Afraid Of Change
I try to live my life as you see fit
To be the person you want me to be and not who I desire to be
My heart yearns for freedom my unspoken words dig into my flesh
My body screams for the dreams I wish to come to life
You raised me in a closed out world
Already lodged into my brain what I should believe
Brainwashed
What god It is that I should worship
What gender It is that I should love
What steps I should take on the path of a being a good Christian women
A sinner trying to devote herself to living a sinless life
Forgive me lord for I have sinned
I cleanse myself
I detox the waste the anger
The resentment
The thoughts in my head
That would disown me
But they always come back
A little bit stronger each time
But I think of you in these times of weakness
In these times where I should have a voice
But I can let out nothing but a sigh
Because I am nothing without what you have given me what you have given up for me
But my self identity is yet to be found
Because I cannot unravel myself from what was already put onto me entangled through and through me
I live by These rules and regulations that restrict me from being the person I seek out to be
I'm empty
I'm afraid of self expression afraid of myself my thoughts and my heart
Because you'll only judge me
You'll only despise me in that very moment
This is not the daughter I raised
This is not the life you should live
But this is who I am
Who I've always been
And who I always will be
This is when I stop trying to please you
And live in a world of ecstasy
Guide that inspired this poem: