Valentines Day

Valentines day is a day of love
an artificial holiday.
Overall I had a great Valentines.
And sure it sucks seeing all of the "cute" couples being in love
Kissing each other, fondling, smooching, holding hands
I still CHOSE to have this holiday be about me.
I could have easily chosen to spend my time swapping spit with a guy who didn't mean much
but I CHOSE the opposite.
To be alone... with me.
To love me.
I almost cried at the beginning of my day, the couple was walking together
Huge smiles on their face.
The girl's arm was wrap around one of those humongous adorable teddy bears.
She had balloons and such... The guy constantly touched her arm, petted her back and neck and smooched her face. 
That was the first time I almost let out a tear for the day.
My day had already started and I was whimpering.
I told myself days in advance that Valentines day was just a stupid commercial holiday made for big corporations and their pockets.
To scam all of the romantically helpless idiots out there who "had" to buy something for their significant(mom-daughter, father-daughter-aunts-uncles-brothers-wives-husbands-boyfriends-girlfriends etc) other.
I finally got over it, and went to my classes.
Actually had a semi-good day in my least favorite classes.
And went to the gym....
This is where my biggest revelation came from.
There weren't many people there, actually the place was deserted.
One, two, three others besides me.
Not only was this Valentines day, it was 
1 billion Rising day as well.
Women and men all over the world was rallying together for awareness of violence against women.
I had watched thirty minutes of two women speaking about love and self love, and 
everything they said came back to me.
Love.... and self love.
I really needed to hear that.
All this time I had been running away from myself.
I felt defeated when I would give up but felt some vile
comfort from my failure;which I was used to.
All these years of not pushing myself, of being okay with an mediocre life
I had warmed up on the treadmill
for five minutes of jogging, and than, 
to complete my full work out, and so
I would have enough time to shower and change on time for the Valentines dance,
I began a 30 minute climbing cycle. This was the longest I had
ever been on a treadmill, and 
the speed was more than I had ever encountered at 4.0
with a incline steadily raising until a climax
and than falling near to the end of the work out.
I didn't 100% believe I could do it.
I keep looking at how many minutes I had left.
twenty minutes.
fifteen minutes.
ten minutes.
six minutes.
I had made it!!!! I was so emotional.
A guy had come along side me so he was there for a quarter of my journey. 
I felt so victorious!!
I did it. 
I teared up for the second time today.
It was such a monumental time.
I bowed my head, remembering what those ladies said earlier in the day.
1 billion rising!!!
I felt I was rising to my full potential.
What a LIBERATING feeling?!!
I had arrived.
The guy was next to me but was oblivious  to my struggle and eventual
 triumph until later on at my cool down. He kept looking at my machine,
 seeing how long I had to go.
When my cool down had ended.
I waited until my summary screen showed up, I scanned over it. The guy let out a soft, "Damn."
I grinned to myself, stepping off of the machine.
He bide me farewell, I to him.
Little Neicy have finally grown up.


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