This wall is what I call my home.
Without it, I feel lost, foreign, and alone.
It is a guard that protects the innermost part of me.
To fade and to blend my culture into society.
I felt ashamed of my Chinese features,
Being preyed on like I was an estranged creature.
My wall was my only salvation,
Keeping me safe from suffering and humiliation.
I hide behind its greatness from the rest of the world.
I hide behind it from myself.
Somewhere along the way,
I lost myself and there I lay.
I prayed each night at the utmost hour,
That some god somewhere would give me power.
The power to change my looks and ways.
To become the girl next door the next day.
I lust for blonde hair and blue eyes,
But when I’d wake up it was all just a lie.
As I grew up I learned the power of things.
Make up, clothes, and diamond rings.
I found the perfect shade and coverage,
To mask my face to be like others.
One day, many years later,
I grew sick and tired of being fake.
I didn’t need to follow rules and guides of how to be myself.
Only I can write my story,
No one else.
Brick by brick my wall began to crumble,
It felt so good to speak my thoughts without a mumble.
Invigorating as my history and culture seeped through the cracks,
I was moving forward without looking back.
I’ve opened the doors and found who I am,
Who I have always been but now flooding like a dam.
Opening the curtains and letting in light,
I see my future and myself and they are both very bright.