just wait

Im a fool

not meaning stupid
but a fool to realize
that I put on this disguise
and I surprise
the ones I love when I 
yell, cheat and lie
I cry
because I fail to die
to my flesh which upsets 
my soul
it takes control when I
can’t control my anger
Im in danger
of the fire that rises higher
and higher when Im heated
I can’t beat it
I am defeated
and yet I continue to do 
what I want to do
to learn that I am never satisfied
and I hate it
so I try not to want
and instead I decide to give
there is something inside of me
that wants to continue to live
I don’t know why
because I feel lost
in a world that has many costs
and yes costs whether emotionally
or financially
i continue to seek His will for me
but I feel I am in a drought
A drought of doubt
and worry subsides
something in me needs to die
I can’t hide
for the Lord knows my every move 
and I want to move
but I feel like I’m in a checkmate
Thank God
He determines my fate
He is never late
So I continue to wait
for what He has in store for me
and I won’t flee
because I now I can be
what He wants me to be
only if I just believe
then I know I will see
This poem is about: 


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