Stop.

Rewind.

I didn't just wake up at 5 am 

 to sit in a classroom full of people I can't look in the eye

I didn't answer that question with spam

I'm not thinking about the face somebody gives to you

when you're just too stupid to look at

 

I didn't just stand up when I wasn't supposed to

but what is that "supposed to" supposed to mean anyways

When did they start telling me what to do

why do they tell us what to do with our free will

our ability to be creative

 

this

is

nauseating

please

fast

forward

 

to the times when I'm sitting at home alone

thinking about how I began

thinking of how many times I looked at the pan

of fried chicken I can't eat because I'll get "fat"

 

imagining a life where racial privelege and inequality was demolished

picturing a time where sexuality was either completely accepted or abolished

 

I'm pouring

I'm stating facts

meanwhile

people tell me to just relax

 

but what about the poor

and the brave

or the cancer fighting

or the grave

 

Just sit by the pool 

sit back

mouth shut

eyes forward

 

The one thing they forget to tell you 

when you go back to school

is to forget everyone's worries

and act like everything's "cool"

 

They pile on the homework

they say things get better 

when you get a grade further

and then get that letter

 

that letter that tells you 

defines you

rewrites you

to crush all your dreams

or send and ignite you

 

they tell you "don't" before you speak 

and erase before you post

even if it counts

towards the things you love most

 

because big brother is always watching

like a hawk in the sky there's another thing launching

at you if you don't say what they want to hear

say "grab me my boots" instead of "grab me a beer"

 

meanwhile halfway across the planet

there's people sipping wine from their goblets god damnit

on the flip side of the horrid situation

the people that don't can't even get to the train station

 

I think about it every single day

when words were simply something you could say

person to person to person to person

now it's someone that I don't even think exists 

 

but I play along.

 

School doesn't.

 

your class

your race

the shape of your face

is taken more personally than the things with a pace

 

like your sanity 

your clarity

your feelings

your reality

 

school is the jungle to scrutinize and to be scrutinized

and yet no one gives a damn

don't tell me I've got nothing on my plate 

because you're the one who's paying taxes

 

I don't sleep

I don't eat

I don't think for myself

 

And it's all because I couldn't pause fast enough.

 

Play.

Everything's fine.