So This Is Love (In Which Cinderella Saves Herself)
"So this is love..."
The thought echoes off the caverns of my mind,
as cold and empty as the darkened motel room in which
I am grateful I cannot see
I do not want to see the person lying beside me
This supposed Prince Charming who doesn't
Look as I imagined
Sound as I imagined
Feel as I imagined
Does it matter if he can save me from myself?
The bed shifts
and my ghost nearly jumps from my skin because
I can't believe this is reality,
land of the living,
when all I feel is
disconnect
and
death
The clock struck midnight long ago
The spell-in-a-glass wore off,
potion bottles strewn empty around us
No dress
No carriage
The magic is gone
"So this is love," I sing quietly, coarsely, through dry lips
"So this is what makes life divine..."
...
No.
No, I won't have it.
My eyes burn like my throat had hours prior.
I won't have it I won't have it
I tear out of bed with a vigor I've never felt before
My heart burns too, now,
the fire spreading through my body,
emanating off my skin as I search for my things
"What?" a voice asks from the bed.
My Prince Charming.
"Where are you going?"
I don't owe him an explanation,
and at that thought,
all the forests, frosted over within me, erupt into flame
I welcome the destruction of the diseased woods
I refuse their roots
The fire fills the vacancy
"You're just leaving? C'mon..."
I can't find my shoe.
To hell with it!
I tear out of the motel room.
The chill hits me:
Death’s grasp, a reminder that I’m alive.
The fire within keeps me warm,
Spills out my eyes,
Floods me with relief.
I cradle myself as I walk the unfamiliar streets.
I know I can't go back to my life before.
I refuse to do that to myself.
And as I cradle myself,
the warmth inside me burns brighter
than any fleeting flight of passion
I'd experienced before.
"So this is love..." I sing through foggy breaths,
Breaths reminding me that I'm alive.
"So this is love."