Honestly,

I don't think you exist.

You're like a unicorn

with your beauty abundance,

majestic prescence,

magical countenance -

I'm not really good at this.

I,

I am but a toad living eight lakes over,

not even a frog awaiting a lover.

I,

I won't become any more beautiful when you touch me.

Your lips may embrace mine

And my mind may explode

And time will slow down

But I,

I will still be a toad.

Ugly.

Annoying.

Possibly with warts --

The world may never know,

But YOU,

If you truly exist,

You

Could be

The first

To know --

If we ever happen to cross paths, that is.

 

Right now,

As I sit down

Throwing together sounds,

My face frowns

With effort

As I try to come up with words.

But what words?

There are no words

That I could use

To express how I feel.

No words

To tell my parents

That they should stop hoping

For a grandchild

I cannot give;

No words

To explain to my friends

Why I refuse to be vulnerable

To another human being,

Ever again;

No words

To describe

The perfecion of  person

Who I have lost hope in meeting.

A long time ago,

A person

Who I might delight

In sharing a single night with;

A person

With whom

I could laugh

For hours

And hours

And hours on end with;

A person

I could sing badly with;

A person

I could stay up late with;

A person

I could just be myself with.

 

They say soulmates are tied together,

Bound by fate with invisible strings

Which pull them closer

And closer

Until they meet.

The twin spirits,

Created to be

A perfect match for each other,

Would be two parts of a whole.

They would be made

To be nothing less

Than the very best

Of partners.

Where one fell back,

The other excelled.

The traits one lacked,

The other held.

When one lost ability to carry on,

The other would be well

And steadfast.

Sure-footed.

Strong.

Together,

The two could conquer the world

Hand in hand,

Better together.

When I look into the mirror,

I don't see beauty,

Or strength,

Or brilliance,

Or majesty;

I don't see anything at all

That could possibly deserve

A love so great,

So selfless,

So powerful

That another would be willing to give

Any part of themselves

To even want

To even have

Any relation

With me.

 

But I refuse to bring you down.

If our meeting is inevitable,

I refuse to be the source

Of any pain,

Any suffering,

Any dificulty.

If destiny has woven our lives --

If destiny has woven us

Too tightly,

Too intricately,

Too completely

For even the heavens to untangle,

Then I will traverse heaven and hell,

Defeat every challenge,

Fight every battle,

Face every fear,

Do everything in my power

To be good enough

To deserve

A unicorn,

A person,

A soulmate

Like you.

I promise,

My love,

I won't let you down.