Why I Am the Way I Am

I do not want them to know

How I am just an empty vessel

My life has been so dull

Ever since I let him go

I was supposed to be my father’s hero

But I failed him, my negligence unforgivable

Slowly dying on the inside, my guilt is fatal

Who would have known that I could be this low?


Who am I now?

I am just another teenager, facing reality

Only with a void in my heart, unfortunately

Yet, after everything that has happened, I am still here, somehow


I cannot confront them about this

I am afraid of their judgment

Maybe one day they will know, but for now I remain silent

I wish I could rectify the past, but all I can do is reminisce


At times, I think about the life I used to live

The serenity that family once brought me, I now lack

Why was I so ignorant? Why was I so dismissive?

It mocks me, the fact that I can never go back


My friends, they are enjoying their lives

If my father was still alive I would be in their shoes

Instead, I am a thousand miles away, trying to survive

But what is the point if I have nothing left to lose?


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