All the Answers
Yes this is really me, really us
And I still have the graphic tees
And the white tube socks
And all the other things we never wear anymore
All the other things that collect dust in the closet
And although we finally came out of it
We still go back from time to time to try on an old shirt we forgot.
And yes I do
I cuff my pants almost every day
Any day my pants are long enough to cuff
And we still wear jeans a lot
Jeans are always in style
And cuffing them is easier than it looks
And I will show you someday
Or at least someone will
And neatness is overrated
You will have too many adjectives sewn to your name that being merely “neat”
will seem like a consolation prize you wouldn’t have stayed to receive.
And yes those are pizzas on my socks and today it was whales
and tomorrow it will be pickles and the next day I will wear rainbows
because life is too boring to not wear fun socks,
and this town is white enough without wearing it on your socks everyday.
Yes you still love pizza
We still love pizza and we know it’s not good for us,
but we also learned that sometimes it’s worth it.
And yes I dyed my hair
It was silver, but the dye has since faded
So now it’s just bleached
And bleached is ok
Bleach removes the stains of a past we both are better off forgetting.
And yes we diet
We have tried every diet we could find
Every diet they could find us
And it still never made us happy
But skinny does not mean happy no matter how much they tell you it does.
And if the only time you feel beautiful is when you feel hungry, then find a new beautiful.
But the answer is yes
He eventually stops hitting us
But not because he changes
He never really changes
But you learn better
You learn it’s better to stay away
And you stay away a lot.
And in some ways he loves you
And in some ways you love him
But far too often we love the poison that kills us.
And I suppose that makes us human.
But my dear sweet child
You didn’t do anything wrong
You never did anything wrong
And their hate for you isn’t a punishment for existing
it is a consequence of their own wretched lives.
And the realization that you could be better.
And I’m sorry that no one will be there to tell you all this
But some things we must learn on our own.
Like how to fall asleep
And wake up again the next morning
Or afternoon if you have to.
Sometimes we get more sleep now
But things get worse before they get better
And the nightmares take years to go away
And sometimes we still wake up in a pool of our own sweat and tears
But it’s ok.
The scars have faded away
The memories are less frequent guests
And I am no longer asleep anymore.
Though some things we will never forget.
Although I lived.
I lived because I knew you would want me to
I lived because I knew they wouldn’t want me to
And I’m so sorry
But we did try it again
And we got more creative
And we wrote longer notes
All of which to say sometimes it’s ok to fail at something.
And we still avoid ibuprofen
And we still say that we’re sorry
Though I’m still not quite sure what it is that we’re sorry for.
And I will not tell you all we will say
Or all we will write
But surprises aren’t always a bad thing.
And most of all I want you to know that the answer is yes
There are people who care
Maybe not those thought should care
But there are people who love you
People who care about you
And people who deserve your resilience.
Never apologize to me my dear
Swear if you need to swear
That is another lesson we teach ourself
But we never start liking girls
At least not in that way
And it’s ok
There’s a word for that
And a community
And plenty of people who will love you regardless.
Keep dreaming about other boys
And holding their hands
And kissing them hard
Because some dreams do come true
And when you’re holding his hand
and telling him you love him
Wait for his voice
to send shivers down your skin
Little bumps leading to your heart
But do not let him steal it
When he won’t say it back.
Keep liking who you like
And loving who you love
But do not stay with them if they cannot handle all that you intend to become.
You sweet child will become more than many men will ever be able to handle
But that’s not your fault
And we do learn to say no, just not soon enough.
And I still don’t know if they think of us.
But I know we still think of them.
And there are so many new memories to make both good and bad
And I’ll be honest with you
Sometimes we are lonely
Somedays when the room is dark
And the house is quiet
We are lonely
But not all the time
Not every day.
And we learn to live with lonely.
So many questions and I must be going, but yes.
We made it
We became the next America idol
And a mermaid
And all the things you ever dreamed you would be if it means you’ll hold on a little longer.
And we still know Jesus
He’s just not the man we thought he was
Or maybe he’s not the man they say he is
And I’m still a Christian I’m just not sure what that means for us yet.
But thank you for the compliments
And you’re going to do so many amazing things.
I just know it.
So it’s time to stop acting
And no more hiding.
And I’m listening
And I’m here, I promise
Just wait for me, a little bit longer.
Login or register to post a comment.