I Have and I Will

I can still feel the moist coolness of the damp earth on my bare feet from that summer.
I am lying on a wooden bench, my body so naturally pressing against its surface.
As I stare up into the sky, I can see the canopies of the redwoods. Their multiple branches interlocking with each other, while bits of blue sky manage to peek through.
I begin to think about you and all the other wonderful, fascinating individuals I have so quickly befriended.

Suddenly, I am completely immersed and engulfed by this deep sense of tranquility I have never quite encountered before.
It paralyzes me.
It is almost as if some supernatural force has compelled the wind to lean in and whisper, “It’s okay, I understand, you can stop grieving now.”

I would be lying if I said I haven’t sobbed for what seemed like endless hours for no apparent reason since then.
Yes, I would be lying if I said I haven’t felt terrified, hopeless, and completely destroyed since that day.

But I also know what it feels like to be fully at ease and content with life.
And I know I will feel like this again because I have and I will.
And I know one day I will be able to look back on my life and describe it in six short lovely words permanently written on my back,
“Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt.”

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741