Discipline
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It took me twenty seven years to finally realize that you can't care what people think,
Because at the end of the day, they will not be the ones to help you when your boat starts to sink.
Shame on you for treating me like dirt,
And for trying to get me to feel hurt.
I am starting to see how miserable you are,
And that you want me to feel the pain of your scars.
You hurt me in ways I can’t even explain,
And now I wish that I never even bothered to ask you your name.
You put me through so much pain,
And just like that, we are back to square one,
Trying to pick up the pieces after the damage has already been done.
I guess to you it was all one big joke,
If there is something in your life that you don’t like, you can fix it,
As long as you realize that you can never quit.
Even when things get hard, you can’t give in,
At a certain point, even the nicest people end up needing a break,
Because you are tired of everyone hiding behind a mask and being fake.
Stop rushing what you know your heart truly desires,
Because there is a reason that the dream was planted in you and why it sets your soul on fire.
For the longest time, the bigger person was always me,
And always forgiving people and never being able to see.
How they always took me for granted,
Even though things look bad now, this is not the end,
And you feel like you are making the same mistakes again and again.
You have it in you to keep going,
At this point, it seems like there is nothing left for you to lose,
And you are reminded of everyone of your failures due to every cut, scar, and bruise.
Just like so many other times in your past,
Going after the same goal again and again,
And it feels like no matter what you do, it is never going to end.
That you can’t seem to get it right,
I’m coming for everything they said I would never be able to get,
And I am not going to give up, just because I am not there yet.
The girl that you all know is no longer here,
And while I have your attention, let me make one thing perfectly clear.
That the girl who was once cared too much is long gone,
Unlike last time, this time is not going to be the same,
Because I am the one who got myself into this mess, and I am the only person who I can blame.
It’s time to go ghost and just focus on you,
And even though you’re tired, you know what it is that you have to do.
It’s time to focus on the future, and to finally let go of the past,
After being broken for so long, it feels like the pieces are coming together,
Because you were able to keep going, even through the terrible weather.
The one person in my life who was supposed to be there for me showed me not to rely on
anyone,
And don’t you dare think for one second that I need support from you to get anything done.
How do you let go of everything that you know?
How do you move on from the past that you know you need to let go?
How do you make yourself okay again after breaking apart for so long?
You know you need to change your habits that shape who you are everyday,
Because deep down you know there is no other way.
Forget you for making me think that I wasn’t good enough,
Forget you for leaving me when you knew I was going through something and things were
tough.
Everyone who knew me before has to get to know me again,
Because the image that you have of me in your head has come to an end.
The girl who once cared about people too much isn’t here anymore,
I don’t ever want to hear you say that again,
That you’re thinking about giving up just because things look like they are going to end.
In case you didn’t notice, you are getting distracted again,
By these people who keep letting you down when you thought they were your friends.
It has taken me a long time to realize that is doesn’t matter how long it takes,
Because no one is going to look back and see all of your mistakes.
It has taken me a long time to realize that is doesn’t matter how long it takes,
Because no one is going to look back and see all of your mistakes.
It took me a long time to admit how terrifying this journey is to me,
And how hard it is to let go of my past to become everything I wanted to be.
You think of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, and it seems like such a beautiful thing.
You don’t think deeply about all of the pain and suffering that change can bring.
After being broken so many times, the pieces never fit together quite the same,
And you want to blame everyone else, but you know that you are the only one you can truly
blame.
And just like that, you are back to square one,
Feeling like you have nothing left and that you are already done.
But you have been doing this for too long to give it up now,
How do you keep going when you feel so lost?
How much are you willing to sacrifice for what you want? What will be the cost?
How do you keep going when it feels like nothing is going right?
There are going to be times in life when people are going to let you down,
And you will be the only person who will be able to pick yourself up off of the ground.
I am upset with myself because it took me so long,
To realize that I have been approaching the situation completely wrong.
I never understood why it was taking me so long to do this,
Sometimes it feels like that loop is never going to end,
And that you keep living the same day over and over again.
As hard as you try to break those habits, it never seems to stop,
Disappear for a while and allow yourself to remember who you are,
Allow yourself to embrace every single one of your scars.
Remember who you truly are and where you have come from,
You broke me,
And there were so many pieces of myself that I was no longer able to see.
But with every piece that I picked up off of the floor,
I was finally able to close that door.
It can be hard to keep going when your brain is telling you that you aren’t good enough,
And changing those thoughts in your mind is always going to be tough.
And as I look down, I see the blood and tears splattered all over the floor,
Because it seems like every time I try to open it, there is always someone there to close the door.
Just like that, we are back to square one,
Having to start over, because of all of the things that were done.
The things that I went through that I never talked about before,
You breaking my heart was the best thing you could have done for me,
Because now it is my turn to finally focus on everything that I want to be.
And just like that, I don’t have any of the memories anymore,
And it feels like I am one step closer to closing that door.
It was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do,
Just when I started to feel upset, it all started to come true,
That the dreams that I had working for were finally coming through.
Waves
One second you are fine, and the next second it hurts again,
Because I don’t even care that I lost you as a lover, but part of me still does miss you as a friend.
I have to keep reminding myself that I knew that this was not going to be an easy task,
And it is simple to keep it together during the day, but lose it at night when you take off your mask.
If you stop now, then what was the point of all of this in the first place?
Because you can't quit now when you are this close to finishing the race.
Even if it seems like there is no finish line in sight,
It always seems as if it is one step forward, and one step back,
And that when things go wrong, it is because of the strength that you seem to lack.
Lately it feels as if everything around me is falling apart,
That I keep reliving the same moments over and over, not knowing how to follow my heart.
I keep it together, and have a smile on my face when others are around,
Thing always seem to get hard right before the miracles occur,
And sometimes it is easier to wish for things to go back to how they once were.
You really thought I would give you the privilege to stop me,
But you have no idea who I am and the person that I am trying to be.
You so badly wanted to believe that I was broken,
It took me a long time to realize that no matter what you do, you can not please everyone,
And that you will only drive yourself crazy trying to accomplish this because it is a task that will never be done.
It took me a long time to realize that there is only so much that you can blame others for,
And that if you want to change your life, it is up to you to be the one to close that door.
You tried your best to break me,
You thought you could shake me.
You wanted to try and fight me,
You thought you had defeated me.
You thought you had me knocked down,
It took me a long time to realize that the thing that is keeping you going is not always something that you are able to see,
And that even when everyone else is against you, you can not allow them to deter you from who you want to be.
No matter what life decides to put you through, it is up to you to keep going,
And even when it seems like you can't keep going, moving forward is what is going to help you to keeo growing.
For the first time in a long time I am writing about being alone, but not in my usual way,
Usually when I talk about being alone, it is in a negative way, and it leaves me with only sad things to say.
I have come to realize that at the end of the day, nothing is going to change.
I don't know why it took me so long to realize that the way everyone was acting was strange.
Why does it always seem like it is one step forward and ten steps back?
It makes me sit and wonder, what are the skills that I seem to lack?
Deep down I know that this is what I want and that my life can be improved,
Is it stupid to believe that you are capable of anything that you set your mind to?
Do some people feel like that no matter how hard you work they may never come true?
My lungs. Burn.
My legs. Ache.
Yet I could not imagine anywhere I would rather be.
My stride carries me along, but it's the mentality that gets me across the finishline.
Morning bells boom betwixt lofting ashes and
Unsheathed blokes razing the town;
Pirates about pillaging and raping
As they please;
Militia have fled the town.
Morning bells strike as the hanging and
He smiled with a frown
whilst discipline is an empty bottle of sorrow
we all drown
even if we could reach and grab the hand of air
it wouldnt matter because most would seem it to be dirty
The Zone
The Zone
Mirros chaos and exertion
Emphasizes struggle and pain
Rids the body of subltelty and disdain
Requires complete mental immersion
The Zone
Where I choose to make my home
