Dear Untouchable,

 

Proven divine, your soul glows like gold

under glistening sunlight; its own halo that just doesn’t

happen to gleam right.

I’ve stayed awake for you until my eyes have burned

and the sun has turned

and affection, I have earned.

Concern isn’t in your dictionary and

that I have confirmed,

conformed and learned.

 

With my fixation, you have the power, to be forthright,

to ground me or to take flight.

It would be so easy to abuse right

and I would be of no use, in fright,

not when I’m stuck thinking through

what I’ve done, true and untrue,

And I’ve come to realize,

I’m helplessly yours, much to my delight.

 

You hold the power, and I’m balancing on a blade wrapped around your head

and my feet are getting shredded, but I risk it for you;

because for you I am indebted, until the end of time.

It burns as it slices and red meets gold face

And with heavy guilt and mistakes, I don’t trust

the line that you cast out to catch me.

A well worn cord that can be seen seconds from failing.

 

And this repertoire of our relationship

Really isn’t fixing it.

And as I bite myself to silence the pain

as I’m cut, twelfth night and thirteenth again.

And all you can do is shrug, but

I am begging for you to call for help

 

Because I’d never burden you, no, not for myself

When you’re sitting right there with a phone

And I know you have the power because you’ve shown me

when we were alone, and never to someone else,

I’m special.

 

My hands are shaking

and this burning feeling is aching

Abandonment.

It has to be a series of accidents, just a coincidence.

 

I care for myself most of these days.

It’s easy but it's hard

And I never tell you this burden, I’ll keep it close to my heart.

 

What am I supposed to do

When it hurts so much I can barely speak

 

And my brain is so blank that I barely eat?

 

Forever yours,

 

Susceptible