I wonder what my old bedroom looks like now
those empty nights where my breathing no longer exists
will the trees notice there isn't a window to push their breeze in
my dog wondering the halls wondering why its silent
the door always shut as my parents walk past
I long for the past where I thought high school was the highlight of our lives
the nights going to bed and knowing you'll wake up and see your friends the next day.
going to gym class and playing kickball as the smell of sweaty jerseys and squeky shoes slide on the floor
tthe smell of peanut butter sandwhiches in the cafeteria as someone eats an orange
tthe old sheet music in band class the fluttered as we turned the pages
the way our shoes scuffed the carpet in the library
our faces pressed against the window watching the rain fall
learning, but not at the same time
laughing with classmates never thinking the time would end
late drives at night through the country with the smell of cows and the cold dew on the grass
watching the stars as we spoke deep words from our mouth
swimming across the cold lake as the sun set and birds flew over our head
watching kids sell lemonade on the corner as the sun warmed our skin
eating spaghetti-o's between our swim team races
popscicles that dripped down our hands
football games as we shivered together
laughing as we threw popcorn.
practicing our drum routine on the field
riding the bus to soccer games and trying to put on our socks 3 minutes before we arrived
going to buffets with the cross country team after placing first at a meet in the morning
the vix that we placed on our chests to open our lungs
the way we smiled and laughed
the hard practices and miles my feet ran. it all made me feel alive
the day of graduation.
my friends were gone.
no one wanted to talk to me
i was avoided and i stood in line without a smile
eager to leave and get a diploma
now here i am 4 years later wondering where the time went by
its gone and i cant take it back
college will be in the past after one more semester
something tells me life will continue to go this fast
covid took a lot out of my life
I lost 2 years and can't get them back
but I found who i was
I wonder what my past self would do if she met me in the diffreent body. would she want to be like me?
would she want to be my friend?
I have no idea
I just know that I don't know how to stop time.