Loving you came in waves. 

At first, the water only touched my toes 

With text messages and winking emojis

Then the water was to my ankles

You texted me every day, 

It didn't matter what we talked about 

We just wanted to talk, 

About anything, about everything

Then the water started to reach my calves 

And though I was standing in the ocean 

The water never felt so warm 

Because, your voice at 3 pm on a Saturday 

And at 1 am on a Wednesday 

Felt soothing and not filled with lust

And as I felt the water rise and rise 

My brain continued sending signals

That I was in danger.

That every muscle in my body

Was telling me to move

To shallow waters but the sole willpower 

Of my heart kept me in place. 

And with every "I love you baby girl" 

My heart fluttered but my lungs filled with water. 

With every, 2 am phone call my mind 

Maintained its first class ticket to the mile high club 

But my body was being sucked I

Into the deepest crevasses of the ocean floor.

With every “I'm sorry baby, I know I was wrong." 

My ears which were used to only hearing the best phrases 

And melodies were confronted with harsh and toxic language. 

So there I am, my brain sending signal after signal saying 

"DANGER PLEASE REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE SITUATION" 

I stayed and held you closer. 

With every word you spoke 

And every smile you watched the water swallow me whole. 

You watched and pretended it wasn't happening.

And when you left the water continued to swallow me whole

Except for this time you weren't there with your

"I love you baby girl I am always gonna be here to support you" 

Your parting words were 

"I'm sorry this is hurting you so much" 

AS IF you couldn't just reach out and lend me your hand 

To help me out of the water and to safety, to the warm and solid ground. 

Loving you came in waves

And before I knew it I was sucked into a strong current 

Without a lifeguard on duty and left to fend for myself

I am drowning 

And there you are watching from the shore.