The last time the leaves turned orange

I didn’t take notice

Because I was too busy being sad

And crying myself to sleep at night

And wondering why

I couldn’t be like all my classmates

Who went off to college

And knew what they wanted

 

The last time the leaves fell

I didn’t take notice

Because I was too busy cutting myself

And sleeping until noon everyday

And wondering why

I couldn’t be like my parents

Who work incredibly hard

And never say a word about it

 

The last time the Christmas lights went up

I didn’t take notice

Because a man and woman found me

And got me to tell them my anxieties

And I wondered why

I kept everything to myself

When it felt so much better

To be honest and speak up

 

The last time the snow fell

I took notice

Because my family was spending time together

And I felt normal for once

And I wondered why

Life couldn’t stay this good forever

 

The last time the flowers bloomed

I took notice

Because I had things to look forward to

And I felt like a person

And I wondered why

I ever felt scared of life

 

The last time the sun shined

I took notice

Because I had my friends back

And I felt on top of the world

And I wondered why

I ever felt so small

 

The leaves turned orange again

And I took notice

Because I found the door to my path in life

And I knew it wouldn’t be easy

And I wondered why

It took me this long to realize what I already knew

 

The leaves fell again

And I took notice

Because I found my soul in the rain

And I knew I had to write about it

And I wondered why

I ever wasted my time on anything else

 

The Christmas lights went up again

And I took notice

Because I found the woman who changed everything

And I told her about my acceptance to college

And I wondered why

She was crying tears of joy

 

The snow is falling again

And I’m reveling in it

Because I understand now that life is both beautiful and messy

And instead of wondering why

I’m asking where