fear
Learn more about other poetry terms
She was tiny for her age, 12 and 4'7. 13 but full of rage and despise, hatred actually, I did not enter this world a full person, torn in half a birth,lack of empathy many say. Did it feel good?
Be brave enough to walk awayAnd don't look backBe brave to say goodbyeBe brave enough to go your wayBe brave not to tell a lie.
Roses aren’t always red.
Violets aren’t strictly blue.
Not every glimmer’s surely gold-
You’ll never really know the truth!
She woke up at peace soon frantic to find something to occupy herself with.
The peace was too still and the noise was too quiet.
Inspired by Sil
Did you know that mountains are in the sea?
You have to contend with the scary water.
Sometimes you encounter mountain-like waves.
Bear in mind that you are not a fish.
I stared longingly,
As she sat across from me.
Now she's gone and no one seems to care
I stood over there,
My face red in shame.
Why won't these strange feelings die in vein.
Silence came to me. The word was suddenly empty, and the dialogue numb.
I wasn’t sure whether I was in a dream or elsewhere.
Isn't it funny how sometimes
The fear doesn't come until the danger's already passed?
.
But then it hits you, all at once,
As if to try to make up for it
For letting it's guard down
My Secret Place. Well, secret in my eyes. It’s the only place I can go when I need to be alone. Alone with my thoughts, The leaves made the perfect hiding place from the sun. hiding behind the clouds. It was so quiet.
Been looking for affection
at a rich man’s resurrection
found plenty of gold
but little introspection
His friends cry crocodile
and the family’s lamenting
I'm just tired.
Not the kind that sleep can cure.
Tired of being let down.
Tired of faking happiness.
Tired of being sad.
Tired of waking up and feeling like I'm worthless.
Tired of trying.
I'm sitting on the tongue of a wild beast--
The red rasp stained like concrete when children scape their knees.
I can't fall. I know I can't fall again,
because I'm terrified to see the bones underneath--
Why haven’t you come out?
It doesn’t make sense
You know your parents would… probably accept you
They are allies, you know that much
Miller used his Crucible as a way of representing McCarthyism in America, he did not directly give the creatures name but alluded to it by using a recurring historical theme in America
This isnt your average love poem
i dont want to compare your eyes to the stars or the moon
i want to compare them to the eyes of a killer
ready to strike at my weakest moment
I have never really been a person to really enjoy when it was Spring,
Because I never really sat back and thought about all of the changes and the beauty that it can bring.
The best way that I can explain life is that it is like a thread,
And the length of your string all depends on what you went through and the words that were said.
Beautiful ocean waters, glising bright blue
As your white fomey waves dance up shore
Manny have no clue
To the hidden things that we ignore
Many people have taken the wrong approach to the issue of the Covid-19 vaccine.
Who should be afraid to socialize with others, vaccinated persons or unvaccinated persons?
Why is it that our minds try to convince us that the worst is going to come true?
And that even when you try to convince yourself other wise, it doesn't seem to work, no matter what you do.
Chances were set to be taken, but most people run from them.
Running ends up being the reason we fail.
You can't chase a shadow away with light and you can't bludgeon your heart without feeling the weight suffocate you.
Here it comes again
drowning me
swallowing me whole
Here it comes again
that wretched beast
pulling me in
with its sharp claws
and horrible breath
Here it comes again
I am a warrior.
A warrior of blood and bone.
A warrior of heart and tears.
A warrior.
A warrior who cries so many tears that she competes with rivers.
The kindness that draws A spirit closer to home
The mindlessness, flaws That makes us our own
Are all part of people Those lost and those found
None reaching the steeple But all heaven bound
I never been this confused,
what if my life will just turn to blue?
How will I survive,
if I don't know what to do.
The year I was born
Was the same year Matthew Shepard was murdered
The same year blood filled our televisions
And anger burned our throats
The year I was born was when everything changed
Do not fear the setting of the sun
Do not fear when darkness comes
Do not fear the howling wind
For with each night, a day begins
You can shiver in your skin
O’ museum of bones
These days when one googles: bigotry; One face shows up, not by hypocrisy, Not by accident. This is a darn travesty.The leader of such a wonderful countryShould not be carrying this ugly baggageOf bigotry, racism, and hate.
To live is to risk dying
To depart’s to risk losing your way
To laugh is to risk looking foolish
To wake is to risk a new day
To accept is to risk apathy
To attempt is to risk despair
I waited for you in the hallway
But I did not hear your voice
I waited for your call in the night
But my phone did not stir
I waited for your love
But it would never be mine
Friday night, first week of May, you brought me here like a child. Hungry for new experiences. A new world. Scared that that world might not accept him as he is. Nervous.That night we drank, we danced, we laughed, and we kissed….
I wish I’d told you how good you looked in your suit when you picked me up for Homecoming.
I wish I’d told you how much I think about the time we went to the corn maze.
The canoe has a hole in it
Still we took it out so far
And travelled all the coves
No one is in the houses
Only buzzards flying above us
Time is owned by the trees
I’ve come to notice
On the days we scream the loudest
Our pleas have no ear to fall on
Yet a whisper of success can be heard for miles
I’ve come to notice that there is no such thing as wasted tears
Pussy
is that how others see me
a coward
filled with anxiety and trepidation
too fearful to exist without
gentle coddling
mewling and cowering
The day is done
The sun is sinking into the bathtub
Flinging toys flinging joys across the sky.
The day is done
I’m happy
I’m proud of who I am
I believe in myself
I’m a successful person
Liar
I’m excited for the world!
I’m an exceptional musician
I play with a fruitful passion
Disappointment
What can be understood
From a thing unknown
That only takes
But never gives
A certain possibility
Given only to those
Sometimes I feel as if I am transparent, my vulnerabilities and fears tattooed across my body, worry and wonder worry and wonder until my mind runs into circles of doubt, never ending, the rhythm of my heart beats in tune with this, th
Some dictionaries define homophobia as fear of, dislike of or prejudice against homosexuals
But many people have different perceptions of homophobia that do not make sense
It's funny.
I find myself running,
unable to breathe.
The pain in my feet told me to keep on going,
Even though my turning stomach disagreed.
I felt like I swallowed the whole ocean
So here we are
New world, new us
It’s been a while
Since we’ve fought
Maybe it’s the thrill of it all
Or maybe our priorities just switched
But hey
We’ve got time
Right?
Begging with your strong fingertips
You grasped into my vacant soul
For dear life
Your eyes screamed for my body
A stare so heavily
It burnt the clothes off my body
Reckless, you left my heart
The hate. It rages;
burns my shackles to reality
until I am no longer bound.
So I whither and shrink and hide,
like an arachnid,
Disgust is in disguise.
In the world's crust, it hides.
But it’s all on us, we normalize.
We adapt to pain to make chains.
And no change.
2020 is about to end, this is the last day of the year.During the last 366 days, there has been much fear.Many people have suffered because of Covid-19.People have perished but now we have a vaccine.
For the losers who lost us. The people who loved us. The lucky people who get to meet us.
This is for you.
I don't have an attitude, just a personality you can't handle love.
For the losers who lost us. The people who loved us. The lucky people who get to meet us.
This is for you.
I don't have an attitude, just a personality you can't handle love.
Here you are again,
wandering around the block,
with that smile you use to pretend
not being caught up in your thoughts.
Here you are again,
but now, you're being brave.
Notions pervade your brain,
Close your pretty eyes,
Let your mind be clear,
give it many tries,
until your vicinity disappears.
Can you feel your sunshine soul?
Can you hear your heart of gold?
Can you perceive your passion for life,
Facing him everyday,
His eyes piercing mine,
His words touching my soul,
I cant talk,
Fuck the world,
cause I can only see him,
One day I'll tell him,
How I feel,
Muscles tense, eyes shifting 'round.
Throat tight, stomach full of knots.
I run faster and faster...
'Have to keep going.'
I look behind me;
It's getting closer.
it’s 3 am and i’m laying in my own bed for the first time in months. the candle beside me flickers unevenly and the hum from the ceiling fan above is deafening if i pay too much attention.
is it me, or just a comforting presenceone that wont look at you wrong, a fear of feeling i may never be more than you wanted me to bea wild feeling, one i cant escape are you a feeling, or true comfortsecurity, safety, and seamless satire who am
It’s CLEAR That Government Tactics Are Now Causing DAMAGE... !!!
To Employment And Lives That Are Now COLLAPSING... !!!
Due To Tactics UNWISE That Are Now Causing PANIC... !!!
It's a sharp crack in the air
The grain splits down the middle
A thin line that resembles ruptured cement during an earthquake emerging
A violent tremble pierces the air
I've lost my position as Queen at the throne.
My king, my life, my home, all slipping away, gone.
Your loss, due to the fuck shit you be on.
Soon I will sit in emptiness, be isolated and alone.
No one said that this was going to be easy, but it is something that you know you have to do,
And when you first embark on this journey it can be difficult because you do not have a clue.
PAPA
I felt you weeping today. As you listen to the song
that life has given you to play....
The colors of the dayHave drifted away
From bright yellow, pale blue and pink.
The pain and the fear are ghosts,
spectres,
a fabrication of reality.
In a moment they will appear and then vanish and I will be left wondering why I followed them into the dark.
The pain and the fear are ghosts,
spectres,
a fabrication of reality.
In a moment they will appear and then vanish and I will be left wondering why I followed them into the dark.
Ya Know I Have Been Told That My Voice RATTLES... !!!
But Folks You KNOW... I AIN'T NO SNAKE... !!!!
So I Think it's THOSE Who BATTLE...
With Talk They... CANNOT TAKE...
Who Make These Types of Comments...
VULNERABILITY
It’s a marvelous sight
to open the curtain
and give the stage
to vulnerability
with her sweet rage
she's the sister of love
so free
The wars my eyes have seen
The bullets emerge from your mouth as you spit and speak
Don't shoot,
I beg
Please surrender
This battle is killing me
You were my dad that I once knew,
But little do you know
the pain you put me through.
I've grown up and realized
That your life is nothing but a thousand lies.
You say that you love me more than I know
Will I
Remember at the end?
Crying eyes
Yet I like to pretend
Questions not asked
That how I want it to be
Die young and live fast
I'm hurting, can't you see?
I wear a big ol smile
I do not intend to harm you.
Fear paralyses you as a result of your guilt.
You wronged me deliberately,
But I shall not retaliate for the loss of my savings.
I see fright and confusion in your eyes.
Fearofflying—facing fearhe boarded the planewhich some minutes after takeoffviolently shook and then plummeted toward earth—him being sad, not over his impending death, but having just won the lottery
Isn't it so funny how we all sit there and create these different scenarios in our heads,
But most of the time they are negative ones, and they are things that we dread.
Don't you See them? Can't you hear them?
Craven things
The voices that wont let you be
All ways there
allways watching, allways chating
the voiceless words
confined
can't sleep.
it feels like these walls are closing in on me
so i find shelter in your arms instead.
(i could stay here forever.)
your golden-brown skin is warm and inviting.
on the outside i stay cool and collected --
freezing my feelings so i'll never crack.
but on the inside,
you pace around my mind like you don't know where you're going,
and i don't have a roadmap.
i think i'm even more lost than you are.
honeysuckle lips
almost touching mine, but not quite
they drip below
the crook of my nose,
slide down,
down,
I know it's silly
...
i use to fall asleep
i would see your face
my eyelids would fill
with bright colors
and my nose would
breathe in your scent
and i would hold you close
My family not being proud of me
My friend loosing her life over a cheater
Moving to Texas to leave everything behind
To be depressed, weak, and unatural
Not seeing my father again
Bulimia.
A sickness created by one's thoughts and perceptions.
Something that destroys the body with every bite.
She tries to fight off the painful realizations
Hello, My name is....
you probly dont care.
I mean who am I?
A girl in a crowd...
I open up.
and you close.
My mind starts to wonder...
what couldve been if i said my name?
please don't let anything bad happen tonight.
please don't let anything bad happen tonight.
please don't let anything bad happen tonight.
I have friends.
those friends care about me.
sometimes I need someone to talk to.
I can talk to my friends when I need someone to listen to me.
I am not merely seeking attention because of this.
Wolves howl on this silent night.
Singing out anguish to the moon.
Letting their fear and anger be known.
Raising their voices, letting their pain be known.
Locked myself in the bathroom
I Could feel your arms on me
Your tears on my cheek
Screaming please don't leave
But that was in my dreams
But in real
I feel dead inside
When will the crippling fear end?
Am I a lost cause?
Could I have changed the course?
I could have told them
I let them believe the lie
If only they knew
All Of Me
I go to check if my heart is still there
It’s not, you stole it
And all I can feel is blood filling up the empty space
The sky is a green stagnant swamp.
The marching thunder approaches,
More rapidly with every peal.
Dawns light tries to infiltrate,
But it is muted by the oppression ,
Of the vault of steel clad clouds.
Last night the breeze sang a lullaby.
This dawn it screamed in howls.
The distant rumbling approaches,
Unlike the peaceful quiet of last night.
The wind is lifting swirls of leaves.
Days are long and quiet,
I am neither here nor there,
And no matter where I'm hiding,
I'm pinned beneath his stare.
He watches when I'm sleeping,
Perfectly aware
That when I wake up screaming
The waves flooding back easily
yellow ball of energy
traveling& transforming
from yin to yang
A calm ocean
so delightful
animals dancing in their praise
from fin
to fang
“Take me,” She said. So I took her away. I went inside, but not like they went inside. See, I didn’t make her
suffer when I felt her flesh. They took away my innocence while I confirmed hers. You call me “girl” and call me “crazy”
I am a wimp, I know it's true.
I'm more afraid of bugs than you.
There are many things I'd rather do
Than go near a bug and kill it too.
I'd rather step in fresh dog poo.
Walking down the streets of my city
Fearing for my life
Fearing that I might not live until tomorrow
Fearing that I won’t be able to succeed in life
Like the sound of distant coughing
the masks of people’s courage fail
and we flail in amongst our daydreaming fears
the tears of beast we don’t normally acknowledge
wind rattling weightless backyard furniture
wings buzzing near the pane
scampering lizard up the wall
scorpion families opening pincers into spring
even as I type the word
scorpion
I wish a
Fearing death is like fearing a sneeze
After it’s over, people will turn their heads
Some will say bless you
Even those who never knew you
The town’s once busy streets
Are filled with silent ghosts
The loud squeals of children playing
Are replaced with lost hopes
So many cry in fear of death
The thought of losing their one last breath
I begged you for forgiveness
But you sat on your throne a laughed
I know you gave me my time with him like I asked you too
You gave me his love so you could watch me
As you took it all away from me forever
i thought i would feel peace
but all i feel is chaos
slipping deeper into the black
falling from anyone’s grasp
as the seconds continue to pass
i thought they would come and go
but dark thoughts have come to stay
the light has become dimmer
and the faint glow continues to be overpowered
were those promises ever true
i am no longer sure
this emptiness has remained in me for too long
your words do not bring me comfort anymore
What, shall I fear the veiled unknown?
To die and pass the mortal shroud
They say ascencion through the cloud
Will whisk me to the Gloried Throne,
But what awaits? No tongue has told
Fear twists itself
around me:
legs wrapped over
my waist and its arms
restraining mine
We stumble to the precipice
teetering towards
the empty expanse
of the Dreamscape
How beautiful you are
So deep in your despair
Lying, sleeping on the couch
The curls in your dark hair
How soft your face appears
When you're lost within your dreams
How long will it take me just to get rid of anxiety
My shaky hands can show you i'm not used to the formality
But as I find myself growing more out of my comfort zone
I think I finally found a way to call it a normality
I released you, my beautiful and passionate
anxiety. I release you. You were my beloved
and hated twin, but now, I don’t know you
as separate from myself. I release you with all the
Depression isn’t gentle
She doesn’t knock when she enters the room
Or text you before she comes over
Instead she kicks down the door and takes what is hers
She does not need your opinion
Depression grips my wrist like a child in a storm
Holding me a hostage, in my head and in my dorm
Filling me with sadness that cannot be explained
Like my head is full of cannon balls and my ankles all but chained.
My drive...what ignites the part of me to be the best me
My fear of disappointment…
I wouldn't wanna spread it to anyone else,
Like a disease.
The colors within your gaze slay my yearning soul
Crawl into the crevices between my agony and desire
Inspire hope. Love. Fear
Have I created you in my mind?
Surely nothing so divine is tangible
A picture with no shadows in itHas all too much to hide.Pompous, plushy, prickly colorsWherein no truth resides.
i descend in my seat, waiting for the lesson to begin
looking around, all I see is desert
a desert so dry and empty yet so full of people i may never see again
There are rythms that echo through
my rib cage, each bone curving as your
a note gets cut off.
It is hard to hear, when
other heartbeats play loudly like a siren
Its okay to love another, but
Who will I be
when the world claims me as its own,
Anxiety of future life fills the void I fail to feel,
Raging sea, inside of me. Inside my mind I'll forever be. Anger turns to madness. Joy turns to sadness. I crumble and fall. I grasp and I claw; and yet, still I lose it all. I beg and I crawl. Please take this pain away, I plead.
Sometimes the soulRises up. Dances in the sky. SometimesIt liesDefeated on the ground. •Somtimes theWind gently blowsThrough the fieldsOf corn. Sometimes it turnsTo cold and wet Leaving all the earthCompletely shorn. •Sometimes the nightIs stil
Plant a kiss
On whoever’s forehead you can
Without awakening
The more goodbyes the better,
But too many
On those who care too much
Dear Father,
You were there for my birth
At least I think you were
But that’s about it
You saw me growing up
But I would rarely see you
You're like smoke.
-
Shapeless, or just too many shapes to settle on anything real, anything solid.
-
If I make myself look, I can see you- a looming, dark, mass always present in the corner of my thoughts
-
Death came to them and said
"Look at me children"
And they refused to look
So they were reaped with the harvest
Death came to them and said
"Look at me children"
And they looked upon him
They expect me to stand here in silence to find worth in how they deprived me of who I truly was .
Always chasing you till you're beat.
Doesn't discriminate, just defeats.
It is always there hoping you hide,
But now is not the time to be shy.
Take the fear and pass it on.
MY JANUARY RESPONSE
Thu, 01/02/20 - 4:23 PM
by Debi Lyn
It feels like forever; I sure hope things are better.
There was a time when I was trapped by fears
No day went by I didn't shed tears
Haunted by these worries, counting every scar and ache
It seemed every moment I could feel my heart break
Are You AFRAID of What You See When You look At Me ... ?
Well Can't You See That This Is How Most Racists Be ... ?
If You're AFRAID ... Because I'm Tall And Black ...
Why Be Like That I'm Just A Man ... ?!?
Anna was walking late one night,
Hunting for some food to bite
But she fell down a simple flight
Of stairs that truly were a sight
They found Anna the following day,
Fire starts with “F” because it makes us feel uncomfortable.
It makes fathers faint and mothers flee from their homes.
It causes fear to purge from one place to the next.
I was a kid with fear residing inside me,
My biggest fear was my grandma.
Mostly children love their grandma,
But I hated her & was afraid of her,
And my biggest worry was to face her.
...I wasn’t always like this you know,
there was a time when I saw beauty in life,
electricity in the magnificent mechanics of life,
Traumatized
Shaking, Crying
not leaving home
because the nightmares keep following you
Keys in your fist
Pepper Spray in the other
Attachment is too risky
Attachment is a universal sign of something that can be broken
Whether it be from love, hardship, differences
i’m supposed to be doing homework,
but how can i focus on vectors when i’m picturing you on the edge,
fire out of your control and closing in?
will i be enough for you
Sweet treachery on a night of drought,
And no, I did not see the billow coming.
I held no thirst or thoughts about
The sounds of soft waves drumming.
Memories created are stored in the colors of sky and sea,
grass and kitchen counter.
Feelings of music and pain are stored in the apple-scented air and sweet breeze of the place I used to be.
It Seems That FEAR Is groWING Here ... !!!
Because Some People Have Shed TEARS ... !!!
TEARS Because A Loved One's GONE .........................................
I have a fear of the unknown.
The idea of space frightens me,
an endless void where what happens to me does not matter.
I am afraid of meaning nothing.
My room is full of stars,
Walking up a concrete hill on the way home from school.
The sun beams against my back.
Creating a shadow darker than my caramel skin.
My fears fall upon me like
Shadows on the ground,
And the shadows slither
Towards me.
Staring at me
With their many
Many eyes.
I cower,
But I don't back down.
They whisper to me
Behind closed doors she hides herself
and what she has become,
the cuts, the bruises,
the angry words said -
that should never be undone.
But luckily she lives and so forgives "Him"
I reached for you.
and in the darkness,
I was unaware that you,
were the monster I feared.
Now, I do not fear monsters.
I fear ignorance.
I give everything I can
(in fear that you'll leave)
my time my home my patience
and don't expect to receive
I can't lose another best friend
(because I lost more)
my love my trust my faith
the taste on my tongue
of bitter words
that could leave you stung
the fire in my heart
of frustrated feelings
that would lead me to fall apart
the thoughts in my head
“Who goes there?“
Said I into the black.
No reply, except the echo back,
Except the echo that,
Bounced through the walls
Of the cluttered hall,
Giving way to pause, as my heart stalls.
The advice from Mímir was surrounding, supportive,
consuming and debilitating.
The feeling of a sentence derived from admiration.
With the seeds of ideas planted,
I’ve considered putting my hair
Into a ponytail when I’m sleeping
Because my hair not soft against my
Cheek and gets in my eyes and is
Hot. I’ve also considered getting
Another better-paying job. Both
I have a hostageBack away, do what I sayOr come clean up a bloody stageThis ain’t no animeThis here is a 12 gaugeIt ain’t blasphemeIt’s reality without a backstageI am here, with myself
I can feel it ever slipping away,
Diluting into the abyssal dark.
I only feel all that is not okay
As everything dons a new shrouding mark.
barely a woman at all, at 14
i began a search for love. to prove to myself that
i could be loved.
i began a search for a feeling. to feel anything.
Everyone always tells me I have a way with words.Yes, my pen scribbles almost uncontrollably, when I picture you, and how I like to describe who you are, and how much an acquaintence could possibly mean to me.
When the heart is unaware
Of the hurting whimpers of despair
The nasty wails don't come out loud
But manage to get suppressed in a shroud
The boogeyman is real
just not quite in the way we think
he is not a behemoth of green flesh
no,
the boogeyman wears blue.
He does not linger underneath her your bed
he roams in the open world
I hope tomorrow never comes.
Tonight to last forever.
If we wake to the sun,
rays on our face,
it's too late.
I'll know theres no time to leave this place.
Morose feeling inside.
middle school is really hard you know
it's an obsatcle of things
don't you know
you think you know stuff
but to be honest you don't
it's not what you thought it be
it's the exact opposite of things
1. 2. 3. 1. 2. 3. pause
BEat drones like a belle
where does the noise aller?
interruption With pleurs
Mystery my dear
That's all you may see
Some see a challenging view
Some see a hurting soul
Who were you?
Who will you be?
Dedicated to all victims of bullying, which include girls & boys of all ages, sizes, and backgrounds. (That includes me too.) "You can beat a bully without using your fists!"
Why is the world so judgmental?
Like people,
Hungry animals choose their prey
By looking for the weak or wounded
They pursue them—
Sweet sage. Tears. Hands clinched around another's as we sink, slipping below the original position.
The land shifts like dreams. Massive. Mother loves and cries of her blessings eternally.
Cycle Synechis.
A spirit light, a heart unbound
A place to stand, safe from thunderclouds
A mind at rest, a heart at peace
Where home is warm, and meant to be
A harbor strong amidst the rain
You told me that your name was Maria,
And that you came
From the Netherlands,
But you looked more like a Latina,
With flowing dark hair, maybe a natural tan,
I was in love,
So much in love,
-spend every moment doing meaningless things just to make time pass by faster.
-take a hot bath as to finally feel something warm.
I came downstairs crying one night
When I was a little girl
Because I was scared
That someone I love would die,
Would get sick and die,
Is that my heart in your pocket or are you just happy to hurt me?
What’s a masterpiece like you doing with a disaster like me?
Hey, you see my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I’m stable?
The world is dry and I wish to find an oasis,
I am delirious with thirst and the scorpion's poison looks like lemonade
I am trying not to turn to toxin
but the things I feel are tragic
I wish to have no part in them
Why do you shun the gentleness in me?
Is such affection scarred within you; is it a reminder of pain?
I am not your pain. Will you not let me love you?
I am crawling and falling and calling
I need you to hear me, come near me, don’t fear me
while you flee, watch me bleed, please don’t leave
cause I’m flying and I’m crying, but I’m dying
My mind is a battlefield
It has trouble distinguishing danger from safety
It makes rain on a tin roof sound like gun fire
Makes fireworks on the Fourth of July into an air raid
Your fingers slowly push on my shoulder,
And lower back,
Quietly pulling me closer to you.
Until our hearts are pressed together,
Beating as one.
Living with anxiety is like living in an invisible box. It has 7 walls, one for every day of the week and a glass ceiling to remind you that you’ll never escape. The box’s name is fear.
What if I could live in a world in which I never fell for you? What if I never fell for you? What if I never fall again? Never feel the scrape of my knees hitting earth again.
Christ within, Christ without. To the heavens I scream and shout. Inside my head I should find no doubt. But inside a bed, there it lay. Forever it wish to stay. My heart, it hopes to sway. To bring about my own dismay.
Just one more
I promise that’s it
Just one more
Then I promise I’ll quit.
Those lies you spoke
for so many years
An ocean of needles
and too many beers.
By the time you read this I’ll be alive, but I suppose that won’t always be the case. Death is as inescapable as tuna casserole at least once a season or as unavoidable as smiling when you see that person, at least just a little.
They told me, all my young life:
Time heals all wounds --
and I assumed that they were right.
But what, I wonder,
heals the wounds
that Time inflicts?
Looking up
I will see
the Archer
high above me
his bow
pointing at me
his star eyes
staring coldly
fear
it surrounds me
as I flee
knees collapsing
Sparkling eyes and tender flesh are shielded from the world in a tight hug.
A photograph captures my father’s love.
you were joy, broken joy,
shreds of it scattered.
and between your lines
lie chasms,
dark, endless, hopeless.
but you masked your chasms
by wringing out sunshine.
and thus,
Stillit sits there, bones and all, grounded in the monotonous planecolor unyieldingPoised to begin, possessing the knowledge of the end.
Days grow longer, nights colder;
Everything seems to change. Yet, there’s still me-
I’m unchanging.
Same face, same clothes, same friends, same creation.
Days grow longer, nights colder;
Everything seems to change. Yet, there’s still me-
I’m unchanging.
Same face, same clothes, same friends, same creation.
Raising the sword of vengeance the bringer of death waves truth in your face,
Beads of sweat, torments of yesterday with possibilities of a crime without a trace,
In a narrow crevice
where echoes the hunting hawk's screech,
a cougar asks a bear to explain
***Trigger Warning***
“Boys will be boys”
“Let bygones be bygones”
“Forget about it”
“Get over it.”
I'm afraid to feel nothing
I am happy to feel tired
If that is the one thing I am
Then I am tired
Say it as my first name
As my title
I embrace the fatigue
I do not want to be empty
A broken window,
Stands out in a parade out gold,
Glass shining, shimmering.
The ghost of the past,
Still haunts me,
Night terrors grab me.
My lungs breathe in desire,
And they release regret,
the mutterings
the mutterings
the
hush
no
oh but I can not hold
they swell and they mingle
with words not my own
is this the fate?
seeking and penning and pining?
Crack, boom, pop
The news ricochets around the room like a bullet
It explodes in our ears
Crack, boom, pop
Right near the playground
The report says
When I was younger I could not wait to grow up
I would see all these people and admire their glow up
Little did I know that it was all trap
Because just when I hit 18 there was no going back
“Hello old friend”
I say with a grin on my face
As I stare away blankly towards space.
It’s been a while since we first met.
There’s something in the water
Just below the surface
Every time I look away it glimmers.
A gentle splash
Lapping of water on the hull of my leaky boat.
a few days agoi wanted to sit down and write about how unappreciated you werenot that i changed my mind, noi still believe thatbut todaytodayi'm hurti'm hurt that
It was a foolish mistake to think that I could escape from you.Even if I wanted to,You seemed to lurk in the shadows.In the dark I could hear your laughter;Knowingly mocking my vulnerability.
Who put the baby in the drivers seat
Beause I promise you I´m like 12
Why are you putting these keys in my hand
Ok I guess this is happnening
I used to have a car seat
It was blue AND pink with little flowers
welcome friend, it's dark down here.
for most, it's much too grim
the table's set with plates half empty
the cups spill o'er their rims
I'm sorry I closed off
a generic ringtone, a sound foreign to this 2am hour
a beat as we freeze, glancing down, and then up
"hello?"
a motion towards the bottle
clink, pour, swallow
"things aren't looking too good"
a pause
Grey skies overhead.
Blue seas below, waving.
Green trees, hoping for a chance to start anew.
Red fire giving trees a chance.
Grey skies put the fire out, the sea ceases its spread, the trees start anew.
Im sorry I grew up mom
I’m sorry I’m not your little girl anymore..But no matter how many times you try to deny that it’s me and I need to change Frankly you have no say in this matter....
Sometimes we run.
Just run. And run.
Sometimes not fast enough
to escape our problems.
But sometimes we run
so fast
we forget to
slow down
and enjoy our gift.
I am like a hand grenade. Come one step too close and I pull the tab. I don't trust anyone to keep me safe. I'd much rather be the one to destroy myself.
I'm obsessed,Obsessed with death.
I love to picture my own end. Will it be by my own hands?An enemy's? Will I be a hero? Or will I grow old?
I'm obsessed,
I live with evil creatures in my soul,
I have to fight to keep control.
They yell and scream to be let out,
And then they punish me after every bout.
The sound comes from down the hall
It draws nearer as you fill with dread
They reach the classroom
Shots fire through the room
It's been years now but, the words still hurt like it was yesterday. I am grown now but, why do I still feel this childish hurt everday. I say im happy but, I still find myself in the back of the room or comfortable only in the shadows.
Through the sky Death shall rise,
On rotten wings will he fly.
With the stench of torture on his clothes,
He sends Fear into all his foes.
No one else can see them, the different hues and vibrant shades.My minds own ROY G BIV.When I close my eyes I see them all the time;Deep, candied red of the French roses;Soft, afterglow orange of the fairie lights;
We all claim to need closure.
And yes, it is quite a wonderful thing to have.
To know the exact science of, why, how, who, and when.
But sometimes that doesn't happen.
When I was twelve I asked my mother if
I could go bungee jumping. She said
NO. But she let me go paragliding.
I took the chance.
She told me with a red face.
Our silent rage crackled around us like lightning in the rumble before the rain.
I heard her whisper- through her teeth,
My therapist said that I might have PTSD;that the sight of any bug in my bed may send
me into hysterics. She says that I’m scythingtoo much skin off around my ankles, and my
The reason why we fear is we believe everything is real.
Fear thrives off of secrecy and hiding, thats real.And emotions such as shame and guilt are used to confide in, thats real.
in my head
something was not right
it took time to realize
but i finally changed my life around
in my head
pain and fear swirled about
The shocking electric pulse,
Flowing through my veins.
I’m charged and strong,
Ready to fly,
Through the driving rains.
I drop a single bolt,
One day you're home,
and then another you are left all alone.
Abandoned, gone, and lost.
Looking around like theres been a holocaust.
People say life is black and white-
Growing up,
We wanted to make our family proud.
Our teachers thrilled.
Our peers happy.
But growing up,
We always made our family shake their head in disappointment,
Our teachers in disapprovement,
how do you tell someone something so crazy
that you cant see the light at the end of the tunnel
that youre an angel thats just been begging to go home
how do you tell someone something so personal
thanks to society she learned to hate her body
"youre skinny"
you must be anorexic
oh youre not okay heres an extra burger you need it honey
your hairs not perfect
you must not care what you look like
She wonders why she feels this way;
Living in the shadows of her pain.
Why do they ignore her daily?
Is this a sign her efforts are failing?
Surely someone has answers for her;
Stormy weather comes with the lighting that flashes, but never strikes
The thunder that cracks, but inevitably fades
The wind that pushes, and almost wins
The rain that drenches, and weighs her down slightly
Cant you hear it?there is musicfrom behind the walls.whimsical windits callingbegginglisten listen listen
At the age of 4, I began new adventures;
A hedgehog, a vampire, no, a gamer starting to venture.
I was new and inexperienced, I just didn’t understand,
Like Kindergarten and field trips, I was entering a new land.
Let me tell you of the week I grew up.
No, not physically but mentally and emotionally.
The physical age does not matter;
what matters is that the week before I loved candy.
Fear is a looming gray
Looks like a rainy day where the sun won’t come out
Smells like the stink of sulfur
Tastes like bitter acid
Will you still be here, when my fingers fall to pieces?
Broken glass beneath my toes, a reminder of my own fate.
Will you still listen, when the words mean nothing?
Focus Misdirected
They won’t like me
they don’t care
they look upon my person
and see nothing
as if I am not there.
The fear of rejection
I would push myself everyday
To walk the streets abandoned by my mother
Wrap my words with her lies
And sell them as truth
She would lend me her voice to call out my demons
Every thread, stitched by my hand, can unravel, I think
Every step carries potential falls
I’ve draped myself in the guise of a fan-favorite
Covered my face with unnatural colors
Dear Fear,
I know this won't reach you but
I'm writing this letter as a means to an end
Once upon a time I loved you dearly
With words that burn and bite and sting,
they creep up on your mind and ring
until you no longer sleep at night.
There are sounds and smells
that remind you of days passed,
I stare into a face that frightens me more than ever,How can I stand and say i’m not afraid ? I see the eyes and i’m sure I know better, Than to cross paths with this 8-legger.Why oh why, do spiders frighten me ? Is it because I imagine them crawl
Some times I think down of myself
Such as not earning something I worked hard for
Or being denied a spot during the first picks
Maybe its a fear of rejection
I was terrified of failure
inadequacy
imperfection
The worst when I worked incredibly hard
What a waste of time
to fall just short of success
Rows upon rows of tennis shoes jumped and played around,
sweet voices and laughter filled the air.
Eyeballs were everywhere, observing, absorbing, deducing, condemning.
Out of the corner of my brainI see it marching in.The dictator over all million little things:Fear. When fear arrives, the million little things wandering in my mindgo into hiding.They try to surrender.They take their own lives.They are shot do
At any given moment, I just might break
Fall to my knees, head in my hands kind of just might break
Fear in my eyes, regret on my mind kind of just might break
Why am I alive, how did I survive kind of just might break
To be a kid again, life was simpler then,
With carefree afternoons and evenings
That left you in bed content with
Pleasant dreams and memories.
Soaring through the air,
heart pounding
and beads of sweat flying from my forehead,
the screaming line above my head,
the air throwing my hair
and rushing through my clothes,
You were there at my arrival.
You were there as I sprout.
Now it’s all a blur, in my rejected state of mind.
You shun me away, when I wanted to play.
You shun me away, when I just wanted you to stay.
Robbed of a sweet childhood,
you stole my innocence.
I wanted to save you
and you punished me for loving you.
I wanted to take your pain away,
you wanted to intensify my heartache.
A nigh of mischief,
an adventure,
a nightmare.
Speed up! No.
I'll crash,
I'll fall,
the world will spin
But the night is young.
Under the full moon
It struck me with the fury
of one thousand lightning bolts.
Although the cool ocean invited me,
instead I chose to hit the concrete.
I felt the light of my being go out.
Step after step, we approach the hospital
A summer of hot, humid Air
Astonishment fills, and we realize how little
of the human condition we know of or care.
India, the country of which we treck
It seems like you are trapped,
do not know what path to take.
You see the high mountain ahead,
which will lead to your destiny.
Sometimes I wonder
If others think the way I do.
It’s different in my mind.
Harder to imagine people and lives.
Everyone seems so far away.
he's a liar.
fear whispers in your ear,
looks over your shoulder,
places his cold hands
around your neck.
"you can't possibly
do it," he says.
"thinkthinkthink
Change is what scares me the most.
But being afraid of something that is constant,
Worrying over the what-ifs, and the “what’s next?”
Will only create a scarier effect.
So I travelled exactly 7,403 miles from home.
You threatened me with good times,
I am a flower,
I opened my petals and let you in.
You picked me from a garden and discarded me when the smell wore off,
When I began to wilt I was no longer your muse,
4 years agoI found something I didn’t know.It would change my life,Wasn’t sure it was right,Probably explains why I cried,Felt like I didn’t have a soul. It took seventeen yearsAnd seventeen years of fearBut in the mirror of my integrity,There wer
Thump. Thump.
I stand in complete darkness
Thump. Thump.
Waiting for the curtains to creep open.
Thump. Thump.
Knees Shaking
Thump. Thump.
Heart pounding
Thump Thump
No it’s not “Ha-mong” it’s “Hmong”
The “H” is silent so get it right
We don’t come from China or say ching chong
So don’t make assumptions on where we’re from, get out of my sight
I. Depression
I'm tired of this regression
All of this damn stressin'
People, they get this impression
They say its near aggression
Don't understand this obsession
With things like secression
It’s scales up the spine
Looking for a place, a new
To inhabit
Some get lucky and through it
Before it eats them
Others do not
It consumes them whole
Eating away
Anxiety.
It’s always been there,
Lurking in the depths.
Have I learned how to rid it?
Not yet.
But as a person who has beliefs of what there is above,
I have put my fears to faith
Fear.
She envelopes us like a cold day without a jacket.
Shivering like bare shoulders, chills climbing in the crooks of collapsing collarbones.
"I am afraid," the voice taunts, always behind us always there.
How hard is it to breathe?
When your mind is not at ease?
In a sense you think you're fine, try to hold it in inside.
You affirm yourself, "I got this".
But you're not the kind who's reckless.
Fear tells you to stand where you are.
Don't move.
What if I want to get somewhere?
Well you have to take a step out there.
One day, you’ll be gone and I won’t know what to do with my life after you are.
The sad thing is you won’t leave earth you’ll just go really far.
Fear is a tool unlike any other,
Dangerous and lively like fire,
A double-edged sword, a friend and a foe;
Mysterious and fearsome to think about, to feel,
The thoughts entrancing the mind, able to eradicate
My greatest fear
is to be brave, and yet
I am just that
every day.
I fear to be
brave,
to do what others tell me not.
to seek a simple solution
to flee this spot, this in-between
We have our thoughts and the noises of the world
No one speaks no one says
We think and we sit thinking of our fears
We think and we think, make one go insane
I was hanging on by a thread,
Fear grasped on to me
I hyperventilated, thinking of it made me sweat.
I was never strong enough,
Bold enough,
Courageous enough,
To leave the cage I was bound to.
If I could spell fear then I wouldn't,
Given the chance, I'd scream it in its face,
You would begin to stutter but you shouldn't,
Fear was designed to put you in your place,
Fear, There’s plenty of it, it fills us all Paralyzes us, keeps cautious, wanting to avoid the fall Something we can’t outgrow or out run When it’s there we wish it were done Thought of the past plants it, thought of the future grows it Can’t bru
Looking in, at the only thing
This is the deepest region.
Eyes fixed, on not a nothing.
This is the end of reason.
I have been, forced to marry - still a child, seen as property, sold for wealth
The wind blows solemnly through my bones
The crows no longer sing their songs
It feels like a blizzard in my mind
My psyche being eaten away by frost bite.
I’m losing my mind
if i'm not pretending to be
somebody else,
then who am i?
i fear that question.
singing a song i don't really
know the words to;
writing down the words i
somehow can't understand.
if i'm not pretending to be
somebody else,
then who am i?
i fear that question.
singing a song i don't really
know the words to;
writing down the words i
somehow can't understand.
Can I tell you something?
It's quite important
But I mean no alarm so, actually I'll say it's not
We haven't talked in a while
It's time I tell you this thing
Oh you're kind of busy?
As I sit in the chair waiting for my match
A butterfly flies around my stomach
Fear comes
I keep thinking what if I lose, what if I don't play well, what if I trained poorly?
i'm afraid.
it's a feeling i can't escape from — nothing i can turn a blind eye to, skip over, forget.
As I think and reflect on what my life was,
I'm glad I overcame all that this life does.
This life we live is but a dance,
Dodging grief and unsteadiness with our bare hands.
Like a mystic, he lifted me by my flexing throat
And read my blood for signs of death.
Morse code against my neck told how I was to die.
I saw the slides with slivers of my spirit.
For the longest time,
I let it encapsulate me.
Fear gripped me with its
frozen, harsh, ugly hands.
They were unrelenting.
I would tell you a story
of suffering
of pain
On my bedside table lies a small wooden box.
To a visitor, it seems insignificant
perhaps an elementary school art project.
However, to me, it serves as a powerful reminder.
Through many years I’ve tried to succeed
Fear has always been hot on my tail
I could smell the rot on its breath from miles away
and at times that smell was the only thing that kept me going
The heart plays the drums as the metal bird runs,
Up, up up they soar.
Down below metal ants roam freely upon the ground.
Heart beat in my ears as if it wanted free.
Only one hour, only one and no more.
The cursor tsks at me with every flash
Impatient for the first mistake
Sneering “I told you so”
Before I have typed a single T
How can I encapsulate every fear, doubt, anxiety
There is race of little monsters,
Their numbers are countless,
And they live everywhere.
They cannot be seen.
They have no smell.
They have no discernable form.
A Year Alone
I chose to go,
to somewhere that was quite unknown.
A Year Alone;
A long plane flight.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
A Year Alone,
Strange Family.
I stood firm on the sands of time.
Mind fresh, troubles having no rhyme.
What did I have back then to lose?
A new stage of life to bemuse.
I speak of my first days of school.
proceeding I knew not one rule.
I’m afraid to fail
Fight to feel success
Being measured on a scale
To determine who's the best
Choking under the pressure
How many nights will I spend here
Alone
With tears running down my cheeks
Facing a darkness that surrounds the light in my heart
Waiting to be free.
For how long will I continue to hide my emotions
Standing,
Front of the room,
All eyes on you,
As your sweat pours through your shirt,
Shivering under the searing lights,
Being afraid does not make you weak,
But being afraid will alway keep you on your toes,
Being afraid isn’t a bad thing,
Being afraid can make you weary,
As a child
I never found poetry worthwhile
the teacher would spin a web
that I could never understand in my head
It was never easy
to write things that weren't cheesy
Taking the plunge without knowing
What was waiting
When this love was done growing.
It was my first time dating,
And I had no idea how good it would be.
I am supposed to be Anne Frank
But I just feel like myself, pretending
I did not think that I would have been able to feel all of these eyes on me when I signed up for this.
Why, as children are we
afraid of some darkness?
Just the still black air,
and yet, we all hate
the crushing stillness
and the possibility
that there could be something
All my life, fear has controlled me. The fear of not being successful, not being good enough, and disappointing the ones we love most.
There are so many things I want to say
So many thoughts that never get the light of day
After all these years it starts to eat away
WHY DIDN'T I SAY IT
WHY DID I DO THAT
As I think, it rushes in—
A river, a torrent, a waterfall
Threatening life or limb
Or peace.
Thoughts come swirling, pounding,
In my head
Never resting—unrelenting.
Voices rush, a flood,
i didn't quite understand
until judas knocked at my door,
and held my hands in his.
"I forgive you," he told me
"now forgive yourself."
Fear is my closest friend
She knows me better than I know myself
She is loving and she is kind and she keeps what's best for me in mind as she guides me through this tumultous life
They watch me
Like predators hunting prey
They approach me
In an intimidating way
They scare me
With the meaningless words that they say.
Who am I without being afraid?
Am I
Me
If I am not constantly shaking and worrying
For hours?
I built this persona
Potential.
There is an anxiety that is associated with this word. This ear piercing, nauseating, word that is so gently tossed around.
As soon as this word leaves lips I forget faces and panic sets in.
I fear that the choices I’ve made are wrong
Thus I should relax and just sing a song.
I fear the rawness of the real world
But I mustn’t be so torn.
What’s wrong with me?
It’s not that big of a deal
People interact with strangers daily
Just make a joke and smile
It works almost all the time
As I wake up everyday, I know
I'm just going with the flow
No one is there
I listen and I take it
I try to fight back
But my fist goes through a dark mist of air
People call it crazy
The only thing we have to fear
Is fear itself and it’s now here
My fear was great
But as of late
I have conquered it.
I was afraid of public speaking
But now I can stand in front of a crowd
It always hurts me.
caring about others is considered kind.
But pursuing love is like trudging my heart through a lee.
The thorns laying on your way,
The monsters that are hiding in the bushes,
But it’s all up to you
To conquer them
Whether they are easy,
Or difficult,
And it’s all up to your thoughts.
I'm still afraid to make a move
That others may not approve.
I'm still afraid to be myself
As I'm not like everybody else.
I'm still afraid to reveal my heart
Because I can't let things fall apart.
Fearing a transparent man-made tool of vanity
A tool who hides nothing
This tool shows you who you truly are
Some may say that you are more than your reflection
It's the same thing everytime.
A presentation is assigned.
Names starting with "A" are the worst.
I know I will be called on first.
And sure enough, without a doubt,
From the time you are born to the moment you die,
You’re stuck inside of your body,
And the mere thought of that used to make me cry.
Why do I look like this?
Oh God, I hate myself,
Lying, leaning, laying on.
Under grass, on you, and to you too,
You lay still, as if the lungs in your chest would burst
if you drew a single breath.
Maybe they might.
Black Feeble Lungs,
Progress report has arrived
I may not make it out alive
Mailman came too late
My dad's anger bout to escalate
Sitting here in fear
Man I need a beer
Still underaged
Even if I'm not happy, Jesus will still be here.
God will still hold my hand when I'm filled with fear.
They still think I'm beautiful when I think I'm ugly.
Colors of Fear
I eye the ground before me
Knowing that the stepping stones that will bring me to my fate
lie beneath the floor boards of the stage
A cloud of smoke appears only when I close my eyes
The bottom of the ocean.
Not viewable to anyone. 95 percent unknown.
Yet, many people do not fear it. I am not one of those people.
Yet, my senior project was to swim one mile.
They say to not care what they say
They say to not care about what they think
They say it's okay to stand out
But what they don't understand
Is it is exactly they
Fear can cause rapid beating,
But to give up trying
And end up screaming.
It will all be consuming.
I cover my ears and run.
I couldn’t ever skydive
Don’t tell me I will say
I can do it and I am not afraid
Then my mind tells me
I am too scared to face my fears
My feet pitter pattered as I walked towards the stage.
My hands are starting to become clammy.
I wonder, should I walk back or engage?
By daypowered and unafraid,By nighttired and afraid.
Tired of all the lonesomenessAfraid of accepting love...Who am I to rejectwhat has been set in motion from those above?
I feel like I'm drowning
Retreating into my mind
My brain hurts
My legs numb
My arms heavy and palms sweaty
Body throbbing and tears streaming
I lay, crying
And sobbing
And scratching
Fear is like the ocean.
It encloses us,
Yet it frees us.
It can carry us to new places,
When I look at that face there is nothing in. This world more clear then what I see, this is someone who’s achieved nothing. A being so afraid to change it does nothing but stare.The embodiment of sadness and anxiety.
Fear can be a paralyzing thing.It keeps us from taking risks,from putting ourselves out there,from making ourselves completely vulnerable.
It was always clean.
The smell of sanitizer suffocating the air.
When I see her, she is constantly smiling in that taunting "I am better than you" way
I wait and wait and wait.
Waxy lips,
Purple ‘n thick
Rear view,
A devious kick
Sing-song giggles,
A soft purse
Stomach churning,
A biological curse
“How do I look baby?”
“Pretty mom,” I say
I told another lie today
I pretended I was well
Covered the bruises, hoped they'd fade
Because you told me not to tell.
Though I whispered, "please stay"
I want it to be over,
Who are you?
What will you be?
I don't know.
I'm only 17.
So many questions
about life ideals.
What makes you think
I know what I am going to be?
I've been confined to an area span
All beings
All surviving
All with a desire to live
Take a hold of life by the reins
And watch it all change
Realize that the ability to just be is not the ability to be living
Who taught us to only try
when we are sure we will succeed?
He is a blackened soul, who would
rather watch war than bleed.
From a world with constant success
but afraid to break the glass;
I felt my eyes, like lead, like coals.
Not to be dead, or cold.
Not yet.
Not yet.
But soon.
They say it's a boon,
But it's really a typhoon.
I don't know if I can take this monsoon!
Numbers, express, fractions, percents the fear with my hands being sweaty.
Teacher asks, " Deloria what is the answer"? Of course, I freeze all I can think is zero.
I do not live as high as Prince charming. Coming over hardship as i once was is not easy. Having love is harming. Overcome this terror i focused on studies and became busy. Having peace in a house is scary.
For years I have always feared my past
The one man who shaped who am
Today for I am someone who will last
And stay strong
I have never thought about ever moving on
I was disappointed with who I came from
When I see xy+5 = y
I see college algebra
I know it's easy
But my head spins round and round
I feel like I'll pass out and probably die
From graphs to quadratics
Fear is love.
It follows you everywhere,
Growing massive.
Having to let go of fear.
That ambitious task.
Your addiction to love is fear,
Our connection together is fear,
When I was younger, the possibilities were endless.
My dreams were all in reach, but now I forget this.
A feeling of freedom I no longer remember,
get out...
get OUT...
get out of your head...
Don't be so awkward...
Socialize...
I stand in the corner of the room holding a cold cup.
One foot forward, then back.
Fear
I know it,oh how I know it.
He keeps me up at night,I never rest not one bit.
I feel it in my brain
All rationality goes down the drain
I’m tired
OCD is a monster,he will not leave me alone
It is not that deep
It will cool you off
It makes my hard shell become soft
The dangers of the big blue
The one that cleanse you
The stage. The lights. The silence.
They waited as I stepped up and parted my lips.
My heart racing, my hands trembling.
The stage, though familiar felt unnatural
There it is again
That tingling feeling again
Its a quarter to three am
I go numb again
Can't move again
Lost feeling in my hands
I'm alone again
They said she would stay,
that she wouldn't feel a thing,
it would be quiet and still,
our goodbye's wouldn't matter
because she'd never know,
that they were said,
You asked me to write for you,
So I wrote of a boy with stars in his eyes,
A bright soul, and his heart on his sleeve.
I wrote about how he died and how the light left his eyes
as i laid a single red rose upon her coffin
the freezing snow seemed to pierce through my suit
Dreaming is easy.
Attainable in the mind.
It's terrifying to wonder if those dreams will remain thoughts.
Swimming in my head are the insecurities I fought everyday.
I try to face a fear
At least once every year.
If for some reason I don't get a chance
I might just have to dance.
There it is
The Door.
You know the one
You pass it every single day
This time, though
You stop and look
Just briefly
"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself,"
The great Teddy Roosevelt bellowed.
But why can't we fear anything else?
What is so wrong about fear?
Fear shows to the party,
no invitation in hand,
but an overwhelming sense of
entitlement.
Her champagne class shines,
her dark charcoal dress
form-fitting.
I beg her to leave,
She laid snugly in her bed
as if she had nothing to do.
She peered out her glass window
The sky is bleak and the claws of regret are biting my ankles,
I walked toward the bland, black building, anxiety raking it’s claws down my back.
Always afraid to make the first move
Always afraid to fight and lose.
Always afraid to make the wrong choice
Always afraid to express my own voice.
I stand on the line
My legs feel weak
I can’t take part in the laughter around me
It feels so distant and bleak
Someone slaps my shoulder
I took the climb to the summit.
And i looked down over the railing
it felt as if i was gonna plummet
but then came a ringing
my alarm clock was singing
it was morning once again.
Fear.
The fastest emotion to reach the brain
to create a fight or flight reaction
Fight.
Fear causes a person to attack
to rid of whatever caused the fear.
Flight.
You’re my enemy but my friend
I always wonder when you’ll end
You motivate me to do work
If I don’t then I will feel worse
My mind runs like a bomb
Even when I’m feeling calm
Fearless or frozen, how do I chose?
If I’m stuck in my tracks, then I will lose.
Fight or flight, what’s the best option?
Walking,
Climbing,
Attaching myself to the rope.
Friends hold my hand,
they see my fear.
They push me forward.
One step,
Two.
Don't look down.
Easy.
The lights, they beam down with powerful visibility.
The stage, outstretched and lonely as far as I can see.
The audience, physically unseen, but I’m conscience of their stares.
The news blares bright and gaudy. Full of fear and sound.
yet in the warmth of my grandmothers living room
golden light filtering
through her paisley curtains
it feels
far
away
Fear
Everyone has it
This tricky little thing
That holds us back
Fear itself is just an automatic response
We don’t choose to be fearful
It just happens
My biggest fear
Underwater it seems
I live my life today.
There is no escape from the thoughts I call my own,
The fear, the shaking, the future unknown
My body reacts without control
There is no end in sight.
I hate
Uncertainty
Solitude
Responsibility
Failure
The feeling of wanting to hide under your covers from the world
Everything changes after 18
You leave your house
The darkness swallowed me whole
I was drowning, struggling to breathe
I reached out trying to grasp onto something, anything
But my hand simply went through the empty void
I opened my mouth to call out
You, with all your insecurities
How often have you forgotten your victories?
How easy was it to let them whisper into your ears
Until you disappeared?
Their words distracted you from your thoughts
He played with me,
Not knowing I commanded fire.
He toyed with my hair,
Hands so gentle yet eyes full of ire,
Ogling who I have become,
Full of desire,
Seeking solace in havoc,
In the dead of night I close my eyes
But cannot keep these thoughts outside
I hear it scratching at my door
And moaning from beneath the floor
Each kid proudly sang and the whole courtyard was filled with high pitched voices and laughter. Little bodies of deep tan skin, about twenty of them. Michael, the leader of the classroom.
My brothers marched as one today
They never saw it coming
And I have never seen such pain
Or so many people running
With dead set eyes and shaking hands,
The Grass browns and the flowers fade
The trees leaves wither and the winds blow colder
Those who can and can't
Those who CAN speak
Those who CAN'T speak
Those who do and don't
Those who DO speak
Those who DON'T speak
Those who will and won't
Those who WILL speak
Silence.
For years, only silence.
And fear… no song.
Never testing the limits,
Never pushing the envelope,
Never hearing the song.
I was always a shy child.
I would rehearse saying my name out loud
In case my voice cracked
I would fixate on every thought every
Concealing the unknown
Stealing sight
Hiding who-knows-what
In the night, is
The Dark.
The Dark that lies across the land
That pools beneath the bed
That stretches at the edge of light
You and I. A million things that could've been and that might still come to be,One hundred things in those three words that can be read between the lines,
My heart beating in my chest
breath in and out
my mind racing about
thoughts screamming get out.
Im running now out of time
another day year goes past
moving to fast cant help but
What is failure?
For me, failure is unhappiness.
I want to be successful with my education to form my future.
Will my future be filled with happiness?
Or will it be filled of missed opportunities and regret?
I really want to fly high in the bright blue sky.But I’m terrified. I’m terrified of the endless possibilities that could happen. I could fall and die. Or I could fly too close to the sun and burn.
Shuddering breaths, an exhale in each step
Even for a text message, my breath trembles
Planning out my goodbyes
To a friend, once cherished
Outside your window
lies the hand that feeds you poison
now would be the reason
to bite the hand that feeds you
but you can’t know what you don’t know
angel exterior
but a monster inside
Yes, I clos'd my eyes
and dream'd to ignore the crowd
(and this isn't healthy)
but because of this
I gather'd my courage and rose
and danc'd with no doubt
Yes, I clos'd my eyes
and dream'd to ignore the crowd
(and this isn't healthy)
but because of this
I gather'd my courage and rose
and danc'd with no doubt
Fear,
Such a silly word.
Courage,
Something I never had.
Living and breathing,
Never doing as I pleased.
Terrified to speak,
Always weak in the knees.
Never knew how to say,
Think of life, never to be forgotten
Heart is open and never closing
Mouth is moving, words are spoken
sitting alone on
a red linen couch.
the crackling crunch of a
dim T.V.
beaming up at me.
pitter patter
pitter patter,
the scurrying noise of
familiartiy.
I stand high above the water
Jump
Jump they say
It is fifty feet
I'm scared
They want me to jump
One, two, three
I fall into the water
Crash into the waves
I Fear Living
My mind won’t power down from all the thoughts that scare me
cause every day I’m living in a world I don’t want to be
Words dance on the tip of my tongue
I swallow them before they come.
Don’t be braggadocious.
Dissecting people’s stares
To figure out if I’m enough
A disorder that's rare, diagnosed at age six.
Causes fear to my family, oh God's little tricks.
Brain tumors and pain, with surgeries to come.
Eleven was my first, I have scars that are from.
I have always been afraid of aging
This fear often has left me raging
Funerals have always left me scared
They left me with the burden to bare
When I was a kid, I hated speaking in front of people
I used to hide from any opportunity there was to speak
From speaking to a relative or my teacher, I hated doing it
I feel it in my heart when you're getting near
After what you put me through, I just couldn't bear
But remember...
The thumping sound you hear, that's just all my loving
There it was,
That shadowy silhouette
With its glowing yellow eyes,
And tall stature,
Always watching,
Always waiting,
Waiting for the perfect time to strike.
When I was five I had a Daddy
He was tall and kind
And he called me his princess
But he was scary when he was mad
I told a fib and he grabbed my arm
Failure.
It always going to be this bad.
Grown so desolate, so indulged, so scared.
Do what you want to do.
Do what you can do.
Do the best that you can to succeed.
The creeping dark is there
Waiting for me to slip
The creeping dark is there
Helping my feet to trip
The creeping dark is there
Freezing my heart and soul
The creeping dark is there
Step Over
It isn't over yet
Something new
Someone you haven't met
Fear, ignore
Power, strength, courage, tell me more
Onto the next
somewhere to explore
Run away from fear.
Face fear head on.
Fear is like the ocean. It is huge and charging and all-consuming.
It will swallow you whole and spit you out completely different.
That's what it means
To concede to the fear,
To feed the bearer,
To bleed from the wounds,
bestowed on you
from the pain you've taken
even the words you've spoken
to make it all better
That's what it means
To concede to the fear,
To feed the bearer,
To bleed from the wounds,
bestowed on you
from the pain you've taken
even the words you've spoken
to make it all better
You emobody the vessel of pure isolation
what more of an effect could you embrace me with
for your friend has seduced the one who's given me life into a life of nevermore
and now we stand face to face
Be still
Close your eyes
One deep breath
What's the worst that could happen
Take the dive
Toes on the edge
One more sharp breath
Get ready
And pull
The world rushes by me and the streets are empty
There is only me and the silence between my ears
The others have pushed forward, climbing the ladder
Yet I have remained behind, chained to the concrete
Waiting.
Waiting for a sign,
Broken, damaged, lost,
Crying for help,
Screaming into the void,
‘Help me, please, someone help me.’
loneliness is a weird thing.
the thought of going to college
leaving all my friends and family behind, terrifies me.
meanwhile the thought of having to leave my room,
my throat- dry
my eyes- watery
my armpits- sweaty (but not smelly)
my heart- beating- rapidy
their eyes- looking right at me.
flashbacks of all the times i spoke-
and paused too long in fear
It's coming for You
whether You like it or not
it Will find You
whether You like it or not
You can fight it
but it'll just reappear again,
sooner or later
whether You like it or not
Melt Your Fears By: Jayla Bode Winter turns to snowflakesSnowflakes turn to ice Ice turns to skatingAnd that seems quite alright Should I even dare? A new sport at 17? Turn your face to the sunshine Melt the ice of your fears Can we do it?Can we
To belong,
To be loved,
To be heard,
Each desire fights.
Human,
Self,
Me,
I.
Unpure,
Unworthy,
Rejected,
Cast aside.
Tears drop,
I think my body knew you would not stay.
But my bones ached, my skin longed
For that warm place inside your arms.
There was no home like you.
When you’re suffocated
The world just caves in
collapsing into your every heaving breath
and suddenly-
you’re drowning in another world
in embraces that check your tongue;
Self Portrait as the Weeping Willow
Reservoir in my eyes,
current of my heart,
snapped the twigs of
my veins.
The fear, I feel. From
My head to my toes.
She's not real
I tried to convince myself as she stepped out of her painting
Her silky voice sent shivers down my spine
And when she outstretched her hand to touch me
Her skin seemed to be made of ice
When I was young
Maybe three years old
I had a dream
Went on a coaster
Went upside-down
I fell out
Coaster ran over me
Determined to face my fear
I decide to try
it is not my fault and it is not their fault,
but still it bites and it burns like a cut full of salt
now i live in the vault,
Opening my grades sucks the air out of my lungs.
My jaw tenses as I see the one grade that is lower than the rest.
What about med school? Grad school?
My mind is telling me that I failed, but...
Opening my grades sucks the air out of my lungs.
My jaw tenses as I see the one grade that is lower than the rest.
What about med school? Grad school?
My mind is telling me that I failed, but...
I wasn't quite sure how to outwit life's clever twist,Which, like most things, can't be solved with my fists,There's no technique to speak or tweak it out of me,
I heard once, that the “only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
But my god, the way I feel in the dark says otherwise.
these walls have been staring
what are you waiting for?
i need a moment
its not as easy as it looks
embodying solus
Ripples from the rain falling
I see the dark clouds hang over me
Uncertainties are calling
I just wished they would let me be
Suddenly a crack in the sky
Brightness shines from the sun
Fear
It’s a powerful thing
Fear
I have a lot of it, I think
From the tangible to the imaginary
Coward, scaredy-cat, pussy
From the gold-wired peacock in mass man,
Entrapping us like the black singer in his bear trap
And to the expendable, brutish, savages that we are
Reason is God, and fear is the Eve who horns him.
I' ma lover, not a fighter,
I said it all the time,
Keep smiling, push through, ignore it,
I didn't even realize,
That wading through life like this was the fight,
Checked in the mirror, but I looked fine
i
am tired
exhausted
drained
completely
of being afraid
fear
anxiety
worry
a perpetual chain
locked around my ankles
always holding me back
Everything shakes.
My eyes flash.
I wake up.
You walk past.
Shadow figure,
With elegant grace.
My heart bangs,
As my mind says Stop
My legs carry me far away
from the people I love
I am afraid to lose them
Yet I grow smaller everyday
why?
Everyday is like a nightmare.
I would rather be elsewhere.
But my fears are here,
It feels so severe.
I’m afraid of giving up.
fear is powerful
fear is a driving force in our lives
it can bring us together
it can divide us
it is our one great motivator
fear tells us what we can do
fear tells us what we can't do
My fear feels like this:
cold fingers wrenching my wrists behind my back,
thick, black ink coating my lungs,
poison gas seeping into my ears, whispering:
"Everything would be better if you weren't here."
I used to see you in the shadows,
Smirking devilishly at me with the thought that you could control me.
If I dared to show any signs of weakness to you,
Fear is not a concept, but a limitation
Which disables risk across the nation.
Overcoming these fears is the key
To allow you to become, to be.
Fear only disables perception
And causes us to make an exception
I should not fear it, but it's inevitable,
The image of I standing with my brand that has reached beyond my expectations
The less I believe the more it becomes debatable.
Expectations and warnings
Consider carefully the beginnings
Every action has consequence
Every inaction is opportunity
Slipped
Away.
Oh, I’m brave
So courageous
I love to live outrageous
Take a breath,
No one can hurt you here.
Close your eyes,
And worry about nothing.
My heart beats in my chest,
My breath in my ears,
The start of an anxiety attack.
I want to cry,
Like a dark cloud hovering over me,
Fear found its greedy way into my life.
It held me back with strong chains and great lies,
And convinced me to burrow into my shell.
Parted Lips
a-POP-olypse
The seats of the minivan burst into flame
as rabid fragments of monster carrots
feed Death while he
I thought you were a part of me
Thinking you belonged in here
Then I realized I was just letting you be
Not letting me be, tear after tear
I thought you were a part of me
I can't watch the sunsetbecause it hurts my chest
but I like the way the waves crash against the shoredragging it back down with the tide
Success was a big word
That hung over my head like a cloud
And failure was its shadow
Dragging me deep underground
It was a spiked flower always growing
It's a fear of being seen, the fear that someone may point me out and I won't have the words to explain. People don't usually see me, but when the reaction takes place, there's no hiding.
Through the darkness
There shall always be light
While through the joy
There shall always be fright
But through the pain
There is nothing but might
Fear grips me, my heart races and sweat trickles down my back and anxiety takes over.
Gradually, my panic is reduced to nervousness.
I keep playing after I miss the ball, the coach yells at me.
The Great Mason the mason,
Son of the greatest great of all the greats Darryl, wisest wise of all the wise Christy,
Heir to the hearth of Strand, to whom he owes his spoils,
I look in the mirror
Seeing the sad imperfection
Seeing me
Seeing the acne on my skin
Seeing my nose that seems too big
When you hurt
There is a malevolent force
One feeling you can feel
Which is all great remorse.
It was only once
Wait it became twice
The feeling was so good
It became thrice.
I dreamt of a glowing blue square
That seemed to look at me with an ice cold stare.
It chased me in circles around my own house,
But my screams were no louder than a mouse.
I was in love once,
And a painful ordeal it was.
I tried so hard to be the perfect one,
To be the one that she wanted.
I didn’t realize then,
Tread lightly,
For this is a realm of darkness,
A realm of pain and fear.
It traps and breaks the unwary,
Then leaves them lying dead.
Silence is my enemy
A true and worthy foe.
It reminds me of my pain,
And throws away my hope.
It enlists its deadly ally,
Darkness is around me,
I am hidden from the light,
The life that I strive to live in.
There was once a Bright Star,
It penetrated the dark.
Fear…
A shadow in the closet
A growl beneath the bed.
Fear…
Anything unexplained
A brain beginning to snap.
Fear…
“How are you gonna pay for college?” they say.
“There’s just no way.”
“But look at your cousin who’s a traveling nurse.”
“She carries millions of dollars in her purse.”
i felt very anxious on this day
for some reason it felt like everyone was having a bad day
you made me shake uncontrollably by your response
your words hurt and made me incapacitate
patience is a virtue
in braver hands than I,
like a storm made whole of eyes
‘tis a joke played by minds none too wise.
where does confidence linger?
patience is a virtue
in braver hands than I,
like a storm made whole of eyes
‘tis a joke played by minds none too wise.
where does confidence linger?
Fear can be a scary word
It is something many of us are scared to face,
But what kind of risk taker would we be,
If we didn’t face what scared us most?
I stand on the edge of a cliff,
and this cliff is called my future.
Yet, as I stare down, it begins to turn into a rift.
The doors of opportunity I see open become fewer and fewer.
In a pitch black room
Yet there is no fear.
The thunderstorm and gloom
Yet there is no fear.
In a pitch black room
Yet there is no fear.
The thunderstorm and gloom
Yet there is no fear.
I can still hear it ringing in my ear
It’s been months now, but I still can’t shake the fear
Tears roll down my face
Thinking back on the time when I was all but safe
I still remember the stormy weather
tip-tap,
in this silly rain
for the lonely me
inside this tomb
who cries out
without words
for the blazing flame
Fear.
The mess of tangled thoughts, mangled anxieties, strangled shouts
That invades your brain
On quiet nights.
Fear.
I crave a man I’ve never met
with soulful eyes, I may never forget the ache
in my heart’s full of regret that my words come out
unremarkable.
And yet when I think of souls
fit together as one,
I see you in every angry fight,
every bruise,
and in every goodbye that is never said.
~awatr
Her eyes reminded me of the old embers in the fireplace,
unkempt by my absent father.
~awatr
I spent every waking minute thinking of you.
And when I shut my eyes at 3am?
There you were again.
~awatr
Stomach full of swallows
and monarchs
Orange and green and gold
My shifting eyes
Never focused
Thinking a mile a minute
Thoughts but no way to comprehend
Immediate sweat filled with regret
I stole a friend, I took them hostage, I held them here to listen.
You didn't know me when I pulled my gun, you didn't know what I wanted.
You begged for your life, I begged for you to listen.
Tired bone and sorrowed hand,
Make of thee all that you can.
Build thy life of hope and tear,
Of all thy love and all thy fear.
The Instability of heights far from the ground
Are Man-Built structures bound to collapse
Children who know these are not a playground
Are scared by them, Earthbound among them was I
I’ve been fighting for years. To overcome certain fears. That aren’t only mines but also have my mother in tears. To believe that I am black. And one day when I leave the house I may never come back. To think one day everything can go off track.
i realize that,
very often,
i am vulnerable.
i am fragile.
i try to be a light for others,
hoping that maybe
my glow will lead others through their dark tunnel
Through these perilous roads
Under the cover
Of the night sky
Glaring forces
Spring from the darkness
And with pain at the temples
It had dark blue eyes like the night sky
Who would of thought it would cry
It wonder down the street as it beg for help
Darkness followed it through the air
One day hoping it sees the light
A tight emptiness in my throat
A quick consideration of options but endlessly told to say nothing
Youth does not hide the terror in trying or the knife swallowed as i do nothing
The dark corner and the deep sea
The high sky and who I should be
The uncertainty creeps in
As the lights begin to dim
What is hiding in those shadows?
I made the mistake of allowing myself to dip my toes into the water
And letting myself get carried away into the deep end.
I couldn’t find it in me to save myself
Because I never learned how to swim.
I made the mistake of allowing myself to dip my toes into the water
And letting myself get carried away into the deep end.
I couldn’t find it in me to save myself
Because I never learned how to swim.
Oh weary traveler,
Who are you to hate the summer?
You, who burns in the winter
Who knows no cozy cabin to call home
You jump from place to place
They say that
Distance
Makes the heart grow fonder
But I was fond enough
When we walked
Alongside one another
One for airplanes, heights, ladders, and jumping headfirst into lakes.
Two for condescending,menacing, phony, fakes.
Three for waiters, teenagers, blondes and the elderly.
Mirrors would always tell the ugliest truths
Reflection found in front face camera or frankly placed in front of bathroom sink faucets fed the unacceptable attributes
Unallowing any filter or photoshop on face or body
you took away two years of my life.
i was locked inside the confines of your walls
and weighed down by a sense of hopelessness.
i fought with every breath to be free of your chains.
Fear,
My friend,
You have warmly
Kept me safe
Kept me here
You’ve kept me
Fear,
My confuser,
You have uncaringly
Kept me here?
Kept me from?
You’ve kept me
. . . right
away, you’ll see it’s difficult to find:
(That -- while it’s true, it’s only You able to see inside your, Mind, -- )
Lost thoughts often become begotten
Fear,
Find the ones that you hold dear.
Fear,
Keep them safe for I am near.
Fear,
You are the useless broken seer.
Hate,
This demon in my head,
It fills me with hatred
And fuels my pain.
It denies me sanity,
And reminds me of my loss.
It plays back my memories,
I can’t breathe right,
My fingers twitch uncontrollably,
People keep on speaking,
They act like I’m okay.
My brain feels like it’s breaking,
I am a tortured human soul,
The world would be better, If I go.
If I leave this world behind,
What is the place I’ll find?
I can’t live, with this pain,
They say 17 is a number associated with spiritual growth
Next month, I advance to a new chapter, a new 18
So I reflect on what’s changed and what’s remained
You know you can do it.
You’ve spent so much time,
So much time.
But you don’t know for sure,
The Future is scary.
It could all go well,
You know friends have done it so many times before,
I am not afraid of fear, But yet he calls my name. Calling me, and taunting me, And putting me to shame. And though his voice cries out, I will not lend my ear— I will not bend my will— To the one that they call fear.
Darkness surrounds me
Literature embraces me
Food enslaves me
I am nothing
I have nothing
A crack
Light seeps in
Fear chockes my heart
I want to
Memories flood my mind
I was afraid to show the real me.
Afraid to be judged by the people I'd see.
What if they didn't like what I said or wore?
What if to them I was just a bore.
Someone who had the confidence of an ant.
I'm scared to write a poem
but I need to write a poem because when I finally
let the twisted words out
I breathe again
I remember when I was a child
And everything was clear
Where the world did not suffer of fear
And everyone was mild
Ticktock ticktock
However, I’m older now
Fear.
A giant wall built faster than it can be dissolved.
For every positive thought there seems to be ten fearful ones to drown it out.
At times it seems easier to fight fear with others by your side.
On paper we're perfectBut underneath the surfaceThe perfect melts away To reveal we're broken, bruised, and brandedBy microscopic mistakes
Intermission has failed me.
A trip wire was not part of my blocking-
It left me on my knees.
Broadway lights, turning off with a loud
Shunk
how did I overcome one of my fears?/well, there were many days of failure./days of grief that destroyed me./days of sadness that buried me./days of darkness that blinded me./but, between the hurt,/the pain,/the suffering,/there were days of joy./d
My heart beats faster than my mind
Which is running somewhere else other than here
It escapes to my home in West Virginia which is a thousand mile away from here
Our monsters used to live under the bed,
sparkly and purple
“they’re not real,” we said
Life was safe,
monsters were fantasy,
Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to not constantly Worry about what people think of me, to not wonder if that woman on the other side of the room - that hasn’t even looked in my direction - is laughing at me or laughing at the completely rand
you thought bitch
you thought wrong
i rise up
you fall from your throne
ive never felt fear
only blood in my ears
All this time I’ve livedin another reality.All I did was giveand I was happy.
My reality is notwhat you would expect.But I wasn’t taught to not let it affect.
I stay
because I know that
if I stand and turn to leave
you'll watch
and let me go.
And so I stay
Humans have an innate fear of being alone
At birth, we can’t fend for our self
We are not born with teeth or claws,
“It’s only a test. It’s only an hour.”
That’s what they say. That’s what they tell me
But no, it’s a clear restraint of my power.
I can’t move; I can’t breathe; I can’t strive to be free.
flowers
deflowered
when anxious hands tug on life not theirs
vibrant pigments say, i'm right for the plucking
plush filled pistils,
ripe with life.
snatched by roots
reminded of my frailty.
I dont like patience,
waiting around isn't my thing.
I dont like space either,
too much room for my mind to wander.
They say the best things come for those who wait,
I believe it.
my body wears
a pattern of scars
as intricate as expensive lace.
my body is branded
by beautiful tattoos
of none other
than that of pain.
my body refuses
to be physically marked
Confidence doesn’t like to be around me. He disguises himself, as Ego, then bursts out of my head. The minute I catch him, he disappears.
Sometimes, I call for him.
I used to be afraid of the dark,
I still am in a way,
To not know what's out there?
To wonder every day?
I am afraid of the unknown,
But what used to help me is,
His tendrils wrap around your body and pull you closer,
His gummy hands caressing your neck,
His hot black breath whispers in your ear.
Someone moves;
I flinch and instantly my mind is pulled back to how you were.
~awatr
Why is it so difficult to trust You with my life?
To hand over the keys, to physically pry my tight fingers
Away from the controls midflight.
You, knowing end from the beginning, knowing which way the wind will blow,
I ignored it.
I snapped it shut in the spines of swollen notebooks,
I tried to smother it under gas pedals,
I flung it down the stairs hoping it’d break it’s neck.
Looming.
Ahead I plod.
I can’t see what the future holds.
Fear creeps in. Envelops and smothers me like smog.
Lead me! Hold my hand! I am afraid!
Deep Breath. One foot ahead of the other.
It's there.
Sitting in the corner of my mind.
Waiting for me to weaken.
I'm sick and tired.
It strikes when my insecurities are left bare.
Leaving me to search and find.
Break.
Last time I failed
this time will i make
the jump?
Break.
Snap!
there went my leg
i'm broke.
Recovery.
Back with a familiar obstacle
in front of me.
Breathe.
someone scream
when the night falls
for me
in the West
and for you In The East
at the moment we both blink
for when we rush
through our safe doors
and plunge into stardust
for so long
i was torn between
faces & places
and not being able to choose
what to do or where to go that
would please others [please me]
i wanted this and i wanted that
When I was little,
I used to be afraid of
the dark.
I was afraid of all kinds of things:
spiders,
vampires,
snakes, and
The weight of the waves relentlessly presses down
Crash after crash, no air left in my lungs
Petrified, no energy to lunge
No other hope but to drown
But even the air of the deep
It's a chain
of fear
My mom was born
of fear
My grandma born
of fear
Who knows where it began,
but I know where it ends.
The beginning of the end,
when you acknowledge the fear.
In a rose garden
With blinding billowing sunlight
Some roses bloom early
Some bloom late
And some not at all.
I sit in the court yard
Of the holding place where people shrivel and die
2005.
A black Hyundai charges down Gyeongbu Expressway.
Blind with fever, a hiccuping child struggles for breath
trying not to disintegrate in her mother’s arms in the backseat.
I slept hard as a bear
That eats so much food in a dark cave,
What no one notices all the time,
My ears can hear, but I have weary tears;
Beyond the walls, there is so much fear,
I sat down to write with just one task, it was quite clear:
That all I had to do tonight was write about my fear
Though this may seem quite easy, it is not, I can attest
Before,
Self-hate had abruptly manifested upon my ego
constantly feeding upon the fear that human beings other than myself, would frame me as ugly
Before,
Self-hate had abruptly manifested upon my ego
constantly feeding upon the fear that human beings other than myself, would frame me as ugly
its the witching Hour
my body is aching
im twisting and turning ...
all the pain a fEeL came through the mourning
the Passing of myself into another form
led my soul to conjure the eMotional storm
Do you know what it is like to be afraid of everything?
Terrified of what has been,
terrified of what's to come.
I'm afraid of my own passing shadow,
when I turn and when I walk.
I'm afraid of myself.
Picture It
If a picture is worth more than a thousand words,
What is the worth of a single word alone?
Desolate and despairing, though this world may be,
At least we are fortunate to brave it with another.
And whilst my voice they won't hear and my face they may not see,
I was born
Of a European Yew.
Its mighty bough had grown
Twisted and encrusted
With moss
In the garden of my great-great grandfather.
As he left his house for the final time
within us all lives a thing
not a creature not a being
just an inescapable indescribable thing
we keep it hidden deep
in a dark corner of our minds we all want to forget about
shivers down my spine
at the thought of you leavin' me behind
after all that we have been through
you made me think it was always gonna be me and you
now, as you head for the door
Rose petals wrap against each other in
their whispered secrets; too scared to reveal
the charms they own. Masks are not ever real.
You tell us nothing scares you more than death.
You lie awake at night, after ending your prayers
And stare
At the meaningless body,
Humans have fear beause it stops you from making the wrong decision,
Sometimes it stops you from making the right decision,
When you are brave you are scared but you do it anyways,
You have the power to stop fear,
Humans have fear beause it stops you from making the wrong decision,
Sometimes it stops you from making the right decision,
When you are brave you are scared but you do it anyways,
You have the power to stop fear,
Will I cower by the fire
that shines into the night?
Or venture into the darkness
and look my fear in the eyes?
If I just give up,
If I just give in,
If I just lay down and cry,
Deep in the forest, where the black moths play
Lies a species of creature that may not have existed today
They call themselves, "Dreadlox" from a tale
Far too old, a sort of pixie-like creature
In times past the ground grew nothing
barren dark soil uneven beneath shoe soles
not a cloud seen through hopeless eyes
the fear of being burned
without a shield from scorching rays,
We are told from a young age that we must face our fears,
That there isn’t anything to be afraid of,
And that everyone goes through rough times - you aren’t something special.
And while this may be true,
I was touched,
touched by a man of sin.
A man who continued to strip me apart
with no mercy.
He touched me.
It was as if he didn’t understand no.
I was touched,
touched by a man of sin.
A man who continued to strip me apart
with no mercy.
He touched me.
It was as if he didn’t understand no.
*Thump*
Heart caught, lodged within my throat
it has burrowed a nest and has made no plans to leave
A hummingbird's heartbeat cannot compare to the violent cacophony within
There is an unspoken fear
Of the fear that lies within.
Of the fear boiling in my veins,
Of the fear peeling back my eyelids at 1 a.m.
I say nothing.
There is an unspoken fear
Of the fear that lies within.
Of the fear boiling in my veins,
Of the fear peeling back my eyelids at 1 a.m.
I say nothing.
You might think it's silly,
How someone could be afraid of something so simple.
That one single fear is spread throughout all.
We all deny that we fear it, though it lingers.
I hear wolves howling in the distance,
I see nothing,
I hear the hooting of the night owl,
I see nothing,
I hear the trickling of the creek,
Nights in despair
I cried.....I weeped
Hiding in the shell I've created for myself
Unable to listen to what they say
I've locked my heart away
Pushing and shoving
No one understands what they did
Waking up in the morning
Gazing at the room’s blank design
Look out at neighbors
Their happy behaviors
when you say my name, you say it like a poem you will never write.babylon boy, when i whisper your name in the pale moonlight,
It's simply futile treading cold water
Rising past my green ankles
O how its barbarous teeth bite and sting!
My toes are engulfed by sea's spiteful jaws
Veins pierced by blind eyes;
I am so afraid to fail
I’d rather put myself in a box
Locked away with no spare key
I mean,
If I never make a mistake
No one can look down on me
If I never put myself on front street
The water is coming closer and I watch
Everystep is muted with the humping in my heart
I grab onto my sweater
The only thing that is holding my fragile body together
Her hands lead me closer
There's been ample bloodshed,
There's been plenty of death.
They've had enough pillage,
They've had enough breath.
They've taken my childhood,
One I didn't get the chance to know.
A tremble
Flick of the wrist and it is hidden
Deep seeded fear
Cropping up as a crippled beast
Broken child
Shaking slightly, hurt
Though it's been so long since the pain
Through the hollows, into the grey
Across the rolling hills of pain
Run all night till the darkest day.
When shadows behind the mists play
Charge forward to the silent rain
You know when you wake up in the middle of the night and you choose to not wear your glasses?
Heart pounding too fast,can't breathe,soul locked in the dizzy cageas I spin to the frequency of the world too fast, too loud.It's all crashing down now.I am TNT lit at both ends,
At night I'll lie awake, I'll sit and ponder my mistakes.
God, I'm so tired but this desire to be the best won't let me sleep.
I'll ponder everything I've done wrong, every stumble every fall
I am vast and I am blue and more than you can see
I am loud and I will be heard by everyone
So with this crash I say -No- I decree
That I am my own being and I cannot be undone
your presence opened up a new ray of sanguinity
that enveloped my soul into a layer of diminished sanctuary
that i embraced wholeheartedly and nourished like a decaying flower
I hate the way she looks;
But I want to look just like her.
Her olive skin and dark hair,
Her hips that curve wider and wider.
But that’s her not me.
She’s fake but I’m not good enough either.
I'd like to light a match in your skullTo watch a spark turn your brain into a raging fireTo make you think in burning
I needed you like I needed a cigarette. Like tar to my lungs, you poisoned my life. I was only 17 and thought, "This is what love is"...
It was more like drowning.
Dear Anxiety,
You are my closet friend, the one I've come to know.
You have demanded control over me and my life, the makings of the walls inside my mind.
Finding your voice is not easy to do.
It all starts with a problem you need to get through.
After trying to deal with it all by yourself,
You think, "maybe I should look outside myself."
When the leaves turned golden and shone like no other time of the year, and the wind swirled with passion was when I was born. It was a cold morning my mother says.
It’s a tragedy for those of us who stay the same
When time tries to heal, but we stand against the winds of change
Because you resist, you’ll make the same mistakes
Those are the choices of us living not in love but hate
From the moment we are born there are things that shape us into the people we are today. For me and you we are given the choice to be shown the way.
Fear always seems to get a bad rep
But fear is one who helps teach me whenever I misstep
The fear of becoming a failure
Seems to be my unlikely "savior"
No matter where I lay, or where I go
i’m looking for something that’s gone once again
i don’t know who you are, can i call you my friend?
there’s a hurt in everything i say and i do
because everything seems to remind me of you
Isn't it odd that I consider myself lucky
That no unwanted man has ever put his grubby hands on me?
This is not about luck though, or the clothes I've been wearing
My hair stands
My body shakes from its cold breath
It meets me around every corner
And it makes me long to learn more from it
It is fear.
Fear has made me want to learn more about my past
I want you.
I don't tell you but I think it every day.
I want you. Putting emphasis on every word I say it three times over.
I want to kiss you unil are lips are raw and there is no emotion left to be shared.
Depression & Co.
Sadness
Anger
Depression
Anxiety
You have molded me
Like a slab of marble
Wandering through life
Losing touch with reality
Facing your problems
What is this
You can't stand to see
It started out with one
Became two
Then three
They come and they come
I alway see something and I am afraid why do I see it this way nothing but running
well this is the end im a turn around and face what I dread
Something amazing has happend fear was nothing but a friend
Beside Me
I need to slow down; I think that she’s that she’s behind me,
If he’d looked around he would
Have said,
‘I didn’t see you beside me!’
My sister used a quarter in a machine the other day,
one that drops random surprises, mostly worthless
but still they are kept, for reasons unbeknownst by most
As the claw picked up a ball, stale candy joining the fall
To get away from reality
I fall into a fantasy
Created by my own anxiety
Fear flowing from my feet to my head
I mess up relationships instead
By overthinking way ahead
She looks at the mirror
with glistening tears
staring at what nobody else could ever see.
Scars invisible to the world
mar all of her thoughts in regard
to what she could be
and what she sould see
The fear of not knowing,
The fear of know growing,
The fear of not showing
How great of a person I can be.
Fear.
It’s what multiplies me
And makes others see
It has been seventeen years
Since that dreadful morning
Thousands lost their lives unexpectedly
Hearts are still grieving
The events that took place on that day
Sadly presented turmoil and corruption
I'm tired of the lies AND misconception
Long to be held, seeking attention
Covering up my discontentment
I've ran out of makeup and forgotten how
i dont know if im really who i say i am if im happy if im great who knows what i am no one but me. but im making sure that even knows my image and my heart im sad and happy who i am limbo i just want to obtain that one thing every human desires ha
It pounds against the confines of my head
Throbbing, pulsing from within
Flooding my skull with blinding pressure,
It seeks release
When I was young,
You were already there in my world,
Invisible but broad in other ways,
And I've always wondered why you stayed,
When all you've done is give,
And I'll I've done is take.
Surrounded by voices; I was a <murmur>.
Fear had stolen my lips away,
Locked them in a vault under the sea-
Why?
My mind was confused.
When someone you love is ripped from your armsOr how you realize what you are doing wrong in lifeIt's a single momentA second in timeThat the entire world seems to pauseJust for you
Monster
Alexis Beyers
There was a monster starving within,
never satisfied with what I gave to him.
Stop hanging around the wrong crowd
All they would do is bring you down
The streets are nothing but trouble
Nothing but a disheartening sound
Dark clouds will surround you
A potential calamity is near
“Don’t fear the dark” is what I was told
I sit in bed covers to chin covered fully
I look left and right playing Look-See
I am sweating and shaky, I don’t know why
My room is dark as I lay with the shadows
Sailing on the sand
I know the dangers up ahead
My mind is on and ready
My heart is leading fully
Sailing on the sand
Pray for the One
Good deeds are acts of prayer
To the light, our vanguard.
This is the time when
Acts of love are needed
To fortify the One of which
We all are,
Last November,
We all got the call,
From our school,
To warn us all.
Last November someone wrote:
"I'm going to shoot the school up on Friday".
No one believed it to be a joke.
Him. Me. Tranquility.
I feel safe but strange, it’s not my game.
My chest feels small
My heart beats fast,
My breath sounds loudly,
This is fear,
In all it's forms,
Fear,
Will be your enemy,
Gives you wings,
Fear,
It is such a simple concept,
Fear is,
My fear of you has caused me to plan
I'm a super planner
I plan for parts of you I don't understand
My fear of you has caused me to work harder
My peers think I'm smarter
But I'm not
Stare into the outside
Neon lights and street signs
She holds me
It’s gonna be alright
She said, but she fades
Moonlight turns away
The silent whispers by the stone grave
The mobled creatures the darkness crave
The fallen beauties layed down in brave
The tear drops the midnight wave
The silent whispers by the stone grave
The mobled creatures the darkness crave
The fallen beauties layed down in brave
The tear drops the midnight wave
The ghost that whispers doubt in your ear.
The fear that makes you afraid of everything.
The immediate action of either fight or flight.
Something that sticks with you and rarely leaves.
Where do you go when you have no one to turn to?
When the lines of love you had, you've simply burned through...
What do you do when hearts lie broken, shattered particals like sand...
Iram, Lost Iram
Lost, alone, and wandered scars
Scrutinizing time
Thunders rise and soon take flight
Tinted skies with essence sighs
Dr. Love,
you have pushed me to stupidity.
I have gone great lengths for you,
lied...betrayed...
risked my life as I know it.
But you taught me patience and forgiveness,
Dr. Love,
you have pushed me to stupidity.
I have gone great lengths for you,
lied...betrayed...
risked my life as I know it.
But you taught me patience and forgiveness,
I have been well acquainted with you, Death
I have walked fearlessly --- and trembling back
I have survived and heard their dying breath
Thank you for this life
A life where shadows sing
Where losses are seen as gains
Where I can have a vision for everything
Thank you for this life
A life where notes can speak
Who did this?
Who turned the world on its axis?
in the wrong direction
Who made me scared?
of those blue uniforms
Who made me peek around the corner?
Worried is an understatement;
I long for stability, mentally and physically.
Each step brings forth many discomforts,
Some big and some small,
But all valid.
My mind is wandering,
Do you ever think
of how often
you escape
death’s clutches,
and you don’t even notice?
my friend’s funeral was a cloudy day.
a joyous celebration of life.
the clouds spoiled the ambiance,
but the rain never came.
I was taught to free my mind
I was taught to leave my pain behind
I was taught to travel to a different time
Without ever leaving my room behind
I was taught to be free
In which it helped with my anxiety
When you keep everything bottled inside, fog starts to form
The fog is made of fear and the fear starts to wrap around you
There once was a boy who crushed on a girl,
He wanted to give her the whole wide world.
Each time she spoke his head was in a whirl,
I'm lost
I'm lost in a sea of colors I can't seem to understand
Red, Blue, Green,
What diffrence does it reall make when I just feel them slowly absorbing the wavelengths that are meant to keep me sane?
I grew up in a world
where everything was fine and dandy.
I lived with mommy and daddy,
and grandma always bought me my favorite candy.
Grandpa walked me to 1st grade every morning,
The picking at my fingers has begun, according to the open scabs on my thumb and index finger, the sun is under its covers.
I grew up in a world
where everything was fine and dandy.
I lived with mommy and daddy,
and grandma always bought me my favorite candy.
Grandpa walked me to 1st grade every morning,
I grew up in a world
where everything was fine and dandy.
I lived with mommy and daddy,
and grandma always bought me my favorite candy.
Grandpa walked me to 1st grade every morning,
My beloved is like Jonah;
He's been in the belly of the Beast.
Once the whale had thought him dinner,
Jonah was quickly freed.
My beloved is like Matthew;
Imprisoned, though not to blame.
A walk through the woods
On a cold Winter's Night,
Brought up such terrors
And gave quite a fright.
I stepped through a clearing
Bathed in Moonlight.
A large lump Beyond
Didn't look quite right.
My heart is heavy.
It is a bomb planted inside me,
Ready to explode within the walls of my chest.
My chest is tight.
My lungs fail me.
Enid Ibarra
Human: A Lesson
When I was fourteen, I pressed my hand against
A stranger’s chest and learned that a heart
Has four chambers and cannot feel
Decisions to make
my future is here
but how can you know
what's true and dear
Spinning in circles
my minds in a jam
how would I know
what's the correct game plan
Sit timid with fingers crossed,that I’ll be able to cope with the simple fact that...everyone is perfectly imperfect. The one I love who I fear will make like fall and leave,Stares death in the eye so comfortably. With me, I must learn to be comfo
I am quiet most of the time.
I just stare and think.
My words get frozen within my lungs.
And I believe my thoughts are deadly.
People tend to ask me,
"why are you so quiet?"
Power to the fist
Power to defeat
Power to challenge
Vested in a pen, a pencil, a feather was the power to plaster my emotions
Doesn’t sound too strong but let me fill you in on a secret
It is
When I think of the world I'm afraid to look at what it has become.
People struggle through the darkness that has risen all through out the pastures of their very land.
You sit and stare out at the fieldYou shut your eyes and form a shield.Where did you go wrong?The words and insults form a song.You’re such a fake friend!
Handfuls of hair tugged tight,Kids crying out in fright,Do they know this is why people cry at night?People thinking they are always in the right,
The childhood days fly past,
the dark future casts a shadow of fear upon me.
Each day I live without having a clear purpose,
hoping it will better.
I fight the voices in my head,
My emotions belong in a cage,
Eventually, slowly, hesitantly plotting a war to wage.
If I ever let them show, let them out, they’ll raise hell,
For the vultures, they ring the dinner bell,
You scare me.
I´m afraid to talk to you
Afraid of what I might give
And what I might get back
You scare me.
I´m afraid to stand with you
Rejection. It hurts like a bitch. But sometimes rejection provides a greater picture to one's head. Rejection just makes me feel like I'm not worth love. Or happiness. Or even affection. And it's not the person who rejected me that hurts...
Words climb against my larynx
and punch at my mouth,
but I screw my lips shut
and force myself to swallow this alphabet
lump in my throat.
Thousands of letters and punctuation marks
I’m so scared
I’mscaredI’mscaredI’mscaredI’mscared
I don’t know
What to do
How to act
What to say
I’m so scared
I don’t enjoy speaking out
In social situations
The unfamiliar – thinly veiled-
And uncomfortable
Trembling in my voice
As I say something that does not sound – does not
Emit – what I want to say and
When the morg fills with these bones of mine,
please know that I was not alone.
For inside me, was mind, made 1 and 3,
the soul to which I cling from with in
is composed of the holy trinity.
She was pure poison
Striking at what she wanted most
and pushing away those
who got in the way.
She wanted something odd,
maybe to make herself seem more full:
Pacing around a room.
Its become my prison.
Trying to convince my myself not to back down tonight.
All around me whispers about my reality.
Too quiet to respond to what they accuse me of being.
They taunt me at night
I sleep with a light
My fingers curl underneath
And I tuck in my feet
I shiver and quiver
I can see the moon glow silver
I hide my head
And curl up in bed
There’s a dark corner
in the back of my room
it speaks to me
And says “I’ll be there soon”
As I lie on my bed
in the fetal position
my eyes are closed
hopin and wishin
I am slowly stepping instead of falling for her.
I never learned how to love so instantly.
This feeling is far from what I prefer.
She is like the seasons of winter and summer,
the mirror isnt my true friend
she wont reflect my fantasy land
instead exposing the world in a aggressive manner
where i cant unsee the ugly truth
i cover my eyes to reside inside myself
I'm afraid of heights, but that's not all.
There are no ropes in case I fall.
Now that I'm an adult it seems,
the only escape from anxiety is in my dreams.
I would love to wake up one day,
Before I leave,
Or you do,
I like to say the words,
I love you.
There may be tomorrow,
Or the day after that,
But I'm scared,
That one of us may go splat.
I remember her hands gripping to the wheel,
An ice covered windshield,
The snow outside as thick as steel,
She was afraid, but could not yield.
Maybe it was the cold,
The waves of the icy shore reached for me,
Clenching their fists before my feet,
The tips of my toes cried in agony,
Begging for some warmth or heat.
I was relentless,
Baring what I could,
Jealousy appears to be the only feeling in my heart.
As I watch you touch him like I would like for myself.
Don't you dare love him...
but who am I to say.
He must feel similar to my own pain.
I feel the walls close in on me As I feel the hinges of panic crawl onto my skin And the inklings of my mind. The beast has been let out of their cage again Because I forgot to obey their orders swimmingly. Now they've turned violent against me I
I say that America
is screwed
That I don't want to
be here anymore
That I'm leaving first chance
I get
But as frustrated as I am
will I ever truly leave?
Poetry-
It wasn't till I fell in love that I finally understood poetry.
I can honestly say I didn't expect it,
and God knows I did my best to hide from it-
But here's the thing- I am a chasm of supressed emotion.
Poetry-
It wasn't till I fell in love that I finally understood poetry.
I can honestly say I didn't expect it,
and God knows I did my best to hide from it-
But here's the thing- I am a chasm of supressed emotion.
He’s caged and left with no way out,His house, not home, a place of fear;Leaving would be the best, no doubt,But he can’t do it, that is clear.
I can't live without you here
My knees grow weak
The demons coming near
We now don't speak
I loved you so
Why do we hold these things inside?
The little things we’ll never say.
Is it because we don’t want them to know?
Don't let them in,
Don't let them in,
They will only break everything you are;
Don't let them in,
Dont let them in,
Cuz you would only pick up your pieces; (2x)
you
are hurting my mind
hurt me to think about
hurt me to be without
i thought about you today
and i felt the pain in my chest
where you were not leaning
I look normal, I believe,
Hungry eyes of a frightened girl stealing moments of weakness in the dark by herself in the night.
I believe they don't see it,
Most of the time I try to pretend it does not exist.
When I told my friend that I liked a boy she was ecstatic. She gushed. She squealed. She urged me forward.
When I told my friend he asked me out she screamed. She laughed. She yelled. She asked me when we were going out.
There are three cranberries left on the counter
A reminder of us I can’t seem to wipe away
It was different then
When we first fell
"Are you leaving?" she said.
I informed that im to return soon.
Her stare blanketed in dis-array,
I inquired if something was needed.
"Can you leave my heart on the table until you get back?"
Slowly and sweetly arises my soul with a comforting, soothing fear.
A place, not a place, a man, not a man: Heaven! I'm finally here.
The guilt's gone away, tears flit to my eyes. Why do I cry in such bliss?
Wind, to me sing
Your lullaby,
Your comforting tone of peace.
I am not,
Could not be, alone
Amongst the presence of the breeze.
Tell me secrets,
Fear not, song,
I want to die,
I'm scared of death,
So sometimes I just hold my breath.
I close my eyes and count to ten,
I pussy out and breath again.
I wonder if you know that I love you
With all of my broken, twisted love,
With all of the love you threw back at me,
And all the indifference you used to drown me.
I fight the love you give me;
I'm better with writting,
normally stumbling with words.
So what is it I have to say?
What is it that I've kept inside?
What are the words flooding my mind?
In your arms I am safe and warm
today i smile because
for years i have denied who i am
today i smile because
i was scared to come out
today i smile because
i was too proud to admit mom was right
today i smile because
I could see that pain and hatred in your eyes
The moment she spurned you as childish and unwise.
I know how it feels to be scorned and chastised.
I know how it feels to go against those baptized.
How are you so stupid, so naive?
You brought this on yourself.
Walked in a locked room with no keys.
Don't bother blaming anyone else,
Don't cry, beg, or plead.
How do you expect to get out?
There is a vast array
that one mustn't stay
On this perfectly perplex planet
One used deceit
To get you to believe
It is raining
The lightning lashes
The thunder roars
I am running towards a lone figure
collapsed upon the ground
It is raining
Everything takes me back
Back to that moment
That moment when I mumbled
“I love you”
Every song I hear
Sparks a memory,
To the one who doesn’t feel like their enough,
or worth it,
or accepted.
Not beautiful,
Or enough,
Or loved.
I have a secret to tell you.
It isn’t whispered but shouted.
Dear K,
Intoxicated were we, but intoxicating was your kiss,
the night we first expressed ourselves to each other.
Wrapped in your sweet embrace,
unaware of future regret.
I thought I loved you,
but I think I fell in love with the thought of you.
You kissed me with such passion,
and you told me things I know you had a hard time saying,
And the Gods came down
They fell to earth like raindrops
Quick and hard
Dear Mr. Salvador Dalí,
You were onto something.
People think you were on something.
I think you get it better than any of us can.
Dear Death,To you I've never cowered underYet casualties of those I loveWill tear my life asunder
Dear Fear,
Crippled you have made me past,
and dawned with dread
in every other thought.
Like that which called me, plead
to be a draught
that I could drink and find no rest.
Dear Mom,
Who do you think you are?
Abusin’ me, bruisin’ me
My mind
Hurts.All those words you’ve ever told me,
Dear Change,
I used to embrace you.
My young self loved you.
You came often and always had a good outcome.
Middle school, high school, softball teams.
You were there for all of it.
Dear Insecurity,
An incessant whisper in my ear,
Constantly reminding me of everything I fear.
In your unyielding cage I am kept,
Your faceThe sharpness of itTypical strange beautyClear as the water stillOver the river on the hill
Dear ------ -----:
"You just have to say it. Tell him. Trust me, you'll feel better."
I wonder if it's really that easy.
leave no trace
hear the chest rise and fall
the laugh echoing underneath the soles of feet
camouflaging as pulses and hiding as dust
I walk in the world, a pretender, a lonely visitor
I don't know the path and there is no map
There is no place to stop to ask for directions
I watch the world around me and despair
Dear God,
You have the ability to do anything, know anything...correction everything
As I smile on my first day of school you hear my every thought,
When I step on the court for a game you feel every butterfly.
Dear Fear,
You remember me, I’m sure.
You pick me apart at the seams.
You make me feel insecure,
And attack my self-esteem.
You know my pressure points,
Know just where to strike.
To the people who don’t understand why I won’t let them touch me,
I’ve built a wall between friends, family, and others.
And fucking think again if you thought I had any lovers.
Dear Poet:
I watch you tip your head back to face the breeze,
I watch you devour pieces of peaches with no concern for pretense.
im trying my hardest to keep my head up
but ive been pushing through as best i can
no matter how hard i try i cant seem to make friends
it seems as though i'll never be able to communicate
Dear Fear,
You strike out of nowhere like a snake killing its prey.
Wrapping your tight body around me until I can’t catch my breath.
I found your love in my early age. It was a pass time, a hobby, just something for fun. Now as I grow you have become my life, my passion, my joy. I am scared to persue you as it might now work. I am frightened to lose my love for you.
Fear breaks
The crack of dawn
Tossing, turning, yearning
Hardly ever learning
People and places
Pasts and problems
Things I’ll never have the answer—
Four
Years.
To Thee Who Takes Him Away,
My highest admiration revolves around thee,
I know thy cause is one of inevitability.
For despite pleas of the pure in mankind,
I wish they knew how it feels to be me.
I wish I could cry for help, fall to the ground and…
I wish they knew that award ceremonies are lose-lose situations
Dear Inner Me,
Why do you hold back?
Your thoughts,
Your words,
Your opinions,
Away from view?
Sitting on a fence,
Uncomfortable,
Unable to express.
To feel anything,
Dear lover,
Why are you afraid of me?
This would mean you’d be afraid of
The girl who cries at night, the girl
Who cries because she doesn’t know the future.
Dear Fear,
Sitting here now I wonder when you shall strike
Will it be today or perhaps tonight
I find myself wondering what will you feel like
Why must you torture me in such ways
Dear me, You’ll regret this you know.Letting time slip by;it’ll pass in a flash.You’re leaving soon. You’ll hate this you know.All these hours you workfor a chance at more school.You’ll be there soon. You’ll doubt this you know.The path you have c
Dear Death,
I know a place where ashes fall like snow
And fear is a shadow,
It follows me around as a lover,
Holding me closer until I can no longer breathe
We look to find just who we are inside
Forever looking to find where we fit
Having constant fear of being denied
In the process some people just lose it
Everywhere we attempt to interact
My anxiety attacking me like my racing heart when I cup my ears too hard as I count to 287.
Crying because I want to be happy,
But tired of that fucking dysphoria making me wish for misery.
Dear Fear,
You are my closest friend
You live inside my head and decide what's best
You keep my grades high so I can follow my dreams
You keep home and safe from all danger
Dear Lily, Oh Lily, if only I knew, you gave me no clueHow you felt every day and nightOh how you lived without the lightevery morning, cutting yourself too deepevery night, crying yourself to sleepyou seemed so happy just yesterdaywho knew you fe
The rush of your love is like a wave,
And your touch is one that I always crave.
I know inside I have to be brave,
And think of the future we’re going to pave.
Every second I want to savor,
Honestly,
I don't think you exist.
You're like a unicorn
with your beauty abundance,
majestic prescence,
magical countenance -
I'm not really good at this.
I,
Why
Why am I still afraid of you
Why do I still cower
Or feel the urge to run away
You have this power over me
Maybe you just took it and
Never gave it back
I certainly didn't hand it to you
Dear Refa,
You will not win. There's not much more to say.
The distance from home, the ice and storms - HA! I survived anyway.
You decided to step it up and violate me personally.
Dear Mom...
I don’t even know where to start with you these days. How are you? It feels weird to say that.
Do you wonder how I’m doing, too?
I’m 25 now,
A woman. Last time you saw me I was a girl.
She heard his ragged breathing, but there was no one on the other end of the line.
It was another voicemail, just one of the many he sent late last night.
Monday was dreadful. Slumped over on his desk as regret stirs up in the pits of his stomach and yet it was only 7:05 am. Going over his what-ifs, should-haves, and buts.
You tell me it didn’t happen like that--
I should just get over it… but I can’t.
I can’t forget the words that you’ve said to me,
Dear Fear,
You are forever my companion
Following me as a shadow on my mind
Many times you grow, enveloping me in darkness
You cannot be beaten, but I can control you
We hold our Hope so close inside,
Laugh with those who us deride,
Our true person untouchable,
While evils only scratch outside.
A blended mix of Pride and Fear
Dear Fear,
I was told by a character in a cute little movie that you used caution to keep me safe—
—So please explain to me why I’m scared of sharks in my swimming pool.
Dear Fear,
I think I'm in love with you.
Crazy, I know- but I think this confession is a little overdue, don't you? After all, we've been together for years. As long as I can remember.
The one thing I covet is your everlasting love,
I desire that you feel the same way too.
Things happened suddenly, but without a shove.
Life is always watching
Creeping in the distance, waiting for your next move
She gives you roads to choose from
Then tricks you when you least expect it
I tried to be strong
But strong is not strong,
And crying is not wrong
If it happened again I would be weak
I would not lie down and take it.
I would cry and weep
and make it impossible
for you
After a while you grow tired of hearing it.At first, it's the worst.How could you say that?How dare you say that?Who are you to tell me what I choose?
Throbbing is the era of peace and hunger boiled into one being
You are the completeness of fatigue and hard work built over my back
So I'll play my violin
A scale, G scale, D and E
Begins caving.
Up and down the staff
I'll go
As the oceans flood and flow
As the world is burning, burning
I will play what I'd been learning.
There’s a ghost in the front seat of my car
She’s twelve, maybe thirteen
And cries as much as I do
She remains quiet against the music, or as I talk
With green-gray doe eyes
Dear LittleVoice,
I hope you know that you lost
It's been almost three years now and even if you do come back, I'll be ready
I know you now
For the life of me
I can hear the sea
Calling, calling, calling.
And for the life of me
I'm trying, trying, trying
But for fear of the death of me...
I don't.
Don't.
Don't.
Dear Morning, Its rough hand brought my day to night,I surrendered to it but tried to fight,For it was late and it was right,That it was time to say goodnight,Forever a good night whatever is,Forges memories me a livid kid,And now me as a thin old
Dear everyone, someone, anyone who will listen,
Does the darkness scare you too?
As its cold stare freezes your body;
motionless.
Its been around so long, I consider it a friend.
I need closure.
Set some things straight.
I was insecure and vulnerable, and no, I don't want to go on a date.
Why do you taunt me?
Stupid, silly, fate.
There may be times when you are feeling down,
when someone blows your rekindling ember,
and you can't help but put the biggest frown,
or raise the flag in white to surrender
in front of many people who've shamed you
Dear Fear,
This letter’s to the ghosts long dead,
The monster in my closet
And the one beneath my bed,
The terror in the hallway,
And the one within my head.
Dear Failure,
Many say it is better to try and fail than to not try at all.
For so long, the fear has told me, "No."
"It is safer here."
"Where no one tells you no."
ah, look at you.
you’re a plum pit to me,
a cratered seed of stability
amidst rotting flesh,
the nectar of bee stings
rolling off you
You were my first love,
At least that is what I thought.
You messed up my life,
Because now everything I do is related back to you.
Present in class,
under the antiseptic light of the lecture hall my words infect the air,
and my fat brass opinion dissipates into discussion.
The next hand raises
Dear friend,
I love seeing you every morning.
Your presence makes me shutter.
I enjoy our small talk. It's nice.
Sometimes there's silence. It's nice.
Have you ever dreaded to take a breath
Not the kind that fills soft moist lungs
But the kind that follows a silent death
Let me go no further
For I can see you
I don’t have to be there
Dear Dubiety,
I wish to promulgate that poetry is not dead.
But the style... each breath is taken to be lost in an enchantment of idealist fallacies.
Ok I can do this
Hi... There...
No that’s not right
Hello, how’s it going?
That’s not it either
Hey... Oh you’re gone.
I'm incapable of feeling fear.
I know everyone gets chills down their spines when the violins screech in a horror movie.
she's barely making it through each day
there's some days she just wants to throw her life away
but nobody knows that because they dont look behind the mask
maybe if they did they would see just how much pain she is in
Hi it's me again
remeber the girl you forgot again
remeber you said you'd be right back
remember you left me to freeze in a shack
Hi it's me again
remeber when you told me we were best friends
Kicked in the stomach
But standing straight
Smile on
But inside tears escape
Bruno mars and backseat singing
windows rolled down
highway swerving
Dear Future,
My kidnapper, you sicken me!
Hiding me in a room called my conscious.
All I see is darkness.
All I’ve ever seen is darkness.
Darling,
Have you found the right route, or are you wasting time?
Why do you keep all things in mind, in your mind?
It's sad to see you go this way, but I must release you.
The black bird with a golden patch
Flew away unable to hatch
Her feet sore from the search
She needed only a touch
My eyes blur,
nails dig into my palm.
thoughts weigh on me.
drowning me
into the depths
of trepidation.
i get scared on the longer days,
dear
and you, inquisitive, know the blush…
...the blushing reason why
i get scared
I can feel their love, feel
how much they care. Yet,
is it enough to keep me from the thoughts
that lurk in the back of my mind, swiming in the
pool of insecurites, splashing its poisonous water
They say love is easy but I know better
I say love is hard and hurts because your heartsrings are tethered
To someone else and as they move you follow
but the pain when they rip out your heart is hard to swallow
dear future me,
what the future holds, i do not know, for there is still so much to learn
i know of so many feelings that i have yet to yearn
Dear KMZ
Who else would write to you but me?
I know who you are even when you don’t.
We know you’re struggling, and you blame the wall around you.
Why does he do such things?
Or should I say
Why doesn’t he do such things?
It’s the little things that count
Where are the little things?
Am I
You push me around,
You say it's just harmless fun,
Well that is, you say that to the teachers and adults.
To me it's more than that.
You force me to smile and say 'I am fine,'
Even though,
I'm not.
To the boy I loved in high school,
I remember the day you told me
Everyone has an addiction
for some it’s smoking
and others it’s binge drinking
My addiction wasn’t nicotine or alcohol
Everyone wants love
Till they feel the pain
Then when without
They crave it all the same
Nothing can hold back
The feeling of shame
One
I am young
Terribly alone.
I know life
Death, despair, fear.
Fatuous superficiality cast
Over an abyss of sorrow.
The first bombardment
Showed my mistake.
I shall not be afraid,Fear is for the weak,Weakness is death.
I shall not be afraid.Call me a freak,And I’ll take a deep breath.
I shall not be afraid.Fear is binding,I am free.
So close.Close enough to admire the part in your hair, Close enough to study the creases of your face, From years of laug
Dear Fear,
I have allowed you in my life for far too long. You have made my minor hardships become major, and forced me to lay silent when I want to speak.
Spring, summer, fall, winter
Joy, passion, love, reality
Seasons and emotions are one in the same
Everybody has a favorite season
Everybody has their own reason
But the one thing that stays true
I burn the pages
of my oldest notebooks,
erasing the ages
that have passed me by.
I remember the old days,
and cheerful jokes told
paired with a longing gaze,
and my calloused fingertips.
You taught me to fear
You taught me to worry
You taught me fake love
You taught me to drink away the pain
You taught me I was ugly and worthless
365 days ago the roof over my head was secure, paid for with my own money.
365 days ago I had 1 tiny window in a basement and I felt great pride because
365 days before that I was on the verge of homelessness.
In the warmth of the brilliant, early morning sun,
comes a shadow only I can see
marinating in its holy scent
the delicate gradations in between.
It is a virus, a pathogen particular to you, but, as well,
Dear most loved lover,
I sat here ... and thought of you.
I felt something everytime you spoke, everytime you breathed.
I want to say it was fear because then I would have a reason to leave you,
-to protect me-
I am not who I seemI am not a good thingI am million broken piecesI am an empty evil thingI am a wall built around myselfI am protecting the things hiddenI have a million different masks
I tried for a slam poetry kind of rhythm:
Hey Earth,
I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.
I'm sorry that we're turing you from blue to grey.
I'm sorry that I don't know what to do or say,
To my ex:
I let you put me in that dark little corner
and just above me hung
a mobile of bones --
it drew the breath straight from my lungs.
Silent whispers slithered in and out my ears,
To You
To be someone without fear
is to be someone without life
So much to believe in,
yet nothing to follow through the darkness,
not even a light
Be someone who needs, not wants
Do you remember when we could finally date?
I do
You gave me this pink paper ring
I could tell you spent hours making it for me
I cherished that ring as if it was worth thousands
Because to me, it did
Hearts
They beat; they break
That heart break should not be created by those who claim to care
Claiming to care is like saying I love you to a child
Breaking a heart is like telling the same child you were joking
What is your fear?
We all have fears.
Some of us many,
Some of us few.
I'll tell you mine.
You don't have to tell me yours.
I'll just let loose my heart,
And pray you won't crush it
The world is at its true point…BeautifulNo more, for the world now seems ever so TwistedWe now know what’s to comeBecauseThe media even says the same thingSo it must be true
I am the only person in existence, sitting in
the only room in existence, surrounded
by a sea of darkness
beneath a blackened sky, violent waves
Carved out of marbleI see a sea of white and blueThese marble masks you wear to alter your facesOut of fears forced on you
The scarce embrace of
someone so distant,
Yet so warm you feel, just by
hearing their voice
And the dark cloud hangs over you,
only because you want them there,
I'm splitting apart
Every version that I've been
Wants to weigh in
Romance takes her chance
There's a gem of a truth
I can believe in
everything comes to an end
and yet
all time spent with you
i wish would last for an eternity.
everything comes to an end
I walked below
The neon lights.
Dark sky flashed
against the green of slavery.
I puffed a cigar
My jeans have holes
My shoes are split like pistachios
With my black socks
To yearn for happiness will bring aboutAn emotion that tears at my weak heartNo wisdom here found in deadly black artThe seeds of dissent this feeling will sproutPure happiness this seedling will wipe outOnly sadness and fear will it impartWithin
Fear overrides all other senses
A fear of the unknown and undiscovered
This emotion knocks down all defenses
But to persevere now is to conquer
You
Are the hope around my neck.
The pendant on my chest rests on the
Padlock to my blood that Stained
all over the dress you stressed to see me-
Because I love you
I believe your lies
when you tell me
I’m your everything
Because I love you
I listen to your evil slurs
when you drunkenly
push me against the wall
Do you want to know what my biggest fear regarding you is?
Do you want to know what I worry about the most when I look at you?
Silent shadows of the night
Drawing near in the light
Hiding in corners of the wall
Stalking you down a narrow hall
Voiced through whispers on the breeze
Beware of that which you can see
Breathe in.
It's two steps forward and three million steps back it feels like.
Just when I think I'm alright, something like a smell or an uncomfortable feeling bashes me over the head with its malice.
maybe when you left
my tears weren't because i lost you
maybe because i was alone
with my own thoughts
maybe i was in love with the attention you gave me
maybe i was in love with you
What is this cloud that hangs over my head?
It follows me like some form of dread,
Waiting, watching, readying the strike.
I fear the moment it drops its impaling spike.
you stole something from me.
pieces of me I can never get back,
and all the others after you
will try to rebuild me,
like the toys they
It was slow,
The crunch of the metal,
The small throbbing glow,
It made my eyes start to settle.
Most were just screaming,
How is it that I am still alive?
How is it that today I am awake
and maintaining hope that things will get better
when I can feel myself spiraling out of control?
There have been days...
Nothing is free In the grand scheme of things.
But I want your lies tonight.
Broken men have broken courage it's broken
and miss construed.
And I myself am broken.
So let me have your lies
like glue
I am afraid to close my eyes
Hearing the emptiness when I awake
Feeling any heart pounding against my ribs
lungs constricting to leave me breathless.
My head is spinning
as I choke down a shriek
Lead hands,
Too heavy to move,
I would have built you a mountain.
But
I no longer care.
I just have one thing to say.
“Fuck you.”
I was bleeding
stripes
The lily
is the flower for a home.
But Californian poppies
make me feel so home sick
Roses make me angry,
and any flower from Britain
Is a flower for a whore.
But lilies
I won't be happy when there's a frown on her face
I won't fully rest when she's not by my side
I won't relax if I'm not sure that she's safe
I love those quirks she calls flaws
I love you I love you tooForever?Forever PromiseHe walked me to my class Kissed my innocent lips He was late to classI got out and there he was Smiling happy He had practice after school I waited He texted mePractice was terrible, againHe was madK
Time takes and time destroys.
but in many ways it gives me joy.
Father time won't receive my message.
so staying young about a question.
I will continue to grow and change.
I feel the wind blowing
Against my fare skin
The cold giving me
Chills up my spine
As I walk the single brick pavement
Gravel grinding against my aching feet
Faintly shimmers the moon against the red sky.
Red like fire, or blood.
And read like a book.
It sprawls out like the text of some demented God.
Painting with words and elucidating with language
Rapunzel, Rapunzel had a lot of hair
So thick, so dense
No stylist would dare
She stayed in a tower
In the middle of town
Combing and spraying
Detangling and braiding
You see, the hood was red for a reason.
The wolves had every reason to fear her. She was merciless,
no charm and no amount of begging would suffice.
She carried other things in that basket of hers.
Less than a year before I leave
So short time I can hardly believe
As that day approaches I start to reminisce
About all the things I'm going to miss.
My friends, my peers it has been six years
Last night, my eyes were heavy;I was having trouble sleeping again,The room so dark I could not see,My skin raw, itching, and paper thin,
Humanity is lost and afraidAs I sit here todayI see our world enragedOur soldiers are far awayPolicemen are dying and going to their gravesI look up at the stars and I hear a voice within my heart say
A fire flickers in the hearth, warm and cheering,
Glowing and growing, its essence my heart searing.
I.
Heavens flicker and take fire.
The Earth takes its final breath
Trembling, Stained, Defiled.
Dreams gained with certain loss
I waited,
for a response from you,
a mere whisper perhaps.
To a torn heart thrown at you,
carved with my surrender.
A plea for my liberation,
saying " I won't longer wait for you".
[(I was 15 at the time I wrote this.)]
Because I'm not like you,
you fear me,
you hate me,
you torture me.
I refuse to be like you.
I fear you,
I hate you,
I run from you.
Little Miss Magic of sweet song and sound. Little Miss Magic of perfect balance and crown. Little Miss Magic of passion and care. Little Miss Magic consumed by love and redacted of fear.
It was pure luck
I saw her from far away
From the darkness of the brush
And I prepare my jaws to crush
Her name was Little Red
The wind howls across the bank
Be not afraid, weakness will break
The darkness knows where to lay
Do you ever wanna cry but the tears won't come?For the fear, and the shame, and whats been done.Do you ever wanna cry but the tears are drowned?All you left with is an angry frown.
Why do we fear thunder?
Thunder can’t hurt you
It’s just a sound.
Why do we fear gunshots?
Gunshots can’t hurt you
They’re just a sound.
Why do we fear screaming?
I am fifteen years old and I think I own the world.
I have a boyfriend and he loves me.
He yells at me but that is okay, he loves me.
He shoves me but that is okay, he loves me.
Once upon a time
A girl loved a boy.
A bewitching boy.
A boy she had never met
A boy she only knew from afar
But a boy she loved nonetheless.
One day the girl got a message
Don't let me fall, I'm already on the edgetrying to lean backwards,but the wind blew and blewI don't want to tumbleI don't want to loseBut I just can't help it,the wind is blowing me to you
Your voice haunts me.
Your image dances in my head.
I cannot escape this feeling
that's been filling me with dread.
I am in a constant cycle
of anxiety and despair,
'cause every time I go to sleep,
Red eyes
Black hair
Tan scarred skin
It holds
The appearances
Of me,
But is it me?
I cannot be sure
Whether it is
Just a fear of mine
Or an actual part
Of me
Late at night I lie awake
Pray the lord my soul to take
And if I fall asleep tonight
Don't let me see the morning light.
The Children of Never Light
the more I see through open eyes,
fools come my way with alibis
playing the game of chance with mankind;
I touch a shattered sky with a broken heart,
I stock shelves at a grocery market for money.
It's what I do.
Not who I am.
But I saw some flowers sketched onto a can.
It was a vine of flowers.
Coiled around the "S" on the words "Green beans"
Boom!
The sound of another gun shot.
Breaking news!
Another murder.
Seek shelter!
Another flood.
What is this?
It is a mad world,
but also a bad one.
A small bottle
A brush
Heavy paper
Covered in crevices
And teeth
Pressure
It takes pressure
I used to fear
What I didn't know
I used to worry
About my future
I used to cringe
At the thought of love
I used to think
All guys
Were the same
Then you
Came around
They say you see
someone’s soul
Through their eyes
I see their souls
In the money they
Slide into my jacket
One upon a time there was a girl with hair of gold
She was locked away in a dark tower, or so I'm told.
But the truth is, Rapunzel did not want to go outside
The last time that Gothel asked her to go out, she cried.
Holocaust
Holocaust...Trapped..Like the fires of Hell,
Destroyed the old and the young
Millions suffered the agony and despair
Holocaust...Covered in bruises,
The pounding of your fist at the door of my chest
Can no longer withstand what you tell it to
No matter the number of times you use your sultry words to beckon it to life
Inside I am broken
All but the sound of my heart
Hands grip around my neck, choking
Tearing me apart
I lay emotionless
Listening to the my heart beat
Feeling it pounding in my chest
I did the right thing.
It became clear that no one else shared my concern.
There was a gun
In my dorm
Somewhere behind a closed door
America, land of the free.
America, home of the brave.
America, home of the immigrant.
Change is seen as scary, terrifying,
hello;
i know your out there.
are you also made of fear?
are you father of the shadows?
are you things, both hidden and queer?
more felt than seen;
a rainbow with no gleam.
And I see him in someone's sideways smirk,
someone's endless brown eyes,
someone's smile when they laugh.
Who would've thought a world like ours could be so mean, demeaning lives for financial stability, who would've thought time could go so fast, eight years seemed to just fly past, it's a shame that making the world great again means depriving all t
America is number one!
You’re right, we are number one;
Number one in military spending.
Number one in people imprisoned.
Number one in discrimination.
In prejudice.
In arrogance.
I sit here in the morning
Sipping my coffee.
Every single day
Something stops me.
I read the news,
A disaster here and there,
A sprinkle of protest,
A dash of terrorism,
I told you I was water.
You said you loved the rain.
Yet, my touch made you shiver.
And it turns out
That depth terrifies you.
And I,
Well I was the ocean.
-Harleigh Stillwell
4-12-17
I cried on election night.
Frozen in fear as I stared at my phone,
I tried to not imagine my friends being dragged away
beaten, bruised, barebacked
like the kids in the history books
when another man said
Can I try to escape from
All my nightmares and demons
Soon this era will be done
The truth of time is too blunt
To not cut like a sharp knife
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Like the dying dwindling fire
The embers rekindle Life
As the dog left All alone
Still protects his bone
Like the burnt out Mother
College. Death.
Sheer dropoff, cliff
A black abyss
Never return, no one's ever come back
Disappeared, never heard from again
Move on, other people
What a gift you'll be to some
I am proud of America.
I am proud to live in a land of rights for all.
I am proud to follow in the footsteps of those who came before.
Hate is in the air
People feel manipulated and pushed back and forth.
Many take advantage instead of giving back.
Morality is non-existent during this time of necessity.
We laugh and play in the rain
as it soaks through our clothe
each drop clinging to our skin
like the morning dew upon the grass.
We look up and smile at the ashened clouds
The Pain of Death
There comes a time in everyone’s life
When their hearts are filled with pain and strife
Where they wish time would go back
I am what you call a latina
Just another mexican niña
I am what you call a pansexual
Once again another ignored label
America the Great
There is this girl
Who can´t help but
Feel like an outcast
Even in a room of people
Where she is supposed
To be able to be herself
She calls herself the outcast
the outcast, the outcast
When I was a kid,
I used to watch horror movies with my dad
I would shake with fear, with my teary eyes hid.
He would tell me:
“You have to distinguish
The reels from reality.”
Heavy breathing
pounding heart
sweaty palms
shaky arms
A worried mind and no place to hide
I remember
The stones
They way they pelted.
I remember
The girls
The way they laughed.
I remember
The fear
The I fought not to tremble.
I remember
Her eyes,
So deeply unsettling,
As I watched
The tragedy unfold.
Her hair,
Tangled in his fist,
Was used
What’s your worst nightmare?
Is it
The way water
Engulfs you,
Imprisons you,
And slowly steals your breath?
Or,
Away from you.
Away from pain.
Away from judgement.
What’s to gain?
Everytime you said the note was flat.
I use to share poems with my name attached
but then I was told I should stop
so my name was detached
because the statement made my confidence drop.
What if she was right?
Was I just wasting my time
Welcome to the carnival of life
Where brilliance shines, flashing lights
Where memories are our currencies
Where affection is shared like cotton candy
Where strength is measured in courage
Welcome to the carnival of life
Where brilliance shines, flashing lights
Where memories are our currencies
Where affection is shared like cotton candy
Where strength is measured in courage
I wish I could shut off all the voices in my head, just for a moment.
I wish i could make people understand.
No matter how hard I try it seems impossible.
I thought I knew how I feltThought i had dealt with these old feelingsNow they got me reeling
I thought I knew who to loveWhere my heart would lead meNow they make me doubt who to be
Some daySome wayI'll find a way to say these things I keep insideFind a way to tell you what is on my mindOne of these days I'll find the words insideFind a way to express these things I feel for you
Under the surfaceResides an unknown girlDifferent from the one exposed to the worldI hide her insidewhere no one can seeBut this girl, the one trapped beneath the surface, is the real me.
I hope
I hope
I hope
That someday
I will not be afraid
No
I hope
That I will be afraid but able
I have reached a point in my life where
I wake up most days feeling somewhere between “okay” and so goddamn happy
That I feel like a kid climbing a tree who has just reached a branch
I am running away to California to taste the salt water and journey as long as possible along the road traveled by men
with pens
and lines to trace over
Like pirates come to pillage all meaning from the street signs like,
Death is something most people hate.
I can absolutely relate.
You left a mark on my skin that is unseeable.
Although I feel for it. It’s unreachable
Tears are slowly accumulating
At the corner of my eye
I hold my stomach aching in pain
Each successive breath is slowly becoming too difficult to make
"You're gifted; if only you'd apply yourself,"
he's told for eleven years.
"They don't know me like I know myself."
The boy loves but envies his peers.
"No awards to be shown on my shelf,"
I am alone.
Or, am I really?
What hides in the shadows?
Is my fear truly gone?
I have flown through many ways,
Speeding the only test I know.
I move wrong, but I can't back-track,
Classes, assignments
presentations in particular,
they get us so stressed out.
Let's stick with the presentations, for the moment
and think about this:
how prevalent the fear of public speaking is.
Oh, fear. Oh, pain.
How we had each other's numbers.
Oh, fear. Oh, pain.
How we knew each other so well.
How you sought me in the dark,
In the night, in my sheets.
I never opened up to someone
afraid of being hurt.
I kept them away with fake smiles
and a simple I'm okay.
I am afraid of people.
I am afraid of myself.
I am afraid of having my heart shattered
2016: The Year Fear Took Over
You Think it will be the best year
You Think you will grow
You Think you will change
No matter how much I try,I've failed to succeed.Every word I have spoken,is constantly breaking me.Ripping at my heart,tearing at my soul. I've told myself this is better,you won't get hurt this way.
I smile to keep from crying
Everyday I spend my hours trying
To keep my self denying
That I'm not afraid of dying
Failure is a creature of the darkness,
But I can see it clear as day.
A monstrous entity of terror,
Feeding off the smallest of insecurities.
Its grasp is ever tightening,
Your heart thrums loudly in your ears,
All of your dispairs seem so near,
The dark evelops you in fear.
Your sweaty palms clutch your sides,
Hoping to hold together what's inside,
I remember.
I remember the fears.
I remember the confusion.
I remember the pain.
I especially remember the lonliness.
I remember the tears.
I remember the depression.
I remember the disdain.
683 miles from home I flew no longer at home but in a whole new world
A place so different so clean a fresh a second chance of home to beat the rest
New friends new foes a few up and a lot of downs but still I am here
I am a Man of God.
I ask myself, "Are you living like a Man of God?"
Humph...
Something is just not right...
Why are these things happening to me?
Why am I hearing these voices?
Get away fear!
The shakes, the nerves, the trembles of absolute fear I feel in the tiny hands attached to me.
They control me. They make one motion that consumes my focus entirely.
I am drowning in a sea of my anxiety.
Mother you promised me
With pinkies and wallahi’s and everything in between
You promised we would be free
Every day I wake up wanting to flee
With soundtracks of bombs and screams foreseen
Senior Year: Second semester
College freshman: Second semester
Prom, graduation, ditch day, freedom
Fear, home sick, scared, broken
A year of love and excitement
Never know the pain,
of not know if tomorrow,
will come.
Seeing death every day.
Drug overdoses to Cardiac Arrest
Encrusted red splattered walls
Red spotted floors
Serve to remind me
How everything I do
Is wrong in his eyes
Those bloodshot eyes
Coming home every evening
With flammable breath
A light that beckons from a lamp.
The yearning of our innocence, the drawing to our roots.
It beckons you forth from the dark, it promises light and warmth.
It is only there.
I'm done hidding
in the shadows.
Let the poeple come
with their words as daggers,
and their glares as swords.
Let the people come with their arrogance
that buries hopes and dreams
2016 -
The year my hopes and dreams
Were supposed to come true.
Somehow blue
As a blue bird I flew
Up and away from high school
She gave up that retirement plan
So she could become all that she can
Pushing away the money vice
She knows what it means to make a sacrifice
Gripping on the helm of fate
Praying it's never too late
I was soft, vulnerable
Turned hard and worn
The toughened exterior
Protected me
Until others peeled back the layers
And saw me there
Afraid to move forward
Stuck in place.
I never thought something invisible
could run my every day.
Anxiety is like a water balloon,
it fills and fills until finally
it explodes
blurring your vision
drenching every part of you.
There was a time not so long ago
When my mind was like a ball of yarn
Tightly wound
Thread upon strict thread
And I was certain of one thing:
My shape would not change
And I would remain as I was
About this time last year, I thought I knew what stress was,
as I walked through the iron gates of a gold and purple castle,
waiting for Nostradamus to tell me my fate,
taking classes that I thought I would hate.
Fort Ticonderoga 1775
Blue Saxophone
Tied like a yellow bus
I peel and quake
And surround myself
my consciousness sputters like a dying engine
the pulsations of my brain slowing, shaking
(muscles too slug-like to function)
beat, rest, beat, rest
A blade seems friendly
It is anything but
A manipulating tool
And in my head it now haunts.
It once kicked away the Numbness
That stalked my daily life
And locked away Anxiety
why have I become so dependent on something so temporary?
why does my happiness bank on your warm touch
why can’t I smile unless you hold me
Ive published at least 96 poems
have written a hundred more
and yet not a single word
has truly captrued this that i feel
this great anxious feeling
like something is coming
something is coming.
My mind can't keep calm, all the screaming and beating me, making my mind numb...dumb...less alive. Feeling a mixture of self loathe and happiness in my mind. Taking control of my common sense and free will.
As junior year drew very near,
I wondered what would come of this next year.
Would I get into the college of my dreams?
Would it be as difficult as it seemed?
I feared for my future, so delicate and frail
Seventeen years of life experience and I'm still not qualified for the job, because everyone thinks I'm either too young or too dumb. Pressured by society to look thin and tan, but we can hardly face each other man to man.
I tried to tell you
When I was twelve years old
That I was experiencing something I couldn't nor wanted to explain
We might not know where we belong
But we must figure it out
We just have to stay strong
And not just sit and pout
Showering in my own tears.
Thinking about all my fears.
My eyes, will they clear?
I can't control them
They keep coming out.
Alone but surrounded.
My pain going down the drain.
he was so bright
God, he was bright
he made my skin burn when he touched it
he made my heart race,
air so thick I couldn't get a breath
like the hottest day of mid-July.
yes, he was bright
While my heart does bleed
For new life never born
My mind does heed
The pain of a mother torn
The decision to forestall
Life's seed to full bloom
Is a powerful anguish
of hellish gloom
What mind enlightened of God
Could reconcile a forsaken entrustment...
To guardian the yet unborn?
What eye that sees by Light
Could blind itself this darkest deed?
So here’s how it goes.I breathe my life into the wind
and the mists carry it to the sea
Adolescent so close to Metamorphosis,Yet so far from reality.Driven by waning time,For time cannot be conquered.‘Tis passing, but my mental state,It was not;
The way you look into my eyes shows your hunger.
You don’t want me.
You want my body.
When I see you my brain activates fight or flight.
You took me out on adventures all the time, knowing i had anxiety, saying it was fine.
You didn't let my fears take over- every event was another step closer to feeling free from the anxiousness that was attached to me.
All alone I walk through land I stepped on
Looking for the cradle of the gusty wind
The wind that accords glee throughout every minds
Until contentment passed through and sing lullabies
I still hear the children playing,
They have their own homes now.
I still hear the horses running,
They have passed away now.
I still hear the rain falling,
A lone girl holds her mother’s hand
“What are they doing? We have done nothing wrong.”
The next things her mother said
were sung in a lullaby song--
If the only thing to fear is fear itself
I find it funny that I'm so scared to be
Courageous.
I am most scared when no one expects me
to stand up.
A glass of the reddest wine one can find,
a familiar face sitting across from you,
yet it is one that you cannot define.
Who could it be or what could it be?
Does it have the capability to see?
The sad begging blue eyes
Almost bring tears to my eyes.
Almost.
The tiny warm smile
Almost makes a matching grin.
Almost.
The pitter patter of tiny feet
Almost makes me laugh.
A ravenous hunger
A wolf I am
Creeping up on it's prey
Silent but so deadly
Stalking the night
It's good to be afraid
A girl I used to be
A wolf I am
Fear of being myself.
Fear of being someone else.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of my brother and his harsh words that harden my heart.
Somehow,I manage to get out of bed each and every day.I get up, get ready, and get to work.
Surprisingly,People look at me with admiration for this feat."How are you so motivated?" they ask.
They're here,
And I have so much fear.
They tell me to die,
And I can't help but cry.
They hold me down,
And make me want to drown.
They love the night,
And it gives me such a fright.
I want to run
I want to be free
Wouldn't that be fun?
I could be someone besides me
I long to flee
And be done with this place
There's so much to see
I'd leave without a trace
One two, down up
And there she goes
She flies high
Smiles bright
Two, three, four
One two and down
Feet back on the ground
We cheer
A pause for the boys
Excess is success
But it's also destruction
I'm trying to suction the
Thoughts out of my mind
That scream I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
I'm not fine, and the reason why
The racing of our imaginations --you argue, perhaps, that is our incentive?Lives without incentives are insane,and insanity with incentive is life.And how can we know what is beyond our mountains,
Locker 1453.
I left a part of myself behind your door on the last day of seventh grade;
you wheezed
and sputtered when I opened you,
but I didn't mind; for you had become a strange sort of companion
[ Me writing a letter to death]
October 10th.. Sending this letter from DeVonte, to.... to..,
Im going to start off this letter saying i dont like you, I fear of you but I will fight you,
I’m still standing here
with scars on my cheeks
and red dots on my hands
that scream when I touch
the scabs
they have become -
all too suddenly and all to quietly
I can hear myself
You despise me,
yet I
desire you.
It's comical,
they say,
the way we
banter.
We smiled then.
I don't smile
now.
You left me behind
for bigger things;
Raised by ads on MTV
faces on CNN
words on screens
and people without depth
I am the product of pixels and vectors-
If I am lost in a storm of doubts or a cloud of fear, call Lindsey.
If I cannot find the will to go on, get Maggie.
If I am in need of light or laughter, text Isabelle or Michelle.
It is a cruel world out there
But, we must find the strength to live
It cannot stay cloudy forever
Something has got to give
Everyone goes through the struggle
That is where we learn the lesson
I get in bed, not wanting to go to sleep.
I wake up, not wanting to be alive.
When will my pain disappear?
Outside, the flowers are blooming.
Inside, the spirits are dying.
Time is too short
As the seconds tick on, we hear the moments of our life ebb away
Slowly, slowly, with each passing day we feel the future
In...
Out...
From ragged and quick
To slow and steady
Breathing
The first breath I hear in the morning
is his
and hearing that deep, content sound
make facing my fears
What do we fear the creepy crawlies under our bedor is it the wondrus voice inside our headkilling my thoughts until braindead
My heart is best decribed
as being a bird in a bottle,
with fleeting wings beating
against glass lungs.
It sits on the border
of yesterday's panic
and tomorrow's desperation,
They say beauty is painAnd she's beautifully brokenShe's left hallow and emptyBut her thoughts go unspoken
I'm shaken, I'm shaking
but not from the thunder
pretty soon then, my heart booms
but not from the lightning
The weather outside is nothing compared
to the way I feel when anxious, hyper, and scared
You’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.
True. Those are the lyrics to a song, but let’s be real here for a moment.
You know you need me, just flat out admit it.
He holds onto me
Even when I loosen my hold on Him
He holds onto me
Even when I feel I'm letting go
My hand's sweaty with fear
Worn with temptations
Disjointed with pride
Outpourings of my soul
Pathways to my mind
Overflows of my heart
Portraits of the “real me” inside
Desire and dream dancing oh so freely
Fear and pain relenting as they lose secrecy
It's been a whilesince demons have last made a home in mine,since I've last drowned in a sea of wordsseeing so many race across my eyes,but being unable to grab the right ones.Every time it happens, I'm afraidI always sink. It's been a while sinc
you are stronger than you think;
strong enough to come back from the brink
strong enough to write what i can't say;
strong enough to save someone else's day
you'll always be strong enough
I'm shedding tears for all the people we've lost just this year. From senseless violence to overgrown conspiracies, can't you see the enemy?
They hide in plain sight so no can ever see.
All the feelings I have choked down have finally ignited in my stomach. All the words I cannot say (as they are not “acceptable”) have given over to acidity, and begun to boil in my belly.
Because the things she loved most Had been taken away From her,She learned To have compassion For those who were afraid Of losing theirs.
The rostrum is enveloped in dust.
Walking on laminate, my legs are weak, echoing the footprints before me.
A foot catches on wires, serpentine on the glossy platform.
Trembling, I do not crack, I do not turn to stone.
The Lonely Star
Fear is Strong
Although I know it to be Wrong
I keep singing it's song
But what is fear
That we might clear
The painful sphere here
Fear is nothing more than a bad dream
I should be sleeping,
Smiling at sweet and happy dreams,
But instead I lay here in bed,
Anxiously awaiting day break.
I fear closing my eyes,
And wandering into my head
What is fear?
Is it the monster hiding in the closet?
Or is it the disembodied screams of the night?
Is it the like tremors of an earthquake?
Poetry found me by my bedside table,
heart contained within a dimly lit mind,
I could not find the light switch.
Poetry found a foolish girl,
one with storybook hands,
Lord, I am a sinner.
This I know for certain,
Yet I am not actively working towards self betterment.
Lord on the rare occasion that I get down on my knees to reach you,
Most times I do not know what to say.
I ask about love,
And if I can ever find it.
But how can I expect someone to love me,
When I don't love myself?
How can I expect respect,
When I tear myself down?
How can I expect anyone to trust me,
"Does death frighten you?" she asked as she sipped her warm coffee.
I replied with a simple "No." Sitting across from the interviewer.
An easy answer to such a complicated question.
You looked and behold,
Over the horizon approaching fast,
Engulfed by the orange beauty of the sunset, you saw a man.
A man approaching slowly like a viscous liquid,
And fast as light.
I fear change. Change is different and I like the way things are. But I know change will come no matter what, so I welcome it. I have to embrace change or things will never get better.
I'm writing, I keep on writing
My mind is speeding through with so much rhyming.
I'm looking at the news seeing what it's protraying about August 9, 2014.
Listening closely, and catrefully about what they're saying.
Fear of failing.
Fear of failing as a friend.
Fear of failing as a daughter.
Fear of failing as a girlfriend.
Fear of failing as a sister.
Fear of failing as a person.
I am not alone,
I can feel their hands clutching at my heart,
Listening to it like the ticking of a time bomb,
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ,
Keeps me on my toes like a dancer
Watch my words curtsey at the end of each line
Enunciating as if my words didn't fall short with country
Not ready to confess, but I'll write
I am an emotive voice expressed through pen and paper,
but once was uncapable of being heard
because six plus years of bully beat downs
made fear seal every word.
Pursuit of happiness, liberty, and life, tell yourself that it is how it is
But where’s happiness and liberty when there’s no life to begin with?
Don’t make no sense
Ever since 2008, Obama has been on the debate
All my life I wished to be special. I've never been quite sure why and perhaps I never will but I always dreamed of being unique.
In my dreams, the nightmares of my mind,My subconscious torments me, Bringing me horror as I sleep.Making me debate whether sleep is friend or foe,
I love being alone,I hate being lonely.I wanna run awaybut I want you to hold me.You're a beautiful rosebut I'm afraid of your thornsI wanna open up to youbut I don't want your scorn.
Inability to communicate
To Elaborate
To Speak
It is quite a terrible fate
One which should not be cursed
Even upon those that you hate
Yet here I was
Crying
PAY ATTENTION
Get ready for this intervention
People are dying
Children are crying
Men are lying
Dear Fear-
I apologize for the silly rhyme,
But it’s time we had a talk.
You see, I've been meaning to write this for a while
It's hard to see how close we are to the edge.
We'd be dead with just one step.
Just one move--we'd lose our way.
Every day, on the brink of insane
A fragile line to separate the sides
I stopped looking for monsters under the bedWhen I came to see they lived in my headWhoever tells of a monster that hidesNever had one to abide besideOh, full of scorpions is my mind
This is me
This is all you get
I would give more if i could
but my soul is spent
Stand beneath my broken heart and drink from the fountain of youth
All I have is my family
So, there is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas...and I want to experience it. Feel death just beneath my grip, as a lazy smile and a witty quip. Unfamiliar like home, somewhere nonexistent, where I don’t belong. Steel buses and late night rushes, clo
Her skin: soft as the edge of her sword
And her hair: carved from the volcanic ashes.
Her heart: away from advancing toward
His hardline lips; and her faint eyelashes:
Disguising keys to his grave, shallow as--
You don't know how much it hurt
When you came home collapsing.
Words slurred together into a sentence,
At least that's what I think it was.
You stumbled like a baby taking its first steps,
You want a perfect poem. With a beginning, middle, and end.A perfect little thing that makes you feel fantastic with a good ending.Of nature, that makes you see the light of things that can't be seen.That is not this poem. Beginning.
Barrier of who go banana
As they have a face thunder,
As they lead to the intolerable on my infatuations.
I'm frightened of my destructive vision
People will scream and shout ruinning my
self-esteem
The expression from this pen is my
addiction
The only way to create without it going
down stream
Rise in the morning, to know something is wrong.
Enter class to see blurs of movement and shades.
A panicked breath and a step back.
It is too late.
lights break down
silence swifts through open windows
empty fears scrawling through the brain
dark imaginations flairing
into shadow images
blur emotions quavering
inside the soul
warm breath spewing
Why don't I just kill myself?
Already you're worrying, letting out a moan
And Questioning my mental health
As you dial 911, Fearing that I'll soon be a dial tone
Why don't I just kill myself?
Already you're worrying, letting out a moan
And Questioning my mental health
As you dial 911, Fearing that I'll soon be a dial tone
Humans are Ignorant;
Illiterate and Inexperienced.
We live in a world Poisoned by Greed.
It pounds through
My bloodstream
Paralyzing
And choking
I can't see
Anymore
What's important
It sits in the back
Waiting for me
To notice
But I'm stuck
At the front
It started with me falling in love
No not like that
I didn’t fall in love with a boy, or girl, a moment in time
But I fell in love with words
At the tender age of three
You rant to the sky and lay blame to the earth, for it's gravity is keeping you from flying.
As passionate as you are, your fire starts to die as the sunlight begins to fade.
I'm not a fan of falling,
Tripping over compliments is not my calling,
Your hands reached out: pushed me,
Your touch too soft to hold onto,
The descent shushes me,
Heart Beating A Mile A Second
What Did I Do?
I Was Going In The Limit Range
Did I Cross Someone Over?
Or Uncorrectly Switched A Lane?
Get Yourself Together
Cant Let Them See You Bothered
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of love
Of happiness
Of how much they cost.
What do I have to lose
To gain.
I'm afraid of you the most.
I'm afraid of how I notice you.
Fear.
A devil straight from hell
Causes anger to swell
Fear.
A demon
With long wings
Laced with blood
Dripping down
Like a butterfly after rain
The eyes
Can anyone love me?
Would anybody be willing to withstand
My horrible insecurity,
The side of me I hide?
Would you be willing to tell me
It will be alright,
When you know I don't believe you?
fearful of my eyes, my mind, my lips spitting out someone else's secrets at any given second i could explode and everything within me the restrictions of tongue.
today i saw the trees bloom. i saw their buds unfurl, miniature fingerlings reaching into the world, and i-i forgot about how you made me feel. i won’t let you off that easy, no,
my body remembers yours.
I see film stills of the small imprint
of a heart against the flushed skin
of your neck, where the necklace
had pushed against your breath.
i went to church once, and you are
(i’m going to tell you a story today, a story that reads like a nursery rhyme that’s how common it is, and i’m going to tell you all the parts, all the facets of it that show a different picture like the faces on a diamond slowly turning
The monster knocks,knocks knocks,
collectively at our minds and lingers there
daring to be moved away from its throne.
Fear they call it, reigns over our thoughts
The Fallen Angel is Dying-- The pain comes in strides
Chained down to Earth, left alone; tortured by her other side
Her wings--they droop to shame, as sound stops and begins
You and I were like fire and gasoline,
each time we saw each other, you inflamed me
my mind, my soul, my heart was alive
but then the depression hit me and I was just trying to survive.
Here I sit,
My first job...
Application on the table next to me.
I fill it out,
Not sure what hours I want to work,
Or what date I'll be available,
Or even if I'll get an interview.
I’m scared
Not of the when and where
But whether you actually cared
I'm not prepared for a harsh truthThese days all we have is a misled youth
its the fear that eats away at me
this feeling between my legs
it isnt arousal
its fear
its the sound that eats away at me
this feeling in my chest
it isnt love
its fear
Broken wings
Shattered piece of mind
Trapped on Earth
Unending time
No way back
No way home
Surrounded by evil
No place to roam
Good is evil
And evil is here
Darkness envelopes within the soul.
Consuming first from the edges like a t-shirt stained with blood
We look into ourselves for hope
As I gaze into his eyes
I can tell the difference between your warmth and his.
I compare his love and yours
And that’s when I realized
Over the clouds, radience I see;
Under the radience, a nest;
Over the nest, a fire set on the tree;
Under the tree, a hunterat his best;
Over the hunter, a need to flee;
Under the fear, the end of his quest.
Every time I look to my watch, on my wrist,
I see the scars that remind me of my past,
The cuts that haunt my dreams,
The memories that will forever be there,
Reminding me that all I was in life is an failure,
A white cloak wraps around me
I’m not cold, not on the outside
I pull it closer still
Maybe I can stop the cold
I see you walk away
Fear, something everything is born with
It can’t be washed away or forgotten
Whether it be a child’s fear of monsters in the dark
Was it me?
Could it be?
A violent storm inside of me?
It wouldn't be.
Yet it feels like so,
no matter how many times I say "no."
I wish it wasn't so,
even my heart says "no."
so many emotions my body can't contain
continuously being suffocated like an un-oxygenated flame
if someone would put me out how grateful i would be
for my emotions--never ending--are shifting like the trees
I fear of tonight
I fear for the drive home
Not of what I will come home to-
But of what may happen later on
I fear of closing my eyes and seeing something
Beautiful
something miraculous
I don't know how to write a poem when I don't know what to say
When I don't want to stick around but I'm too numb to run away
And I don't know what to say because that fear was all I knew
But I don't feel anything now and
the monster in my dreams
who is it who tortures me?
with no answer to my plea
a silent scream I will release
because of what I see,
in these grusome scenes
I am wishing they would cease
I've got the scars on my heart to prove my pain
After this I will never be the same
You say I only have me to blame
But you, the liar, should feel ashamed
I've got scars on my heart to to show why I cry
I am a bird
I am free to fly wherever I want
But I choose to stay in my nest
There are people out there who's job is to hunt
But my nest is the best and I choose not to stray
I love my nest
Sad little boy
how could you stay
sad little boy
you ran away
from the life you left behind
the lies you spoke
the harm you'e caused
the pain you've caused in knowing...
Haikus
Inside, there is war.
The heart and mind, They quarrel.
Like kindred beings.
Fell between the cracks.
Shortcomings, All too common.
Painful yet joyous,
Love can cause smiles and tears.
It's what we live for.
Can't live without love?
Love gifts you to feel alive;
while risking heartbreaks.
I have you fooled.
You can do this,
It’ll be okay,
It’ll work out,
Just more lies through my teeth.
I’m a foe disguised as a friend,
Mr. Fear said,
“Look for your feelings inside yourself,
But don’t plagiarize from a bookshelf.”
I wonder if I can.
I suck at writing.
It’s almost like I’m fighting
You.. You were so beautiful.. You were so beautiful, but not like your attractiveness,I was attracted to you for you gave off the feeling of home.. Safety.. Love.. The feeling I needed. You were so beautiful and so large..
Hunting tools,
Fire,
Coexisting,
Art,
Boats,
Wheel,
Guns,
Electricity,
Phonograph,
Gold,
Evil,
Conflict,
Hate,
War,
Heartache,
Fear...
There are some things I just knowThoughts come fast and thoughts come slowEvery thought of you twists into meLove's everlasting agony
It has always struck me as odd,
the idea that “loving you” and “losing you”
are only one letter apart.
This small difference is proved
take it step by step
I say when I feel like I need to run
take it breath by breath
I say when I feel I took my last one
take it hit by hit
Stranded am I, by this enslaving isle of fear.
Captured am I, by its fell whispers in my ear.
Where can I go?
Where can I run?
Surrounded am I, by the ocean of worry.
Its been 1 year and 1 month being with you, being a boyfriend...
Do I love it?
Yes
Do I love you?
Fuck yes
Do you love me?
Yeah...you do
Are you beautiful?
Oh yeah
To live without contact is to never feel a thing,
To live without humanity is to throw away compassion,
I shall never live without human contact.
I do not crave discrimination, corruption, or demoralization.
Fear is hazel.
It looks like the scared soul screaming behind the eyes.
It looks like muddled puddles of tears.
Fear is hazel.
It sounds like the muffled purr of a cat in pain.
I need fear.
Fear drives me.
Comfort hinders success.
I have never worked hard than when fear was just behind my heels.
I don’t believe in being comfortable while working hard.
Author's Note: I am extremely proud of this poem. I entered it into San Mateo's City Arts contest and recieved an honorable mention, and didnot have any intention, and did not follow the theme. So I hope you all enjoy this poem.
writing about Death without beingunoriginaland depressing ishard. for
i wake up to pale sunlightfiltering through my pink curtainsstaining my eyelids a sleepy rosemy fingers wander to my bed framesmooth and white, embellished with seashells
poison tears
Rain, rain, go away,Because of you the pain will stay.Slit my throat, cut out my heart,Leave me here, tear it apart.
Tangled in words unspoken,
Cut by dreams that are broken,
With open eyes I stare in wonder
At this world so sundered.
I'm afraid to speak,
Terrified to dream,
For my fragile heart is easy to shatter.
For a very long time, I was alone;
not because I wanted to be, but rather because of the way that
I would stare at the sky and be amazed by the clouds that would float
like tiny castles in the sky.
It is something that is invisible and difficult to see
yet at the same time you know something is wrong with me
the feeling of an invisible knife that pierces through the heart
Alone I sit in the dark,
Cold, broken, torn apart.
Shackled to a wall of fears,
Tied down by my own tears.
My voice stuck deep in my throat,
I reach to grasps the words that choke,
Love is such a common thing in poetry,
Or rather should I say lust?
Because truly what does love have to do
With those things that are discussed?
But my poetry is filled with pain,
Love, What is this thing we call love? Does it even exist? Some say it does, Others will say it doesn't! Do we really have to go through such horrible heartbreaks to find true love? Do we have to make ourselves feel so horrible to find that one pe
Love you I can never not
Or never ought
Nor never thought
I'd ever not be able to stop
Able to fight
Wary my flight
Sometimes when I think about you, I feel slightly disappointed in myself. To know that I let my guard down; to know that I let you in without thinking twice about slamming the door shut behind me.
Can you imagine what it would mean
Were I to follow you in the hunt?
Were I to put my hollow dreams
Out into the sun with a strong-willed punt.
Blink
The worst things happen when
All I can see is the back of my eyelids
Blink
But blink fast or you'll miss everything
But how would you know? You're eyes are closed
I'm out in the streets, blowing off steam.
My body tall, my body lean.
I wear a hood to better shield me from the night.
I never knew to someone, it would bring such fright.
The mirror's peers peering
Into the glass mask erected to hide
That he takes advantage of their selective hearing
To conceal the burning hell inside
Terrified that the mirror's fears blazing
Heavy breathing
Emotions seething
Mirror stumbling in the darkness
Chest and lungs heaving
Reflections causing pain so heartless
Now crying, curled up and screaming
Panic
If I showed you the happiness that you do to me, would you stay?
Even just for one more day.
Cause I know I'm a wreck lately, and I've been nothing but a pain.
Do we have anything left to gain?
fear is the mayor
and the villain in every heart,
clasping closed on faith
he snips out everything you believe in
and replaces with worry
doubt, and despair-
hope is all gone
He held the gun to my head
And asked me for my innocence.
I stood there, silently memorizing
his distinct features.
His deep, dark black eyes
had a certain murkiness
like the reflection of the moon
I wish I could eat my pen.
And the ink inside it, and all the paper in my notebooks,
And all the books I've written tens of thousands of times
Over and over again in hopes of becoming perfection.
All I need is a life without fear.
I fear my life being taken for a small reason.
I fear my life doesn’t matter to everyone.
I fear spiders and snakes.
I remember the first time I cut like it was yesterday,
Even though it was my freshman year of high school
I had tried earlier in my younger years to do it,
But I could never quite build up the courage
With stained eyes and blurry vision
I tried and tried with much precision
But no matter what I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t take away the emptiness I felt
However, I did gain a deeper understanding I can barely articulate,
I'm tired of all these morons acting like a philosophic class
These people, more like sheeple standing lonely in the aftermath
Thinking if only they can get the holy that is up for grabs
I see so many people with their closets stuffed full Full of so many skeletons And the shelves of their heart are stacked full of skulls Just staring Into the cold stone darkness The void of their eyes look to the void that's deprived Of happi
The unknown is what we all fear
Oblivion, nothing, an endless dark path
we all fear that there will be nothing after this
that once we die we are gone forever
It is not the ocean I see in her eyes,
But the radiant Moon,
The contellations that define our galaxy,
And the Sun we endlessly revolve around.
She is infinite,
Lost in herself as I long to be.
Tap, tap, tap
Or rather, thud, thud, thud
Lub-dub, lub-dub
The throbbing beat in my chest
Uncontrollably echoing the chime of the unknown
Reminding me of what I have to lose
Are we really afraid of death or is it fear of being forgotten?
Are we really afraid to fall in love or is it fear of getting hurt?
Are we really afraid of knowing strangers or is it fear of being left?
I am purplexuated
Simply by the untrue realities
Perplexed at how casually we say
the phrase "how are you?"
And how often we say "I'm fine."
I looked into my eyes one day
Stared right into my soul
But scared to go that way
I turned around and fell into
the black hole
Something that I can't live without is the idea that my child knows I love her, and that I'm sorry.
I was 23, too young to be
Your mother
Living a life
Wild and free
Reckless, like any other
5 fantasies fuel my fascination
4 familiar fears fixated on my faults
3 thoughts that thirst for thrills
2 talents taking time to transform into
1 soul that is mine to claim
My greatest weakness is fear.
But it's not just any fear, it's a disease.
It creeps and crawls onto every decision.
It beats me down into indecisiveness.
I'm alone and can't sleepThere's no one here but meI'm stuck with all these memoriesIf they could only see
"What is life?
When someone has the power to take it away?
What is love?
When there will be so,so many heart breaks?
What is it? what keeps us going?
Up the endless current that we're rowing,
Jumping from my car
I grab at stuff spilling away from my grasp
And I do my best to avoid the unmake-upped gaze
That undoubtedly would appear in the rearview
In a half jog
I pass a middle-aged man
"A feeling of fire
Deep in our bones
I'm not the liar
With a heart of stone
But go ahead,
Call me out,
On somthing you did
Go ahead and shout
It's not like they believe you
I hang here on a chain dangling fowards and backwards
I am the punching bag
Harder than a pillow, safer than a board
Punch me when you're mad, punch me when you're bored
"Find yourself
Your not from here
Your fatal flaw
Your fatal fear
Find you friend
Keep them near
Into the depths
Over the edge you peer
"The soldier
Wounded in the fight
The lawyer
Finding out whats right
The paster
Showing others light
The family
Holding on so tight
The author
Giving courage when he writes
Can I bring good into the world?
Or can I only bring pain?
Can I do good?
I swear I only cause others pain no matter what I do
I damage the ones I love
And cause a catastrophic disaster at every home I end up in
Eyes turn black
No color to be seen
Once hazel now just plain black
They are like an aliens
Or those who are possessed
Walking like being possessed
Acting as though being torn apart
The sands fall wastefully,
Across the charcoal floor,
How? I ask, with a harrowed sigh,
Might I fill the glass with more?
Life
Easygoing. Nurturing. Energetic
the Tinkling of a Laugh
Music to my Ears
like the Leaves of a tall Pine
we are green
Full of
It is painful, you seeTo watch as the peopleI grew up with and underChangeBlur from who they wereAnd not often for the betterIt feels as if my family is a landmassThat is breaking apart
The time has come my friends,
for stories to be told
for bridges to be sold
and hearts grow cold.
Dark caresses
between sweet fingers.
These smoke rings I blow
shatter the crisp clean air.
Have you ever lied to a lover?
Just to convince yourself
That you would never look at another
Especially one who may look a little like yourself
Have you ever cried about a lover?
There's something I need to tell you,
My story is short enough to expose.
I am no saint,
I sit here in the corner not wanting to breath
I feel like I have no one here to protect me
Hearing my mother scream and shout
stuck between cracked heart and broken ribs lies fear
no whisper is let slip without a quiver
a lionheart won’t last without the spear
of courage loud as red in hot summer
i think of you and the butterflies, swarming my stomach, swim up and up to my throat in a tornado.my gums are growing flowers, making meadows of messages i can only wish to speak to you.
I never would have noticed the
Abscess on my elbow
If they had not pointed it out
I strained to see it
Red flushing my skin
Darker than leather
O, you’re right
Soft as moon
you walk a rope
between life
and death
And I never know
where you will fall
Broken ropes
bloody blades
you try to scrape
away the pain
Looking past the landscapes
there stands one dream.
One final goal that you know
deeper than the cliff you're standing on
you want one dream you know.
The trees are greener
the grass is taller
Self esteem fizzles,
Popping bubbles like tiny glass,
Shattering myself worth,
The clock on the wall strikes one,
Darkness makes the room gloomy
everything turns grey,
As I close my eyes stars,
On a painfully thin edge,
and trying desperately not to fall.
Constantly swaying, constantly breaking, and rebuilding, and reconvincing that just jumping isn’t the right thing.
I'm scared
Scared of what's to come
Scared of what has happened
Scared of what is happening
Scared of what could happen
Suddenly these streets are looming with dark entities.A few of them are made of choices left undecided.Some of them are made out of sad unrealistic hopes.A great many of them though, are made out of memories.
Sweet songs,
sifting.
Hold on,
hope’s in you.
Dear child,
keep your lips widely speaking.
Honey,
please smile.
i'm not upset i'm not upset i'm not upset
i'mnotupseti'mnotupseti'mnotupset
i'mnotcrying
i'mokay
i'll be alive tomorrow
and life will move on
and what i'm left out of
and what i don't get
I have been looking and searching for someone
Life just seems like it doesnt want to show me that special someone
I ask but i get no reply
I help but get no thank you
I ask myself is it you?
The words you have to say
The feelings you can't shake
Fear will tell you, "Wait,"
Because Fear is not afraid
She does not hold back or quake
She does not waver or make mistake
Fear knows what she does
I'm scared to let people in
to let them know that I have a problem
to see if they can help
depression is a taboo subject
especially in a christian home
because its not a sickness
Grandpa bought me a package of makeup;
"Keep quiet about this," he said.
I didn't see any wrongs so i did.
I handed it back when my chest grew heavy.
I caught my brother obsessed with a boy;
A thousand times they escape my lips
Throughout the passing of dusk and dawn
They slip by too fast sometimes
Leaving only cruel regret
I cannot measure the harm they caused
Nor the joy they brought as well
To be scared is to be alive.
It is the thing that stops us,
Prevents us from harming ourselves.
It’s why we don’t jump out of windows,
Why we don’t stab our eyes,
Why we leave spiders alone.
"Make me a sandwich."
Well, I would rather not.
"Cover up, slut."
Umm... no.
"You throw like a girl."
If you say so.
Ignore them.
Don't retaliate
He doesn't love me anymore.After all the pain he inflicted, the lies.All the other women he swept off their feet with his infinite tales of bullshitAnd meaningless "I love yous" falsely comforting them in his arms.
Everyone has a different label for it
When you finally hit the breaking point
When you become so angered
You can't control it
My family refers to ours
As red
We call it red
Because that is all
Is what I want what I need?
Will you fill the void?
They say more than him is greed
But I want a voice
Does that make me faithless?
Am I too immature?
It’s what I address
But nothing is sure
I lived in a world where i only watched
Where clouds rise like kings'where sunsets bow like jesters before them
And the moon watches hed been offered kingship once but he declined
For power is not worth a monsoon
Poetry cannot be taught, nor beauty be described
Neither can you see in me something that defined
The colors of my skin.
Scars are tattoos in many ways - permanent and painful.
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All these marks.
All these thoughts.
All these memories.
Brings me even closer to the edge.
Nothing is clear anymore.
The second-guessing.
The cloudy state of mind.
The shaking consuming my body.
I fear that I am a mistake
a mistake of God..
and one day He'll realize it, then I'll disappear.
No one will notice,
no one will care, some may even be relieved..
My heart skips a beatFeelings start to flowI stop myself from fallingI'm scared to let them grow
Time heals all woundsBut what about trust?I bet he's not after loveAll they ever want is lust
They say it gets easier as you get older
That you stop being scared and your only fear is being late to work
If that's true, then why am I sitting here rocking back and forth
With summer laze and winter days
we wend our ways
in the silence of the night.
And creeping still, thoughts mill
amongst the dying of the bright.
But what comes will be and what be will comes
I do not eat my friends
You eat my friends
I can see their ends
Sometimes... people stab my friends
they feed my friends to their friends
I can see their ends
When the song plays I see my treasure, the person who I care about.
A bitter sweet song that gives me a sign that you are still waiting for me.
I am intrepid
Forward is the way I go
I fear nothing
Though I may take it slow
Life runs by in the blink of an eye
And I would be ignorant to not show
Who I am
On the inside
A cloak concealing untold woes and pain,It casts a shadow on each sunny day and brings rain,A drape that adds the wrinkles to the brow,And snuffs each chance for happiness one is allowed,
Air so strong
Though none breathe in
The awe of dreams
Which come from within
The choice is here
What will it be?
To dream a dream
Or die in fear
As quickly as I fell into your abyss the waters parted and we stood starring at each others soul.
Our universe being born.
Like a falling star with no hope of making it through we watched our worlds fail us.
Mortal blood of a broken life
Fiery passion ignites its end
Turning away from light
Thy will darkness shall bend
From the darkness, I feel your hand
Reaching from the mists beyond
My heart fails, my mind paralyzed
The room is dark, sheers cross my face
A veil into the unknown
I don't want to die
I do not want to die
I have tears in my eyes as snot runs a river.
There is pain in my chest and in my gut.
I don't like pain so I don't want to bleed.
There are things that I am terrified to tell you, in fear you may think less about me. But, I think it is important that I do tell you, if our relationship is to truly be honest. Please, read all of this before you say anything.
I don't have a number for how many times;But I remember running...I remember harsh lighting in tired eyes,And middle of the night, fight or flight car rides...Phone calls and ringing;Then screaming.
'H' or 'H'
I just can't tell
The click and clack
Won't serve me well
I hear it come
It comes so near
Across the track
I sit in fear
I'm not into the drug scene. I'm allergic to a few drugs.
Im not into being a slut. I was once treated as a sex object.
Im not into the latest thing. I was once so deeply involved so I could breathe.
And it's not the cute kind of fear,
not the kind with butterflies and giggles.
It's the tyoe that puts a lump in your throat,
I am everything yet nothing.
I wonder about my future.
I hear what haunts me.
I see only what I want to see.
I want more memories than regrets.
I am everything yet nothing.
I used to think I was brave.
That I could be anything I aimed for.
But then life hit me,
kicked me,
shit on me
rolled me in dirt
and spit on me.
I wish I could be brave again,
Feelings of yester year haunt me.
Emotions tucked so far in
the folds of my heart they are
almost invisible.
Yet I cannot keep them from encompassing
me.
I feel a longing.
Strong and familiar
Friends with benefits
What's the benefit
When I'm falling in love
And you're looking down from the cliff
I guess we can call it fear
Fear of ourselves
Fear of others
Fear of our appearance
I guess we can call it fear
I'm afraid of the heart that shakes in my chest
It beats out of tune and it makes me a mess
I wonder what on earth is happening to me
what pea in the mattress is worrying me
I’m not as okay as I said I was
I’m taking the pills, I promise
But I still feel like there’s not
Much you can do for me now.
Hypothetically, if I told you I loved you would we still be friends?
If I promised to keep a promise but didn't would our friendship depend?
I'm speaking hypothetical and never intend to hurt you.
You know that feeling?
It's funny and dishonest,
And you should be able to laugh at it.
But it creeps up on you with taunts of isolation,
I'm not afraid of the darkI'm not afraid of heightsI"m not afraid of intimacyI'm not afraid of death
I'm afraid of losing my sense of directionNot being able to see ahead
(note: relating to someone that I know. also I don't know much about poem structure, so sorry it that isn't good)
Fear. Anxiety. I fear anxiety.
Scale the wall. Fear is hanging.
Fear is a father's silent grieving
Scale the wall. Fear is the absence of truth and compassion.
Fear is the multiple layers of doubt.
Scale the wall. Fear is universal.
ouch, wait was that pain real or in my head?Why am I in my bed?...... This isn't my bed....Please let there be red bull or Gatorade in the fridge...... noI love dick- thank God it's removable
Fear what is it?
Who just fears fear?
What do you fear?
fear is a dead baby to a mother
Fear is a beating father
Fear is a F
Fear is the boogymonster under the bed
what do you fear?
Mirror, spotted with age and time. Rust begins to spread, but you see yourself just fine.
Are you the you I wanted to be back when I was me, or do you do what you do because you have to?
When we were first together it was all so unclear.
I wanted you so badly, but all I knew was fear.
Then you held me in your arms and whispered in my ear.
From darkest days to blackest of nights, did we crawl. Blind and stupid, with smiles on our faces and our hearts light as feathers. Safe are we by the dogs we do feed and fear. Though we know they bite and tear.
It comes so quickly
It leaves me weak and helpless
I try to talk
Nothing, as if somebody hit the mute button
My breathing quickens
As if I just finished running a marathon
Each hope I have rests here;
My dreams, they’re still inside.
For though the hope’s to fly
'Twill be a long, long ride.
Though music sings about me
I fear to dance alone.
into an eternal abyss that no one even knows
how far will it take me? how far will i go?
He put a razor inside my lunch pale
Along with heads or tails
I know he's hinting death
As I hide behind my veil
Need a pair of clippers
To cut my cutthroat nails
And I red pair of scissors
If you are too silent no one will pay attention to you
he said
don’t be afraid of your power
she repeated
But fear permeates every fabric of you on days like this
She left in distress
Her hair up in a mess
To her lover, she will never confess
The thoughts she is thinking about
Only lead discussion to shout
Deep down hoping he will find out
I once I had
a team building exersize
In which we told the team
our biggest fear
when it came my time I froze
not because I was afraid to tell them my fear
but because I couldn't choose one
Life is happening. In the city, in the wilderness, on an island, or in the desert. I spread my arms out to their farthest reach. Exhaling all of my fears and inhaling all of the joy's I am about to experience.
Silence is the enemy,
Never too far away.
Other fears have begun to flee,
Yet it seems to linger and stay.
Why must quiet fill the room
Every time I go to speak?
"Pursue your dreams!" chippered voices encourage as mine pleads for guidance,
"Just do what you love."
Easier said than done in a restless world where every tune is heard except the one within.
This airplane is on fire and it's going down.Soon everybody on board will no longer be around.I'm really scared because of the trouble that I'm in.I'm praying and I'm begging God to forgive my sins.
Fear hung tightly in the air, clouding my airways and thickening my lungs
I gasped for air but it felt like water crashing into my dry mouth in oxygen's place
The day I first met you,
I will never forget
It was a chance encountering
Not one I did expect
To me you were nothing,
A rumor, a myth,
To me in my world
You never did exist.
One day, a while ago, the sun was shining a bit too bright for my eyes, and for fear of not being able to see and to protect my face, I put sunglasses on. And well, you see, I am still wearing them.
She sits there, thoughts swirling around her
A hurricane of hurt and pain
There's no escape. They follow everywhere.
Haunting and creeping through her daily life
It's dark again.
I used to pray
I used to say it was all pretend
Then no one was watching.
The lights went out
My body was sucked away
I couldn't go back
I shouldn't go back
There comes a time when there's no way out,
The fire's barely burning, no one hears you shout.
There comes a time when the sun doesn't shine,
The shadows move in, clouding your eyes.
You know, there are moments in life when you just look at something that has happened and are disgusted by it. These moments happen far too often. It changes our view on life, and we become bitter for it.
Walk me through your mind,
I'll read what you are inside,
You'll be surprised at what I find,
You'll set your preconceptions aside.
I'll you what it means to be solitary,
I think there are some
who insulate their walls
with a bulletproof misery
and call it home
Who turn on heel and run
from this or that, here or
there, that they may not reap
what they have sown.
Right here
Right here I stand
Right here
Right here I am
Right here, right here
I am right here
Look to your left
Look to your right
Try as you might, you wont see me flee
I don’t feel like normal people
(Or at least, I don’t think so)
Simple emotions, certainly
Happiness, sorrow, anger
I run the normal gamut
With the others of our race
Feeling a thing
Go on, do it
I dare you
Eliminate the innocence
Illuminate the sky
There’s no need for your presence?
I can assure you that’s a lie
How could this have happened? I invested my trust in you
I remember you taking aside one day and telling me that one day I could be normal
And ever since that day I aspired to be perfectly normal, for you
How could you forget last time?
Remember the pain?
The manipulation?
You were pulled in every way.
(But look at that smile!)
Yes, very nice,
but the last time you saw a smile like that
Fear is just a lack of knowledge, so gain some knowledge on that spider on the wall and overcome it.
Sometimes,
things hit a little too close to home
too close for comfort
other times,
things hit home
with a resounding boom,
you'll hear everything come crashing around you
Tidal waves greet me on the misty ocean shore
Years have passed since I have last been here
We didn't recognize each other
Nor did we recognize the looming darkness
Blanketing the thick air
When a house is dirty, we clean it.
We sweep away the dust and scrub away the stains until there is
nothing left
to remind us of the
wreckage
Above all, I am a coward.
My friends, my family, they would say differently
They would say something nice, something sweet, something vapid