Dear Mom,

Before you died you always told me that I was beautiful. That I was so pretty that I could be on the American Next Top Model. I remember us going to Toys R Us and you would buy me a babydoll. I always loved the white babydolls because they were so cute to me but you would never let me get one. I thought that the black ones were ugly and when I told you that, I remember you asking whether I thought I was ugly. You told me that being black was a beautiful thing; despite the fact we didn't have straight hair or blue eyes, but we had wisdom. Still to this day I don’t believe this. I am ashamed to be black. Why is it that, I, a 17-year-old black female, am at a higher rate of getting killed than other races. I have seen so many black people dying due to gun violence and no justice. Yet you said that I should be “proud of my race”. You say black is beauty but being black really means death.

On September 20, 2016, Keith Scott was murdered by a black cop. Yes, I said black. It’s one thing when white people kill black people because it has been repeatedly happen. However, I never thought it would come to the point where our own kind is killing each other. According to an article that the Washington Post ran on September 26,2016 supposedly, the officers believed that Keith was a threat because he had a gun and was smoking marijuana. The officers supposedly told Keith to surrender which he refused that later lead to his death. But how do you expect a man that is waiting for his child to get out of school and who also suffers a brain disorder to respond to this sudden event? Officers expect us to trust them but how can we do so if you’re first response is to kill? If we don’t break this cycle of gun violence now then our world will only get worse.There are so many riots going on due the continuous deaths of black men and I find it ironic how the government and everyone else wonder why this is happening. They think we are going to watch officers kill our people and not say anything? They must be sick!

You raised me to not be another ignorant human so I partially understand the officer's point of view. Some black people can be defiant and hard to talk to. I understand that officers have a hard job that risks their lives. However they took up this job knowing the possible outcomes. You wanted to become an officer! You abuse your right to bear a gun! You pulled the trigger! You are killing people! Even though you are the ones who’s pulling the triggering, somehow you find a way to blame us for our OWN death. In some cases I can honestly understand, but in the case of Keith Scott, the officer was wrong! They say that racism doesn't play a factor in the death of these black men but it's hard not to believe so. According to the Huffington Post, Scott was the 160th black person to be fatally shot by police in the past two years. Yet, less than 110 whites people have been fatally shot in past two years.

Well, Mom, I know I just gave you a big load of info that you probably already know about. Even though we are experiencing so much hell right now, I promise that I will continue to empower those through these hard times. Empower them by reminding them that being black is beautiful. But it’s hard. At this time of my life I struggle with loving myself and in the process of learning to love myself, I see people of my kind dying for no reason. Mom, I am really scared, scared that I’ll be the next victim. I don’t want to be another statistic nor another casualty. But if I die for whatever reason, I’ll be okay with it, you know why? Because I will be with you :)

Love You,

Your Suga Momma