The rain in the back of my head comes from

The pain that festers in my heart.

My disdain towards myself makes me bleed more

Then a stab to artery and vein. I bleed

Insecurity when exposed, and it never goes away,

An impenetrable stain, my heavy ball and chain

To carry around, to attempt to maintain

 

So that's why I never let anyone see the insides

I may see the broken, but others see the main

Cliche I've obtained for being "nerdy" or "obsessed",

Never losing his train of thought when put

Into the spotlight. Exposed as one of the top

In the brainy food chain. No ball and chain could

Sink me. Perfection is supposedly thee.

 

So that's why I never let anyone see the insides

Because despite the rain in the back of my head, I

Must sustain it from this peer-made persona. The blood

Of my emotional banes could kill it, and then I'll

Be exposed to everybody, bleeding. The pretending to be

Perfect would be in vain. Everybody would see

The awkward and lost soul that would remain.

 

I'll never let anyone see the insides

I'll stress it till I'm insane, my heart is unbecoming

And even if I am torn apart from the floods and storms

At least I won't have to explain my bleeding out

Onto those who saw me as a vision of what is sane

The Gary Stu everyone hates, but wants to attain.

To be like me, where perfection is supposedly thee.

 

But I wonder what would happened if they could see the real me?