Still Trying

Why does it always seem like it is one step forward and ten steps back?

It makes me sit and wonder, what are the skills that I seem to lack?

Deep down I know that this is what I want and that my life can be improved,

But these habits have been engrained in me for so long, I know they won't be easily removed. 

It seems like no matter how hard I try, I am only continuing to break,

But I also know that this is something that I have to do, because there is so much at stake.

For ten years, I have lived my life, if that's really what you want to call it,

Because it seems like I'm not living, but just taking hit after hit.

Part of me wonders if maybe I am too far gone, and there is nothing else that I can do,

but I refuse to keep living like this, because I feel like there is a lot more to the real you.

I am at the point of no return, 

And it feels like everytime I try to walk through the fire, I just keep getting burned.

However, I am not that person, and I refuse to start acting this way, 

Where you want something, but you keep quitting at the start of everyday.

For months, I keep starting over because I keep fighting the same fight,

But this time, I have to stay strong, and keep what I want in sight.

I know it won't be easy, but nothing worth getting ever is,

Because I only have one more test, and I already failed the quiz.

I am tired of starting over, I am tired of giving in,

Because I know that I have the power to change the way that things have been.

Today was a good day, and even though it was only one day, I had to start somewhere,

And I know that if I remain strong and keep fighting, then everntually I will get there.

I know it won't be easy, and it will take everything that I have, but I believe in myself,

Because no matter what, I refuse to be that girl who came so close and then gave up on herself. 


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