You needed me.

Three years ago, I remember I ran to your apartment past dead hour on a night before an exam to help you find pants. You said there were too many pants to choose from, so you sat on the floor naked. You were covered in tears when you said you found the kitten dead on the couch. You called him a baked potato because he was so warm in your palms. You told me your boyfriend was doing crack and the dog barked too much. I reassured you to pack a duffle bag and come back to our parents’ house with me. You sobbed on the floor and told me everyone was talking about you. You repeated “I’m crazy” and shook on the floor. You told me you were tired of the eyes on the walls blinking. I took you and your other cat home that night and you slept in my bed. We shared pillows. You needed it. I needed my sister.

You eventually stopped crying.

Today, I am crying. I need to find a pair of pants from the floor and there are too many. I am repeating “I’m crazy” and shaking on the floor. I am tired of people talking. I am exhausted because the walls are constantly blinking back. I need you to take me and my cat back home to our parents. I need to share a bed with you. I need pants.

Then, I’ll eventually stop crying.