resentment
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I’ve been annihilated
By all your
Countless cruelties
Patiently, painstakingly
Sewn into the circuits of my brain
Structurally, I’ll never be the same
Moment by moment I could only endure
being without you this past month has opened my eyes to all that i wasn't getting. i was not recieving love or care, nor lust or passion of any kind.
I can see the rain a comin'
fire in my eyes
I can see the rain a comin'
baby no disquise
with you.
I can see your face when I'm alseep
the words you never said rest heavy on my heart
I picked them too soon.
I try to smile, biting down and releasing their bitter acid.
I thought my resentment faded, but so
it has stayed,
burning holes in my teeth,
a grin becoming a grimace.
I hate you
I hate that you're beautiful
I hate that I love you
I hate how I hate you
I love you
I wish you would leave
My dear please stay with me
Just for the night
Hold me close
I am ancient hopes,
I am fragile dreams,
I am the stony, hardened tears
of a soul with too many years,
in a journal with degraded seams
as a blind heart in darkness gropes
There is a voice in the back of my skull that screams for release,
That can only be found in a razor blade, or between your lips.
If I pick and prod at my flesh enough I realize soon enough I can't feel anything,
I lean on my shovel and survey the field after harvest.
Way back in Spring, I had set out to clear the field of blackberries.
At first I snipped them down, I trimmed the whole field.
You know what's funny?
The way you seem to think that all is right in the world.
That everything is working out great for you.
But you cannot seem to fathom the destruction,
put onto others, brought on by you.
I want to tell you I will do anything to keep what we have together,
That I will try to follow through and give my effort to do better.
The blue wanted to believe that the truth was trying to turn, run and touch the wronged
Dear resentment,
You make people grimace, you make people keep their distance.
Yet I'm the one who carries you around,
How can I put the joke on something else, when,
I, myself, am the clown?
When I'm gone I hope they see, how dedicated a man can be, to stick it out through thick and thin, to never let the enemy win, to never walk away in shame, like the one who gave me my last name, a useless man with no real roots, a joke, a sham, a
How could you?
You left us when I was eleven
You just walked out
Said it was over.
It's been five years
You still haven't changed dad
It's bullshit to think you would.
I should resent you for the drunk words you spit at me, during many of my slumbers.
I should hate you for making me raise mself, because that's hardly the way it should be.
I hate when you don't sit by me,
I hate it the same when you stay.
I hate when our eyes, they meet,
I hate it more when you quickly look away.
I hate the feelings that come to me when you say you're my friend,
I'll remember this next time,
Next time I won't fall so hard.
Next time I won't cry...
Next time.
I'll remember this next time,
Next time I won't step up so quick,
Next time I won't ask...
People will treat you maliciously and wonder why you hate them. They will drag you down and wonder why you won't face them. When it comes to your dreams they try to stop them. But when it comes to your failures.........
Why do You turn a blind eye to Your faultsYou pretend You've done nothing wrongLike You were perfect and had my best interest at heartBut yet its so hard for us to get along
Abort that little seed
That didn’t even live its life.
Mama and daddy what is was
waiting upon.
Little seed that would have been running around in
the backyard,
I heard his heart beat once,
But that was long ago
Back when I didn’t know the miseries that life would hold
Before the dreams and mysteries of life grew cold
Just like the hole that I carry in my soul
With a traffic state of mind I can’t seem to find a friendly distraction to ease the pain of the twisting kaleidoscope known as my heart.
Addicted to a mother who,
in her eyes never loved her,
created mental disintegration to a psyche so fragile
Failing to inherit qualities of forget,
forgiveness begun to take shape as enabling.
