incoming message from: depression

 

it seems i lose all ability to

see clearly

when it comes to you.

 

the mirror is always fogged up and

nothing can ever fix it,

it is nearly as jaded

as me.

 

you are the blurry one,

you are the numb one,

 

the broken one,

the one that doesn't know a single damn thing and

 

who can't even speak, so

you write your thoughts instead

hoping that the motions of the pen will teach your tongue

the proper way to move so

 

you can not be so alone anymore.

 

you are the echo of a human being,

a ghost of what should be but isn't,

of what used to be but hasn't

shown up for work in a while.

 

your boss calls to ask if

you plan on returning to the

cubicle in your mind and

you hang up without a sound.

 

the only sound

your existence makes anymore

happen at night when you're asleep

so you forget to remember not to speak,

but you aren't even speaking,

you are

screaming

for forgiveness.

 

who are you asking forgiveness from?

i am not sure where to start when naming your flaws,

i am not sure how to forgive you for them all,

how do you expect me to

forgive you for being you?

 

for being alive?

 

for being human?

 

your humanity is too precise,

my humanity is too far gone,

together we spasm against each other until

someone new appears and

i choose to

silence them too.

 

you do not deserve

the shadow your entirety casts

over me.

 

i do not forgive you for fighting me.

but you

are allowed

to forgive yourself

for losing.