That may upset most, and make many envy.

Some may say “oh she’s acting new” or “she think she pretty”

Never that honey.

Honestly, this has always been there.

Hidden under the desiccated, dismembered, disconnected me that never wanted to be aware.     Of the things that I never wanted to share.

“Keep it low key”, “don’t tell everybody your business”, “ it ain’t like people care”. It gets planted into your mind and it forms a deep dark abyss of anger that I never knew I had. 

I thought this was normal, never telling Anyone,Anything.WAS NORMAL TO ME.

Walking around a never ending cyclone of rage, was what I thought was okay to deal with my pain. 

It’s not, but what do you do about relapse, revert, regress. All you can do is try to do yo best. 

It’ll always be there though.  That beautiful devil on your shoulder, whispering the sounds of temptation, inclination, and fascination. To get you to slip back and suffocate your last oxygenated breath, and never allowing you to exhale. waiting for it.but it’ll never happen because she has her foot on your throat crushing your windpipe, hearing every crack and she finds joy in your pain and you don’t even fight back because you already knew. 

How it feels, how that cracking sound is more than just a rupture, she shattered your voice, so you just say “oh thats just how he is”.

It no longer hurts your physical being, that beautiful body is numb to the beating,

But your spiritual being is screaming,clawing, and gnawing to get out, but it’ll never be restless until you stop being numb, FEEL SOMETHING. Your a sad shell of a person who is hollow and empty, but it didn’t start out that way you were a treasure of emotions, but now it’s just one reoccurring factor pain.

Let the anger go or she’ll always win, first your windpipe next your backbone. She will break you down limb by limb cell by cell and there will be nothing left except a headstone.

Stop regurgitating “ oh he hurt he me” “ oh he was never there”.

No one is ever there and when you allowed those people in 

They always had the opportunity to leave 

People leave

People abandon 

People quit


But when you restate, and reiterate,your just clawing at the bloody hole on your soul that’s trying to heal. 


Advance your pain to new heights 

Elevate your pain threshold so when time does come you’ll always be ready to fight against that devil in a red dress.


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