I heard his heart beat once,

But that was long ago

Back when I didn’t know the miseries that life would hold

Before the dreams and mysteries of life grew cold

Just like the hole that I carry in my soul

Emptiness

Is what takes hold when decisions are made, consequences unknown, bitterness grows, and life unfolds

It isn’t pretty like I was told, young age plus bad decisions only brought responsibilities I wasn’t ready to hold, the expectation to fit the mold of a mother responsible for another soul, it was a burden far beyond my control, but reality struck when that belly began to grow, I wasn’t old enough, wise enough, mature enough to know, but my womb cried out to me begging me “NO, MOM DON’T DO IT!”

I wonder what if and what could’ve been, if I didn’t submit to the pressures of all the arguing, mom and dad think I screwed up, boyfriend refusing to step up, what would’ve happened if I didn’t give up

But all the what if’s don’t really mean much, if what once grew inside me is now buried in dust, and I feel his infant breaths with every wind gust, his tears with every raindrop that my lips ever touched, I could’ve sworn I heard him say my name from inside the womb, begging crying in distrust, he knows I heard him, and that I told him to hush, and in my greed I took his life and killed his trust
And I know that he knows

That I did…I did hear his heart beat once…