When the Searchlights Have Stopped: DEAR MARKIE T

Wake up at night


all I can see is your face


ten years and still not right


I wake up and think about


if someday in the void of bright white light


if my love, if my friend, I'd ever see you again


and I'll tell you by the end of this song


what I screamed, what I shouted for so long



couldn't explain the slow, sick desiccation of my heart,


thought we'd never be apart


I'm sorry you had so much pain in only 14 years


you could have risen to great heights but you leaped from them instead


to the stinging of your tears


to the music of the spheres


to the trepidation and sadness pent up inside your head


over in 4 seconds, I wondered what you thought before the ocean swallowed you dead



no funeral to cry at in consternation


numbing time with crushed up lines


was an everyday destination


I tried to go with you


And they put a tube down my throat


I laughed hysterically


And on gastric contents, I choke



sticks and stones


I remember the day they told us


mud and a realtor revealed your skull and bones



I was and I'm colder than the artic


a hidden cache of feelings somewhere


shock and stoicism allowed no room to feel cathartic




sick because memory cannot conjure the color of your eyes


forever beheading myself


for your descent into the abyss,


why couldn't I see your unhappiness


I couldn't see I was indulging a plate of lies


all along depression and drugs were the mask, depression and drugs were the disguise


it's a gift to be here to say Hellos before Goodbyes!


To my friend, forever lost from suicide.


This poem is about: 
Our world
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 



I kind of messed up the ending when I was reading, but hopefully, you all will think it's great anyways. I would like to win this scholarship towards my credits I'm currently earning at Arizona State University's Global Freshman Academy online. Thanks for your time.

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