For My Honor

The knife in our backs

The memories revived

I see it all

When he plunged it in my soul.


How cruel was he, 

Listening to me complain

As the soul I was allegiant to 

Strangled me with his lust and ignorance.

I felt so unconnected and he played his hand.


Whisking me away with diamond sentences.

Ruby phrases

Emerald exclamations!

Golden questions?

Reviving the old romanticism my world lacked. 

Knowing the soul I was allegiant to 

Had forgotten how to love

Or had returned to the true spirit of indifference.

I felt so unconnected and he played his hand.


Slowly, I became unenamored. 

I was slapped with regret.

I was punched with irritation.

I was choked with shame.

I was killed with the blades of consciousness.

I blamed my dog for my missing homework. 

He pushed for my lust that was designated for the

Soul I was allegiant to.


Never did he forget. 

Never did he let his needs go.

His kitty was not to return to the 

Soul I was allegiant to. 


He fed little nibbles of desire.

OnlyThe Best. Queen. Gorgeous. Smart. Sexy. Amazing.

Knowing the soul I was allegiant to

Was recovering from affectionate amnesia. 

Knowing the soul I was allegiant to 

Was no longer the ice that chased me to his feigned warmth.


I weaned him off of what was never his.

Yet I knew not of his search for new milk. 

He never was a quenched man. 

If one woman would reject him, he would


The soul

Of one who was allegiant to his companion.


The knives pushed into each of us, sending us 






I sit here with my dignity splattered across the wall.

I sit here with shame written on my heart. 

I sit here with regret tattooed into my hippocampus. 

I keep my mouth sewn shut. 


My soul is allegiant to love

To kindness

To respect

To self-love

To fairness

To a future

And manifestations of such. 


He saw the allegiance was weak

And he seized it

All because 

The allegiance he swore

Minded not 

Where the blade landed.


So I do indeed ask of you,

For my honor,

Jam him with the knife of regret.

Carve him with the blades of betrayal.

Stab him with the barbs of entitlement.

Poison him with the thorns of selfishness.

Leak of him his life source: Manipulation.

Drain of him his spirit: Selfishness.


And I do indeed ask of you,

For my honor,

Retrieve my dignity.

Wash me of my shame.

Rescue my love.

Eradicate my guilt.

Revive my peace.

Throw away the shed skins of self hatred.


Restore me to who I was. 

For my honor,

See to it that gentleman is served a four course meal of:






And blades in his back for dessert.

His bill be paid in his blood like our 

friendship was paid for in the blood spilled out of us.



This poem is about: 
My family
My community


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