mental abuse
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On a summer day i met himWith his sparkling eyes, smooth talk and confident smilei could’nt do anything but fall for him
all i could think about
when he pushed his way inside of me
was his enchanting stories of a better life
We were just friends
But it wasn’t meant to be
I loved you
But you didn’t bother with me
Left me on read
“Let's see how long it takes till you come back.”
Those were your last word to me as I moved out,
as I went back and forth one box at a time.
Alone
i gave you everything and it still wasn't enough.
you made me feel like i was nothing.
made me believe that i was difficult to love.
and like a fool i kept trying,
A poem for the best and most influential mentor in my life,
my big brother
David, my dear brother, you are like no other.
He is Helmsman.
There’s no way to tell
what’s real and what’s hell
A man, he says you fail.
without speaking a word
by Ariel Douglas (2 June 2018)
I believed you
I trusted you
You broke me
You used me
You never loved me
You took my heart
My heart has been ripped apart by your words your seething lies I denied because my love for you made me blind. Where is the light? You laugh at me as your darkness chokes me smothers the light that I wish would come back.
Dear Daddy,
Can your sins be forgiven if you have forgotten?
Should I not hate you if you don’t remember the pain you’ve caused,
Or is that all the more reason to?
Why did you forget anyway?
The monster isn’t under your bed or in your closet anymore
but reidentified as savage thoughts and emotions
monsters, like enemies, fighting an infinite war in your head
You wanted a seed, to bloom a flower of your own kind. Change it to your preference, to prod and pluck. Yet this flower began to wilt and wither into defiance. Disempowered, you gave up on it, no longer yours to handle.
Why Me?
What did I do to make you want to hurt me?
All I have ever done is to make you happy?
Why Me?
All my life is dedicated to you.
You made me who I am.
Angry.
Sad.
Hateful.
I thought that if I gave you your stuff back, then your ghost would leave me. And I thought that if I flirted with other guys, I'd forget the words you told me before. But the truth is, everything I do makes my heart ache more.
The first time i heard the words ´i love you´
was also the first time i saw my mother cry
the way this person told me´i love you´
made it sound as if they were telling the truth
I want to be with you all the time
Because I love you
I want to not be miles apart
Because I love you
Don't talk to other guys
Because I love you
Don't talk to anyone, just go home
That's so stupidYou're the most beautiful woman in the world I love you most. And thrashing and hatingAnd loving and hating I'm just so tired of thisWell, maybe just one more chance And knowing and "forgetting" And soaring and hell And I love yo
Do you remember the night that guy told you that you were the eighth wonder of the world? Why can’t you see yourself like that? Why do you insist on repeating the words of the past in your head countless times a day?
Gather round boys and girls it’s storytime and I have a tale to tell. Once upon a time there was a girl. This girl did not know love, she didn’t know how to smile, she thought of laughter as a folktale and pain a reality.
“I’m sorry.”
Muttered softly.
Keep your head down child,
Don’t you dare cry.
Showing weakness is not an option,
Not if we want to get out of here intact.
We stand side by side,
I wish to thank you,
for being there,
for holding me while I cry.
I wish to thank you,
for telling me no,
Here is an Ode to a love I do not miss.
Here is a cheer to the man who flipped me upside down inside out
A cheer to a man who made me see what my real worth is
A man who made me realize my true potential
Insecurity (“”)
Why aren’t you happier to see me
Why don’t you look nicer when we go out
Why do you always have to be so smart. . . or clueless. . . or dumb
I expose my soul
To the world
To the people
To my friends
To my enemies.
I tell what I feel
To whom I feel for.
I speak my mind.
I share a hug every time
I hate the way I fell for you... slowly, then all at once, like you pulled me down into a deep trap and told me I could never leave unless you let me. Let me go... I can't be here anymore.
Parents.
I no longer view this word this way
P4r3nT5.
Now this is much better
A mess of stuff that is put together to make it look, decent.
As a way to not feel depressed,
Or maybe it was oppressed.
The fifth grade was only a start,
As a senior I still feel its mark.
My mother felt the bottle or aluminum can was an escape
I lied for your attention.
“It’s broken”
“Sorry, ran out of ink”
“I had to shut it down because of the storm”
All of these excuses I told
Not because I hated you
But because I loved you
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She stared into oblivion
Unaware of her surroundings
Trapped in those memories
So painful is her hurt
Is it reality
Or a fallacy
Plagued with the dreams again
Desperately in need of a friend
Dear you,
You who told me you loved me.
You who had nothing but unwanted critique in your arsenal.
You who had winds, not so strong, but persistent enough to pick me apart.
When I was a young child
I was abused.
I won't say which way,
how or even why I think it happened to me,
but it did.
My mother would tell me how
beautiful she was and how
She was a flower,
She held herself high,
Strong,
White and filled with innocence.
But someone came along,
He took away the flower's sunlight,
He uprooted the flower,
Put her in a dark corner.
She believes.
She believes in an unspoken rule. She trusts it, loves it.
She lives by it.
She is shamed when she tries to think for herself, even if it is to believe.
3 times they play in my mind.
3 times different, 0 times the same.
I try to figure it out. I try to pray to know.
I want to know, but I do not.
I want to have memories to share.
"I am so disappointed in you," rings in my ears,
But I have fought my entire life to make you proud.
"How could you do this to us?" Here come the tears,
You have never expressed that I have let you down, out loud.
Once again the melodic tone of my fate chimes aloud
Echoing through the barriers
I use to keep myself safe
My nemesis calling like a siren
surrendering my lifelessness
With a prismatic array of sensations
My world was turning
crashing.
I try to stand
one hand against the wall.
Efforts with no reward
left in vain.
Aching painfully
tears of frustration running down my face.
Everything is turning.
The imagery echoes in brain,
Never stopping and no gain.
Same thing over and over,
But no matter what there is no closure.
It is because of you
That I am lost
it is because of you that I
Have been found
It is the fire that you
Gave to me
That heats my hot air
Balloon
I am floating in midair
