first relationships and how they end
she made me feel so happy…
so why did I feel so trapped?
I felt that I had finally found a person in this world who genuinely cared for me—and who I genuinely cared for back—and simultaneously that I was drowning where I stood.
it made me feel
like the worst girlfriend in the history of
so that was the end of it.
I still felt bad.
like I had just ruined one of the only good things that had ever happened to me.
I still feel that way sometimes:
guilty, oh, so guilty.
maybe my guilt is warranted,
I still don't know.
we've only spoken once since that fateful day,
the day I told her the truth:
that she felt so much more for me than I ever did for her.
(it still makes my heart feel heavy as stone just thinking about it.)
(all she ever did was care about me and this is how I choose to repay her?)
(god how I hope she is okay.)
it's been several months.
I haven't felt anything—
a racing heart
that giddy feeling when you realize how much
you care for someone
for anyone since then,
and I don't know what to make of that.
did I break myself?
ward my soul against love forever?
did something happen during my one and only relationship that brought my heart to its knees?
it was enough to make me wonder for a time
if I was suddenly aromantic.
I don't think that's the case,
but for a short while I worried
I would never love again.
I still don't know
quite what happened to me after
the end of
I try not to think about it.
these days I pour all my love into inanimate objects—
books, TV shows, music, various arts-and-crafts projects—
so much love
that I just
have any love left in my heart for anyone else.
maybe that's a good thing.
maybe this is the way I was meant to be,
loving objects more than people.
my TV shows,
can't feel anything.
I don't have to worry
about disappointing them.
I don't have to worry
about them not loving me back.
they just have to
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That is beautiful....................wonderfull job..:)
thank you so much, I really appreciate that
Wow... that's awesome. I really felt it
thank you, I'm glad you liked it
this is so good! I'm sorry about your relationship, but being honest with her is so much better than if you pretended to care as much as her. But, as they say, pain makes good art!