Would everyone please get out their phones?

(I’m nearly certain you all have one)

Now go to your camera and take a selfie

Don’t bother to pose

 

Now stare at yourself for a second

Pictures only capture a moment in time

A freeze frame of life

And sometimes this can be stunning

However

It is nothing in comparison to the incredible fluid image everyone sees everyday as they go about their business

And even if two people have the same business

Even if they are looking at the same thing

They do not see the same thing

Everyone’s lenses are clouded by the filter called opinion

And this means no one is ever truly seeing

Because when you look something you do not see what it looks like

So much as you see what you think of it

And this selfie is no exception

So stare at your selfie for a while

Take in every detail until

You realize what you think and see isn’t really right

It’s only one aspect of you

And it’s certainly not even the one everyone else sees

Speaking of

How do people see you?

What filters do you think they apply to the camera lense that is their heart and eyes?

Many might put a filter of intelligence on my photo

If they didn’t know me well

And if they did know me they might say I am kind

Or cruel

Or weak

But the truth is somewhere in the middle

Lost underneath the unconscious impressions everyone has attached to me

And though we can only guess at what filters they’ve applied

We can try to stop using our own

And face ourselves honestly

The first step is right in front of you

Your selfie

What to do you look like?

I have dark hair and dark eyes

With thick eyelashes made thicker by mascara

And dark shadows unseen under makeup

I have a jaw that is squarer than I’d like

A nose that is bigger

My hair can never decide whether to be straight or wavy

And my cheeks and forehead are marred by acne scars

And if I were a stranger I would say I was beautiful

But I’m not a stranger I’m me

And like you I hold myself to different standards than I hold others

So I although I cannot picture any features that would look better than the ones I already posses

I cannot consider them beautiful all that often

To do so takes a level of confidence that depression doesn’t comply with

And I am depressed though my manner may mask it

Because deep within the dark core of my bright happiness

When I have it

I can feel it eating away at me

And when I lack it

I spend all day on the edge of open lamentation and in the depths of quiet emptiness

But that’s ok because I have a filter and unless I teeter over no one will know how bad it’s become

And perhaps I’m the only one here who doesn’t have scars from these feelings

But like usual I’ve been able to put those off until they were meaningless

I often feel like things are meaningless

But only because if I face the full extent of their significance I fracture under the pressure of what must be done

So I filter it out so I don’t break early

And watch myself crack with a mixture of choler and good cheer under the weight of what I ignored

And maybe I’m reading too deep into this

But that’s what I really look like although my selfie is limited and cannot capture all of it  

All it can see is the girl with face marred by acne scars

and framed with dark hair that can’t decide it’s own texture

Who gained weight over the summer

It can’t even tell that I was proud to be bigger than I was before

So don’t put too much stock in your selfies

They’re just a two dimensional image of a three dimensional you

And though they may help you feel better and beautiful don’t fret when they fail

Just apply a filter and smile to yourself because now you truly know the truth

And what others think doesn’t matter