unfortunate feelings

 

I had completely fallen for him

I loved him

Undeniably adored him

I loved him so much that i forgot to love myself

It destroyed me

Mentally and physically

I hated myself because myself was good enough

Physically and mentally

This boy was someone who showed zero interest in me

Whereas I would gladly give my life to him

I created an image in my head of who he was

Who he wasn’t

And who i wanted him to be

 

It had stopped

And looking back that was good

Until it started again

It was sudden

A simple

Hey you

And I was hooked once again

My mental state was altered

No longer happy

I anticipated his messages

Like they were going to be signs from god

Or a simple

I love you

 

They never were though

Never

I could tell he didn’t want to say anything that i could change

That i could make into something it wasn’t

And i was afraid of that too

I become consumed in him

He was my everything

But i was his nothing

So i became my own nothing

 

He had halted his messages

So i saw this as a sign

A bad one

One that i wasn’t good enough

I wanted to be good enough

So i did the only thing i could think of

I changed who I was

Physically

And

Mentally

 

He responded

He

Responded

It felt like a revelation

Even though it should have felt like nothing

It was a blessing if you could imagine

One person made me feel so amazing

But that one person also made me feel completely mundane