Family issues
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Maybe you think I can take it
But that’s just ‘cause you’ve never seen me break yet
In fact, all you’ve ever seen me do is fake it
You think that I’m okay but you’re mistaken, chasin’
I don't wanna feel this wayGod, take this pleaseIt's like a heavy black cloud has settled on meA weight on my shoulders that I just can't liftEvery decision I make feels wrongAlways second guessing
Thanksgiving break, my grandma comes with a handful of insults
"You're gonna balloon up," she said once. I said it was fine.
I thought I was fine, I brushed off crumbs of humiliation
They always told me
"You write too much"
So, I stopped.
At the dinner table,
They'd silence me
With their glaring eyes.
And all I could do was painfully smile
A Tribute to My Mother || Written 2 Years Ago
You have painted flowers on my spine
Twisted your love into my ribcage
Shattered my aching bones, I am you
Dinner at my house is a tug-of-war zone
because of your 6’2” smile,
your slightly muffled handwriting,
your candy wrapper-crinkled eyes,
Lemons
My mother has never liked
the taste of lemons.
They are too sour,
displeasing.
That’s probably why she doesn’t like me.
At 1 year old, I said my first word. “Mama”, I said in bold, thinking I was already old.
At 3 years old, my parents told me goodnight stories; stories of dreams,
As the colors fade and slowly turn to grey,
I rise from the ashes, color blossoming from within me.
I hear a whisper behind me,
But I dare not look back.
Her eyes blaze with guilt,
and an outrage at being guilty.
Being caught.
I patiently wait for the crows,
who so lovingly printed their feet
I always wanted to be there.
Helping with homework on a Tuesday night.
Getting to hear about your day.
Haven't got that since your mother took you away.
Not just to one town over, but next to Dover.
Some people
Love it
Hate it
Indifferent
I hate them
I go into a daze
I get depressed
I cry for no reason
I have mood swings
I feel like rather
Than everyone is
And there was a simple time
Much unlike now
Whereas she who cried
Was surrounded by people
Then came along something that
Suffocated her mind and body
Left her for dead and sung deeply
The dais of the house is doing nothing but helping it stand,
One little brandish will tear the abode down to a bloody pulp,
Just like my family;
The lights on the ceiling blurred my vision
As I lay on my back,
Humming low.
The world is cruel to
The young who
Have no place to go.
And the first thing I saw when
I stepped into the open
I say fuck the people that so called “raised-me”
Really the don’t give a fuck about me lately
Should I talk it out with them? I don’t know, Maybe
But in this stage it seems impossible
A knife to my chest
Or a gun to my head
as i breathe my last breath
though im already dead
Who cares if i die
Or is this just satans lies
its myself i despise
All these tears i done cried
would you miss me if i died? Would you stay up late at night
if you knew today was my goodbye
would you try when you woke
because your the one who wished it on me
would you try to call the next day
She does not know when to behave,
never asked me if I am ok,
criticizing and jabbing at my brain,
the pounding heartbreaking pain.
She knows there is someone to blame,
Trapped.
She is trapped with no way out.
The fraction of hope that she contains is the only thing that is keeping her sane, if that is what she is.
At this point, there is no doubt in her mind that he will return.
Drowning.
She is drowning in the loneliness that is clouding her thoughts.
When she thought.
If she thought;
she thinks she feel him, just in the back of her mindset.
"he's still here."
here.
Here and gone. The words meld into one.
I screamed. I cried. I lost my mind.
Is it possibly to feel so much at the same time?
The painting on your livingroom wall
the one with daffodils or an evening sky
the one that's hung so tall
for all to see, yet it's all a lie
you will see
Hung within a golden frame
There is this deepness,
Darknes,
Burning in me.
Begging me to give in.
Striving for approval,
Reaching for hope,
Wondering,
Waiting,
Just to be told.
She says it's okay. / She says it's alright, / But all I can see, / Is that slowly dying light. / So deeper I go, / And deeper I sink, / Till all sound muffles, / Then is gone in a wink.
In the absence,a state of mind is created to thwart,a powerful enemy one faces toward his creators.Although blood is entangled within a knot of memories.
Standing there as my throated constricted
Every word he said left me a little more jilted
So much to say but no one who wanted to hear
So much to hope for 'cause there was so much to fear
