is full of spots,
Even if I'm way too big to think about cute tops.
I wish that they could know me for who I really am but all they hear is rumors and here I go again...Down life's road alone, without you by my side I don't tell you that I love you or that you make me feel alive, instead I just leave it all insid
A sadness so deep
A darkness so sad
nothing, no one, anyone
you can never
you will never
Touch your knees with your nose
Hide, from it all
World fading
It is strange that I had never touched a cigarette until I had remembered how the taste would linger in my mouth after I had kissed you?
I try to find myself, but I've been lost for forever. It's like I'm going in a circle so you'd think I'd know better. I'm somewhat lost in a trance, I can't find myself. Took 34 pills disregarding my own health.
Soon will come a day
A day in which my life begins
The beginning of my time
where my clock finally tics
Waiting inside this darkness
I met you
You camoflauged and kept yourself hidden
In the time after my death a flower grew above my grave
The roots reached down and intertwined with my body
Now I am the blue grey flower you see when you pass my final bed
In the time after my death a flower grew above my grave
The roots reached down and intertwined with my body
Now I am the blue grey flower you see when you pass my final bed
Woe is me, so it seems.
By: Anyssa Q. E
Out of place,
I've always been.
It seems nothing
had a care.
The moon above,
nor valley elsewhere,
had a share of golden care,
The city pulses with life
crowds fighting their way down sidewalks
throngs of cars inching their way down streets.
Lights glow above everyone's heads
and the tops of buildings reach for the sky.
The hustle and bustle of the city
Fills you ears, eyes and nose.
You see the chains of cars inching forward
Slowly – one at a time.
You smell the putrid odor of sewage
She crys at night to see his face.
As every memory appears a tear falls.
Her world is a dark bleak hole,
They Stand Tall, Higher Than The Sky,
I Know They Could Kill Me, But I Continue To Fight.
When I'm left alone,
Every doubt and question comes to mind.
Every single ounce of my depression,
Roars its ugly face,
And racks every inch of my body.
I'm floating in old memories,
Old mistakes...
Anyone can handle being accepted,But how will you or me accept rejection.Some find it saddening,While others find it frustrating.When you feel strongly about someone,You just cant let it be.
Alone is one of the worst things to be
When all you feel
Is tired and empty.
You can cry
You can weep.
You can shut off the light
And beg for sleep.
But it won’t come
And you’ll still be
Roses are red
Violets are blue.
I'm not at all jealous
Or angry at you.
I'm just hurt from the truth
That everyone told me
So now I just want to
Make sure you're not near me.
There was a pretty angel,
once upon a time.
And this is her sad story,
of her heart of mine.
Look at you
So young
So lost
A compass without direction
You do not yet know the cost
You smooth your hair
You stand real tall
Already knowing that you are small
kicking, screaming
twisting, turning
my heart is broken
and feel like its burning
she was mine
and now is gone
her name was athena
at three months along
You whisper the words
The aching of heart
Hidden tears etched into soul
Caverns of desperation
Pillaged of joy
“What is the source of your pain?” I wail
Divided soul
Divided life
From childhood’s hour I was not the same
As others were; I did not play games
Pain
I feel it taking over me inside
The cries, the struggles
The pain that needs to be set free
Why did you hurt me?
Why must I feel the way I do because of you
So many questions gone unanswered
just a clone
Alone
forgotten
a beast
no free will
chained
caged
harvested
light
prince of hell
hated
just a creation
just a clone
Alone
forgotten
a beast
no free will
chained
caged
harvested
light
prince of hell
hated
just a creation
In a world of pain,lonliness and sadness
i want to be their super hero
with a magic wand that creates joy and happiness
i'll make all sorrows disseaper
and fill the earth with peace and content
Chills
Reaching deep within my soul they breed
Multiplying, festering
Unable to stop them, unable to take control
I retreat, trying to preserve the little sanity left
The beauty of lifeEven through this strifeIs people’s abilitytheir uncanny adaptabilityTo hold in their palmthat one simple objectobject of calmThe ability to affect
We think we're alone,
Accompanied by nothing but,
Pains that linger,
aching from toe to finger,
Breaking apart our hearts and souls,
Making us lose all control,
But stop!
The ship is sinking.
There is a hole in the bottom of the stern.
The women scream and clutch their children with fright
While the men run around, struggling to maintain control.
I turned a corner and found her asleep.
Her body motionless,
like an unborn sheep,
Hair splayed across the floor,
like seaweed washed ashore,
skin pale like the moon,
lips drained of life.
I don't think they realize
how staring at these walls
through blooshot eyes,
can slowly kill you.
You take so much in society
that it slowly eats away at your soul.
You begin to feel uncomfortabl
Shadows playing tricks on me
shallow is the night
The wind whispers lies to me
deceitful is the night
Together they weave fairytales too good to be true
You were not there, when I scraped my knees.Or when my boyfriend got down on his
When I threw my graduation cap in the air.Or decided to donate all my hair.
When I hit puberty,and eventually became pretty.
When you strip yourself bare before another
You are showing them your physical flaws
You are undressing who you are underneath all the clothes
I'm gonna sleep my life away
But all I really wanna do is make you pay
You ruined my life so
Why don't I Just take out the knife
I'm to weak for this
I think I reached my peak
I'm trying to be strong
We, a entity, traveling through time
With no direction to go
Walk with wander and walk with fear
Walking to a place that is unknown
Do I make a left or make a right?
One will never know
All my life I've felt alone, forgotten, unnoticed
Yes I have my family but their love only goes so far
To be loved truly and wholely by another, is but a dream for me
I've always been alone
nothing is quite as painful as invisible is.
walking through the crowded hallways of a dysfunctional high school
Thoughts are racing through her mind
When you ask her if she's all right
All she says is, "I'm fine"
You shake your head and reply, "okay"
The silence echoes in your brain
To the world, she is strong, resilient some say smart some say pretty others say talented, perfect.
Burning, burning, in this dark fire so strange that this fire is cold.
Burning, burning everything away nothing, almost nothing remains.
You think you know what I feel,
The feeling, its just to real,
Your words, they hurt
You treat me like a pile of dirt.
Cold and lonely,
Pregnant and scared,
Single and lowly,
With not a word shared.
Not aware how to feel,
Don't know where to turn,
Not one bit of help,
Til my child is born.
Quiet and Serene, At ease and peace, Nothing Else exists
Theres a breeze blowing through the trees
Music flowing through my ears
And sound from my mouth
I am alone but calm
Thinking flows deep
Do you know my story? Do you know my pain? Can you even say you know my name? Do you know my goals? Do you know my fears? Do you know that your words bring me to tears?Do you know it hurts, when you say these things?
Numbness overtakes her devastation
Standing in a paradise so surreal
Unable to express her infatuation
Always told what to think and feel
Living with an endless imagination
For reasons unknown, she didn't feel happy.She'd spend days wondering why life was this crappy.Her friends would tell her that she was their light.But how could someone so sad, be so bright?
I don't depend on anyone,
my walls are in place.
Sorrow always seems to find me,
slaps me in the face.
These tears I cry will be my last,
for my father, stuck in the past.
He's lost in his pain,
He drifts like a leaf in the wind a feather falling gently from the sky tiny, colorless, and hidden amongst a thousand others.
The sound shut out from a crowded room
Hearing one note after another, clear and smooth
Calm, Serene
Only when that noise enters
From the crowds of people
Laughter, Chatter
Do I feel completely alone
My Door
My door keeps people in or out when I
Want to be alone. I do not understand
Why others do not comprehend this fact.
My door represents privacy at home –
A rose, but one, none other rose did I have,
A rose, one rose, and this was a wondrous creation,
One rose a rose that brightened earth and sky,
One rose, my rose, that sweetened my breath and air,
My life is worth nothing, but an empty space
More than eternity darkness
More than bottomless ocean
Because I am who I am
My life feels like the bottom of a dark miserable hole
She cries into the nightAs she heads for the skyHer face is full of PainShe has nothing to gain. She cries herself to sleep
I had yearned for so long
I had waited for too long
I died inside for too long
no love no compaasion
no warm embrace
not even a tender touch
quiet nights
desperate mornings
I cry at night when no one heres me, no one listens to me anyways. I yell in the day but no one heres still. No one knows the pain I'm in, no one knows anything about me.
In the silent waves she saw herself,
Lost and confused, she cried for help.
Through the screams and moans that came tumbling out,
The distorted images that filled her with doubt.
No longer could she stand alone,
Walking slowly
my head faced down
but it is too dark
to see the ground
Into the unknown
I keep walking Still
into my skin it pierces
the cold deathly chill
Talking to my mothers graveUsed to be the hardest thing everI would just cry my eyes outThinking she would be back never
Don't tell me you're sorry
If it takes my blood
Dripping to the floor
For you to notice
You're not truly sorry
You're just desperate
For a quick relief
She isjust like everyone else,just like any other girl,liking her clothes and shoesAnd the silly things in life.But then she isn’t.
I am the girl that is permanently stainedThere’s more to sex than giving birth and STDSSometimes if your lucky you’ll still have your prince charming and be a drop dead beauty queen,
I'm so confuse
alone and a mess,
I'm sitting in this fucking desk
staring at my messy grades,
there worst then a wreck
where can i reset?
These teachers don't help,
It feels like I been here before I feel familar with this scene these words theses actions I feel like its on everyones minds thoughts lips tounge, its been in every corner of the world this feel to familar yet it has no shape, nor organic matte
Where are you going,
I can't find you,
where are you going,
I just trusted you,
Where are you going tonight.
I just wanted you,
and I just needed you,
I am waiting, I am alone,
My life is like a bad fairytale.
Dragons lurk in every cave,
ogres in every shadow.
When I get to the place where the castle should be,
what do I see?
The evasive palace has escaped me.
I want to love you for forever and a day.
Til the sun comes down, and its time to lay.
Til, the wind blows and the seas roar.
I wanna be with you, but dont forget theres one more.
My blood ran cold as he looks at me,i shiver as his breeze past me, i look apon his face and i worry... why is this i wonder?
Hey Mr. Principal,
Hey Mr. Smith,
I hope you sit comfortably –
On your plush office plinth,
With all your private accolades –
That no one could care about,
To the varsity trophies –
Eventually
Eventually you’ll run out of tears,
Eventually you’ll run out of fears.
Eventually you’ll run out of sadness,
Love
a 4 letter word, though it holds so much gravity
yet we throw it around like something thats only worth a penny
Hate
Oh there is a bliss in solitude
There is beauty in peace
And content in silence
No more wanting,
not needing but having
and loving
Let's pop some pills, Fall in loveCut our wrists and spill our bloodDrink come Gin, let's die tonightCome on Demons, help end our lifeLet us bleed, for what we see
Let's pop some pills, Fall in loveCut our wrists and spill our bloodDrink come Gin, let's die tonightCome on Demons, help end our lifeLet us bleed, for what we see
Put down the knife
Let down your hair
Abandon those thoughts
You're no longer there
I was there
Watching from above
Answering your prayers
Sending my love
Worthless
Is the name
Can I show you my world ?
It's filled with lies, betrayal , pain and despair
What am I holding?
My knife
I bleed my pain away
Yes it's okays if my clothes get stain
All the cliques laugh away
While I sit and watch
Wondering where my friends are
Wondering where you are
Wondering why distance keeps us apart.
The teachers will lecture
I can barely look at you,
I can hardly talk to you,
So I look at my shoes,
And listen in silence.
But I am dying inside,
I want to tell you
But the words won’t come
And I am stuck
The "men" walk across these halls as if the king,
Treating their special girl like the queen they deserve to be.
Mother nature did not come back,
The king had decided its time to flee.
Most people wonder why I spend time alone
Why I prefer being stuck at home
Than at that party with people I don't know
Throwing compliments and smiles just for show
I saw you today,
Surprisingly I was okay.
I didn’t want to cry or question why,
I’m fine that you aren’t mine.
I didn’t know what I saw,
Or why I would miss you,
I could even risk you.
You clenched at my chest,
For a sweet rational moment.
Heart drop.
Bottom rock.
The bitter grin
Made my face numb like gin.
The only
Substance
That can
Be
Absorbed
Wonder what it's like in the public eye.
Everyone knowing everything,
No secrets Whatsoever,
Judging stares; hateful words.
Wonder what it's like to always have a front.
To be what others want,
When I first met you
I was determined to be your friend
Everyday I'd come over
Just to see you again.
I'd do the sneakiest shit
To see if you would smile
It's the most fun I've had
Light.
Now it's dark.
Knife.
In my heart.
Fight.
In my head.
Cry.
In my bed.
Shadows.
Closer.
Getting.
Older.
Falling.
Crawling.
Game.
Good morning and good night
To you whose always let me down
We're dancing apart in this twilight
You're rising sun tares me down.
I followed you into te haze
Not realizing you never looked back
I hate the crowd, the wrong crowd
That keeps me in,
I'm drowning now.
And there's no hope
No lovely hope
To keep me safe, to keep me sound.
I fall too easy, and I can't swim
We are surrounded by people and things,
By those who are chained and by those who have wings,
By those who love life and dare to dream,
And by those who are scared to even be seen.
I dream,
One day you would want me.
One day you would notice me.
One day you would forget work.
One day you would write me.
One day you would study me.
One day you would intice me,
I have never realizedHow alone I've felt until this very moment...It hit me like I had just ran into a brick wallI hate how horrible I feelHow depressing this emotion isAnd to think that my biggest fear was to be aloneWhen I've felt alone for 4 yr
There are so many things I want to tell you
I was the quiet one in class who did all of his work
But you still gave me the bad grades because I did not talk throughout your class
Alone.
5 words.
2 syllables.
A major problem within itself.
Not only are we the cause but we are the reason.
Yet as time passes something begins to happen.
Alone
Sitting alone
Staring into space
Its dark in here,
in my mind,
This place is jam packed with nothing but words.
The negative words about
my life.
I'm alone in the darkness
I tore the words "Once Upon a Time"
Traced the letters "O" "U" "T"
Folded it up all nice and neatly,
Kept it in my breast pocket for my heart to see,
Then the words caught fire,
They fell away to ash,
Love is hysterical
Such is the hysteria that you do not even realize when it has made camp within your walls
Embedding itself within your soul
Until it is ripped from the place in which it was rooted
Sitting in my seat; doing so alone.
They say smile, be kind, and make new friends.
Tell me, admin, how easy that was for you.
Tell me, teacher, how to smile in a room of strangers.
Sarah
She was born into an orphanage
Her reading disability is awful
Her emotionally traumatized brain can't help it
Her life spent without being wanted
Justin
Wishes he didn't have parents.
You sit in the corner
in the darkness.
Hiding from everyone else.
You hide your scars
as everyone laughs.
You're an outcast.
They label you
as an EMO FREAK!
Nobody cares.
I don't want to be alone today.My thoughts are too loud on my own.I want to talk. Or listen.So I don't have to hear the words in my head.
Even if it is the perfect time for
Your intrepid morning coffee,
It's not so great for the threads of wonder
That spun in your mind last night
But eventually helped you to K.O
School is a place of study
This is the biggest lie
As soon as you enter the doors
You cannot help but cry
Constant revenge for nothing you may have done
Your legs were too skinny for your shorts
The day you walked into the room, your cotton shirt
About to billow, as if it could, on the unseen zephyr of your shoulders:
i don't matter
like a snowflake
every one
different and beautiful
all in their own way
yet all the same
as they flowly fall
into reality
no one notices
they fill the world
Sitting here trying not to think,Trying not to think of you.From your smile to your wink,everything about you had m,e wooed.
Get me out of this placeMy heart breaks like glassLet it shatter and it runs a different paceIt's messing with my head, one minute i'm with you now suddenly i'm hereWhen will this end?
Waking in a dark raging sea the sky with storm clouds rumbling overhead, wanting to drown but somehow unable, forced to swim to shore.
Poem: yet and still
•In one piece yet broken
•Showing a smile yet crying inside
•In a room full of people yet so alone
•I speak yet no one hears me
• Laughing and joking yet so quiet and empty inside
Alone is not a fun thing,
It is so painful,
It doesn't make you want to sing,
It sometimes makes you sorrowful,
Alone is different,
It is weird,
No one to talk to,
It gets boring after a while.
bends in the road
turn in unexpected ways
leading to new
and old ways of life
but can't turn back
fog rages behind
pushing you forward
rain poors over my head
heavy as lead
worrys
“Don’t let them in!”
I scream.
Barricade the door.
Board all the windows.
Cry.
“Don’t let them in!”
I scream.
Voices behind the door.
Scratching at the windows.
Panic.
She went to see the world down low
The girl with lanterns in her eyes.
So she flew on her cycle to the people below
The girl with lanterns in her eyes.
Yeah…It’s that hurt.
When you look around, and you realize
Damn it, you’re alone.
You live where your heart is
But you don’t have a home.
So you just stay there where your house is,
"As soon as you walk in tomorrow turn in your homework"
See my teacher expects me to waltz up in here,
doing stuff we are never going to apply to life.
y=mc to the power of "why am even i here"
Imagination, set me free
Take me far from here
Set me high up in a tree
Give me the chance to disappear
I’m going to swim across the sea
I wanna fly high off the ground
I roam from here to thereremaining discontent.My heart won't call this place a home,It must stay unattached.Everything is so unreal,I know it won't be long.Slowly I will drift away,
Dreams are an escape from reality,
A reality that we wish not to see,
For with open eyes things become very clear,
We see the world for what it truly is,
So take a step back and breath in the atmosphere,
None but my own, can condone, what it is to be alone, for being alone, is to each their own, to be alone does not mean you give up everything, but rather you hide from your own being, being alone is just a thought, just as fear can be fought, so c
We are the lost
And forgotten
Our emotions turned
Dry as cotton
………………………………..
We are the broken
She screams without noise
She cries without tears
She sits in a world alone
Left drowning in her fears
…………………………………………….
i was thinking
about how low
people can get
and how low
people can feel
so that they believe
they are alone
but are really
surrounded by people
who see them
That moment when you want to cry, but you're somewhere you cant
You want someone to help, but no one is there
You don't know what to do
All hope is gone
My brain is empty you see, where has it all gone?
Four years of high school wasted because i loved to "Get it in"
I didnt do drugs i was just lazy, sexed up so many girls, a few had babies
I had spent days, what had seemed to be months clenching to the piece of life I had. I was lost, in a chaotic silence, hoping and praying for redemption, for savior.
I wouldn't say that everything is fine
I don't believe in happiness
Every breath is harder
And maybe I am afraid.
I wouldn't say I am fine.
I wouldn't say I am okay.
because I'm not okay.
Silence
My mother always asks me,
Why I can never seem to sit still.
My muscles tighten and an excuse is quickly constructed,
Everyone leaves,
for what reason I have no clue.
I always think it's because of
something I do.
Maybe I try too hard
or don't try hard enough.
I can be so close or so cold
The man who lived all alone inside
without a woman by his side or a conscience to confide
in and realized that even the blind had eyes
and that the deaf could hear his cries when he tried his hardest just to try
Take a second to breathe, to listen.
To hear the laughing and the whispering.
I get it, we all do, it's old news.
I'm gay, yes it's true.
Yet you don't understand, acting rude and all whack.
Liar, Liar pants on fire
“Mama,” her body began to spark more and more with each step
“I’m going to Emily’s house,” her eyes began to glow hungry for fuel
Everyday, I wake up but nothing ever happens. I've been pushed here, there, and everywhere. I feel alone, so alone I just want to end my own life.
A lonely child in the halls, no one knows but he calls, out to someone for help, they all tell him he needs self-help, this kid is gay and that's okay, he doesn't understand what he feels, he starts to skip meals, no one pays attention, he's scare
I like to eat sleep and be alone
empty messages, no missed calls on my phone
Walk through the streets contemplating on life
no one to go on dates or make me their wife
Old friends and family call to hang out
The date is setThis is my decisionAnd even though we just metI need to make this incisionThe day is running outI need to catch that trainBecause I have no doutIt’ll turn off my pain
The briny breathes of the Humber welcomed my parents to the its shores,
and left their cheeks flushed along with their hair unkempt.
Many a day passed..
I waited.
He lay there..
Wasting away.
Neither him nor I could fix this.
Fatefully death had
Finally taken his hand
And had greeted me like so many times before.
Nothing lasts forever.
Things change,
people change.
You change,
tthey change.
Even when we know this,
we refuse to believe it.
We make bonds,
build relationships,
Running
Running
FUNNING running
Funneling grape soda and cranberry juice through a lemon squeezer
Why not?
It’s all pointless anyway.
Birds fall out of the sky like
Sometimes I wish I werea marigold,so faithful to the sunto rise alongside you,my center.& dusk--close my petalsaround the promiseof your return& never have to sleepalone again.
Loneliness is not a state of mind.
It is a choice.
A way of life,
A feeling.
A feeling that possesses,
A feeling that deceives,
I can feel him slipping
Us growing apart
I knew it would happen
Didn't know he'd break my heart
At first it was just fun
And then it took a turn
The lust died and love grew
Sorrow
My heart is slowly breaking into two pieces.
Nobody can hear my silent screams to my daddy, telling him to take me home.
With each waking breathe,
my soul quivers for fear.
I cant stop these feelings inside me.
He tells me to breathe
only breathe,
its all we ever have left
but why?
Everywhere I turn there are hundreds
Of dazzling smiles
So, so many are surrounding me
In a radius of miles
But not me, no. I do not smile
Because I am no one
I sing so you don't know im crying.
I luagh so you can't tell im hurting.
Close my eyes so you don't know im watching.
Walk to keep from running.
Hide in plain site so you can't see me.
I need to be alone, to clear my head.
Like rinsing the sink with water,
Down the drain, out of sight.
I’ll go to the forest where it’s peaceful,
I can be in my own world,
Imprisoned Life
Within a cage the heart does cry,
No hope to stand against a lie
And beats in pain to be set free
When my Great Grandmother was near death in the hospital
I was curious to see what an old person's butt looks like,
so I kept standing on my tippie toes to catch a see
You are supposed to be here,
You are supposed to care,
Not just sitting there watching tear after tear,
You are supposed to help, your supposed to mend,
Your supposed to be my very best friend.
I grow older,
The day is bright but there is no lightYou wonder how this could beIf you were meYou could surely seeThe beauty infront of me
How can I succeed
Or Believe
Or Achieve
When oppression plagues me ?
Under wraps is the violence-
Beneath shadows they hide it :
Mournful weeping rips through leaves
And dewdrop tears rest so silently
And I sit here perched up high
Looking down at the time gone by
I wonder of the years I've wasted
Everybody knows my name
But ignores me just the same
To most I’m just a nerd
My social skills absurd
I’m where to go for help
A whale among the kelp
My work is nearly flawless
People get tagged with these labels,
Straight,
Bisexual,
Lesbian,
or Homosexual.
I just want people to accept me.
I play ball,
I dress different,
I'm not girly,
Some days we are told how to feel and what to feel.
It is on those days that it is most important to listen to our hearts,
and not to think, but just to feel.
Some days we may feel alone or lost,
I cannot let you see me cry
It's not that I don't have something to cry over
I don't know why when I cry
I run for cover
rather than the open arms of my mother
I cannot let you see me cry
Grasping at shadows. Reaching for Ghosts. Searching for figures along the coast. Looking for something real, something to hold onto. A single shred of proof that I am not alone.
My head hurts. / My throat screams. / My hands shake. / This is no dream. / My eyes water. / I crouch down. / I cover my ears, / To shut out sound. / I miss my home. / I miss the quiet. / It's just too much. / All of this riot. / I want a hug.
Of days when I have forced my will
To school, and kept myself so still,
And haven't uttered cries of grief,
Of your incompetent relief -
Deriving from your lack of skill,
In the ability to feel
I am leaving my roots. / Off to the prison I go. / I am leaving my home. / Off to the vast unknown. / I am leaving the love. / Off to where hate will roam. / I am leaving the hugs. / Off to where I'm alone. / I am leaving myself behind.
As the trees become pale
The life sucked out of fragile leaves.
The sky, covered in dull, meaningless clouds.
I watch as Earth welcomes Winter
With a friendly, extended hand.
pitter-patter like little feetraindrops tapping on mine pane
bitter burns hiss and slitherremembrance dismantles my sane
moist summers and eerie chimesfingertips lost within your mane
Time ticks slowly, almost like my heart with out you
Just like the Moon, has to be away from the Sun,
I have to be away from you.
Every once in awhile you visit me in my dreams
I’d say it in person, but I fear rejection
Because when a student speaks out there’s surely ejection
You ask who I am, just look at my friends
I stay true to my values while others change like trends
I can't go a day without you, you're a drug.
Intoxicating, just like rum.
Crawling beneath my skin.
I can almost taste you, sweet as sin
keep me awake for daydreaming has become too dangerous for me
i am scared
i am here
on the outside
i show no fear
this is new
i am here
within time
there will be no fear
i am scared
i am here
on the outside
i show no fear
this is new
i am here
within time
there will be no fear
Hello. My name is Hunger and, I'm a whore.
I think I've seen many of you here before...
Allow me to explain.
When the land, kisses the sunlight
And, day turns into night,
Doc says I should start writing down my thoughts,
Says it might help me to find the root of my problems and in turn, the road to recovery.
Well, last night, I let old habits visit me and I woke up,
I am that nameless one, the one girl everyone seems to have an opinion on
Oh look, there's that one ! that slim one, I heard she was this , heard she was that
You hardly even know me to even talk. what do I do ?
When you see this soft-spoken, shy girl sitting at her desk,
You see someone weak
As I quietly doodle away on my note-pad,
You see someone distracted
When every other girl giggles and laughs with her friends,
Footsteps,
alone, or am I
only one can hear the thoughts inside me head
insomnia,
Fire, Fire, Fire
should I run or
should I stay
Footseps, but they are not mine
When I'm Alone in the quiet dark all by myself and merely with my thoughts the mind can run rampant.
In one word, what vague or obvious system of letters could sum up an entire existance, is it possible?
A low ache
A growing pain
Too hard to see
What I could gain
Darkening skies
A clouded soul
Listless wandering
Without a real goal
Faintly I sigh
Blankly I look
There is a time when one must step back
and see the tens of thousands of backstories
working together to build
one
using only the tissue of the heart.
They carve in and haul out,
I used to believe in 11:11 wishes,
Used to dream of midnight kisses,
I believed in these things and much more,
But all that was in a time long, long, before,
Before the boy ripped at my chest,
It hurts so badCause all I wantIs to be loved
My heart is breakingAnd I move awayBecause I can't take this...
Can I have one more kiss?
Everlasting, perpetual, eternal wait
Each moment longer than the last
Seems hopeless to leave it to fate
Each joyful moment too short to last
Biding time till the day should come
Nothing seems to work
Nothing could ever be said
I am never heard
Nobody can hear
Nobody will listen now
I am never heard
Silence is comfort
Silence is my company
I was once happy
A long time ago
Now I cant seem to smile
Only tears seem to flow
Pen to paper
My feelings forever in ink
My escape from reality
My only way to think
Empty branches equal an empty heart.
The cold wind shakes the leaves bare.
I stand under the tree wishing you were here.
My hat blows off letting my hair run free.
The icy wind peels back your outer core
Unprotected; as you were from the moment
The contractions won and you tasted
Bitter, bloody air. You close the door.
Turn, and face the face of pity. Snarl at it.
She had the whole world at her feet.
She even had friends all over the place
But at night she still didn't get any sleep
It was as if she was her own enemy
Always putting herself down to benefit others
No Chalk
© Alexis Dykema
If we could just tell you, it would be easy.
If we could lay down these words like lines of chalk on the sidewalk
Most of us would.
As you stare out the window
of your quickly moving train car,
the landscape, blurred, is ashen and bare,
and the pitter-patter of rain on the thin metal roof
never stops.
Hear the laughter and not the end
Past mistakes in my head
Break the tip of my pencil lead
The end of the end is only the beginning
When I listen to those words
I only hope that you're kidding
Those who believe say that 'God' only gives you what you can handle,that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger,I ask you:What sort of twisted joke is this, then, when the strong only continue to get tested?
when I was a child I was told that words can never hurt me
I was told that a word is just a word
a name is just a name
it doesn't hurt.
that's a lie.
words are like knives in the back of the legs
What have you done to us?
You mock me so. You look at me
As if you are god judging upon his little children.
How dare you?
How dare you speak to me like that?
I am not your ribbon
You sat alone every first day of school and hoped, no, prayed that no one sat next to you.
And when they did, you ignored them; it wasn’t long before they said hello, but you had already put your earphones in.
Here I am, again I sit alone, time passes slowly as I constantly check my phone.
I scan the room ony to find sympathetic stares, me at the table with a bunch of empty chairs.
I can see, but I am blind.
I can hear, though I am deaf.
I can speak, yet I am mute.
I find myself wandering, like a spirit,
Walking the same path over.
I cannot tell if a dream has taken me
Sometimes they point.
Sometimes they laugh.
Sometimes they use you,
And stab you in the back.
Not always do they hurt you.
Not always do they glare.
Not always do they let you
Will it come to pass me by
or will it never come at all
Will it come with my sorrows
or will it come with my family's sorrows
I ask myself this everyday
for you never know when it'll be your last
I am stuck, stuck in between what is wrong and what is right for me. I am stuck, stuck in-between someone that will make me feel alive tonight and someone that will make it right.
Want it gone
Away forever
But I know
That it’ll never.
Focus on one
Impossible.
Focus on many
Probable.
Lost in a wistful wasteland.
The Wind is howling stop.
Don't leave- Don't go- A voice says
I'm at my final step.
Feeling as the Sky, so grey.
Plunging into my life.
I am young but old
I wonder what it feels like to fly
I hear the whisper of a butterfly's wing
I see the colors of the wind
I want to go to heaven one day and see my grandma
I am young but old
There was a place and timeDon't ever go back to thenIt is just filled of memoriesAnd sadnessOf people who don'tRemember you, andPeople whom you wish to forgetYou've visited your past
Can't breathe, need air,Hands shaking, almost there.Rushing, pulling, running,The taste, simply stunning.
I live in a world of darknessA world where no one caresI live where people have no heartsIt's always cold, I'm invisibleNo one wants me here, no one even knowsI wish to be in a world of happiness
Alone walking in the shadows of the forgotten hoping to find a familiar face or someone to listen to but you find no one, so you keep wakling no knowing where you're going to end up.
We go so far to find we are alone.As I wander the faculties of my mindI come to the conclusionThat time is the pinO' self-destruction When I lie at nightMy subconscious mind takes flightI journey to planes on astral connections
Hell is a place where the mind can goNightmares exist before eyes are closed
Fear has a home inside my soul
Memories hold me captive and won’t let go
Love is a place where I feel warm
At first everything was bright and sunny,
No one knew, but you started to grow a tummy,
The three of us were there for eachother,
That was until you became a mother,
We were still there but you pushed us away,
Sitting here alone and blue
with just my thoughts of you.
Looking into the skies
all I see you blue eyes.
Wishing you were here
for I could hold you near.
There is a place I go
When I'm alone
A quiet space
Away from all the chaos
Of the world
that we've misnamed home
When there is time to spare
It is there
That I will wander
Time to make mistakes,
take a chance,
kiss the summer fling,
and hold hands till sun set.
I'm here to grow up not down.
Kiss the stars and wink at the moon.
I've got a heart on full health
BEING ALONE IS different THAN BEING LONELY
BEING ALONE IS SOMETHING YOU choose
BEING LONELY IS not
I was never emotionless but
sealed tightly
in a box
stored somewhere
shut tight
(heaven help the one that opens it)
They tell you to smile to keep from crying
But what if you're tired of trying?
Trying to hold it in
Trying to fake a win
When you know very well that you've lost
What if you don't know what to do?
I'm so alone
I cannot feel.
My heart is ash.
This pain is real.
I cannot feel.
I cannot breath.
My lungs are crushed
From this longing.
My lips too cold
To feel the chill.
Why I write, is so I can have an outlet.
My lips are frozen, my voice is broken, I can't express how I feel because I-
am softspoken.
Why I write, is so I can vent.
It’s this time of year that makes me wish you were here.
It’s hard to enjoy the falling leaves,
When all I have is this burden to heave,
So the next time you see me I want you to remember,
I’m so gone.
Literally.
There is a distant look in my eyes.
And I go further and further away every day.
I’m gone.
If I come back, that’s God’s will.
Oh to life’s little desires
Through irresistible body’s pleasures
Such do they bring the hottest fires
Within you cannot control
Within it gives comfort and console
Promises to make things better
Fear, feel me
As I cry.
With cold hands,
Twisting my heart
And tearing my love.
Hiding underneath the skin
Afraid, alone.
Appearing like
The torture of my indecision
And fear,
No Pity for a Pedestrian
By Irvin Eden Ortega
I’m looking
I’m looking
I’m looking
The corner of the Patio at a family-friends party, [insert city here], New Jerseyage group: 17-21population: me
A shell containing what was hidden
Cracks open and spills ambition
No boundries
No safety
Just a spill of wild passion
Into the cruel world
The shell is no longer
I don’t want to do life today
So I think I’ll just lie here
I’ll be a Neo-Nietzsche
Since life won’t do me either
What good is a body
That only sees despair
It’s not white or phallic
You looked at me,As though I had done something wrong.Why did you look at me that way?You looked through me,Not at me.You were the perpetrator,You stole what was mine alone to give away.
Before, I had nothing.
An empty bottle of ink; no quill.
Endless. White. Space.
Before, I was silent.
a pin cushion to prick.
a bag to punch.
no sound, just space.
Before, my emotions hurt.
you say you feel alone
i told you im here
you confide in me
yes,
but who says i dnt need you?
your my friend
my love
there are things you do for me
that you dont understand
An empty canvas
Is as pure as snow,
And as white as the clouds
As time struggles on
The canvas is yellowed and aged,
It is torn and mangled,
The canvas is distraught,
Do you remember that you were the first lips I touched?
The first hand I held,
The first one I cared for,
The only one I ever loved.
Do you remember you made me smile when I first saw you?
We all face our own demons
We all battle it through
Why is mine still here?
Oh No...
Is this mine
My premium punishment
This is why i can’t move on
Why my hurt
I have always kept the thought in mindThat people come and go
So I would always keep my distanceAssuming they would leave
But I always craved a friendshipThat would last until I was old
So long have I tarried in it,
That thick stuff they say is laughter.
But I hear the bitterness
Behind it. How cruel it can be-
Loud and harsh.
And all this time I didn’t-
Wouldn’t-
I live beneath you.
I wade in the shallow end of your steps.
I don’t understand you,
Far as I may follow.
I know you don’t see me,
You don’t know who I am.
You’re eyes show nothing, hide nothing.
To get away from the drama that just may consume me
I write my hearts true desires
the thickness of the pain
layers upon layers
have taken a painstaking toll on me
writing takes the weight off my shoulders
They come together to be paired
So many of a kind -- individuals, yet inseperable
But with Time treading upon them
You find that they start to wear
And come apart at the seams
I'm surrounded by many.
I know people love me.
But why do I still feel lonely?
I smile, laugh, and have fun.
But why don't I feel happy?
What people see isn't always true.
Alone in the cold, a feeling thats never old/
my hearts starting to mold, feelings outta control/
Tears dripping down the side of my cheek/
No one to lift me up when I feel so weak/
It calms. It cools. It cuddles close.
It soothes. It warms. It’s a loving dose.
It’s there to aid your every scrapped knee.
It listens to your every plea.
It picks you up. It puts you down.
will does not force my mask,
a loney mood and empty flask,
does make my mind go numb,
behind this smile that you see,
is not a face so carefree,
abandon hope of helpful hands,
You should be my hero,
My personal Superman.
Always there to hold my hand.
You should take me fishing,
Teach me about boys.
And show me how to fight.
I should be your princess,
you think you know someone
you treat them like family
you trust them with your dreams, secretes, and life
but one day everything goes wrong
she turns on you
start telling your secrets to every living soul
I’m still sad, I’m still crying.I miss you and I know that I shouldn’t care anymore. But it's so hard to let go . You were my best friend boo and I miss you. I’m not supposed to be thinking about you anymore .
I'm lost in this tiny space, my mind has decided to leave and didn't warn me. I have no human interaction, not even the warmth of sunshine on my face. My thoughts are random and seem meaningless, yet they are taking control of me.
For the words that don’t come easy
The emotions that cease thee.
I am alone but am I?
Because when this pen hits this paper I fly.
No one can understand me better,
Than the words that flood this paper.
I’m waiting for the day I will wake up
Eyes open, glazed over, seeing blindly
Touching, but not feeling, encased in fine glass
Dreaming and waiting for something unknown
Desolate and blank canvas of a mind
Five hundred and forty eight days ago
You told me to believe You told me to have faith That where we were now
I have caught myself, talking to my mind again. It’s alright, nothing to worry about. I like it that way. Being in a place where you are me and I is you. We are all the same. We are all myself. Now the thoughts are creeping in.. Because lately you
When I was little monsters didn't hide under my bed.
They screamed at me from inside my head.
I dreamt of death and being alone.
I was always crying, never finding a home.
HEY BOO!! GUESS WHAT?You’ve left me alone again, crying for what seems like forever. I’m surprised I haven’t run out of tears yet cause thats all I do all day long.Cry over you.. when you seem like you don’t even care.
I believed that we wereSo in loveBecause you made me feel so sure
BUT
You started slipping awayand Icouldn’t do anythingBut cry.
THENYOULEFT
It hurt,
When you let me go.
It hurt,Because I didn’t know
It would be so soon
I should’ve listened toWhat everyone said.
You only wanted one thing.
They don't understand.
The more they put me down , the more I feel like hurting myself.
Smile Ashley!
Sit there and look pretty.
Only speak when you're spoken to.
Show each of them respect,
And God knows I did.
My heads pounding the more I smile.
I wondered how
Someone so angelic as you
Could have turned out to be
The demon that broke my heart
And then I remembered
That Lucifer too
Was once an angel.
I reflect. I dream. I speak. I desire.
How does it even compare? A broken heart? A summer's day? They are all the same.
We wander. We drift. We run. We crave.
In words, there is feeling
Love, Lust, and Hate
Despise, Passion, Adoration
We feel all these things, in association
With Words.
When words are released, feelings
head down
between my shaking knees
crying
happiness
so distant
cant grasp it
my soul lost
in a dark place
my mind confused
you were here
when people weren't
The emptiness consumes you, filling your soul with darkness, you can't run fast enough, you can't hide well enough, Because it is inside you, forever.
it's true, I say
that the pain stays inside
that we don't know where to hide
but why? you ask
because we're broken
because we're lost
because we are alone
Each and every question, by you or I, to me
My mind is quick to answer, so sure I’ll feel it be
An evolution strikes, as dusk turns into dawn
Awakened with wide eyes, my decision’s fully wrong
The darkness encloses slowly,
Circling my mind and keeping
Me from feeling anything.
Why am I always so alone?
Secretly weeping a river
Of memories to slip,
We all know that feeling
That feeling we use for excitement and adventure
That feeling we have when we take first steps
That feeling we have when looking into the future
It's a scared four letter word
Eyes are the window to the soul they say.
What, my eyes show this day?
Sorrow, memories, pain
Every day of rain.
Why?
Rough life is
Not for all showbiz.
Hard, cruel, unkind
The lone wolf was cut out from the pack
With nothing but a hurtful smack.
What did she do?
She wasnt like you.
She hunts at night,
With the moon as her light.
She is alone,
But not forlorn.
I wish you were with me right now, so you could see the tears spilling out of my eyes. If you saw me cry, would you change your mind? I wish you could hold me close and whisper that everything will be alright.
Why I write:
I write to unleash desire
Like many forbidden dreams, I write at night
I write to control the beast who wishes to devour
Only two years old and I know death to well
Big Brother did you have to leave me alone...
Daddy's staying out late mama ain't came out that room in three days...
Im just glad I know where the snacks are.
We were born alone
to fight the unknown.
God only knows
how much longer
we can go. The internal
battles are stuggles
we keep in bottles.
Trying to express who
we are in a civilization
There was a time when I was free,
of any worry and fear.
There was a time when I wanted to fly,
visit all over, far and near.
But then you reach a certain age,
where time seems to move quicker.
I started writing to express the hurt that was wrapped,
twisted, and concocted inside of me.
It seemed to be the only way that I could fully open up
and express where I actually wanted to be.
My artificial emotions I let flow loud and proudTrue ones keep inside with doubtIn my golden slumber I let my real thoughts wanderDeep into the cryptic yonderI open the gates of my vulnerability when I close my eyes
The trafficked desperation
The lined, faux leather couch
The smoke of burned unmentionables
It was pizza
And so like heyzeus from the ashes you rose
Because phoenixes are too poetic
To use the antiquated metaphor of a paintbrush
stroking the sky creating brilliant hues, chiaroscuro,
the simplest form of beauty.
The heavens merely blanket the subtle art below.
I see all these girls, They are all really pretty.They have friends, they are taken.Then, you see girls like me.
These girls you see,Are outcast.They don't have anyone. They feel oh so alone.
I let them drag me down
I was a mess
I was so far underground
Trapped in darkness
They kicked me around
Laughed through their teeth
Kicked again when I was down
Something calls beneath my veins
what's suppose to be quiet is now so loudly insane
I hear my pulse quickening as the beating drums
quicken faster to the searing sun
it's racing faster as I try to breathe
The sun awoke in the vast cerulean sky.
The grass, green and fresh with dew,
Sparkled in the morning sunlight, like tiny fragments of sharp glass.
Rainbows flitted across the meadow, halting against giant pale grey stones.
Sunlight burns through large, green treesCars begin to replace all the beesOnly thing living is people like meAs a breathe is inhaled in this great city.
There's a beehive in my heartwhose bees buzz all nightthey’ve built honeycombs in my veinsmaking me as stiff as a tin man with no oil
I bleed honeyand it attracts bears
Something isn't right,
this feeling I feel.
I see no sight,
but this is real.
This insane pain,
is something I can't handle.
I hide away in shame,
In this world I only have me
No one cares if I fall off the face of the earth
They wouldnt come looking for me
Just one less person in this world
Im out in the shadows and once in a while people notice me
She cried black tears , she can feel the blood in her heart freeze over
As her breathing gets slower the cuts get deeper, scared with memories
Of his hands striking her face, helpless no escape , even though shes a
I write in this old composition notebook... pouring heart and mind into the pages
Letting the pen do the talking that I can't bring myself to say
Freeing the spirits trapped inside me, weighing me down
they scream "we're not drunk enough!"
so I give them the golden liquor of death
150 proof and an extra bottle of gin to control their djinns
some ginseng on top so they sing sweetly
brown hands that hold burned finger tips and tear drops that fall silently insidewith these words, can i give you love?with these words, can i be that handkerchief to keep them dry?
My dreams don't have to come true,
But I really want them to.
Just to be with you,
And share a love, let's do.
Instead, I am still alone;
your feelings I have never known.
The days pass and her eyes are heavy on her weary mind. She wonders if this is what it's like to feel alone, to be alone. She sits frozen in a fast paced hell. And while she cries her black tears, she sings.
Man knows not their harm,
Just how deep the pain goes,
The killing of a brother,
The abuse of a sister.
They lose the trust,
But never the love,
No matter how much,
It is wished to be forgotten.
Was i the one you denied
without getting to know
i didnt think my looks would let you know that
i am not what you looking for
was i the one you denied
on that rainy night when you
I remember the look in your eyes
At the beginning of summer, and
Way your lips were sweet like strawberries
When we first kissed beneath the moonlit
Night sky. But now those strawberries have
I recently realized that meaningful love poems can only be written by those that are loveless,
Because you never fully appreciate anything important until you reach out to grasp it and it’s gone.
I woke up that day
I saw something new
It was that perfect yawn
From a great sleep
I never thought to have
I was inducted
It was exclusive
I had something special
That made me special
He loved her, she loved him
It was beautiful, it was grand
Life full of color
Their love, gave me Life
There has been times since I've been young
I wanted to give up because I just couldn't go on
Seen a lot of things I really shouldn't
Wanted to run but I reall couldn't
I just want to know you care,
That you are proud,
That I can do something right,
Anything right.
You remind me now
of a Ghost that once haunted me.
One that made me cry,
into the small hours of the night.
In pain,
Unloved,
Unappreciated,
and Used.
Bruises,
Will they come by again,Those humans with the brand new leash?I’ve been in this shelter for a while now,I wonder if I’ll ever leave…
Threatening waves crash over me,
they pound the life out of me.
I hear what seems to be
screams in the distance,
But it’s me.
She watched her king walk away,
Leaving her all alone now everyday,
Just left her standing by the queen,
Her broken life now everyone has seen,
She was all alone in the palace,
You may think that this earth you walk on
is rejecting your every step,
and waits for you to fail and stumble to its surface.
You may think that the sky above
is never in your favor,
The wild outburst of love
Led me to times where I endlessly write
It was an urge to bring out the emotions
That I continuously chose to fight
L-o-v-e, a blessing or heartbreak, we all may not retain
Poetry is the new way of life
And culture is now the virtue
It speaks for those who cannot speak
Hypothetically
But typically
It targets the ones who perfom to a specific beat.
Poetry is love
Tangled
Ripped
Tattered
Scared
Wrapped around the jagged arms
Of a small tree
Been discarded
Left alone to
Hang in the wind
Ripping it like
Vicious fangs
Out of the frying pan
Into the fire
Just your fellow man
Mislead by desire
I can do it, I know I can
Liar liar pants on fire
A fool, a joke.
I didn't know what else to expect.
I thought he was cool
And now everything's been wrecked.
As sons and daughter of the most high God
We have standards to uphold, as we are representing Zion
And as we live in a dark and hateful world
Sometimes it burns
When someone says
“hello”
The opening line
For a line of conversation
To be ended with the line
“good bye”
But instead says no such line.
That person will just leave
What whisper though the field lily
and lilac hush twixt Spring and Summer
am I to listen to?
And will it hear me too?
Most of my nights were spent alone
crying to myself
my best friend far gone
steady being bullied
childhood ruin-er
fights with my mother
sometimes wanted to be through with her
Seconds,
Minuets,
Hours,
Days,
Weeks,
Months,
Years.
All spent on you.
Me,
Laughing with you,
Making memories with you,
Loving you.
(poems go here) Forever alone even when I'm with a crowd . Don't understand why but its just how it goes down. Homebody ... no I Love to go out; but do people want me with them ... I guess that's a not.
I sit alone inside this empty room,
And find myself some time to hurt and think;
Just wondering if I will break down soon,
Because these days have passed in one quick blink.
Each day is spent in busy distraction,
Standing there alone with no one I can speak to.
Standing there alone, with nowhere to receive any advices.
They think I'm strong as God and smart as Frankenstein, but whoa they are wrong.
Lost! Alone! I wish I could die!
Scream the minds of the pawns with elongated chains
Attached to their wrists, ankles, and minds
Release us, we beg you! Oh please, release us!
A cave sits in front of your door,
You pass by it every day, not knowing
Refusing to know
Too busy to know
The cave is empty,
Air sweeps through
No dust to swirl around
Just empty,
(poems go here) I saw a man in the grocery store.
He had a little girl with him.
Probably his daughter, she was about 4.
I swear I had seen him before.
I looked into his eyes and started to remember more.
I cry every time I think about what you're going through
But we all have problems and make mistakes, its true....
No one is perfect, look around and you'll see
that no one is perfect, even including me
Hello, goodbye
My, time sure will fly
Many people come, many people go
Either in large, wide groups or on on their own, solo
Feeling very ecstatic, feeling unfortunate and sad
Elementary is the life
While Highschool is a game
Humans define your status as you slowly become mundane
Ana and Mia
Sitting in a tree
And what do you know
Along comes Me
They trick my mind
So I see them as beautiful
And who would’ve thought
I began to fall in love
I fall fast
One lonely book
trying to find its place on the shelf
it sat with the comedies, red with laughter
but it did not laugh
it sat with the actions, black with suspense
but it did not sit on edge
Do you feel as I do
do you see as I do
like the world is fake
like it isn't there
Does it scare you
Does it frighten your very soul
There he stands looking at me
i never seen him before
but yet he looks at me familiarly
he has been smiling for the longest time
and my face starts to hurt just by looking at him
You've got my mind working overtime
Stole my heart, you've done the crime
I can't find the words I should say-
Hearing from you brightens my day
Say to voice my feelings for you
You left me
that's all I know
I was only three \
when you ran from me
why'd you go?
I was only a child
are you really that low?
did you hate me that much,
that you ran from your baby
Why do I write?
Someone may ask,
See me I write,
Cause there's no one that can understand,
It's quiet here.
Too quiet.
I can here my heart beating
opposite the ticking of the clock.
I'm waiting.
For what, I don't know.
For inspiration,
motivation,
fire.
Words flow
What do you want from me?
Why is it I never seem good enough?
Questioning eyes,
A skeptic glance,
"Uh huh, yeah, sure..."
Another day, another hour
Until I walk past a lonely flower
I stare at it’s beauty and it’s grace
That’s when I realize that I slowed my pace.
Twisted wrong
Stepped over upon
I glare up to see
While on the ground
I see myself
To be the one
Who tortured me all along
And I now see
What wrong
I've done to myself
Everyday I walk these halls
Everyday its the same
No one notices, but expects a smile
Quick kisses, hugs and touches
I keep on walking, on foot in front of the other
No one sees the longing glances
Spinning Spinning Spinning
Each memory, each moment, each thought is connected by a strand of consciousness
The image blurs together as time stands still.
Sounds become mute and feelings become numb.
Like the dust I am unsettled,
moving swiftly without destination,
my origin is forgotten,
my future is unknown,
carried by the wind,
i am forever alone.
I'm falling apart, i wonder if i'm the only one. Is it possible to feel down at such a lovely time. Isn't this time where everything blooms. I can't figure it out i feel like i'm drowning in an empty pool. Happiness is nothing but an illusion.
Scared and alone
No one around for miles
To just lend an ear.
You traveled for days
Just hoping to find someone
Who would care.
People cannot fill this void,
Humans cannot make you whole.
At night I live
a grimy life
of slander
and despair.
At night I do
my dirty deeds
with grins
and open arms.
At night I keep
inside my sheets
and dream
of worse to come.
Who's there?
Listening to me?
No one
Who's there?
Calling my name?
No one
Who's there?
Waiting for me?
No one
Who's there?
Standing by my side?
No one
Who's there?
A young boy on his own
Thought he had no control
Felt like he was spiraling down
Falling, rocketing toward the ground
Freakishly tall, Freakishly short, Freakishly skinny, Freakishly Fat
There’s no escaping it because you are the freak show
You, alone, is where it’s at
“Step on up to see this thing!” they shout
although born a female, there was something that i knew
i knew that i was different, thoughts that stuck like glue.
i put on all the dresses, i did just what they said,
but every night i cried, i fought hard inside my head.
I don't know what to call it
My peers are nice enough
But I feel their judgment on me heavily.
We laugh and joke
But sometimes
most of the time
no one talks to me.
I sit alone in silence
Alone, not wanted by anyone
Feelings of love no longer entwine my heart.
I am on the brink of chaos, destruction, hopelessness.
Darkness swirls around me
Clouding my hopes, my dreams.
The silence is screaming. It’s an invisible fog clouding my judgment and burning my eyes with its icy touch. It’s so dense that I can’t breath without it expanding in my throat; a fog so solid that it chokes my airway with its endless emptiness.
Her Heart beat is rising, while her tears are shining, why is she so ……..afraid
The Obstacles are piling, her mind has stopped its smiling, I think she is……afraid
Heart breaks hurt
When the person thinks it funny what he did
It makes it even worse
It’s like why say all of this to me and treat me like this
My heart might break from things sometime.
But eventually it gets put back together
Sometimes things get put back together with help.
Sometimes I despise people
when their eyes are cheerful
And they smile around me
it feels like they are teasing me
because I am always alone
Well it's better than being just another clone
I'm alone no one to comfort me nor to help me
But forsake me like it's their god given right
This loneliness is dementing me.
I speak not of the demons veiled behind every corner.
They wait until it's dark
Until I have thought myself into a mad frenzy
Then they show me the past.
What I did
A place, a meaning, a voice, a dream and a goal
Within the walls of this beautiful classroom,
Students learn the secrets of life day by day
They discover a little about themselves
and of the world around them.
She’s cold and isolated
The demons lurk beneath
People think they know her
But the beauty’s just skin deep
And she wants to run away
From the hurt and the pain
No one sees the shackles trailing,
The hatred brewed up in someone’s mind comes flowing out
Catching a single ear,
Soon spreading down for all to hear
And making all truths into a doubt.
She chose to wander all over and about
but she couldn't find her way out.
It's like she vanished in thin air
but the thing is she was really there.
She was scared that
if she opened the window of light
Today I don’t exist.
I’ll be the sound of the falling tree that no one hears
I’ll be alone all day and won’t take a thing away from the world
Because today I don’t exist.
I'm no longer a kid.
I've matured mom, yes I did.
You keep me locked up,
And I'm getting really fed up.
It's nine o'clock and you're telling me togoto sleep.
You have a castle for a mind and those flags
They don't bear enough welcome
Put your drawbridge down
We won't all hurt you how some have
Call off the guards and stone walls
I padlocked the miles so distance could be kept
In a vault where nothing of value could be dreamt
Can you slam my fingers in a metal door
Till they crunch and I can't touch
No not anymore
I hear yelling. People getting put down. I'm getting put down. I see my friends in the hallway. They don't know what is going on. They laugh, tell jokes, have fun. But I feel alone. They feel like something is going on with me. But I hide it.
they talk of tomorrow
without you
they talk of moving on
with you gone
they talk of me
without us
they talk of one
not two
and my tears can only drop
they can’t follow you up
Sometimes I feel swarmed
Sometimes I feel alone
I get up each and everday
I go to school
I go to work
I eat
I go to bed
But
Sometimes I feel alone
We act meticulous.
We think mysterious.
We walk alone.
We're never done.
We become lazy.
We get hungry.
We never cry.
We never die.
I had a love
That did not love
Me as I am
Or as I was
My love had loved another love
So here today I stand
Our two demons came,
with different form,
neither of us to blame
that we couldn't conform.
Yours was a bully,
against his words I was a shield,
defended you fully,
until he did yield.
A chance on success
A chance on failure
A chance on life
A chance on friendship
Take me or leave me
Love me or Hate me
Don't try to make me feel less if
I don't fit inside of your "box"
Silence so loud.
Silence so cold.
I've never felt so alone.
You can't see it
you can't hear it
But its the thing we all fear.
Hope is lost.
Never found.
for now.
I never looked back the day I left
A thing I always seem to neglect
Something my mother noted
Whether I was going to school for the first time
Or for Basic Training
Or going to Iraq
Remember when you caught me
Bleeding in my bed
Hands and face the deepest shade of red
And I was floating
Through those stars that you call eyes
That are brighter than the sunrise and
Have you ever been
To the land of the lost?
The place with no end?
A place of thought?
Everyone has been there.
Everyone knows.
Children want to live there.
Adults tell them no.
The lies and disrespect
Covered up by your embrace
Left me blind but hopeful.
Your voice blocked the harmful fumes,
Leaving me trapped in a cage
—Choking on denial.
Your eyes tell a story
That plays on your lips
You’ve got much to say and yet you resist
Your mind is a novel
Words etched on your soul
But something has made you less than whole
And I know this
If my heart was singing
It'll crescendo lovely notes
Repeatedly singing
I want a sunday kindof love
So I don't mourn monday
Leave me broken on tuesday
Over thinking on wednesday
So, they say that words have power
that we create matter,
but all of my words
haven't felt like they have power.
Alone is how I feel
Alone is how I deal
Alone & forgotten
Alone & haunted
Alone and open to my four walls
Alone is when I let the feelings fall
Alone &in pain
Alone & full of blame
Dark galore
The minute my hands shut the door
Blank music sheets spread on the floor
Spiderwebs on the stairs
Take away my lifelines
Watch me fade away
I am the Gravity Killer
Wake me up with nightmares
Fill my head with ash
I am the Shadowman
It seems fine
the wine is flowing
Laughter is swirling the room
Sadness is blockaded from entering
That rush of panic
Im running!
I want to forget reality!
Only wanting to reach
Time.
Mother once told me
That everything was ok
That there was another day
For me to believe
And feel relieved
But nothing was ok.
I wake up but keep my eyes closed.
I just lay there in my bed.
Seems like everyday is the same,
I hear the same old story playing over and over in my head.
My tears hit the page,
but you can't see.
My words fill the lines,
no one reads them but me.
You're not blind,
you've just gone away.
You left me here;
now I'm all out of sway.
I knew that when I’d fall asleep, I’d only dream of you.
And of the Last rose I’d ever get from the man that loved me too.
And when the night is over, I wake up and I cry.
Broken street I’m forced to travel as ice tickles porcelain cheek.
Crystal leaves forbidden trail now, my traitor heart still beats for thee.
The persistent cold beneath blankets and quilts
that chills to the bone despite layers of clothes—
The cup of coffee forgotten, left to cool on the counter.
As my face turns cold and dark
I felt the darkness swallowing me whole
It lifted me up and made me invisible
Inside the deep hole, it erases my memories
And fills it with its own memory
I bet you don't even notice
That your criticisms really hurt
Please try to screen
The awful things that you blurt.
Her eyes are sunken into her face
her heart sunken into her stomach
a cauldron in her memories boils over
frothing savagely when watched
Shadows cast her brew in a sinister dark
but it is only the shadows' premise
I feel no pity.
Not even a little bit
To leave the city
In which I
With my existence
Didn't bring the light,
Didn't love the stranger,
therefore, this place has nothing
I would consider mine.
When al is lost, and hope it seems,
has left me here deserted.
When friendship's cost, of life and dreams,
have proved too much to pay.
When solitude, and loneliness,
are not enough to comfort.
I take a knife
And slit my skin,
Exposing my heart
Reach in
And tear it out still beating
Its erratic rhythm.
I show my exposed story,
My deepest truth
Only to One
Who gives me a reaction
I was wondering if you could take a moment to read. I want you to know that you’re all I need.
Just know that this came from my heart. Please read it before we fall apart.
The place with the sand and sea is abandoned,
Empty.
Deserted.
Bumpy tracks of vehicles are freshly anew,
But no other traces of a once crowded beach left behind.
you doing right while everyone does wrong
leaves you singing a quiet song
here right now i’ll do the MATH
why it’s hard to take the honorable path
ADD all those parties look like fun
He broke your heart.
He broke it.
It was pure and new. Untouched.
You gave it to him and
he shattered it to pieces.
Without a single notice,
he just smashed it.
She understood.
Floating on the breeze,
Midnight flies on wings of soft feathers.
Sighs of abandonment caress it's down.
Why do i feel so alone? People around me say they want to help, yet only make things worse. They Say "we know what your going through", "We can help you." A smile on my face as i nod. Truthfully i don't their pity. I know what i'm capable of.
Closed doors with listening walls,
A storm thunders from your face,
Such a big disgrace.
Nothing changes, but everything falls.
I wish my life was like a wall.
Innocence wilts,
tulips in a graveyard.
No hope left
to flutter slowly by.
Rays of sun can no longer
bring her back to life.
Waiting.
Waiting for our reunion.
We had so many plans together.
But it all went to hell in the last few months.
Your grandpa’s death, your dad’s abuse, your mom’s BS,
I am the dog that pulls the mandrake,
a choice that isn't mine.
A worm upon His hook;
freedom only comes with time.
once lost, it disappears,
it vanishes.
it disintegrates into nothing,
it's absence leaving a void
that can never be replaced.
I walked alone.
I took my time.
I didn’t look back
while I made the climb.
I walked alone.
I didn’t even tell.
I didn’t want them
to end the spell.
Never again do I want to see such pain and hurt in her eyes,
But time after time I look for and wait to hear her cry.
She says there’s no one who can save her, but I have to try.
One seems to cry and falls
The beliverance is but all
The sorrow and pain
Burns faster the the acid of rain
Your heart is broken
Your feelings are frozen
Your will is but all gone
During the toughest times
Sins follow my mistakes
But these are truly dark days
So help me find my path
And if there is no light
Forgive me for being lost
I thought of you - again - today.
Your song and music to which I would sway
Playing softly from this machine of mine.
I wonder if you will ever grow some spine.
Lonely Child
A cast-off Loner,
A battle-weary Child
—whose cries become quieter and quieter
After realizing no one hears.
Sometimes
Amongst a world of chaos, loss, anonymity, and pain
The thing you need the most is to be invisible
To no longer try to fit into it all
Into all the deceit,
The roles of society
To join
is to belong
to stand out
is wrong
they condition
with a
mission
to kill individual thought
clones are brought
to send one message
be possessive
over the ideology
The books never once opened on the shelf
crack their pages to reveal
thick-jawed beasts or
the few remaining craters of ghost-towns or
a sea of people shielding me from you and you from me
Come down to the river
Come watch with me
See the ripples and the flow
Of the water as it goes
As what goes?
Your mind
Set it free. Find peace
Peace where?
Out there, on the rocks;
I loved the warmth of the sun,
Rays softening your irises,
The golden tone of our skin.
I loved the comfort of the soft wind,
A slight embrace,
Lullabied by the melody of birds.
The dawn of my stormy life was drawn,
on the streets of a lonely town,
pawns in a game with silence,
no response,
within the ideas that formed this gloomy glum lake,
Your thoughts come as no surprise
I'm tired of your many lies
Stop beating me, I'll stop beating you
It's a truce
Remember who I am
Young and restless
Caged and Depressed
Never size me up
I looked on in horror as everything seemed to happen in slow motion
I wanted to help, to cry out and tell her that she needed to fight
They were shoving her around, rough as a stormy ocean
You promised a chance
A moment to prove,
To leave all out on the court
There is nothing to lose.
Yet alone here I sit
Observing, lightheaded, voice sore,
The encouragement failing
I watched the flames lick the ivory walls,
Of my house,
Of my home.
Now I trod on sodden ground,
Like a sponge under my feet.
I pick up the pieces,
Charred memories.
A single tear leaks from my soul.
Not liking the first I start a new page
Realizing that life only sucks when
You are no longer playing center stage
I think maybe we should try this again
Her tiny fingers reached to the sky, but no one would grab them.
She cried and cried, but no one would ever hear her.
There was no room for her to feel any safety or comfort.
Continuously looking over her shoulder,
There have been wounds in my life.
I'm used to the pain.
I have been chasing love.
I'm invisible on this earth,
I'm always transparent.
Even by my own parents.
I have learned since I was older...
i am blinded by my tears
as voices screech uncontrollably in my ears.
i reach out to find relief,
but all that returns are thoughts of defeat.
Bees are sitting
On the Wind
Drifting
Feeding
On the Wind
Bringing life to those once dead
Bees are searching
On the Wind
Breathe in
Breathe out
As the first fragrances of the world around you
Tickle your nose
And the scent of your mother's silky hair
And your dad's calloused hands
Fill your heart with warmth and security
Another day stuck in dismay
Rain clouds follow me everywhere
Just another bad day they say
I know they don't even care
Everything just feels so screwed up right now.
I don’t want to do anything,
I don’t want to remember anything.
I don’t want to be apart of anything.
I don’t want to be.
I feel like I am going crazy.
I have a cat,
and then I had three,
four,
five.
Alonelyness.
Feeling the world caving in,
the door to a better life closing day by day.
Alonleyness.
You saw me there yelling for help
You didn't care
You saw the pain
You could have helped me up
You knocked me down instead
You kept hurting me
You didn't care
I am always there for my friends,
But is anyone there for me?
No,
Can I go out on weekends?
Yes,
But I will be alone,
Or with my love,
But that is not so bad,
Do my friends even think of me?
No one knows my pain,
My best friend,
Only calls when she is sad,
But otherwise,
Do I even exist?
I want to go out,
On weekends,
But,
No one calls,
Do they even try?
One day you will realize how much you hurt us physically and mentally
One day you will see the pain in our faces
One day you will noticed how many lives you ruined
I wake up, 5 am as usual
I get ready for the torture ahead
I arrive at school
I walk down the hall to my first class
I sit down
"GROSS!"
i try to act real
i try to feel
push and push words onto me
you push feelings i don't want to see
no longer will i try to hide the feelings i will NEVER feel inside
i sit in my prison
trapped
not from bars
they don't surround
still i'll never be free
Ignorance is my prison
Ignorance from my guards
Ignorance all around
When I think of you I say,
What happened to the way
You looked at me
You talked to me
Or how to acted around me
I alone am here to stay,
Far away far away
I look at the mirror and what do I see?
But a lonely little girl like me
I wonder if she can talk like me
Or walk like me
Or even run a mile like me
Ridiculed, the punch-line to every joke.
Do not tell me what to do,
I am not a part of you.
Don't you know it hurts?
The scars gather as well as the tears.
Deeper they dig into my skin.
Fears.
I had a dream
Where a world was free
It never mattered who you are
but what you will become
I am fighting for a dream
where I can be free
It doesn't matter who I am
Just what I want to become
Feeling lost and so alone
No one to turn to
Somedays you just gotta hold your own
Empty heart and broken dreams
No one to turn to
All alone and ripping at the seams
Beaten down and can't get up
IN A WORLD FULL OF PEOPLE
why do I feel so alone?
With a life so blessed
Why do I feel so poor?
Perhaps poor of happiness
or poor of self confidence
Plastered by the image of over confident or cocky
We sat down on an old brown wooded bench in the pouring rain
He held me tight and he told me to tell him what I was feeling
I told him I was feeling okay..
I've overcome…
From the whips and chains..
I've overcome…
From the bitter taste and sinking pains..
I've overcome…
From the shackles and wounds that burn all day..
I've overcome…
Falling.
The fresh taste of blood salts my lips.
Rage. How dare I dream about a future that may never come?
For dreams bring the pain, despair of hope.
Hope for the better.
Anything better.
You think you’re the only one going through this shit
Well there’s one to many others
Look at me
Look in my eyes
I’ve seen your pain
I’ve felt the same disgrace
I watched my mother suffer
And cave
Never Alone
I lay in my bed as I think in my head, why I am I alone
No one is here, no one I fear but I am alone
I look out the window, I see no one even though I am alone
No one knows where home is.
It's not exactly where your heart is,
Where you grew up,
Or where you spend the most time.
It's where you mind wanders the most.
It's where you feel the safest
There was a boy, a boy I once knew.
He wasn't the best, according to you.
Yes, he sold drugs; crack and weed too,
but no one would judge him, not like you do.
Alienated and lonely,
Sad and afraid.
Speaking out is not an option,
help; a foreign word.
Touchy hands.
Slimy hands.
Dirty hands.
Rough hands.
Crowded rooms, with groups of people,
No friendly faces shown,
Evil stares and sympathetic glares,
But I stand alone.
My mother’s embrace is my home and in her arms I am never alone. People attack me with words, words that pierce my soul like daggers. I am not fierce nor am I bold so I cannot help the tears that pour like rain as I am in pain.
You see yourself as low compared to average you’re below
Weird is where you fit life seems like a glitch
You are fading far away do not know if you can stay
Perfection is way out of reach just a dream by a sandy beach
One night i had a dream.
I dreamed i was walking along a darkened road,
holding hands with a faceless man.
As we walked
scenes of my life flashed across the sky.
I noticed that in every scene
Everyday I ask myself
What will i have to prove.
Do i have to hang always
Heavy in that perfect imagination?
Is that what my life is for?
Is that the way of life?
Stiff and unchanging.
No one here
No one there
No one anywhere
Shame has shown
Make it known
It starts at home
Fear came in
Life begins
We start again
No one here
No one there
No one anywhere
How are you?
It's awful I don't know.
Where have you been?
Not in my life; that's for sure
Why did you leave?
I can't seem to find you.
Why am I still here?
You left me behind you.
Love can be good,
But sometimes someone comes along,
And does something they never should.
It breaks your heart,
They tell you that they love you,
But they planed to hurt you from the start.
Standing all alone, in a crowd full of students. Trying to stay unseen, as I'm going where they've went. Feet hovering in a small puddle, they are now soaked... Stumbling as I go along, I do not think that I'm fully awake...
