I don't have the words anymore.

They escape my mind as freely

As they once rolled off my tongue.

I don't know what happened

But somewhere between then and now

You took my whole world and flipped it

You made me scared of myself

Collecting dust on your trophy shelf

And the truth is, I don't like heights.

I'm terrified...

          Terrified...

                 Petrified.

And I'm so mad at me.

 

You see, I promised myself

That I wouldn't let you get too close

But it seems you were always there

The sounds that lived in my throat

Bore a nametag different than my own

The gap between my thought and my words

Begged to be resewn

Until every original thought that I mustered

Grew to be an echo of you

Until they grew distant....

         Distant.....

                  Nonexistent.

 

I try to put myself in a place

Where I thought that trusting you was a good idea

I try to imagine what I was thinking

And it comes down to this simple fact:

I wasn't.

You were my second skin,

But in the same way, a wool turtleneck sweater

Strangles you and is, for lack of a better phrase,

Ridiculously uncomfortable.

 

The discomfort settles deep in the soles of my feet,

Another way, I suppose,

You kept me from running

This feeling of fear, betrayal, suppression,

Only goes down as far as my fingertips

Because my legs are paralyzed at the thought of being alone

 

Someone once told me that you

Can sweet talk a woman

And she'll write you a poem.

(I guess this isn't what you imagined.)

 

The other part of that saying is

That if you write a woman a poem,

She'll act sweet with you until

Every goosebump stands on its end

And shouts, "Hallelujah!"

 

But you never took the time

To take the time it takes

To win my heart

You're a thief, a rat, a scandal

Revising the writing on the walls

Like a vandal

But it's not your place and you know it.

 

I've told you innumerable times

That you have to go

And this time, it isn't just because

Daddy's coming home and

I don't want him to know

I'm sorry dear, but it's time to reap just what you've sown

And I've been growing secrets of my own

It's time this bird has finally flown

Because I am a queen, ascending my new throne

And my roots are getting deeper

The soil is my heart's new keeper

Because dirt never stops you from developing

Even though it's all enveloping

And I'm tired of this ryhme

But this is how I hold up my sign

To the world and say:

"What's up? I'm okay!"

 

And I'm okay alone.

 

I don't have all the words anymore

But they're starting to come back

Each day, a little stronger than

The one before it, and

Although I'm not ready to hop in my car

And floor it

I'll do my best to see what I can do

I'm driving away, living for today

And eventually, I'll look myself in the mirror

And truthfully say:

 

"You never got the best of me;

                     I'm okay."