Free

From everything I used to be                     

Re-writing my history

Picture by picture I’m finding me

I’m alright

My hair plain brown, my face aged with time

But the physical reflection just comes back to fight

And refuses to see itself in clear black and white

Needs tone

A sepia tint so I won’t feel so alone

I know I’m not perfect but this truth just hits home:

I rely on these filters, I rely on my phone

Life in negative

Inverted colors seem to make my face better-lit

Chained link by link by the flaws that are reflected

I long to break free but my actions stay tentative

I’m content

Or I’d tell myself that just to try to fit in

I want to show my colors, my real-life as it is

Yet the grass still is greener from both sides of the fence

I’m smothered

Break free from one filter to be trapped in another

Characterized by the hues and the colors

My patience is tested by the likes and the lovers

What do I see?

Is my stomach too big, is my face too unclean?

Are my traits determined by what’s seen on phone screens?

No, I have to just try to post an unfiltered me

It’s not easy

Picture ready to share but my thumb keeps on freezing

I know I look fine but my mind’s unbelieving,

Telling me I’m blind; that my looks are deceiving

A façade

All these filters make me feel like some god

Able to change, color, re-work, and crop

I tell myself it looks good when everything’s false

But wait

I can’t change real life, I can’t change my name

My goals in this life could be fortune or fame

Yet I could live without realizing that I still think the same

I can’t change

I have to love me for me with self-consciousness slain

Resolved in knowing that I’m loved as I’m made

I’ll go on unfiltered, I’ll go on unchained