self-loathing
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I know this all too well
I have two parents
Which means twice the yelling
I get it
This demon in my head,
It fills me with hatred
And fuels my pain.
It denies me sanity,
And reminds me of my loss.
It plays back my memories,
I'm not a pessimist.
I'm not right.
I look fat.
I'm not bright.
I'm a brat.
I'm lazy.
I'm a sheep.
I'm crazy.
I'm a creep.
I'm frightened.
I'm alone.
I found my place
the place where I remember everything I want to forget
trapped with myself
there is hatred and greif as I find myself
there is fear
2016 was my year of discovery
and it wasn't just
discovering friends or anything superficial like that
not to say
that friends are superficial
but anyways
2016
was the year i started discovering
There are few things I loathe more than writing poetry.
My words fall flat, and the thoughts inside of me
Are jumbled. Confused. My line of thinking
Is tangled, like fishing wire. The lure is sinking.
I can't bear the sight of you
Your glassy eyes
Your Cheshire cat grin
You're suffocating me
You follow me everywhere
You're invading my dreams
Theres two of us hereOr maybe threeI don’t know anymoreI stopped knowing a long time ago.
Or was it recent.But it doesn’t matter because theres not just one.Thats bad.Right?
These walls
surround me.
They box me in and drown me.
I’m floating down the river that flows from my eyes. - My life is so boring I forgot that I died
I tried
To make it work.
I say, "we're a lot alike."
You say, "we're the same fucking person."
And I smile as I love you,
wondering if this is what it might feel like
to love myself.
She plays with her hair like always,
not even a nervous habit,
just an everyday habit
since she's always nervous.
I'm twisted twisted up inside
drowning in this love for you
the knot in my throat
only worse with every fleeting moment
