(poems go here) I stopped at our house last night.
With every inch of driveway that I covered I felt a calming familiarity.
The light was pouring out of our "no longer ours" windows, it made it possible for me to imagine myself inside.
The woodgrain on the worn cabinets might still hold your finger prints.
blurry remnants from my past.
I so long to live them over.
I can't help but wonder if the carpet has memory of us laid across it.
Our silhouettes imbedded in the fibers, you would hold me high, I was your airplane.
Behind my still eyes flicker photographs of you, they help to bring you back to life.
In those frames that never move, it is warm, and you still exist.
I can see you leaning out the door and grabbing the mail, I don't think you can see me..
Your presence is on my skin still, stagnant, I refuse to let go of you.
I am again eight years old
Innocent & ignorant
You were my guardian
Bombs dropped inside of me, reality stings these reopened wounds.
the image of you in my head begins to shake and blur.
I can only remember so much.
I long for just a few more days with you, for some new memories to replay over and over.
You were my shelter, now without you I am standing alone.
A downpour of confusion leaves me soaked and disoriented.
The light you gave me is dying out and I find myself passing the same things, stuck in a cycle.
I've been so lost since you became nothing more than a picture, or a word.
Pushed back to reality I see our home, now without you just a house.
Only a few minuets has passed, but I feel like I have been wrapped around this for hours.
Still outside I am fixated on the windows.
You are there, I know you are, walk past so I can see you.
My hopeful eyes play tricks on me.
Stuck sitting here to no avail
Hands start my car, hindered by hesitation, I swear they're someone else's.
In this moment, I could stay forever
In my head I walk back down the stairs and leave our rooms. Past these walls that once captured your voice, now if they would only play it back.
Your words trapped somewhere in the frame that holds up the roof.
I must leave these memories here, so when I come back, I can find them again.
These are my time machine.
I still see myself fooling around in the driveway, my legs so shaky on those roller blades you bought me. Black and purple, they were my favorite.
So proud of myself I twirl in circles, hoping you are by chance looking out the window, I remember looking up to you so much.
I will always be that child, and you will always be the best part of me.
You created my heart, every beat there is a part of you.
My eyes, my hair.
I was told my hands look just like yours, that I have your humor and your glow.
10 years later I can still feel you standing behind me-
You're words of encouragement linger.