Mom, for so long my heart was an etch a sketch

And I kept it drowned in the depths of childhood memories

Where your remindings from

Aged scars and past improper lovings

Would constantly change my mind and remind me

That man will never love me like your arms

When they wrapped around my

Naïve soul and the stereotyped idiocy of falling in love

 

You’d say

Do not let them manipulate you

Don’t let them shake and rearrange

The masterpiece built in your curved hipped frame

They will fight for your heart like

It’s the last Cabbage Patch Kid

In the 80s on Christmas Eve

 

But apparently I wore my

Want for touch like a cuff link

And outgrew your warnings

 Like battered Barbies

Like Tamagotchis

Like Gameboys with only 1 AA battery

 

Ephemeral, outdated, laid to rest

In the depths of the alternate universe

Where monsters waited for children flesh, hidden under their beds

Where dust bunnies with rabid eyes devoured innocence

Where toy boxes cried to be opened

And I told you

 I’m not a child anymore

 

You cannot protect me

From being Buzz Lightyear and Woody forgotten

From being loved like a new iPhone 6s on Christmas

From him fearing coal for never loving hearts correctly

But still getting me

He loves me

Like children believe

Like you yearn for happiness

Like I yearn for love

 

Mom,

My heart is not an etch a sketch

And neither you nor man can manipulate, or rearrange what I already see

But you’ve told me ever since I was old enough

To comprehend what it meant to want something

That man will use me like a PlayStation 3

But want more when the 4 is released

 

But even in age

I will be vintage,

I will be limited edition,

I will be museum worthy

 

And although hearts get broken

There is beauty in time worn things

There is beauty in experience

There is beauty in being forgotten

And rising again to relevance

 

I know you fear I will never understand

That I should never use toys as an analogy for my heart 

That I’ll end up fallen, knees in dirt, disassembled 

Not wanted on Christmas

Batteries stolen, me given back

And them not included

 

Broken by a man

Shoved and forgotten

Like battered Barbie’s

Like Tamagotchi’s

Like Gameboys with only 1 AA battery

 

Ephemeral, outdated, unloved

Like where I once shoved your warnings

Cause I’m no longer in and wanted

Cause you were once the next best thing

But now you are broken

 

Mom I understand your caution

You don’t want me to know the feeling

Of being a disappointment

Because you once thought you were the one

And he thought he found himself a better version

 

But Mom it’s okay

I know what’s at stake

 I understand your pain

But my heart does not need protecting

I outgrew your fears a long time ago