They call me a slut

They call me a slut because I sleep around I guess that’s what they call it

They call me a slut because I am good at making men feel good

I am good at making men feel good because it makes me feel good.

It makes me feel good because most of the time I don’t

Most of the time I am holding back tears

Like a dam about to break

Like a storm about to break

Like a fever about to break

Doing everything I can not to break with them.

Not to shatter like sea glass against the rocks

The truth is that most of the time I am sad

That most of the time I am sad or on the precipice of saditude.

Convincing myself that I’ll never be happy again.

As if every time the sun goes down I forget it will return with the morning.

They call me a slut because they can

Because I don’t stop them

Because I don’t mind too much

I mean what is a slut really

Beyond a word for someone who other people find more fuckable than you?

Or at least someone that allows themself to be more fuckable than you

And maybe it’s a bad thing

Or maybe it’s good

Or maybe it’s just a state of existing

But who’s to say?

Who’s to say you shouldn’t give in to your deepest desires

Or give in to the calling void on the edge of society

But I haven’t yet

I haven’t given in just yet

I am still here

I am still here and tomorrow is calling

Tomorrow is calling and they will call me a slut again

They will call me a slut while I hold his hand and beg god to make him stay

At least a little longer

But they never really stay

And maybe that’s why they call me a slut

Or maybe it’s because they call me a slut

But sometimes they’ll stay for the night

Or the day

Or a week

Or maybe even months will go by

But eventually they’ll leave

Eventually they’ll leave and my hope will leave with them

And I’ll find my way back to this bed

And I’ll look at a new pair of eyes

And hold a new set of hands

While I sit in this bed

The same bed where the tears soaked the sheets the night before

The bed where the sins have counted themselves like sheep

And they’ll call me a slut.

They’ll call me a slut because slut shaming makes them feel good

It makes them feel good because most of the time they don’t

Because most of the time they are holding back tears

Because really we’re not all that different.