about my mental state
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What if I’m tired of living?
But, what if I don’t want to die?
I wish I could be man enough
I wish I had the bravery to say
- I can live, nothing is too difficult
Alas, that’s not me
My Dear, Chloe
Do not forget me.
Remember the days you would talk about me,
whisper things of lies and ugly thoughts,
read through the group message that you kicked me out of
Dream of me.
Dear Trauma,
letting you go is harder than diminishing you into
“just something that happened to me”
or
“nothing big really”.
Dear Catdog in my brain,
You have cause me a lot of pain
You are obsessive-compulsive disorder
But in order to cope
I gave you a nickname
Catdog, you compress my lungs
Dear Mom,
Most the time dad was not home
So you were the one who raised me
I almost put you through so much pain
I could never tell you to your face
There are monsters inside.Inside they hide.They hide in my head, my heart, soul.They can cause pain.They jump and claw on my brain.
I'm sorry Mom, I'm sorry Dad, for all the things I should have said.
Let you know about all the strife I was going through inside my head.
All the things I've heard and seen, all the pain writhing within me.
Because I love you
I will s m o o t h out your hair whenever you get frustrated
Because I love you
I will watch movies I. Don’t. Like.
Because I love you
I will go on adventures with you
I am stronger than I think I amI am my biggest criticI am the worst artistI am the worst singerI am the worst studentI am a horrible friendI am a horrible poetI am my own destruction
Miss in, your infinite jest
your classic fury
your talking seeds
Mist, the clouds of vermillion
the masquerade of bells
the chef behind red
Damn, I just lost my fucking blade againCuts all on my thighs, what a fucked up work of art Broke the pencil sharpener today at schoolRipped the blade out and shoved it in my shoeWent home and locked the bedroom door
