I wonder what my old bedroom looks like now

those empty nights where my breathing no longer exists 

will the trees notice there isn't a window to push their breeze in

my dog wondering the halls wondering why its silent

the door always shut as my parents walk past


I long for the past where I thought high school was the highlight of our lives

the nights going to bed and knowing you'll wake up and see your friends the next day.

going to gym class and playing kickball as the smell of sweaty jerseys and squeky shoes slide on the floor

tthe smell of peanut butter sandwhiches in the cafeteria as someone eats an orange

tthe old sheet music in band class the fluttered as we turned the pages

the way our shoes scuffed the carpet in the library

our faces pressed against the window watching the rain fall

learning, but not at the same time

laughing with classmates never thinking the time would end

late drives at night through the country with the smell of cows and the cold dew on the grass

watching the stars as we spoke deep words from our mouth

swimming across the cold lake as the sun set and birds flew over our head

watching kids sell lemonade on the corner as the sun warmed our skin

eating spaghetti-o's between our swim team races

popscicles that dripped down our hands

football games as we shivered together

laughing as we threw popcorn. 

practicing our drum routine on the field

riding the bus to soccer games and trying to put on our socks 3 minutes before we arrived

going to buffets with the cross country team after placing first at a meet in the morning

the vix that we placed on our chests to open our lungs

the way we smiled and laughed

the hard practices and miles my feet ran. it all made me feel alive


the day of graduation.

my friends were gone.

something changed

no one wanted to talk to me

i was avoided and i stood in line without a smile

eager to leave and get a diploma


now here i am 4 years later wondering where the time went by

its gone and i cant take it back

college will be in the past after one more semester

something tells me life will continue to go this fast

covid took a lot out of my life

I lost 2 years and can't get them back

but I found who i was


I wonder what my past self would do if she met me in the diffreent body. would she want to be like me?

would she want to be my friend?

I have no idea

I just know that I don't know how to stop time. 


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