What if I’m tired of living?

But, what if I don’t want to die?

I wish I could be man enough

I wish I had the bravery to say

-          I can live, nothing is too difficult

 

Alas, that’s not me

I am the one who cries

The one that screams

The one that cries out into the abyss when his God sees him

The one who thinks he has all the answers knowing that he knows naught

I am the one that kills himself and does not commit suicide

For, I can’t kill myself

 

No,

 

Didn’t they tell me that was the mortal sin?

Was that not Judas’s triumphant sin? His official legacy

No, God’s mercy goes beyond all this, that is why it says, “I have conquered over death”

How can this sin be unforgivable? Are we greater than He?

Cerainly, this sin follows me, or, better said, I follow him

He calls me at night for a smoke, he tells me to go to clubs with him

He tells me to go to the halls of my school and my city meanwhile I pretend not to know him

I am blood of his blood, I am a sinner, I am earth, I am dirt, I am nothing

My life would be better if I were nothing

 

This stops me from accompanying my most faithful friend

If only I knew that everyone despised me, they hate me? –no, but they don’t love me

My love shall leave me, my parents shall leave, my brother will cry, but he will soon forget me

I am not worthy of them, and they know it. It would be better for them if I left,

She would no longer think of me, I doubt she does anyway, she no longer loves me

And my parents, ever since I abandoned them they abandoned me

 

Only death awaits me, cold and beautiful, or better said painful

 

If I were brave or strong or man –my death would be better

This is why I hurt myself, because the blood comforts me, I am comforted in my faithful friend’s voice

I am comforted in his ánimas and his dagger

Give me more to drink and I’ll get drunk off of your company.

 

 

 Ámame.