How can I pretend

that I’m trying to be healed

when my pain is addictive

and my punishment sealed.

The screams that I give

are the heralds of angels

and my blood that drips

is a gorgeous vision of terror.

 

People don’t understand

why I choose this pain

But it’s not the hurt

that I wish to preserve

But the sense of control

that I’m willing to die for.

 

I want to change the mirror

and the person that I see

But my scars will always reveal

The sadistic hell in me.

 

And so I continue the cycle

of blades and blood

Forget what I live for

Forget the reality

that once kept me secure.

 

I am scared of my power

to damage and destruct.

Someone please help me!

Because I cannot help myself.

 

I am misunderstood

by me.

I am overlooked

by me.

I am tortured

by me,

I am my worst enemy

because as long as this devil

controls me,

I will never

be free.