I try to live my life as you see fit 

To be the person you want me to be and not who I desire to be 

My heart yearns for freedom my unspoken words dig into my flesh 

My body screams for the dreams I wish to come to life 

You raised me in a closed out world 

Already lodged into my brain what I should believe 

Brainwashed 

What god It is that I should worship 

What gender It is that I should love 

What steps I should take on the path of a being a good Christian women 

A sinner trying to devote herself to living a sinless life 

Forgive me lord for I have sinned 

I cleanse myself 

I detox the waste the anger 

The resentment 

The thoughts in my head 

That would disown me 

But they always come back 

A little bit stronger each time 

But I think of you in these times of weakness 

In these times where I should have a voice 

But I can let out nothing but a sigh 

Because I am nothing without what you have given me what you have given up for me 

But my self identity is yet to be found 

Because I cannot unravel myself from what was already put onto me entangled through and through me 

I live by These rules and regulations that restrict me from being the person I seek out to be 

I'm empty 

I'm afraid of self expression afraid of myself my thoughts and my heart 

Because you'll only judge me 

You'll only despise me in that very moment 

This is not the daughter I raised 

This is not the life you should live 

But this is who I am 

Who I've always been 

And who I always will be 

This is when I stop trying to please you 

And live in a world of ecstasy