Everything is shattered, broken, utterly and completely destroyed

So dramatically so, windows broken in to a million pieces, paint strewn across the floor

Yellow wall paper gone gray as if out of fear

The whole room is ruined.

Its display clashes with the silence, sending a chill up your spine.

Your once white sheets are stained with what used to be makeup

Foundation, mascara, blush, bronzer, eye shadow

Your eyes draw you to your bed stand, which have a few papers lying loosely

And finally, to your walls which are covered with profanity and ‘I hate you’ over and over.

Your knees are shaking, you can’t grasp a why, who, or how… nothing makes sense.

Step on to the broken glasses, allow them to cut your feet, you need to get as close to these words as possible, they are calling you.

The closer you are to them the more you’ll understand why they’re there, at least that’s what you think.

You slide your hand up the wall and physically grasp the word ‘hate’

Withdraw it immediately

Let out a gasp of air, you forgot to breathe

Lipstick, blood red lipstick is smeared all over your walls.

Your room was your safe place…

Remember?

The only place you didn’t have to face harsh reality

Where you could escape when things overwhelmed you

A place you could hide

Everything you have had has been violated at that moment

The moment when whoever did this stepped in to your bedroom

The moment they tore your sheets

Ripped every single page out of every book

Spit on every memory

You need to get out of here, but you can’t

All you can do is stand there, pity yourself

You can almost hear your heart drop to your stomach as you look passed the decapitated Buddha statue

On to a box of family pictures

Over a hundred

Every single one of them demeaned

Ugly, worthless, pitiful, stupid

Written and smeared, then torn in half

Your knees give up on you, so you slide on to the glass

Pull six papers from the wall

Suicide letters

The ones you wrote and never went through with

‘I’m sorry mom, this isn’t your fault. I love you more than anything. I’m just a waste of space on this earth, a waste of everybody’s time… I can’t live another day knowing I have no purpose but to someday die. I don’t love myself, so how could anyone else love me? I’m alone forever with the person I despise the most. Goodbye.’

Remember?

You were twelve

Still stained with your tears

This is torture

This is hell

Drop the letter behind you and run

Drape yourself in your own misery

You’re looking for your mom, your dad, anyone, you need someone…

You need to be free from the racing thoughts

Everything is too personal; someone is in your head.

Step in to the bathroom, leave a bloody track on the carpet

Splash water on your face

Disguise your tears

Look up

It’s not you any more

Just what you have become

The glass cut your right arm

The same way you used to on purpose

Tallied marks

Remember?

One for every mistake you’ve made

Your eyes are glazed over

Your skin pale

Your hair thin, messy

Now watch as your reflection begins to cry

You can no longer differentiate whether it’s still you in the mirror

This place is polished with pain

Run in to the kitchen

Water…you need water…

The fridge is empty so turn around

The table cloth is covered in knives, strewn across the table.

Hold your breath and trip over the medicine cabinet…

Feel the pills flood out toward you

Remember?

It’s the bad memory you can’t erase

Take every single one, eight fistfuls

Sit and wait for the world to slowly disappear

Pray for the bright light to come and save you

It never does

Do you hear that voice?

The voice of Elli, the girl whose life you save in the 10th grade

The voice of your mom telling you she loves you

It’s your valedictorian speech

It’s your dad crying at your wedding

It’s your kids laughing at your funny faces

And finally it’s my voice

You

The good you, the happy you, the proud you

There’s more than your mind

Your thoughts will always be there

Not as a haunting

As a guide

You have a future

Every does

Remember you are human

Remember you are loved

Remember you are kind

Remember you are valued

and always remember

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

YOU