written 08/09/16

So much disappointment,

So much hate,

So much lies,

So many things that I'm afraid.

 

I seek to punish,

I seek to find pain,

 I seek to feel alive,

I find that I've died.

 

I'll keep it hidden,

I'll keep it safe,

I'll keep it clean,

I'll let no blood stain.

 

I am so sorry,

I am not ashamed,

I am living dead,

I'll be okay

 

I scratch to feel,

I scratch to burn,

I scratch to live,

I dig to remember.

 

 I'm sorry I did it,

 I'm sorry I'm weak,

 I'm sorry I started,

 I apologize I'm not what you want me to be.