Forgotten Memory

Did you know there is no word in the English language,

or any other language as far as I know of,

for a memory that you’ve forgotten

A forgotten memory is the only way I can describe

certain sensations or realizations

And I wish there was a word

A way I could describe how I feel

What I mean.

And what I mean is today.

Today I realized I don’t remember your kiss anymore.

I remember we kissed

And I remember I loved it

And I loved you

And I used to dream about kissing you

Or holding you

Or waking up on your couch again

With you

But I don’t remember your kiss anymore

I just know that’s what it was

And I’ve lost count of all the times we kissed

All the times we made love

Though you said that’s not what it was

But I don’t remember your kiss

A memory I have forgotten

And I’m so glad I finally did

Next I wish to forget the memory of your laugh

Or the memory of how good you always used to smell

Especially with my head on your chest

I wish to collect forgotten memories of you like trophies

Reminders that there are new memories to make with new loves

That I am capable of new love

That there is no man I cannot survive

But there are some things I will never forget

Some memories last forever and there’s no word for that either

No word to explain

how I’ll never forget the first time we met.

Or the first time you took me to our favorite Chinese food place

And I will never forget the day I told you I loved you

And how the wind left my lungs when you couldn’t say it back.

And though some memories are already forgotten

Like the dish you always loved to order

Or the costume you wanted me to wear for Halloween

Or the ingredients in the Caesar Salad we made together

I do not remember any of it


I will always remember your favorite wine

I will always remember we had our time

And I will always remember I loved you

I just hope I can learn to forget why

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